Conflict of Interest
by lymphocytosis
Summary: AU. Katie Fitch is heiress to the Fitch Pharmaceutical legacy, pushed into a career of scientific research by her mother. Three years into her postgraduate work a vaccine trial forces Katie to relocate temporarily to America. She quickly learns how complicated it can be to keep her personal and professional lives separate when she meets someone she's not expecting.
1. Prologue: Packaging

**Prologue**

**Packaging**: The process by which a virus is assembled in order to leave a cell

It was how she decided to get out of Birmingham.

"So you're leaving," Katie burst out. "Just like that. Again."

The argument always started the same way, and it didn't even make any sense because it wasn't as though they were even a thing anymore. They hadn't been for two years in spite of the shocking regularity with which they fucked whenever Steve was actually in the country.

Steve threw his hands up in frustration. "Katie, you know I don't choose. I go where the foundation tells me to go."

"I know I'm just a convenient fucking shag between trips, but you should have fucking told me."

"I just—"

"Don't fucking lie to me, prick, like you haven't known for weeks."

"No, you know—"

"_No_." Swallowing, Katie shook her head. "Get the fuck out. I don't want any of your things here when I get back."

"Katie, please," Steve pleaded.

"I have to leave. My train departs in twenty minutes." She picked up her computer bag and walked slowly to the door, before hesitating at the threshold. She turned back, regarding Steve with uncertain eyes, half hating herself for showing even a moment of weakness.

"Where?"

Steve blew out a rough breath. "Kenya, tomorrow."

"Right."

And without another word, Katie stepped out of her flat, not so much as affording him a single backward glance.

+o+o+

In the event, Katie did not have the time or energy to waste ruminating over her latest crisis with her non-boyfriend, or whatever it was Steve had become to her. She fiddled nervously with her keyboard as she tapped her way through her forty-five slides yet again on the train. She had practised the talk literally dozens of times. She knew the exact number of seconds she would spend on each point, and she had thirty slides in reserve for the inevitable questions that would arise as she spoke. Sighing, she adjusted the University of Birmingham logo in the corner of her title slide, the lion and mermaid facing on opposite sides of the shield, and beneath the motto: _Per ardua ad alta_ (Through efforts to high things). She snorted in thinking on it, the child's fallacy that hard work always yielded reward. Hadn't three years as a doctoral student working on a project she didn't care for prove that it sometimes garnered nothing but cynicism?

Because Katie's project was right boring, after all. It was on Epstein-Barr virus or EBV, the causative agent of the annoying but completely non-lethal infectious mononucleosis. Glandular fever. Mono. The kissing disease. This last bit was helpful for getting a laugh during her talks, which stuffy scientific meetings could frankly do with more of. Of course EBV caused other things, too, like cancer, but in her own academic circle, cancer was just a buzzword to get politicians to give them more funding. Getting a bloody PhD hadn't been _her_ idea anyway. It had been her mother's, the veritable president of the wildly wealthy and influential Fitch Pharmaceuticals Ltd. What better way to help the company than force her oldest to become a scientist? It looked good, having someone in the family that would could even vaguely follow along with the project leads during update meetings.

Katie had only _just_ dodged the bullet of being resigned to life as a pharmacologist, where she'd be calculating the half-lives and effective doses of drugs for the rest of her life. Immunology was only slightly better. Her twin sister Emily (the lucky bitch) had dodged being a scientist altogether. But it should have been Emily. She had always been the smart one, while Katie would have been better matched to wading through the health policy. Her mum, however, had different ideas. Katie was the eldest, so it was Katie that got tutored through four painful years of biochemistry at uni while Emily became a solicitor. The difference was that patent law and MHRA restrictions ended up suiting Emily down to the fucking ground. She loved it, and good on her for it, too.

Katie didn't know if she could have done it, and as she changed the font on her departmental affiliation she reminded herself that ultimately, she picked her own poison. She chose this project over more interesting ones that would have involved site visits and helping human patients to stay closer to Steve. A bit ironic, that. Snapping her MacBook closed, she glanced out the window to see her advisor, Dr. Alan Rickins, waiting for her on the platform at Gatwick. He had come down to meet a colleague the previous night, an event Katie chose to skip in order to spend much-deserved time with Steve. Wasted, then, once he'd admitted he was headed back to Kenya. _Again_. Alan's cheerful, chubby face glowed pinkly over his terrible knit jumper with clashing colours.

"All right, Katie?" he called to her as she stepped down from the carriage.

"Hi, Alan. Been better," Katie confessed.

He chivalrously took her suitcase from her, settling it next to his own. Katie was a small woman, conservatively brunette in a pair of black trousers. Glancing up at the sky, she hiked her bag higher onto her shoulder and wrapped her jacket more firmly around her frame against the March wind. It looked like rain. Who the fuck was she kidding? How often did it not look like rain in March?

"Nervous are we?" Alan asked with a grin.

"A bit." Katie pursed her lips.

"I know this is your first major lecture, but you should be really proud. Most students would kill to have this chance."

"Tell me that again after I've embarrassed myself, you and the university."

Alan chuckled. "I highly doubt that. You're my last student, so the likelihood you'll tarnish my sterling career is quite low."

"Cheers, Alan."

"You know next year the big 50th anniversary meeting is going to be at Oxford. Do you reckon you would want to present there as well?"

"Like they would invite me."

He looked down at her seriously then, frowning slightly. "You're sure you're quite all right, dear?"

Katie nodded, forcing a tight-lipped smile. "Just nerves."

"Then let's get to Amsterdam and not keep your public waiting."

+o+o+

Usually after a lecture there was only what she called the "post presentation high." The adrenaline and the elation of being finished would surge through her until she felt almost outright manic with the power of it. That night though, by the time the questions had finished and she was unplugging her laptop with tingling hands, the strain of hearing her own lisp repeatedly in front of two hundred strangers had left her with a massive headache. She staggered off the stage in a daze, MacBook clutched protectively against her chest as though she meant for the metal case to serve as some kind of flak vest. Alan patted her on the knee when she sank into the seat beside him looking positively chuffed with her performance.

"Well done, well done," he whispered.

"I sounded like a cartoon character," Katie lamented, recalling with a grimace the breathy unnaturally high pitch of her normally low voice.

They both fell silent as the keynote speaker took the podium. Katie tried to pay attention to whatever the man was saying, but more and more she found her attention wandering, and so it was with a start that she realized the people around her were clapping loudly. A brutal blast of microphone feedback tore through the lecture hall as one of the other researchers attempted to ask the speaker a question, which only exacerbated the pain in Katie's head. Soon it was over, however, and as Alan was drawn away to talk to several other investigators she stuffed her laptop into her bag and went outside, immediately taking deep bracing breaths of the air.

She wandered down a few steps, crossing her arms over her chest, as she tipped her head back with a shaky exhale. The banner above the doorway fluttered weakly in the breeze. _4__th__ annual EBV-Europe _was all it read (very descriptive), which she was sure meant a whole lot of nothing to the average citizen. Who had the misfortune of visiting Vrije University while several hundred hapless virologists were milling about the place? She paused on the pavement bellow the Central Lecture Hall, gazing up at the side of the medical school offices as she tried not to feel guilty for walking out on Steve so dramatically. How many months would it be before she saw the man again? Three? Maybe even a year? It didn't matter.

"Katie!" a friendly voice shouted.

Katie turned her head slightly, brushing her fringe back from her face as she scanned the deepening evening shadows that flooded the street. A skinny young man with a bow tie and curly hair made his way to her side. JJ Jones, the youngest drug development team lead Fitch Pharmaceuticals had ever had, and incidentally, a friend.

"JJ," Katie said as pleasantly as she might.

"Very nice talk, Katie," he said.

"You only saw me practise approximately ten thousand fucking times."

"It couldn't have been more than twice, so thousands exceeds exaggeration and approaches hyperbole."

"Are you manning the Fitch vendor booth?"

"Not as such." He shuffled his feet, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Just taking in the sights, then?"

"Looking for trial locations, people interested."

Katie made noise low in her throat, trying not to think of her mother.

He smiled. "Don't worry, she's not here."

"Small fucking consolation, that."

Whatever he had been about to say she never found out because at that moment, Alan ambled over to the pair of them, clapping JJ on the shoulder.

"Why are you two out here being anti-social when there is free liquor just over there?" Alan asked, pointing at a nearby building. "Come with me, and let's see if I can finagle a few post doctoral fellowships for you."

If Alan had been hoping this proposal would raise Katie's spirits, he was sorely mistaken. A post-doc. Another four years of committing herself to some half-cocked basic biology project that would relate only in a crude stretch of the imagination way to anything even remotely resembling human disease. Suddenly, she was jealous of Steve and all his easy escapes. She nodded to Alan and followed him across the roadway as he chatted easily to JJ about an idea he had for an experiment. A few minutes later, Katie was two vodkas into her night, in a circle with Alan, JJ, and two other men Katie didn't know, but were most likely PIs, primary investigators, the boss scientists in academia.

Some awful lounge type music played in the background while the scientists were stood around in little clusters carrying on jerky conversations. Large picture windows overlooked a square of park from a renovated upper floor, and Katie found herself wondering with unreasonable anger how the hell they got the mow lines in the grass so fucking perfect. It aggravated her that things should stay so neat and orderly while her life shredded by degrees around her.

That sense of enmity toward the world at large was only compounded by trying to stand there and say anything even vaguely coherent, because if there is anything the layman should know about scientists, it's that most of them are socially fucking _awkward_. There are precisely two things that improve them: alcohol and long acquaintance. Alan, the bastard, had the benefit of knowing most of the researchers in the EBV field for years. Katie, on the other hand, had resigned herself to relying on the alcohol because no amount of charm on her part could totally smooth over a personal interaction with the average PI.

"Tim," Alan said at one point, tugging a tipsy Katie slightly in front of him. "Tim Sorensen, I want you to meet my student Katie Fitch. Katie, these are old colleagues of mine from America, Tim Sorensen and Doug Evans."

Tim, in Katie's honest opinion, looked like he'd run away from a Mark Twain fancy dress contest. He was tall, with bushy white hair and an equally bushy white moustache, done up in a wrinkled gray suit. Doug she knew by reputation and surreptitious Google searches, an average man with sandy hair. She shook hands with both of them.

"You're the ones with the undergraduates," Katie blurted, trying to keep herself from saying anything about Tim's appearance.

"You make it sound like we have a harem and not a cohort," Doug said, laughing, his accent unexpectedly Welsh.

"You're the only ones out there looking at natural infection in humans. It's an inspired study."

"Oh, we finished last year with that study. We're actually doing another enrolment starting this fall though."

"I keep trying to get Alan to set up a study here, it would be so interesting—"

"Don't give up all our good ideas now, Katie," Alan interjected good-naturedly.

"I've just been dying to be on a human study and not attached to doing everything in Petri dishes," Katie continued, feeling a strange flare of excitement at the thought.

"Even so, your talk earlier was wonderful. You have some great concepts."

"Are you trying to steal my student?" laughed Alan.

"It would be nice to have an immunologist on the project. If she could stand moving to Minnesota," Tim qualified with a grin.

"You mean America?" Katie said, somewhat shocked and starting to feel a bit like a contract footballer about to be traded away. "To work on your new enrolment?"

"Now, now, boys" Alan interrupted. "Stop trying to poach poor Katie from me. She's one of the best students I've ever had."

Katie blushed proudly at the compliment; even if she hated being forced into science she could at least say she didn't do anything by halves.

Doug shrugged. "The offer stands if you're interested for your post doc, Katie."

The discussion turned to more prosaic shoptalk, full of debates about paradigms and interesting new data from the Thatcher-Lawson lab, which continued at a leisurely pace until the PIs began to show their ages and yawned. Alan politely excused Katie and himself from the circle, but instead of leaving with the others, they ended up at the bar. Alan took a gulp of his gin while he leaned against the polished woodwork, rubbing the flat of his hand over the shiny skin of his bald spot.

"I suppose things have been dull in the lab with me nearing retirement," Alan said slowly. "Getting some real experience with a human study could only help your career, you know."

"What are you saying?" Katie queried, although she was fairly certain she already knew where this line of insinuation was leading.

"Working on Tim's study would be great for you."

"And I'd have to fucking well move to America. And where is his lab again? Minnesota? I don't even know _where_ that is."

"It's in the middle of the country, just below Cana—" Alan trailed off as Katie just raised her eyebrows at his impromptu geography session. "Tim's been really keen on starting a vaccine trial. Just imagine if you were first author on the efficacy study."

Katie scowled at the prospect of a vaccine trial, because really that was what her mother hoped she'd be groomed for: running the preliminary vaccine investigations. Instead of voicing her disgust, though, she merely opted for making disparaging remarks about her work.

"Yes, because preventing mono is clearly a world health priority," Katie said acerbically.

"And preventing lymphoma, carcinoma, autoimmune disease. Think of the good you could be doing. You said it yourself, there's only so much you can do looking at cells in dishes."

"But it's in America."

"It would only be for a year or two, then you could come back and finish your thesis." Alan laid a comforting hand on her forearm. "At least think about it?"

Katie nodded uncertainly, as she stirred the gin and tonic Alan had ordered her. Sure, she'd think about it, or at least pretend to, so she could say _no_ with conviction when Alan asked her again.

+o+o

And yet when she was alone in her tiny hotel room she felt her resolve slipping with everything quiet and the events of the day finally beginning to catch up with her. Maybe this is what she needed, the chance to get away from Steve, away from Birmingham and get a little perspective. Not to mention, Alan was right. Infectious disease researchers tended to come in three flavours: those who worked only with cells, those who worked with mice, and those who worked with humans. Being involved with a high profile human study could only help her. The potential for good publications was much better than continuing her work in well plates, which only rarely recapitulated what actually happened in living, breathing people. She didn't know what to do, and so out of the blue she had her mobile pressed to her ear wanting to talk it out with someone who would understand.

"Katie," Emily said roughly when she answered. "Do you know what time it is? Two in the fucking morning."

"Sorry," Katie replied immediately without actually feeling very contrite.

"Who in sodding Christ is that?" Katie could hear a sleepy voice complain.

"Katie," Emily whispered, kissing the complainer softly. "I'll be right back, go back to sleep, love."

Katie rolled her eyes. Of course her sister would be ridiculously soppy with Naomi even over the phone. The two of them had been stupidly in love ever since they met in a public health course during Uni. Katie waited impatiently for a while for Emily to snap out of it.

"Emily, I'm nauseous and I can't even fucking see you," Katie said after a few seconds.

"What is it, Kay? Just ringing to whinge about my girlfriend?"

A whole minute of silence bore down on them before Emily broke the tension with a massive yawn.

"Alan wants me to take up a post collaborating with another lab."

"Well, that's good news, yeah? You've done nothing but bitch about Birmingham in the past six months."

"That's the problem. The post is in America."

"Like New York? Seattle?"

"No, in Minnesota."

"Where is that?"

"I have no fucking clue."

Another beat. "What about Steve?"

"What the fuck does it matter?" Katie's tone was full of unwarranted venom. Well, toward Emily, anyway.

"He's fucked off again, hasn't he?"

Katie's brooding non-response was as good as a yes.

"Where to this time?"

"I don't particularly care." Katie took a deep breath, laughing bitterly. "I want to say yes, just to spite him. To fuck off to God knows where and see how he fucking likes it?"

"Revenge. It's just petty, yeah?"

"I'm not plotting like the Count of fucking Monte Cristo, for Christ's sake. It's not because he goes off to save fucking orphans in Cambodia or whatever the fuck. It's because he's such a lying pretentious cunt when he's here."

"I know, Kay." Emily yawned again before saying, "If you go, it has to be about you."

"Maybe…maybe it's time. I just don't know how to feel anymore."

"Sleep on it."

"I will."

"Thanks. For phoning me for once."

The corner of Katie's mouth twisted up in a wry smile. "Yeah, well don't go getting all fucking emotional on me or it'll be the last fucking time."

"Ah, there's the bitch I know and love."

"Night, Emily."

+o+o

When Katie awoke the next morning, twisted in the coarse borrowed sheets of the narrow bed, she didn't feel any more certain. She went through the motions of her morning, hoping it would solidify into something, as though performing the ritual could be her equivalent of gelatine cooling. She bathed and dressed in the dull gray pre-dawn and went down to acquire a coffee. As she sat outside the lecture hall on a damp bench, she felt her mobile buzz in her pocket. A single text, from Steve. _I'm sorry_. He must be on his way to Heathrow or Gatwick by now. Why did Katie care? Steve buggering off to bloody Africa should have been the last thing on her mind. So she sent back all she could think to say. _You always are._

As she went to push her phone back into the pocket of her trousers she fumbled her coffee and it landed on the gravel footpath with a splash. The hot liquid soaked quickly into the ground, leaving the pale stones steaming in the chill. It was almost like the heat of the earth had breached its confines at that very spot, a tiny geothermal spring.

"Fuck," she said through her teeth and began to cry.

She cried until the raw ache that threatened to close her airway eased, until her face was wet and streaked with her tears, until she couldn't anymore. She didn't move or flinch for several long minutes, completely motionless until she couldn't tell where the coffee had fallen anymore and the wind threatened to blow the cup away. Swearing again, Katie retrieved the sodden cup, wiping the droplets from her shaking fingers onto her trousers. A waste. She checked her watch, and headed inside to a loo, casting her empty cup into a bin as she passed.

She couldn't help but laugh when she caught sight of herself in the mirror; God, it had been years since her make up had last looked so fucking wretched in public. And when had she _ever _sat around crying over wankers? She wiped at the places her mascara had run until she resembled something approximating normal. Fuck him, he'd regret it. She straightened up and left the toilets with her head high. The hum of the scientists clustered around the main gathering hall met her ears. This was the world she knew, even if her path to it had been a rocky one. She sat down next to JJ with a little wave, pulling the program sheet from her bag. Doug was the first speaker for the day. His third slide was _Why study EBV at the University of Minnesota_? The coincidence felt like an augury, like this talk was for her alone. The questions hadn't quite finished when Katie rocked to her feet, hastily tucking her notebook under her arm.

"Where are you going?" asked a startled JJ.

"For a site visit."

Doug smiled broadly at her as she met him when he descended from the stage.

"Good morning, Katie," Doug said. "What can I do for you?"

"Did you mean it when you made me that offer yesterday?" Katie said at once.

"Ha, yes, of course, if Alan is willing to spare you."

"Then tell me what I need to do."

"Right you are."

It was how she decided to get out of Birmingham.

Only to end up in Minneapolis, which turned out to be the coldest fucking place on earth.


	2. Chapter 1: Inflammation

**Chapter 1 **

**Inflammation**: A physiological effect characterized by redness, swelling, heat and pain at the site of an injury or infection

Katie moved to Minnesota in April, a wet month of high lakes and rivers as the entire upper Midwest thawed. After a humid, sweltering summer settling into her new lab, Tim announced he would be retiring and Doug would take over the entire operation. By association, Katie became the chief immunologist on the fourth iteration of the EBV study. It was set up like this:

- They recruited only first year students, directly from the dorms in a frantic two-week bonanza of bribes and blood draws. Okay, technically the bribes were called "honorariums" and they were all very proper and approved by ethics committees.

- They only accepted people without EBV (usually socially impaired types who hadn't been kissed), because once you got it, you had it forever. Most people get it as children, not through kissing, but that was a topic for another study.

- The subjects came to give them blood every two weeks and fill in an "activity" questionnaire. Yes, the questionnaire asked _those_ types of question and yes, it was exactly as awkward as it sounds.

- Occasionally, a subject would, like, get a life, because all of a sudden they'd come in with mono (which Katie had to come accustomed to calling it), triggering yet more blood draws while the subject recovered.

- They'd hash out the data trying to look for risk factors, severity of illness, etc, etc.

Somehow this was supposed to result in them being able to develop a better vaccine, or treatment, or prevention strategy, as though anyone but unlucky adolescents really cared about the progress of that research. But it did matter. EBV was oncogenic. It contributed to autoimmune disease. And every time Katie found out a subject ended up in hospital, she reminded herself that she wasn't working for nothing because there was nothing they could do but wait for the kid to convalesce. Besides, maybe this was her chance to carve out a niche of her own in this place where no one knew her, where she could be just _Katie_, and earn things by her own merit.

Katie's main social interactions consisted of work colleagues. In particular, she'd formed an attachment to a caustic medical fellow that shared her lab space, Jen Carter, Doug's clinic nurses, Julie and Pat, and a cadre of sweet but inexperienced undergraduates that did paperwork and routine testing for the study. She only had two complaints: the severe lack of a decent club scene in Minneapolis (bars could only make up for so much) and that she still had nine months to go before she the vaccine trial began in earnest.

So she didn't particularly blame herself for being surprised when October came, and the world crashed down around her ears.

"Katie."

"Katie."

"Katie pay attention to me!"

Katie jumped and swung away from her laptop to an irritated glower from Jen.

"Oh, I'm glad you've decided to rejoin us mortals," the American said sarcastically.

"What do you want?" Katie growled irritably.

The tall blonde towered over her, jabbing an impatient finger at the clock. "The reception started fifteen minutes ago. Are you coming?"

Conflicted, Katie nodded as she rose. Anyway, how many more times could she look at those fucking photos of Steve and his new girlfriend without exploding? Why had she stayed Facebook friends with him? Clearly to discover holiday photos half-way through her work day and proceed to torture herself with the knowledge that all he needed was six months and some space in order to find himself some brainless slag to commit himself to. Never mind the fact that she was a fucking stunning United Nations policy advisor with a genuinely preposterous number of letters after her name. A miserable mixture of inadequacy and jealousy bubbled through her chest. She didn't even want to be with him anymore and had certainly never really loved him. So why the fuck did it hurt so much? She felt winded, like he had sucker punched her in the ribs.

Jen clicked her fingers in front of Katie's face. "Earth to Katie!"

Katie merely looked shell-shocked.

"What is with you, Fitch?" Jen said, more gently this time.

"Nothing. Let's go get pissed, yeah?"

"Why are we being angry?"

Katie rolled her eyes, her surprise being overtaken by her natural bitchiness. "Drunk. I swear to fucking God we don't even speak the same language."

"You want to get drunk at Tim's retirement party?"

"The old codger needs some excitement."

"It _is _open bar."

Together they made their way out of Doug's basement lab toward the tunnel system. Tim's retirement party was in the student union, which could be reached without going out into the brisk fall air. Katie still got lost as fuck trying to navigate her way through, missing her turnings and ending up in horror film-esque white tiled portions of the old hospital. Jen was with her, however, and soon enough the entered the food service portion of the union. Katie couldn't help but wince at the garish gold and maroon that was splashed about all over everything, as they went up several floors to the Campus Club. Doug was standing in the doorway, greeting everyone enthusiastically as they approached.

"Hello there, girls!" he chirped cheerily. "Come inside, very good to see you."

Tim was a big name in the clinical virology field, and his fifty years of service during his tenure at the University of Minnesota had made him a popular figure. There were literally people everywhere, but Katie was only able to recognize a few of them; namely, the basement lab staff and the nurses from the clinic. As it was, Katie stayed close to Jen when they meandered over to the bar, the woman's form cutting a swathe in the crowd like the prow of a ship.

"What do you want?" Jen asked.

"A tequila," said Katie.

Jen's eyebrows shot up. "Well, you're not messing around, I see." She held up two fingers to the bartender. "You heard the woman. Two tequilas please."

Jen continued to eye her curiously as she handed over the drink and a wedge of lime. Not even waiting for salt, Katie took the shot with a grimace, dropping the unused lime into the glass.

"Seriously, Fitch. What is your deal?"

Katie struggled. She wasn't exactly big with feelings, but then neither was Jen.

"Have you ever broken up with someone, and you don't like, actually care anymore, but seeing them with someone else still hurts?"

"Is that why you were staring at your computer like someone killed your dog?"

Katie nodded slowly, deciding to indulge in a bit of self-pity. "My ex Steve."

"The asshole with the malaria project."

"Yeah."

"Randoms or commitment?"

"New girlfriend he's all loved up with. Not that I care."

Jen frowned sceptically. "Obvi."

"I broke it off with him, so I don't _get_ to be all angsty or whatever."

"That's not really how it works, Fitch."

Pressing the other shot into Katie's hand, Jen motioned for the bartender to keep them coming. The brilliant glow of the late afternoon sun slowly filtered from the room until the view from the tall windows revealed the wavy reflection of the moon off the Mississippi River and the twinkling lights in the cityscape of downtown Minneapolis beyond. By the time Tim came to the bar while making the rounds with the guests, Katie was well lashed and talked about as often to a fairy light adorned potted ficus in the corner as she did to Jen. Privately, Jen wondered if the tiny Fitch's alcohol tolerance was usually quite this pathetic.

"Well, she looks like she's having fun," Tim commented.

"You know, boyfriend trouble," Jen confided in a whisper, as Katie weaved slightly where she stood. "I think I'm going to get her to sit down."

Taking Katie by the hand, she led her to where the two clinic nurses, Julie and Pat, were sitting with some undergrads around a table. Plonking Katie unceremoniously in a chair, she cast a look at Julie before turning to get Katie some water. Or some coffee. Or both. Having her toss at Tim's retirement party was not high on a list of things Jen wanted to see. Katie, for her part, leaned forward, planting her chin firmly in her upturned hand, waving vaguely at Julie and Pat before looking rather taken aback when she noticed the undergrads. The one she had become friends with; Pandora Moon, an excitable third year blonde who bounced as she said hello to Katie.

The other she did not know, an impossibly limby brunette in a long black shirt that barely covered her ass, lounging carelessly in her corner like a marionette whose strings had been cut. She tipped her head a fraction, fixing Katie with dark, sultry blue eyes. No, that wasn't right. Katie did know the girl. Blue-eyes was one of the _subjects _from the study. She had seen her occasionally in clinic. Since when the hell did subjects get invited to departmental events like some kind of twisted thank you? We're all dying for you to get mono, come eat some free food?

Even in the recesses of Katie's tequila addled brain, the juxtaposition of Blue-eyes as the kind of girl who wore nothing by long shirts and heavy eyeliner and who also was enough of a social recluse to be in the study was all wrong. Fucking hell, the girl was gorgeous; she oozed confidence, and Katie didn't need any of Emily's gay intuition to know Blue-eyes possessed a raw animal magnetism that would draw suitors like moths to her unsympathetic flame. How could she have avoided acquiring the virus? The girl looked like she had enough experience to teach Katie a thing or two so it defied logic how she'd been recruited to a study for swotty types that rarely kissed anyone.

"You're in the study," Katie slurred idiotically.

Blue-eyes simply raised an eyebrow, dipping her chin just once in assent.

"But…how? You have to be negative for EBV. There's no way."

An amused smirk lifted the corner of the girl's mouth, as she shrugged. Katie was too drunk to notice the tension in the other members of their odd quintet.

"You'd have to live under a fucking rock not be snogged by someone positive," Katie went on, digging herself deeper.

Blue-eyes ignored that genius piece of insight, instead picking up the iPad laying face down on the table. She leaned over to Pandora, showing her whatever was on the screen. Laughing, Pandora playfully batted at her shoulder, casting a guilty smile at Katie, like she was trying to apologize for whatever Blue-eyes had shown her.

"These are for you," Jen said as she put down a paper cup of water and a styrofoam cup of coffee in front of Katie.

Losing interest in blue-eyes, Katie flung a hand out to take one of the cups, but her motor function were not equal to the task and she sent the coffee flying all over the table. As the dark stain spread over the tablecloth, Julie and Pat leapt up to find towels. Blue-eyes pushed back in her chair, her expression mildly exasperated but mostly bored. Standing up with at tiny stretch that accentuated her tits, Blue-eyes slipped her tablet into a little satchel and pulled it over her shoulder. She laid a quick kiss on the top of Pandora's head and wriggled her fingers good-bye to the nurses before slinking off into the crowd.

"What was that about?" asked Jen.

"What was what about?" muttered Katie.

"What did you say to Effy?"

"What the fuck is an Effy?"

"Tall? Blue eyes? Just left?"

When the fuck did Jen learn all the goddamn subjects by name? Katie started to say something, but was interrupted by Pandora.

"Katie couldn't believe Effy is a negative," Pandora piped up helpfully, folding the edges of the tablecloth over the spilled coffee. "Said she must live under a rock."

"Making friends as usual, Fitch," Jen said laughing. "Way to basically call her a slut. Or a virgin. I'm not sure which is worse."

"What?" Katie spluttered. "That is so not true. I mean, fuck, how is anyone a negative by the time they come to Uni?"

"Come on. Just for that, I'll get you another drink."

+o+o

When Katie woke up the next morning, a large part of her protesting body wished she were dead. Between her hangover, Steve, and faint memories of embarrassing herself the night before, she honestly wanted to pull her pillow over her head and never get out of bed again. But there were lab meetings to be attended and experiments to do, so with extreme reluctance she forced herself into the shower. One of the only good things about being Jenna Fitch's daughter was being able to live like she wasn't scraping by on a student stipend. Her flat was a palatial renovation in the Washburn Crosby Utility building above Saint Anthony falls. It was a concession to her vanity with its large rooms and granite surfaces, full of light and airy.

She rifled through her embarrassingly large walk in closet, before settling on a pair of stilettos and a pencil skirt. Her commitment to looking halfway decent earned her a fair amount of ribbing from her fellow sloppy scientists who turned up for work wearing hoodies and jeans, but she'd given up enough for her career. No reason her wardrobe should suffer as well. Forty minutes later, she strode down the basement level of the medical building, her heels clicking authoritatively on the floor, and sending a shockwave of pain behind her eyes with each step. Jen's grin when she got to her desk almost made her turn right around and walk back out of the lab.

"You look how I feel," she quipped.

"Not another fucking word," Katie threatened, slumping into her chair without removing her sunglasses.

"Go get some coffee before lab meeting, Bono." She tapped her fingers thoughtfully. "On second thought, after last night I'm not sure I trust you with coffee."

"Oh, fuck off."

"Go. You'll feel better."

It was sound advice, even if it was coming from Jennifer fucking Carter, the bringer of hangovers. So she went to the Starbucks just on the other side of the light rail tracks and got herself the largest cup of coffee she could manage. The clinic where lab meeting was held was a conversion of what had been the accident and emergency centre for the University hospital back in the 80's. It was not a shining example of the types of clinics you got to see in films that looked like they had been kitted out by IKEA, all glass and stainless steel and light coloured wood. The virology clinic was dull and close with no windows, and more often than not, cold. The rooms were full of filing cabinets, paper records of all the subjects the clinic had ever seen, clean but colourless.

Katie was the last one into the clinic. The rest of the group sat around a long table at the end of the corridor of exam rooms, beside the high curved counter of the former nurses' station. As she skirted to the opposite side to take a free chair (they were plastic and green and uncomfortable as hell), she noticed with a start that in Tim's place at the head of the table sat that girl from the night before, whatever the fuck her name was. Effy. Not that she had been expecting to see Tim, him being retired and all, but she thought Doug might take that place up now that he was running the show.

Jesus, she'd gone from only seeing a glimpse of Effy in passing to sitting with her twice in two days. It was odd. Effy didn't even normally _go_ to lab meetings, hence why Katie didn't know her, but there she sat at the head of the table like the fucking queen of clinic. Just then, Doug cleared his throat and called them to order. Effy pulled out her iPad and sat glancing between the screen and Doug as he got started, her face so intent and alert it didn't even seem like she was being rude not to give him her full attention.

"Right," he said happily. "I've had some splendid news that you'll all be glad to hear. Oh, but first, Effy, good to see you today. You have a class or something at this time?"

Of course, somebody introduced Effy _after_ Katie made a fool of herself. Clearly not just a study subject then.

"It was cancelled today," Pandora answered from the corner of the table.

Effy nodded as though corroborating an alibi. Apparently not chatty, that one. Doug continued on making updates on various clinic initiatives that Katie was not involved with, and more than once she realized she was staring at the girl. Effy had an intense gaze, very direct and focused, split just about equally between whoever was speaking and the tablet. Katie was so mesmerized with watching her, she almost jumped when Effy turned her head and looked directly at her as though those smoky blue eyes could have turned her to stone. Or lit her on fire.

"…run into a bit of a hiccup with the acquiring the vaccine for the trial," Doug said, drawing Katie's concentration back to him.

"What?" Katie said loudly.

"Well, I got notice yesterday that someone's bought the patent from Hex-Immune. A small start up company acquired it."

"And where does that leave us?"

"Well, assuming they still want to deal with us, then there's no reason we won't be on track for next fall, but who can say?"

Doug enumerated the rough timeline. They would be going through Internal Review Board approvals through the spring to make sure the study was done safely and with informed consent from the patients. The legal portions of it would be completed in collaboration with lawyers from the start up and intellectual property representatives from the University. That bit actually made Katie smile because if she was lucky, maybe she could persuade Emily to visit even though she was more familiar with MHRA regulations that FDA law. They would enrol the following fall. It would similar to the enrolment Katie had worked on the previous September, when they had evidently somehow recruited the aloof and improbable Effy.

But all of those plans were contingent on the new company wanting to play, whoever they were. Hex-Immune would have provided much of the funding, but no doubt the start up wouldn't have that kind of capital. When the meeting ended, Katie sat stock still in her chair, while the others milled about talking. She reached blindly for her mostly untouched coffee before standing up, completely distracted by the fact that the vaccine trial might not actually happen at all. As chance would have it, Effy preceded her as they exited the clinic. Her unrushed saunter aggravated Katie's anxious mood almost as much as the girl's black leggings offended her dress sense. Katie was about to step impatiently around her, when, with no warning, Effy wheeled, smacking straight into her with a muffled grunt as they collided.

"For fuck's sake!" Katie exclaimed as she grabbed at Effy's bony shoulders to keep herself from being knocked down entirely.

Effy's fallen tablet sat in the puddle of coffee like an electronic island in a sea of Guatemalan dark roast. Katie stared at her in disbelief. There was no goddamn way Effy didn't know Katie was behind her with the racket her heels made, and the sardonic smirk that passed over Effy's lips annoyed Katie even more. Even in the terrible fluorescent lighting, the undergrad's eyes were a penetrating blue, set off dangerously by her make up. For a few moments, electricity might well have arced between them and the other few people in the hallway gave them a wide berth.

The spell was broken though when Effy knelt down to pick the iPad up. She hissed softly when she turned it in her hands and examined a long jagged crack running down the centre of the black touch screen. Shaking a little of the coffee of it, she suddenly looked up at Katie with raised eyebrows. The skinny undergrad's expression was so complicated Katie felt more than saw it, the press slowly squeezing the air from her chest. She stood up slowly, her eyes growing bored again before she pivoted and walked down the hall. The squeaking of her wet boots echoed off the walls, the soles leaving a pattern of footprints in her wake.

"And whose fucking fault is that, yeah?" Katie called after her.

It _was_ Effy's fucking fault, so why the hell was she the one left with the mess?

"Okay, it's official," Jen said from her left. "You're banned from drinking coffee ever again. What the heck happened?"

"That bloody girl Effy!"

"She grabbed your coffee and smashed it on the floor?"

"No, she ran into—it doesn't matter. Look at my fucking shoes."

"Do I have to tell you again that you can't work in a lab without getting bleached—"

"Stained, stabbed or puked on. Yeah." Katie rolled her eyes.

"You're the one who comes to lab dressed like Naomi Campbell."

Katie burst out laughing, and laughed helplessly until Jen took a step away from her like she had gone completely mad.

"No, no," Katie wheezed. "My sister is with a woman named Naomi Campbell and she—"

"Your sister is dating Naomi Campbell?!"

"No!" For fuck's sake, if she heard _that_ one more time. "She's dating _a _Naomi Campbell, not _the _Naomi Campbell. And it's fucking funny because Emily's Naomi dresses like a blind person went shopping in a curtain factory."

"Very similar to you then."

"I _will _leave you alone with Theo the next time you go to the microscope closet, Jennifer Carter."

Jen held up her hands in surrender.

"Reckon we ought to clean this up?" Katie said after a moment.

"Nah, escape from the scene of the crime."

They fled from the spilled coffee, hurrying along through the tunnels back to their lab still giggling. When Katie checked her email there was a group update from Doug. Normally, she didn't pay much mind to the other three dozen addresses the emails were sent to, but for some reason she ran down the list with her cursor. There, nearly at the bottom, was Effy's. Her last name was Stonem.

+o+o

Katie had to wait two days to phone Emily since London was six fucking hours ahead of Minneapolis and by the time Katie got home from lab in the evenings it was usually two or three in the morning GMT. As the line rang, Katie marvelled at the fact that she always seemed to remember the time difference, but still clicked UK instead of USA like an idiot every time she ordered a reagent. She was out on the terrace of her flat, watching the dirty Mississippi River flow by just above the arcing curve of the Stone Arch Bridge, the masoned limestone pale in the morning light. Emily picked up on the fourth ring with a shuffle of papers.

"Someone bought the vaccine patent," Katie said without preamble.

"Who bought what?" Emily sounded exhausted.

"Someone bought the EBV vaccine from Hex-I. Did you know that was happening?"

"Shit, Kay. No. Someone filed a bloody lawsuit against Fitch Pharma and I've been putting out fires for that all week."

Katie grimaced. "Sorry. Bit of a cunt thing for me to ring up and start bitching straight away."

Emily laughed. "And that's different from normal?"

"Why do I even fucking bother?"

"I'm the only one that understands you or some deep shit like that."

"Are you all right?"

"Just tired. How have you been doing?"

Katie tensed, waiting a few seconds before saying, "Steve has a new girlfriend."

"Yeah, Naomi said."

"Is she still hanging around with that wankjob?"

"Kay, they work together. I don't think Naomi is exactly bezzie mates with him. She defended you when he left, you know."

"Well, she is a bit challenged. She has to take the friends she can get."

"I know me saying this won't help much, but you were always too good for him."

"Too right," Katie replied, even though it was almost all bluster.

Emily, fuck her, knew Katie too well after twenty-six years if you counted their time together _in utero_. Her voice was sad and sympathetic. "I'm here if you need me."

"Yeah."

"Is there…anyone else on the horizon?"

Katie almost laughed. "I'd say I spend most of my time with a tall blonde."

"And?"

"She's straight as, and married to her lab bench."

"So what's the difficulty?"

"You are relentless. Didn't you already get a toaster for converting Naomi?"

"Please, she's gayer than I am. And that's saying something."

The chill of the fall air began to get to her, sending a ripple of gooseflesh up her arms. Katie slipped back into her apartment, closing the door behind her.

"Do you think I should phone mum and dad?" she said.

"Like, socially?" Emily hazarded.

"No, to fucking announce my conversion to Rastafarianism."

"All the spliff might chill you out, Jesus."

"You're such a—"

"I'll let them know you're still alive."

"Thanks, Ems."

"Don't say I never do anything for you."

When Katie ended the call, she felt marginally better. It was funny how having Emily in her corner meant such a difference, after years spent at loggerheads. It was easily the thing she liked best about having grown up.


	3. Chapter 2: Lysis

**Chapter 2**

**Lysis: **Disruption of the cell membrane, resulting in the death of the cell. Can occur when mature virus particles violently leave a cell.

She felt better until she went to a faculty interview that afternoon. Part of the interview process for new faculty involved a public lecture on the candidate's previous research. Katie arrived in the theatre a bit early, the seats descending down into a dark pit style hall. In the very back row several of the undergrads from the clinic had assembled and were talking to one another in hushed voices. Among them sat Pandora, her bag clutched in her arms like she was afraid it was going to make a break for it. Katie moved down another row or two and sat along the aisle. She couldn't have been there more than a minute or two when Jen squeezed past her and took the seat on her left.

"For you," Jen said, holding out a cup of some hot liquid.

"Coffee or tea?" Katie asked, accepting the cup.

"Tea, just in case."

Katie rolled her eyes, but still glanced suspiciously over her shoulder just to make sure that girl Effy wasn't anywhere in proximity. Just when Katie thought she was in the clear, a lean figure in an oversized jumper sank down beside Pandora, crossing her legs and pulling out a ridiculously thick paperback. It was a change of pace from the iPad, which, Katie remembered with a twinge, was ruined. Pandora said something to Effy, and Effy nodded seriously before returning to the massive book, whatever it was; the title was too small for Katie to make out. As though she could tell someone was watching her, Effy's eyes cut down to Katie immediately without moving her head. Her expression didn't change but Effy deliberately held Katie's gaze until, unnerved, Katie turned back to the front. She hastily handed back the tea.

"What?" Jen said.

"Just…keep this over there."

The speaker was setting up behind the podium. Just the man's bearing set Katie's teeth on edge, and her premonition was justified as the presentation began. He was the worst sort of specimen, arrogant and over-confident, probably an Ivy League trained MD who seemed to think they were God's gift to research. He also clearly hadn't practised, relying on a combination of experience and bravado to carry him through. Katie had her own private battles with public speaking, but if she hated anything, she hated having her time wasted, especially since this fellow managed to be simultaneously condescending and wrong. So time and time again Katie's hand flew into the air while she interrogated and corrected him. At first he bitched right back at her, but no man could stand like a rock in the current of her furious flow. She didn't even think anything of it until Jen nudged her.

"The guy is sweating bullets, Katie," Jen whispered, trying to hide her smile. "Give him a break."

Chastened but still annoyed, Katie shrugged tetchily, settling back into her seat to wait out the rest of the talk like a petulant toddler who'd been told off for being a bully. When the lecture ended, Jen gave her a conflicted look equal parts reproachful and amused.

"I really got the impression you liked him," she said sarcastically.

"Fucking MD," Katie said. "Half of them act like they single-handedly come up with every good treatment, like PhDs don't do most of the groundwork."

"You know I'm an MD right?"

"Whatever, he was a twat."

Her dismantling of the poor man was at worst over-aggressive but still a bit unprofessional to let her irritation run away with her. She wasn't the kind to feel guilty, though, and she didn't until she and Jen got up to leave. Effy lingered at the top of the stairs as she lifted her satchel over her head. She levelled an unreadable look at Katie, the dark blue of her eyes almost black in the low light, before turning on her heel and walking out.

+o+o

Friday she was standing at her bench pipetting some liquid into a tube and in a corner of her peripheral vision she saw that skinny undergrad again. She was with Pandora who was rattling on actively, but Effy wasn't even looking at her while she took in the layout of the lab. There were eight sets of black composite lab benches, with the four spaces between the benches called bays. Shelving units were set up between the bench pairs, high enough so that you could see the person at the bench across from you unless you really hated whoever it was and hung a poster or something in the way. Numerous centrifuges, refrigerators and freezers lined the walls, their collective hum filling the lab with their noise. She and Jen often joked they were all deaf in that frequency, or at least hard of hearing.

Katie wondered what Pandora was showing Effy exactly, because Effy already knew where the blood samples from the clinic got dropped off. That's where she'd seen Effy before, gliding through the lab to leave her own blood in the inbox. Katie by now knew her SID or subject identifier without needing to look it up. SID 7089 ES, even though the lab staff were only supposed to work with deidentified samples, without being able to associate the SID with a name. Pandora searched fruitlessly through some of the notebooks for a while, eventually approaching Katie.

"Doug wants us to do something paperwork-y," Pandora said. "Do you know where the cell count books are?"

"Do you want the complete blood counts or the manual processing counts?"

"Um…both? Uff da, I'm not really sure what those are."

Katie sighed huffily, closing the snapcap on her last 1.5-milliliter tube. Both girls waited at the end of her bench, Effy watching Katie as she laid down her pipetteman.

"What the fuck did Doug tell you he wanted?"

"CBCs? Isn't that right, Eff?"

Effy continued to stare coolly, and Katie was forced to resist squirming uncomfortably under her gaze. Katie noted she had neither her iPad nor the little satchel for it across her shoulder; the tablet must still have been broken. Pandora tapped Effy on the shoulder. After a moment of hesitation, her eyes shifted to Pandora.

"He said CBCs right?" Pandora asked again.

Effy nodded, her expression bored but somewhat…affectionate? Katie couldn't quite make out the nuance that softened her arched eyebrow.

"The complete blood counts then," Katie said. "Next time know what you're looking for, Jesus."

She got the stack of records and dumped the binders on the bench in front of Pandora, irritated the cosmos had nominated her to play nursemaid to the two helpless undergrads.

"If you two are going to stay in here, you need to fucking tie up your hair," she added bitchily, pointing to Effy's wavy brunette mane.

The girl smirked, and Katie almost made them put on lab coats, too, but Effy snapped an elastic from around her slender wrist and swept her hair up with a little flourish, her eyes never leaving Katie's face. God, she was fucking grating. The two stayed at the end of her bench looking up numbers for the next hour, making a strange pair as Effy never said anything and Pandora couldn't seem to shut up. Katie's only consolation when they buggered off was that she was fucking glad the girls worked in the clinic and not in the lab.

As she piled the count books up to reshelve, she spotted a green Post-it stuck to the front of one, scrawled upon in smeared Sharpie. _Knowledge without justice ought to be called cunning rather than wisdom_. She peeled the note from the binder and turned it, but the back only had the outline of the letters where they had bled through the paper. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Was it some kind of cryptic criticism? Katie balled up the missive and threw it away. She lasted approximately five minutes before she rescued the wad from the bin and flattened it out on the wrist rest of her keyboard. It was from Plato, just the kind of philosophical bollocks she'd predict from someone pretentious enough to actually quote Plato like, casually. And the worst part was that it just made her feel more confused about Effy, if that was possible.

It wasn't until the next day that Katie turned to Jen where they sat back to back in their bay, thinking on the eccentric and silent undergrad who apparently made her some kind of coffee destroying deviant based on an n of 2, which wasn't even enough for error bars. Effy was just some kid she didn't know, probably only eighteen or nineteen. The girl had never spoken a word to her, and yet Effy was under her skin.

"So Effy," Katie said slowly. "I mean, she's weird, yeah?"

"No, I think she's pretty normal," Jen answered, no trace of irony in her voice. "Why?"

Katie waited for Jen to meet her gaze, to see if she was taking the piss. She wasn't. Katie shook her head, going back to her spreadsheet, mystified.

"Sorry. No reason."

+o+o

Alan Rickins (bham,ac,uk)  
To: Katherine Fitch (umn,edu)  
RE: Vaccine Trial Delays

Don't worry just yet. Wait and see what the new company wants. It might be better than working with a giant like Hex-Immune.

Alan

PS If you haven't gotten yourself a warm coat, I suggest you do it now!

+o+o

It was Pandora, oddly enough, who acted as social captain and rounded them up to go out Friday night.

"We work together, so that means we should be friends and go out," Pandora announced as though this were a foregone conclusion.

Katie and Jen exchanged a look that clearly implied they thought they were going to be like a pair of old spinsters hanging about with the small army of undergraduates from the clinic, but Katie couldn't help laughing at the resolute expression on Panda's face. So she said yes, of course, and it was decided. It started out fairly innocuously, with the five undergrads, sans Effy (small mercy), who Panda said had to work. How many jobs did she have? They arranged a place to go, and on Friday, Katie and Jen met the girls outside the clinic, travelling by mass transit to downtown.

They ended up in some bar or other, rubbing elbows with middle management types recently put off the leash from their boring office lives. The place put Katie in mind of country pubs she'd visited while on holiday with her parents, the bar itself gleaming walnut with mirrored shelves, the floor interspersed with high tops and candlelit snugs. Jen and Panda flanked Katie's sides where they sat together at a high top, the other four girls completing their group. Katie was distracted from her admiration of the copper panelling in the ceiling by Pandora vigorously rifling around in her purse for something.

It turned out to be a Wisconsin driving license, which struck Katie as strange because she knew Pandora was a Minnesota native. And it said her name was Wendy Wesker. Okay, a fake then. Katie turned, blanching.

"Jesus Christ, we're drinking with girls who are underage," Katie muttered in an undertone to Jen, who just gave Katie a blank stare.

"You're not in your coffin yet, grandma," Jen replied. "You can always run off to your knitting after a drink or two."

But that's the trouble with alcohol. Drinks beget more drinks as your judgment becomes impaired. Before they knew it Jen had convinced them all to have not one, but two rounds of shots, of _whisky_ no less, like Katie were at Christmas with great uncle Angus and not in a reasonably decent bar in America. Then it was downhill from there, with the girls consuming a variety of mixed drinks and pints with Jen. Katie, sensing her services would be needed, switched to water.

The others were all pissed and giggling like idiots when they stumbled out of the bar at midnight. Jen and two of the girls wisely decided they'd had enough and flagged a taxi. Pandora, however, somehow convinced Katie and the other undergrads to stay with her. They wandered together down the street until Pandora insisted they join the queue for a dingy looking club, the music vibrating the concrete until Katie could feel it in her teeth. Their approach to the entrance was a slow one, but eventually the four of them entered after Katie paid their cover. Inside was a dark cavern of people everywhere, lights and lasers flashing overhead.

"This is the club where Effy works," Pandora shouted as they slipped through the double doors. "We can visit her!"

"Effy _works_ here?" said Katie.

The pulsating bass drowned out whatever Panda was trying to say in response. Katie tried to hang onto her hand, but a moment later they were separated by the ebb and flow of the bodies in the crowd. Katie was brought back to her days in Uni when they would all snort dodgy drugs and dance until the clubs closed. It felt like a lifetime ago even though it had only been less than five years. As it was, she was too sober; she felt sweaty and claustrophobic with the crush of strangers surging around her so she thrust her way through until she could find a seat at the bar. Whatever happened, she wouldn't leave Panda alone there with two other drunk girls to watch out for her.

After a considerable time gesturing and screaming she managed to convey to the bartender that she wanted a vodka soda, and she sat sipping it while she scanned the crowd for evidence of Pandora. She checked her mobile. Two texts from Jen, one from Emily via Naomi, one from her mum of all people, and a plethora of unanswered work emails that needed to be addressed. Jesus she was getting old, thinking about experiments rather than slipping some molly and grinding with some attractive bloke. She looked again for Pandora, eager to be away.

Instead, amazingly, she found Effy. Looking stupidly fucking fit, dark eyes and rumpled hair and a barely there purple top, apparently in the middle of some kind of vehement disagreement with a young man in a polo. Repeatedly, he attempted to grab her arm and turn her, but Effy slithered her way deeper onto the dance floor, evading him. When he latched onto her wrist, she spun angrily to face him, and out of nowhere a tall fellow with a mop of dark hair aggressively blocked his path. They exchanged several rough shoves and looked seconds from outright blows, but two huge bouncers carrying Maglites separated them.

In all the confusion, the torches distracted Katie and Effy vanished. Jesus Christ, could the girl go nowhere without causing some kind of minor disaster? Katie searched vainly for anyone she recognized, her height doing her no favours. Just when she was about to give in, one of the other undergrads, Alice, swerved up to Katie and tugged anxiously on her sleeve. She tried to say something over the noise, but all Katie was really able to comprehend was that it had to do with Pandora.

Next she knew she was being dragged into a single gender loo like she was about to have a clandestine fucking rendezvous for a shag. The cubicles had once been painted green but now they were covered in graffiti. Not a single one had a door and everything was disgustingly and suspiciously wet. Crumpled in the corner, lay Pandora, her eyes rolled so far back in her head all that was visible were the whites. Katie immediately dropped to her knees beside her, heedless of the fact her tights were soaking up some unidentifiable substance.

"What the fuck did she take?" Katie asked in a commanding voice.

"I don't know," Alice said, sounding terrified.

"Pandora. Pandora!"

Panda grunted and shifted, eyes flickering briefly into focus, and then she was out again, writhing slightly under Katie's grip. A slow steady torrent of curse words left Katie's lips as she shook her head and took a deep breath. She'd seen a lot of fucked up people in her clubbing days, but whatever Panda had taken it looked like she was in for a long night. Katie manoeuvred herself beneath Panda's arm and tried to help her up, but she was almost entirely dead weight. Undeterred, Katie pushed with all her strength because whatever else happened, Panda could not be left on this bathroom floor. They needed to get her out of there.

"Alice, fucking help me," Katie growled, but the other undergrad was completely useless, sobbing nearby in the dark.

Suddenly, Katie managed to scramble to her feet and there on the other side of Pandora was Effy Stonem. Her pupils were fucking blown and hardly any blue showed around the devouring black, and yet she was lifting and pulling as steadily as Katie. As munted as Effy obviously was, they didn't need to discuss that they had a common goal: getting Pandora out of the club. Together they half-carried Panda out of the lavatory, pausing only momentarily when Effy jerked her head in the direction of an emergency exit. They pushed out into the soothing cold, lowering Panda onto the edge of a large pot plant.

Scrutinizing Pandora, Katie could see the reassuring cadence of her breath clouding beneath the lamp light, and when Katie pinched her collarbone, she roused, sitting up straighter; all good signs until she promptly turned and vomited magnificently all over the pavement. Katie just rubbed her back, back to swearing fluidly in a sedate monotone, waiting for the nausea to abate. The vomiting would help with the alcohol, but Katie wasn't sure what to expect from the drugs.

"I don't feel good," Pandora mumbled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Yeah, I see that, babes," said Katie. "What'd you take? Pill or powder?"

"I want to go home."

"I know you do. Effy, do you know where she lives?"

But Effy wasn't paying her any mind. When Katie looked up her, she found Effy with her head tipped back, jaw slack. She swayed ominously where she stood, a livid bruise darkening on her upper arm. Finally, she ran her unsteady fingers through her own hair and down her neck as her eyes trailed over Pandora, unfocused and expressionless. She turned abruptly, stalking down the street to the entrance of the club. Effy was fucking leaving them.

"What the fuck, Effy?" Katie yelled after her.

Effy never turned back, and she quickly disappeared into the throng of people. Katie was alone with a barely functioning Pandora. What the hell was she supposed to do? She couldn't lift Panda by herself and the undergrad was in absolutely no state to try to move under her own power. Hospital was fucking near out of the question because Pandora was underage and under the influence of something probably shockingly illegal. Besides, she was breathing steadily, her heart rate was fast but not alarming, and she responded to pain stimuli. She just needed to come down. So Katie did the only thing she could conscience doing: Katie took her back to her own flat.

She hailed a taxi from Hennepin and with some assistance from the cabbie, they stuffed Panda's inert form into the back seat. The girl curled up into a little ball, tears ruining her mascara as she started to shake and cry. Katie shrugged helplessly at the concerned glance she got from the driver in the rear-view mirror. Trying to comfort her, Katie touched her shoulder but Panda cringed, tucking her knees beneath her chin and wept harder.

"It's okay, Panda," Katie soothed.

"I'm scared."

"I know."

"Are you going to leave me?"

"Not even if you fucking wanted me to, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Her uncoordinated hand fumbled on the seat between them for a moment, before gripping Katie's hard. By the time they arrived in North Loop, Panda had fallen mostly unconscious again and had to be dragged bodily onto the kerb by Katie who left her lying there briefly while she carelessly tossed too much cash at the cab driver. Reviving Pandora by the simple expedient of a quick slap in the face, Katie got her standing again. But fuck was she miserably sick, tossing in the gutter outside Katie's building and again in a bin in the lobby while they waited for the lift. Fortunately, Katie was just intoxicated enough to observe all the vomiting with an air of cool detachment. Panda leaned pathetically into Katie's side, ploughing face first into the back stainless steel wall of the lift when the doors slid open. Katie gently stroked her hair back from her forehead.

"How are you Pandora?" she asked.

"I feel jostled," Panda mumbled, earning a grudging smile from Katie.

"At least you feel something."

She groaned again, her cheek against the cold metal. Katie propped Panda up on the trek from the lift to her front door, settling Panda on the sofa as soon as they were inside. The girl immediately folded into the foetal position, still crying softly at intervals. Jesus, this was not the Friday night she expected. Tucking a blanket around Panda's shoulders, Katie brought her a bucket in the event something, anything still remained in the girl's stomach and wanted to make a bid for freedom. Then she put the kettle on like she could offer the boiled water to Pandora as some sort of deficient consolation prize. "Sorry you got some bad drugs, would you like a brew?"

Yet when the kettle blew she didn't do anything at all with it. She still sat arranged in an armchair watching Pandora while she fell asleep; and in the kitchen the hot water steamed and cooled. Pandora, however improbably, had become her friend, and she burned with confusion and indignation on Panda's behalf. Effy seemed close to Pandora, and she abandoned the pair of them. That wasn't the kind of thing you did to a friend you found inches from being passed out on the wet tile of a club toilet.

The rational part of Katie's mind disregarded the details that Effy had been high as a kite, much too high for appropriate decision making. She had helped carry Pandora from the loo, and had left her with the much more sober Katie. But all Katie could see at the moment was the tear-streaked girl sleeping on her sofa, the girl whose friend fucked off when Panda needed her. Katie sat with her while the sky transitioned from the yellowish hue of light pollution to the gray of coming dawn. Only then did she creep into her bed and fall asleep herself.


	4. Chapter 3: Interferon

**Chapter 3**

**Interferon: **One of the substances produced by immune cells to signal infection. Particularly important for fighting off viruses.

About an hour later, Katie jerked awake to the sound of low moaning. She flinched against the early sunlight pouring through the window, amplified by its reflection off the glass in the building opposite. She scowled, trying to find the source of the pitiful noises. Stumbling blindly into her lounge, she managed to open one eye enough to make out Pandora, sitting in a sad state on the sofa. She was doubled over with her forehead flat to the mahogany coffee table, arms trailing limply on the rug like she was a full sized doll someone had planted there as a joke. Well, she didn't look happy, but at least she looked like she'd live. Moving into the kitchen, Katie got a glass of water from the tap. She set the glass beside Panda's right ear, making her recoil slightly from the click.

"Drink this," Katie said, pushing at Pandora.

"Nooo."

"It's just water you sodding pansy."

Pandora's hand flopped onto the table, and Katie guided the glass into her palm lest she knock it over groping for it. Together the water and the appendage slithered off the mahogany with only a minor spill. Levering herself up with the opposite arm, Pandora straightened just enough bring the rim of the glass to her lips, then realizing how thirsty she was, she drank greedily.

"How about a shower and some breakfast, babes?" Katie said. "You seriously do not smell fucking pleasant."

Panda managed to sort of grunt in assent, slowly getting off the sofa with Katie's help. Steering the girl like a very hungover ship, Katie took her into the bathroom and left her there with a clean towel. While she bathed, Katie set about putting together some toast and coffee for her impromptu houseguest. When Panda emerged again, she looked at least somewhat more human. She climbed up on the high stool beside Katie's granite top bench and stared hollowly at the dry toast Katie gave her.

"Are you feeling any better?" Katie asked.

"Yeah. Thanks for…looking after me. I don't really remember a lot of what happened."

"You'll just owe me later, yeah? We all have bad nights."

Panda gave her a small smile, letting her know she understood Katie didn't mean it. They lapsed back into silence, Katie satisfied that Pandora had avoided any lasting damage, but the question hung over them, unanswered. She decided not to pull any punches, leaning back against the sink with her arms crossed.

"What the fuck did you take last night?" Katie said. "Because it was fucking stupid."

"I don't know," Pandora replied. "Some kind of powder."

"Who sold it to you?"

"Effy."

"What the fuck? She's supposed to be your friend, yeah?"

"She's my best friend. She always takes care of me."

"She gave you a load of bad drugs and fucking _left_ you in a heap on the floor of the toilets last night. You could have ended up in hospital or worse."

"You don't understand. It was an accident. Tony—" She stopped suddenly, biting her lip and staring at her plate. Whatever she'd been about to say was serious because Pandora Moon was not known for her ability to keep shtum on fucking anything.

"No, I don't understand. This whole thing feels fucked to me."

Panda slipped down from the stool, shaking her head. "Katie, I'm sorry you were stuck looking after me. I'm really thankful you did, but I need to go now."

"Whatever, it's none of my business, yeah? Do you need a lift home?"

"No, I'll take care of it."

But the problem was that Effy had made it her business. Effy involved her the second she left Panda alone on that plant pot, perhaps even before that, the second she gave Panda those drugs. It made Katie angry and she knew before long she'd be having words with Effy fucking Stonem.

+o+o

The daily high dropped below freezing the following Monday, which in Katie's opinion, shouldn't have been allowed to happen any place inhabited by humans in fucking _October_. Jen just started laughing as Katie whinged about it at great length after appearing that morning wearing several layers of mismatched clothing, the shame of which Katie swore she'd never recover from. Katie had no idea she was in for a long and gruelling winter, the worst in twenty years. She complained even louder when she saw one of the undergrads later in the day with a light jumper on like he thought it was a bit brisk and not the sodding Arctic tundra.

Katie pitied all the commuters she saw standing at the bus stops, freezing to death. No one in Minnesota seemed to appreciate her plight, so she Skyped Emily. Her sister's royal blue top was about all she could see clearly in the frame, although a shimmer of platinum blonde in the background let her know Naomi was lounging nearby.

"It's fucking colder than a witch's tit in this city," Katie moaned.

"What's the temperature?" Emily asked in a disinterested voice.

"Zero."

"Celsius or Fahrenheit?" Naomi chipped in faintly.

"Celsius. I'm a scientist not a heathen."

"Because imperial units are synonymous with barbarism."

"Obviously."

"Obviously," Emily rejoined sardonically. "How are you feeling?

Katie paused, and she could see the twist of her own scowl in the tiny picture of herself in the corner of her screen. "There's this fucking undergrad."

"Robbing the cradle, Katiekins?" Naomi said, popping into the frame over Emily's shoulder. Naomi's arms snaked around Emily's waist as she kissed the little redhead on the cheek. Katie scoffed in mock disgust.

"This _is_ video chat, you know, lezzers."

"You're just deflecting now."

"The undergrad is a study subject and a fucking girl."

"Sounds complicated."

"Oh, fuck you both. She's just fucking weird, yeah?"

"Weird like, JJ weird or like, homicidal maniac weird?"

"Like never fucking says anything. Ever. And she's so fucking smug all the time. Self-serving and reckless."

"So let me get this straight—"

"I want to see this."

Naomi fake smiled at the camera, lifting one finger in a rude gesture. "You've never carried on a real conversation with this girl, but she's smug and you hate her? This story sounds strangely familiar."

"Piss off. You know I was only trying to make sure Emily didn't get hurt."

"Yeah, somewhere during our third year of open hostilities."

"I'm surrounded by children," Emily interrupted. "So your mystery student is quiet. So what?"

"Maybe she just can't get a word in edgewise with you around." Naomi chuckled, kissing Emily again. "Is she shy?"

Katie knew Effy was nothing remotely resembling shy. The whole story about Pandora was readied, caught somewhere in her throat, but for some reason, she didn't want to tell them. It felt raw, like a graze that hadn't scabbed yet. So she let Emily change the subject entirely.

+o+o

The showdown came unexpectedly. In a cold room joined to the hospital diagnostic clinic on the third floor of the Cancer Centre building. She'd been sent on a fool's errand to collect some blood samples that the nurses had already dispatched the girls to find. The cold room was an old one, crusted with decades of spilled buffers and fitted with an archaic temperature monitoring system that actually recorded the temperature on a disc of paper. They met in the doorway like a Laurel and Hardy routine; Katie trying to go in, the girls trying to come out. From the moment Katie's eyes met Effy's, they could well have been gunslingers at high noon for the tension that crackled through the 4*C air. The undergrad smirked, her head rocking back so that she looked down her nose at Katie, evidently waiting for the storm to break. Katie caught her shoulder, pushing her further back between the shelves.

"Panda, could you go outside please?" Katie said without turning to look.

"No, leave her alone," Panda objected fretfully.

Effy nodded almost imperceptibly to Pandora, and reluctantly, she backed out, the door shutting with a metallic clink and a pneumatic hiss, leaving them almost in the dark. The refrigeration unit hummed above them, the chill seeping through Katie's clothes until she trembled.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are," Katie said with deadly calm, "but what you did to Pandora was fucking wrong. I don't care how munted you were Friday, you gave her that shit and left her. You could have gotten her killed. She can make her own decisions, but you're supposed to be her friend and you broke her trust. Fucking fix it."

Katie glared defiantly up at the taller Effy, whose expression was so cool it might have frozen salt water, brutally insouciant and unconcerned. She brushed past Katie, jarring her with the bony point of her elbow before disappearing into the corridor. Pandora's stricken face in the bright hallway struck her like a blow.

"You don't know what you're doing!" she cried, eyes filling with tears before she took off at a sprint after Effy.

Jesus fucking Christ, why did helping people have to be so draining and difficult? She suddenly wished she hadn't bothered at all.

+o+o

Pandora brought her a muffin the following morning like some kind of baked peace offering. They stood in the dim hallway, since no food or drink was allowed into the lab space. Eating in proximity to formaldehyde? Slow internal preservation was definitely not the way Katie wanted to meet her demise. Several feet separated them as they leaned against the scuffed wall on opposite sides of a door, the frame symbolic in its partitioning of their physical space. Katie just held the muffin on the flat of her hand, not knowing how to tell Panda that chocolate muffins were actually cupcakes masquerading as muffins, because she'd already been too free with her opinions of late. Instead she smiled stiffly, until Pandora coughed and they both looked away.

"It's chocolate," Pandora announced unnecessarily, like it could have possibly been anything fucking else.

Katie raised her eyebrows. When nothing else was forthcoming she said, "Is there some weird American holiday I've missed?"

"Columbus Day was last week." Pandora looked confused.

"Do people exchange bakery items on Columbus Day?"

"No. Why?"

Smiling at the absurdity of it, Katie closed her eyes briefly. "Babes, then why the fuck have you given me a muffin?"

"Oh. No reason."

"Right, thanks. That's well sweet of you."

Fidgeting apprehensively, Pandora bounced where she stood. "Do you not like muffins? I could have brought you mac and cheese. My mom calls it mac and cheesus because it's so good it's a holy miracle."

It took all of Katie's willpower for her not to wince at the horrible pun, nevermind the bizarre blaspheming. "No, the muffin is lovely. I just thought I'd lost the plot for a moment."

"Was there supposed to be a plot?"

"For fuck's sake," Katie said without heat. "I assume you didn't come down here just for this."

"No." Panda took a deep breath. "It's nice having you as a friend. I like it."

Well, things were taking a strange turning. "I like being friends with you, too."

"But Effy's my friend, too. Okay?"

She couldn't pretend to understand the complexities of Panda's relationship with Effy, and now she felt like she just needed to divorce herself from the situation.

Katie sighed, settling for something neutral. "Yeah, you said."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Satisfied, Pandora nodded and smiled as though their discussion had smoothed the whole business over and Katie would skip hand and hand with Effy through fields of wild flowers. She left Katie standing alone in the poorly lit basement hallway, staring at her own reflection in the dark window of an empty office. When Jen popped out of the lab five minutes later, she found Katie lingering there, the muffin clutched in her right hand like she was going to shot put it into the utility closet.

"Fitch, what the fuck are you doing with that muffin?" Jen asked tentatively.

"It's a cupcake," Katie replied, not thinking. "Pandora gave it me."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"It's a muffin not a sculpture, Jesus, Katie." She snatched it out of Katie's grasp and stuffed part of it in her mouth. "Ohh, 'hat's a 'ood muffin."

She fucked off still chewing.

+o+o

Two days later Katie got an email. It was just two words.

Effy Stonem (umn,edu)  
To: Katherine Fitch (umn,edu)  
(No Subject)

you're right.

Two words that suggested admitting Katie was right could absolve Effy of all manner of sins, but of course, it didn't. In fact it just riled Katie up more, and she fumed silently until she thought hard about how much of a concession writing _anything_ to Katie must have been for Effy. Effy who didn't say anything to anyone, and slowly the words began to strike her less as slapping a plaster on a gunshot wound and more as an olive branch, at once grateful and apologetic. As much ground as Effy could give, an inch to defuse the powder keg. Katie didn't know why, but the tiny sacrifice required by that admission felt like a step in the right direction.

+o+o

The last week in October just after the last of the autumn leaves had dropped from the trees, it snowed for the first time since Katie had moved to Minnesota. The awful traffic on the interstate made Katie late, and by the time she arrived to work the parking ramp she usually used was full. Instead, she had to leave her car on the other side of campus, necessitating a ten-minute walk down snowy footpaths. The only problem was that it had rained a bit before freezing, and hidden slick spots of ice hid beneath the newly fallen snow like insidious booby traps intent on making pedestrians become intimately acquainted with the pavement.

The snow fell in big, wet flakes, covering everything in a white layer that shimmered so brightly it almost didn't look real, muffling the sounds of the busy street. She was able to make it the first block by walking in the shelter of the big new dormitory that had been constructed on 17th Avenue. It was all red brick accented by sandstone and huge panes of greenish tempered glass. Katie waited in a huge gaggle of undergrads sipping at a coffee when several things happened all at once. The light changed, and together she and the students began to cross; her mobile rang, and she reached with her free hand into her bag; someone she knew passed, and Katie's head swivelled to follow, a flash of blue hidden by the cloud of cigarette smoke exhaled over the shoulder.

Then Katie slipped; full out arse over tip, landing hard on her left arm as the air was slammed from her lungs. For what felt like forever, she sprawled supine and gasping, embarrassed beyond all reckoning as several spectators stopped to stare. God forbid they fucking help her, as they watched with shocked faces. As she struggled into a sitting position, a person in a plaid flannel suddenly knelt between her legs, lit cigarette dangling from long fingers. A pair of searching blue eyes examined her for damage. Fucking hell. Naturally Effy would be the one to find her in this awful situation. To her credit the girl's expression remained completely neutral, like she was always finding work colleagues lying about in the middle of busy streets. Extinguishing her fag in Katie's spilled coffee, Effy straightened up and offered her hand.

For a few seconds, Effy stood over her, reaching down to where she sat injured on the snowy asphalt. Effy's palm flattened as she spread her fingers and, finally, Katie took her hand. With a little tug, Effy pulled her to her feet. Her touch was unexpectedly gentle as she steadied the grad student, especially when her face simultaneously hardened into a look of "fucking try me" at the traffic inching forward across the crosswalk. The girls shuffled together onto a corner in the distorted shadow of a naked oak. Sneering, Effy held up her middle finger to a car that honked as it passed, before looking down at Katie. The petite Fitch cradled her left arm against her body, her lips trembling like she might cry.

"I think it's—shit," Katie hissed as she tried to flex the joint. "Cunting fucking Christ."

It didn't exactly hurt, but something felt far wrong. A hot tear fell onto Katie's cheek, and she batted it away angrily. Effy touched Katie's elbow, lifting her eyebrows slightly.

"I don't know," Katie said as she looked at her arm again.

Ducking down, Effy cocked her head as their eyes locked.

"Look, thanks," Katie said so irritably she might as well have said fuck you. "I'm fine. So you can go, yeah?"

Effy rolled her eyes spectacularly before turning in the direction of the University hospital. She waited for a beat, then beckoned for Katie to follow.

"I fucking told you I'm fine," Katie protested, but the endorphins numbing her arm were already wearing off.

Effy must have known it too because she gently pulled Katie along the footpath until the pain began to get the better of her and she submitted to being led with a little scoff. The grip on Katie's good upper arm was firm, the girl's tread sure on the slick brickwork where Katie's was uncertain and Effy kept her upright as they hazarded the ice together. They travelled three entire blocks without even looking at each other. Only when they paused at an intersection and did Katie glance up at Effy. Her dark hair had been mussed by the wind and flecked with snow, and she was all the more wild for her open black leather jacket, which couldn't have done much to protect her from the weather. Still, Effy's hand felt warm even through Katie's layers, and she fought the urge to twist free when the contrast in temperature made her shiver.

She looked like she was being frog marched to the ER wading through the slushy snow, especially when Effy didn't release her until they were stood in front of the reception desk. The nurse behind the counter looked distinctly uninterested in Katie's pain and took several moments to even acknowledge them.

"I had a bit of a fall," Katie told the woman.

Katie's uncharacteristic meekness in the wake of the accident evaporated the second the irascible nurse opened her mouth.

"You'll need to fill out these forms and wait your turn, ma'am."

"My right arm is still in working order, yeah?" Katie growled forebodingly as she snatched up the clipboard of papers.

Effy rolled her eyes again before pulling her away to a bank of open chairs in the waiting room. Hospitals and research labs often find themselves situated nearby in academic arenas, but the smell and atmosphere are miles apart. Katie completed her forms, cursing in an undertone every five or so seconds. They required a dozen lines of information about her current insurance provider and how else the hospital might exact its pound of flesh if the insurance should leave her high and dry. Complain as she might about the NHS, she'd quickly discovered discussing nationalized health care with Americans was a great way to turn pleasant social gatherings into savage blood baths. They waited silently for a few minutes, sitting side by side; Katie staring at the wet linoleum and Effy staring at the ceiling.

"Why don't you ever fucking say anything?" Katie said belligerently.

Effy didn't respond to that, restlessly crossing her legs and brushing the droplets of melted snow from her clothes and hair. Katie hit her on the shoulder, and Effy slowly dragged her gaze to her face. She almost said something else, when Effy cast her a knowing smirk, and Katie's jaw shut with a pointed click. Effy's eyes were still trained on her a full minute later and once again she folded under the pressure of their insistence.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Katie tried to snap. She'd meant for the words to be sharp, but they came out so soft she wished she'd taken a page from Effy's book and hadn't said anything at all.

Effy shrugged. It was all so fucking _nice_ Katie hated her a little more.

+o+o

In the event, Effy apparently did have somewhere to be because Pandora traded places with Effy after about half an hour of sitting shoulder to shoulder with Katie like strangers on a bus. By that time, Katie's arm was proper aching. Effy must have texted Panda or something because she was looking for the pair of them when she arrived. Effy languidly stood up and stretched, before meeting Panda a short distance away. Her back was mostly to Katie, but she was so skinny Katie could see the occasional movement of her hands as she stood there with Panda. Then Effy left without even a wave to Katie. She just trailed through the ER and down into a stairwell.

"Uff da," Pandora said, claiming Effy's vacant seat. "Eff had to go to class. I'm sorry about your arm. Has anyone seen you yet?"

Katie shook her head and said, "No, I've been waiting for fucking ever."

"Yeah, Eff said it was stupid nobody has taken a look at you yet because there's nobody here."

The stress and pain were getting to Katie and she started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Panda asked.

"Just the thought of Effy saying something. Like out loud."

Pandora looked at her strangely. "Effy doesn't talk out loud."

"What? You're joking, right? She doesn't even speak to you?"

"She can't—well, she _can_ but she doesn't li—I mean, she just doesn't. She used to, but she hasn't talked to anyone but Tony in years. So she signs but since I'm the only one who understands in the clinic mostly she uses the iPad. It's hard for her to carry on a conversation in a group like when we have meetings. Plus you broke it, the iPad I mean. Not that she's like all super chatty—and I—"

Katie raised her good hand and laid it on Pandora's knee to stop her babbling. "Pandora. What the actual fuck are you on about? And for the record, she ran into _me_ when her sodding iPad cracked."

"I bet if you learned to sign she'd talk to you. It worked for me in fourth grade."

"To sign? To sign what?"

Pandora sat up a little straighter, her forehead crinkling in confusion. "Sign language."

_Jesus_. Katie's mouth fell open, before she closed her eyes with a grimace, sucking in a deep shaky breath. How fucking stupid could she be? A hundred moments when she should have know washed over her. She gripped her own elbow a little tighter, supporting her broken arm.

Effy fucking Stonem was deaf.

"I'm such a dozy bitch," Katie whispered.

"What? Why?"

"She's deaf. I had no idea."

"Oh." Panda blinked. "Holy buckets."


	5. Chapter 4: Adjuvant

**Chapter 4**

**Adjuvant: **Something added to a vaccine to make it more effective

"Why didn't someone tell me she was deaf?" Katie demanded, swinging Jen around in her swivel chair.

Jen was frozen in a comical pantomime of cutting tissue sections, body still hunched over and hands at shoulder level. She looked up at Katie with an aggrieved scowl, before settling back against the cryostat and crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry, good morning to you, too," Jen said, before adding with professional interest, "Jesus, what happened to your arm?"

"Forget my fucking arm. Effy. Why did no one tell me she was deaf?"

"I thought you knew."

"I didn't even know _who _she was. Jesus Christ, I've been mucking about thinking she was some kind of elective mute."

Katie hadn't much time to grill Pandora the previous day because there was that minor detail that she _had _broken her arm, which required a few hours worth of x-rays, setting, plastering and pain killers. What Katie had been able to extract from Panda was that Effy lived up to Jen's pronouncement of "pretty normal" although that particular phrasing made her cringe for a dozen reasons, not least of which was its lack of propriety. Her intelligence was therefore brief and scattered, lacking important snippets of data due to Pandora's tendency to become distracted by tangents.

- Effy hardly communicated with anyone, ever, in any context outside of tasks directly related to school or work. Katie was specifically instructed not to take this personally; that was just Effy.

- Panda first met her when they were both in third grade, whatever that meant, because Katie was still rather unclear on the nuances of the American educational system. This also confused her because Effy was currently two years behind Pandora.

- She was a quite proficient speechreader, but it was a far from perfect system. How much she understood exactly, Panda couldn't tell; maybe as little as a few key words a sentence, maybe more. She would interpret for Effy on occasion, but generally was not fast enough to do it in real time.

"Seriously though," said Jen. "What happened to your arm? Fosh?"

"What the fuck is a fosh?"

"Fall on outstretched hand."

"You physicians and your bloody chart acronyms."

"Says the immunologist. As if that's not a discipline that needs to come with a reference book. Did you fall?"

"In the middle of traffic. Broke my radius, cast for five weeks."

"God, Katie you should have called me."

"Effy saw me fall and took me to hospital." Katie leaned back against the bench at Jen's raised eyebrows. "I _know_. It was incredibly fucking nice. But she still could have just told me so I wasn't…"

"I still don't know how you didn't figure it out. She signs to Pandora all the time."

"I never saw. I thought she was just being…_Effy_. I feel like a bloody idiot."

"Well, that explains a lot." Jen sighed, looking again at Katie's arm. "Am I going to have to open everything for you now?"

Katie flipped her off.

+o+o

It took a few days, but Katie next saw Effy when the girl brought a handful of samples from the clinic with Pandora. Katie looked up at her as she passed, and although their eyes met, Effy didn't stop or acknowledge her at all as Pandora said hello. Katie thought that a little harsh even though she was under no illusion that things were suddenly copacetic between them. She went to the end of her bench and waited there purposefully for the girls to come back. Effy paused midstep for a second in her approach, but then closed the rest of the distance. Panda already was in full flow but Katie wasn't paying attention; all she could see was Effy as she cut her eyes toward Katie's cast.

"Just a fracture," Katie said at once, cutting Panda short. "Five weeks."

Effy looked completely uninterested but quickly signed something to Pandora.

"She says that sucks," Pandora translated, "and…it took you long enough to figure it out."

Effy smirked, shrugging like she didn't care one way or the other. Katie felt the old rush of annoyance mixing with the rest of the assorted mess that comprised her emotions on the topic of Effy, and not for the first time she wished the girl had just _told_ her. Swallowing and wetting her lips, Katie tried to think of something more to say. She still wanted to thank Effy, without regard to her reservations, but then with a little tilt of her head Effy backed slowly away and left the lab. Okay, evidently their uncertainty was mutual, though it was hard to actively dislike someone who, without hesitation, picked you up from the middle of the street and took you to hospital.

Panda held up a Sharpie. "Can I sign your cast?" she asked.

Katie nodded, and let her be the first. That night as she was getting ready for bed, it came to her, what she could do to say a reluctant thank you to Effy, even though, frankly, Effy fucking owed her in the first place. But being one up on her, Katie mused, couldn't hurt.

+o+o

She went to the clinic the following afternoon, feeling a bit of a fool carrying a wrapped gift under her good arm like she was a primary school student going to someone's sodding birthday party. And poorly wrapped at that, because you try making the paper stay while you cellotape with one arm in a sling. Some would think the gift a downright extravagant thing to give a person you weren't even sure you liked very much, but Jesus, Fitch Pharma threw the damn things at the research staff like they grew on trees and she had two more, not counting the one on her person, unopened and unused back in her flat. Surreptitiously sliding into the clinic, she popped into an unoccupied exam room nearly frightening the life out of Pandora who was wiping down a table with her back turned.

"Katie, you scared the pants off me," Pandora said hand over her heart.

Privately, Katie rather hoped she meant trousers, because startling the knickers off her seemed awkward at best.

"Had to be sneaky, didn't I?" Katie said.

She glanced around before shoving her burden into Pandora's arms. The undergrad looked at the box with raised eyebrows.

"Is this for me?" Pandora asked, nonplussed.

"Sort of," Katie hedged. "It's for Effy, but she's not to know it's from me."

This interesting new piece of information only seemed to confuse Panda more because she glanced between Katie and the box with a sceptical frown.

"I thought you didn't…" Pandora began.

"I know she and I don't exactly get on," Katie interrupted briskly. "It doesn't matter. She'll get more use out of that than I will."

"She doesn't need you to feel sorry for her."

"I'm not—that's not why—"

"People are weird when they find out sometimes." Pandora grinned cheerfully. "My aunt Charlotte gave her a new book every time she visited until we were seventeen because she made Eff cry once when we were kids. Eff burned them all, even the spendy ones."

In response to Katie's stunned expression, she tacked on, "Oh, Eff used to burn things all the time," like that was supposed to reassure Katie that pyromania was not an abnormal behaviour _ever_ much less during Effy's formative years.

The statement gave her pause. "Am I being weird?"

"She's just a person. Is this because she helped you?"

Katie hesitated and then nodded. "Even though I was a proper bitch."

"Eff's her own kettle of fish. A broody kettle of fish."

"That's an understatement," Katie muttered.

Lifting the box slightly, Panda frowned. "Where do I tell her the present came from?"

"I don't know, make up something." She stopped suddenly, eyes wide. "Shit. She's not going to burn it is she?"

"Ever since she that accident with the canoe she hasn't really liked fire much."

"How do you set a canoe on fire?!"

"It was birch bark."

A bit perplexed by that explanation, Katie turned to leave, but Pandora called her back before looking away slowly.

"She was sorry, you know," said Pandora, forehead creasing. "Even before you yelled at her in the cold room. She was the one who sent Alice to find you."

Katie didn't know what to say to that, so she went with the old fallback of nonchalance. "Whatever."

"Thanks, for not telling anyone what happened."

"Poor form, I think, to run in on Monday and tell Jen, yeah?"

Panda gave her a strained smile. As Katie walked out of the clinic she swore at herself. She'd told Pandora Moon to come up with a lie that would fool her clever childhood friend. Somehow, she had the sneaking suspicion Effy would know before Panda even gave her the box.

+o+o

"I thought we agreed you were banned from coffee consumption," Jen said as they walked together toward the coffee shop in the basement of the dental school.

"Only when Effy bloody Stonem is around," Katie complained. "Oh, I forgot to say I spilled a third time when I broke my arm. So I'm three for three."

"Jesus. She's like the coffee anti-fairy."

Katie clicked loudly along the tunnel, her arm up in a black sling. They rounded the corner into the atrium where a spread of tables and high tops were surrounded by a blend of exhausted looking undergrads not long out of midterms and improbably pretty dental students who might have been coming from a promotional photo shoot.

"What is it with the dentists?" Jen said wonderingly as they joined the massive queue. "I never looked that good in med school. I looked like they just rolled a hobo out of the on call room and put them in scrubs."

"Apparently it's so challenging it offers lots of time for showers and haircuts."

"God, are they growing the beans out back? What is taking so long?"

Jen craned her neck, trying to see what was going on at the front of the queue. She snorted in disgust when she saw the male barista flirting shamelessly with two girls. Meanwhile, Katie couldn't help but smile nostalgically at the assorted undergrads. Two girls sprawled on a sagging sofa, asleep head to foot against one wall. An entire table was occupied by one guy with three textbooks and a stack of revision notes almost as tall as Katie. Some worked, others chatted, and the smell of the coffee and the feel of the energy just reminded her of Uni.

That was until she saw Effy, alone by a set of double doors staring intently at something in front of her. Just then the manager from one of the other labs burst out from the doors dragging a pallet of boxes. He waited a few seconds, unable to move forward because Effy was standing with her back to him, blocking the way. Katie could barely hear him clearing his throat, before he said "Excuse me" in a tone that made Katie want to excuse him with her fist. Of course, Effy couldn't hear him. She stayed leaning up against the wall, her apathetic stance making her look for all the world like she didn't fucking care if she was impeding progress or not.

Little did the man know, that was just Effy on any day ending in y, and Katie could see him rapidly reaching road rage proportions of senseless fury. Without a second thought, Katie left the queue to intervene but she was just a fraction too late. He actually shouted a couple of times before his hand shot out and he spun the girl roughly around by the shoulder.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he said aggressively. "Get out of the way!"

Effy's eyes widened in surprise at being confronted at a distance of two inches by the contorted countenance of the bastard, but almost immediately her mouth firmed into a not quite purse and Katie knew she didn't _need _defending. But the knowledge didn't stop her from filling up with a sudden intense desire to protect Effy. Yeah, because she felt a bit bloody guilty but also because fuck, there was no need for him to lay hands on her like that. She shoved the idiot back despite him being twice her size, and interposed herself like a flesh and bone wall.

"You better fucking turn around, you pathetic little fucksplash," Katie snarled into his face, "or I will fucking feed your bollocks to you on a silver plate."

A very soft, slender hand slipped into her own, and Katie felt herself slowly being drawn back. Her ears rang with bloodlust, the only focus of her tunnel vision the shocked expression of the lab manager as Jen patted him awkwardly and started to lead him away.

"How about we go back this way?" she told him.

Casting an incredulous look over her shoulder at Katie, Jen guided him in the opposite direction from the reaper incarnate who was made no less fierce by either the sling pinning her left arm or the girl effectively restraining her by holding her hand. Effy gently squeezed her fingers before releasing them altogether and Katie's gaze snapped up to her.

"Did he hurt you?" she asked anxiously.

Rolling her eyes, Effy shook her head.

"There was no call for him to fucking rough you up."

Ignoring that remark, Effy quickly reached into her satchel producing the new iPad, still in its box. She held it out, eyebrows raised. Katie didn't have to confirm or deny; Effy knew. She tried to give it back, but Katie refused, tapping the big, stylized Fitch Pharma sticker on the back, complete with its odd unzipped DNA helix logo.

"Fuck, just take it, yeah?" Katie tucked it into Effy's satchel. "Not like I had to work for it, either."

The corner of Effy's mouth quirked up in amusement, and it was the closest to smiling Katie had ever seen her. Curling both hands into claw shapes, Effy brought them up in front of her own face and drawing them apart in an arc with a smirk. Katie would have to ask Pandora later what that sign indicated. Effy tugged her mobile from the pocket of her trousers, swiping her fingertips over the screen until she could show Katie the message.

_is this where I say thanks?_

Katie scoffed. "You can stop fucking turning up every time I want a coffee for starters." Then she added hesitantly, "Can you understand me well enough like this?"

Effy shrugged, her focus shifting, and Katie followed her gaze back to where Jen walked toward them with her arms wide.

"Holy Hannah, Fitch," Jen said with a whistle as she rejoined them. "I thought you were going to jump on top of him and rip out his jugular. Plus I don't think he's heard someone say 'fuck' that many times in a row, ever."

Katie began to laugh, but when she looked back to Effy the girl was almost to the main exit up to the street. With astonishing swiftness for someone in four-inch heels, Katie ran to draw level with her, catching her by the wrist. Effy swung around looking vaguely exasperated.

"Hey, where are you going?" Katie said.

Effy held up her mobile. _class. later._

She walked backward a few steps, before adjusting her satchel and pushing through the glass doors to the outside. She climbed the triple wide stairs that led up to Washington Avenue, the dazzle of the daylight above casting her in silhouette. Maybe Katie'd had it right in the first place. Maybe Effy _was_ kind of weird.

+o+o

Katie thought November would be a little kinder since October hadn't been her best month between patents and ex-boyfriends and broken bones. If the first week was any indicator, however, she was wrong. It began with a spate of bad news, which became something of an all day affair, kicked off by the email she received at six o'clock in the morning. Katie rolled over in bed and by instinct reached for her mobile as she usually did. Most of the junk in her inbox she deleted without even reading it until she got to a message from Doug.

Douglas Evans (umn,edu)  
To: [Clinic Staff], [Lab Staff]  
Vaccine Funding

Sorry for the late notice, but would like to get everyone together this morning to discuss Vac Tech new holder of the EBV vaccine patent and funding. Katie and I to present at 1000 in clinic.

Doug

Katie's literal reaction was to hit "Reply" and type out _WTF Doug? _before she remembered she was writing an email to her _de facto _employer and probably should rein in her usage of the word fuck, in acronym form or otherwise. So instead she composed a slightly more diplomatic reply that ran along the lines of _Not aware I was presenting today, please advise_. Because she'd heard absolutely nothing new about the vaccine funding that everyone else didn't already know; so why the hell was he asking her to co-present like she was harbouring some kind of exciting secret? When she arrived to lab about nine, she immediately cornered Jen as she had yet to hear back from Doug.

"What's this about me presenting?" Katie said.

"Why are you asking me?" Jen replied.

"He seems to think I know something about the vaccine funding."

"Maybe it was a typo. Or an autocorrect."

Katie, not particularly relieved by either of those suggestions, sat fidgeting restlessly at her bench until Jen threatened to stop opening her bottles for her, summarily ejecting the agitated Fitch from the lab. She went to Doug's office, but he was naturally nowhere to be found. Over the next hour there was no clarification forthcoming so with a baffled shrug from Jen they went to clinic and sat down with the Alice, the only undergrad who apparently did not have a conflicting commitment that morning. Doug was the last person in, leaving Katie nervous and confused as he passed a packet of papers around the circle.

"Hello ladies and…" Doug stalled as he counted the faces around him and realized there weren't any gentleman aside from himself; his own fault really, since he did the hiring. "And ladies. As you know the patent to the EBV vaccine was acquired by a small start up by the name of Vac Tech."

"Sounds like they sell vacuum cleaners," Jen murmured in an undertone.

"...really want to work with us on testing the vaccine, so we are still the top site for the trial! Unfortunately, they lack the start up capital to help us fund the phase one trial."

"Why pay for it yourself when the tax payers will do it?" Jen added acidly.

"…is why Katie has some splendid news to share with you all."

"Wait, what?" said Katie, tuning back into what Doug was saying.

"Tell them the good news about the funding."

"What good news?"

Doug frowned. "That Fitch Pharmaceuticals is funding the trial."

"They're what?!" Katie's mouth fell open. "No…you're fucking having me on."

"I thought…"

"You're joking."

"Katie you…oh. You're serious then." Doug tittered awkwardly. "Um, Fitch is underwriting the phase one trial in collaboration with Vac Tech. They're sending a feasibility team next month."

That interfering bitch. A flash of white-hot rage seared through Katie's chest. It was a horrible conflict of interest; they all knew it. She said her next words in a carefully controlled tone, trying to not to descend into a storm of vehement swearing.

"How long have you been in talks with them?"

"Fitch Pharma contacted me last month," Doug admitted.

"Who was the liaison?"

"A solicitor…" If it was fucking Emily… "Walter Hendricks."

"Do you know what their schedule is?"

"They want to do a proper site visit in January."

Well, that answered most of her questions. Her mother must have chosen Wally because he did what he was told, and wouldn't argue or start making enquiries. But a month! A whole fucking month! Emily _must _have caught wind of the contract and hadn't tried to warn her at all. Unless Jenna had actively hidden the arrangement with Vac Tech from her, which would have been quite a feat as her twin was bloody sharp. So that left one more thing Katie needed to know.

"Who's the development team lead?" Katie demanded.

"Oh, you know him, I think," Doug said, his forehead furrowing. "Doctor Jonah Jones."

Katie took a deep steadying breath, trying not to be angry with JJ, because she knew who the villain in the situation was and it wasn't him.

"I thought you were aware," Doug muttered.

Katie said nothing, wondering if she'd break a tooth her jaw clenched so tightly. With a last flustered peek at Katie, he shuffled his papers in the manner of an agitated news anchor, and ploughed on.

"Since Fitch is working with us on this, they've made a few requests." He paused, cowed by Katie's death glare. "Which we can discuss in a few days during our regular meeting."

He visibly winced before saying in an uncertain voice, "So splendid news all around. The vaccine trial is happening!"

Katie shot out of her chair and bolted from the clinic. Her first instinct was to phone Emily, but she was probably about as guilty as JJ. If she had something to hide, then it was a crime of omission, as though either of them could have stopped Jenna. Katie took the lift up to the thirteenth floor. The Department of Surgery had a fancy sitting area and terrace because MDs got granite flooring and oak panelling while lowly postgrad immunologists got beige lino that hadn't been replaced in thirty years. The terrace was wet and still snowy, the tiny fir trees in the corners bent and woebegone beneath the weight of it. Shivering, she paced up and down the length of the terrace, resisting the urge to hurl her mobile into the car park below as it rang. Voicemail. She tried a different tack.

"Office of Jenna Fitch," a chipper voice sang out. "Michael speaking, how might I assist you?"

"Hi Mike, it's Katie," Katie answered.

"Katie, it's been ages. How have you been?"

"Fine, is my mum in?"

"No, afraid she just popped out for a meeting. Can I take a message for you?"

Katie cursed quietly. "Cheers, Mike, but no. I'll just try again later."

"Don't be a stranger, Katie!"

Her mobile clutched tightly in her hand, Katie made a last slow circuit along the terrace, gazing out into the greyness of the mist that hung over campus like a damp, suffocating blanket. The whole city just seemed to dissolve into the water vapour. The sudden funding from Fitch had to be Jenna's doing. The EBV vaccine was well under the radar of most large pharma firms, so if Fitch was involved Jenna must have angled for them to win Vac Tech's favour. It was a good deal for Vac Tech; Fitch had large purifying and adjuvanting centres, distribution channels, everything. Vac Tech would just need to supply the patent and the stocks for the starting material.

A new email from Doug waited in her inbox as her mobile buzzed in her grasp; he'd reneged on his promise. It outlined the extra testing Fitch Pharma requested and they had three main stipulations. They wanted EBV strain sequencing, samples from subject significant others to examine transmission, and a working neutralizing antibody assay. Preliminary data needed to be presented to Fitch representatives who would visit before Christmas, with a more complete set during the official site visit in January. She'd never have it all done in time; Jen had her own projects and Katie was just one person. Sequencing the EBV strains from the three thousand subjects they'd seen over the years alone would take a month of almost non-stop work.

She swallowed the growing lump in her throat, and sighed. What the hell was she going to do?


	6. Chapter 5: Capsid

**Chapter 5**

**Capsid: **The outer protein coat of a virus

It was after ten by the time Katie reached home that night, her mind still racing and her shoulder uncomfortably stiff after another day immobile in the sling. It wouldn't do to phone her hapless sister at four in the morning; not even Katie was quite that cruel. Instead, she sat awake, waiting, drinking tea and reading about the antibody assay she was supposed to be developing. She ultimately decided the best course of action was to consult JJ. Maybe they had something in the works that she could optimize for her own use. It was nearly three in Minneapolis when she felt Emily would probably be on her way to Fitch Pharma's London headquarters.

"Please tell me you didn't know," Katie said without giving Emily a chance to even say hello.

"What am I supposed to be denying knowledge of?" Emily said, as though accustomed to fielding such preposterous opening sentences from Katie.

"That Fitch Pharma is funding the compounding and phase one trial for the vaccine."

Emily exhaled slowly.

"You fucking knew?!"

"Katie—"

"No, Emily. This was fucking important to me. Do you know what you let her do? Does the phrase 'conflict of interest' mean any fucking thing to you, because she has well and truly sunk this for me, do you understand that?"

"Katie, I—"

"Even if I sold out my interest in the company no one is going to believe an efficacy study with my name on it, because _of course_ I'm going to fucking tell the scientific community the vaccine is great when my family stands to make a fuckton of money off it."

"Katie, you're being melodramatic."

"Then tell me how this isn't fucking up the whole project I moved to bloody _America_ to work on. Please."

"Will you shut up for ten seconds so I can explain, or did you phone just to hear yourself talk?"

Katie huffed bitchily squeezing in, "I did try to ring mum first."

"First of all, Fitch didn't instigate the sale of the vaccine," Emily continued when she was sure she wouldn't be interrupted again. "I don't know why Hex-Immune sold it in the first place. You know there was that Belgian toxicity study with mediocre results. Maybe Hex-I decided it wasn't financially solvent to try to develop it anymore so they off loaded the patent while they could still make a little money off it."

"You know that's not true. It had a good chance of being added to the early adolescence vaccination schedule, around the time they administer the HPV series."

"It doesn't matter _what_ Hex-I was thinking, they still dumped it and Vac Tech was the company that picked it up. It quickly became apparent to us that they didn't have the capital to actually do anything with it, so we offered to help get this going in exchange for part of the profits."

"And development just _happened_ to have a fucking interest in this low priority vaccine all on their own?"

"Mum probably pushed." There was something…shifty about Emily's enunciation of "probably."

"You told her."

"She was bloody interrogating me about if Naomi and I were thinking of getting fucking married, and not in a nice way. It just came out. Fuck, I'm sorry, Katie."

Katie sighed, her anger ebbing into guilt. "No, it's fine. I understand." And after watching Emily fight and suffer without her support, she really did. She owed Emily at least that much. "What happened?"

"Mum just being herself, as per. Dad sitting there clueless and mum suggesting I ought to get a proper relationship."

"Jesus. Well, Christmas isn't far off, yeah? You and Naomi can get pissed with James while she criticizes everything I've ever done. Just mention Steve or my project and that should give her a few hours of fodder."

Emily laughed. "God, and to think I used to be jealous of all the attention you got."

"You were the lucky one."

"Katie," Emily said more seriously, "I didn't know about it until the contract was already drafted. She intentionally didn't involve me."

"Why does mum have to meddle in everything I do?"

"I know you don't want to hear this, but this trial wouldn't be happening at all without the company."

"Am I supposed to feel comforted by this fuckery? This whole thing is shit."

"Scientists publish all the time with conflict of interest, Katie. Half the drugs we sell never would have gotten through trial if it didn't happen."

"I just—" Katie growled in frustration. "Do you think I don't fucking know that? I never wanted that for myself. I never wanted to have to publish as an author on some trial my fucking mum funded. Like I'm just playing at this."

"You're a _good_ scientist, Katie."

"No, I feel like a fucking fraud."

"That doesn't mean you're not a good scientist."

Katie shut her eyes tight. "Why does she have to interfere with everything I do? If I succeed, its because she fucking helped me."

"Well, at least when you fail you can really own it. Just look at your boyfriends."

Katie snorted. "Oh, that's well helpful, Emsy. Fucking have a go at a girl while she's down."

"It was part of the oath I took when I became a solicitor. In the job description, really. First, do harm whenever possible…"

Katie rolled her eyes even though Emily couldn't see her, but she did, finally, crack a smile at her sister's sarcasm.

+o+o

Having hardly slept at all, Katie paid a visit to Doug's office, her thoughts carefully composed in a series of points on a sheet of paper. The first and foremost thing was to get the deadlines augmented because they were utterly unrealistic at the lab's current staffing level. Second, she wanted to outline her experimental plans and obtain approval to start sharing protocols and reagents with JJ if at all possible. Third, to emphasize to Doug that she was _not_ a Fitch Pharma representative; she didn't and wouldn't operate in that capacity. She would be able to participate as a researcher in the study only as a borrowed graduate student, wherever that left her in terms of authorship on the phase one trial. And that she hadn't known about or coerced the vaccine funding in any way.

Doug welcomed her into his tiny office with a quick jerk of his hand as he leaned away from his monitor. He nodded thoughtfully and was fairly amenable to all her suggestions save one: the deadlines. He didn't know what they could do to help her finish in time, but that was one thing that could not be changed given how many months they had left to gain approval from the necessary review boards and the Food and Drug Administration. Fitch needed their data because the FDA would want it, not simply a pedantic pursuit of epidemiological investigation. Nevertheless, she was just one student, with a broken arm to boot.

Katie's life did not begin and end with the vaccine trial, however, and she was reminded how important mundane things were when unexpectedly nice Effy made a reappearance during lab meeting. Jen and Katie were quite early, sitting together bitching about the weather, primarily Katie's inability to fend off said weather with appropriate clothing since she didn't know the first damn thing about staying warm in consistently subzero temperatures. Jen took one look at her and point blank refused to go anywhere near a retailer of outerwear in her company. Katie's offended retort was cut short by a large cup of Starbucks being set down on the table from over her shoulder. There was a sticky note on the lid in Effy's messy handwriting.

_soy latte_. _don't panic, i'm leaving._

Katie swivelled in her chair, looking up at Effy with a puzzled look, but the girl was handing a second cup to Pandora, who immediately put it down and said something excited to her that Katie couldn't quite hear. Effy cocked one eyebrow, which conveyed a mild aura of irritation.

"Pleeeease, Eff," Panda pleaded.

Effy rolled her eyes, which was apparently a yes to whatever the question was, because Panda bounced up clapping her hands together. Effy pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen across her forehead, her blue eyes soft when she glanced at Katie. Then she waved and headed off to her class.

"Eff will go with you," Panda declared as though they were all supposed to know what the hell she was talking about.

"Where is Effy going?" Jen said, bewildered.

"To help Katie get a coat."

Well, that seemed sort of ironic given Effy's wardrobe seemed to involve a lot of things that were not terribly winter friendly. Katie's disbelief about Effy's suitability must have shown on her face because Jen started to laugh.

"Does Effy even own a coat?" Jen asked, still chuckling.

"Effy's family used to run a lodge up north," Pandora said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"A lodge? The kind of lodge with dog sledding and ice fishing?"

Jen and Katie exchanged a comical glance, both trying to picture tall, skinny Effy Stonem running a bunch of sled dogs in fishnets and heavy eyeliner.

"She'll know what to do," Panda said with some finality.

What did Katie have to lose? Even if an afternoon alone with Effy didn't exactly sound like a picnic, if she was half as qualified as Pandora claimed, who was Katie to go about looking gift horses in the mouth. There was the matter of her broken arm, but it couldn't be helped. Winter was coming and wouldn't wait for the bone to knit.

So she said, "Right. When are we going?"

"This weekend, I guess. You'll have to work it out with Effy. I'd go but my mom is going to be in town. Let me give you her number."

They sat heads together as Katie copied Effy's phone number into her mobile. Now she just needed to remember not to do something completely moronic like ringing her whilst lashed in the middle of the night, like Effy didn't apparently have sundry qualms about her as it was. Katie laid her mobile on the table as she took a deep draught of her coffee, wondering how Effy knew she would like it.

+o+o

That night Katie texted her, tried to keep the message simple and to the point.

_This is Katie. Thanks for agreeing to go shopping. When is convenient?_

The reply was almost instantaneous. _sat noon?_

_Where should we go?_

_function or fashion?_

_Both if at all possible._

_i'd say wear comfy shoes but…_

_Haha. Very funny. _

Katie waited about ten minutes, compulsively checking her phone as she brushed her teeth and changed her clothes, but she supposed Effy had nothing more to say because no more texts were forthcoming. It was the longest single conversation they'd ever had and Effy actually made a joke. Then she practically slapped herself for being so stupid about a silly text exchange with a taciturn undergrad that she didn't even like.

+o+o

They met on Saturday at noon in front of a rundown looking outdoor shop on Cedar Avenue. It was situated next to a similarly rundown looking bike shop, and she guessed they were meant to be trendy in a hipster sort of way. Especially since the place had "Mountaineering" in its name like Minnesota was not one of the flattest places she'd ever visited in her entire life. Maybe the owners thought it was clever. She couldn't tell. Effy was waiting when she got there, sitting smoking on top of an empty bike rack on the corner.

Exhaling a last lungful of smoke, she flicked the filter over her shoulder. She was obviously still wearing last night's outfit, all tall boots and short dress beneath her leather, thighs unabashedly pale and bare in the midday sun. Her hair looked as if it might have been straightened at some point, but was sexily mussed like she'd slept on it or been fucked since. She hopped down as Katie approached, taking in the little Fitch's uncharacteristically casual trousers and trainers with a self-satisfied smirk. Katie had taken her advice. She pulled out the iPad and wrote swiftly.

_how's your arm?_

Okay, not what she'd been expecting. Effy looked down at her sling with a twitch of one eyebrow that if Katie wasn't careful she might start mistaking for concern.

"Fucking hurts still," Katie confessed. "Jen has been a tremendous help, but it's hard to do much of anything with it. Like how am I supposed to try coats on for fuck's sake?"

_we'll figure it out._

"Easier said than done."

Effy gestured for Katie to precede her, and together they made their way down the street to the storefront. The cracked blue lettering on the windows put Katie in mind of a ski chalet from the 70's, but once she stepped inside she realized Effy had better taste than she gave her credit for. The store was decent, even by Katie's standards. Effy brought her straight through to a practical warehouse of coats panelled all in aspen like a Nordic fucking sauna. Beyond there were yet more rooms of camping equipment, cross country skis, snowshoes, and who knew what else.

"Jesus," Katie said, looking up at the large dog sled hanging from the ceiling. "My sister would have a field day in here if she wasn't practically married."

When Katie's eyes returned to Effy, she spread her hands to show she hadn't understood.

"I'm sorry, I'm fucking this up aren't I?"

Effy forestalled her with a shake of her head, quickly writing _i do hear some._

"Then why don't you…" She bit back the rest of her sentence, knowing the question was too invasive for their truce, probably too invasive even for friendship. "It's better if you can see my face?"

She nodded.

"Anyway, I was just saying my sister Emily would love this place."

Eyes narrowing a fraction, Effy mouthed, "Why?"

"Like a fucking lesbian paradise in here, yeah?"

_she gay?_

"As a window."

Crinkling her nose at that particular expression, Effy smirked jauntily. _you too?_

Katie rolled her eyes and sniped back cheekily, "You wish. Now are we here to buy me clothes or chat about my lezzer sister?"

Effy made a circle around several of the racks, examining the wares before returning to Katie.

_choices: long or short? allergic/opposed to down? price?_

"Want advice on length. Not allergic or opposed to down. And I _could _have a personal shopper completely outfit me in Burberry and Barbour, but let's aim lower than that."

Effy's didn't inquire further, but took Katie's instructions to heart. They wandered around the shop, picking up a veritable mountain of down jackets, coats, and parkas of various cuts and colours. It turned out that Effy knew a ridiculous amount about technical fabrics, linings, and the importance of down fill power, even though persuading her to actually share it was like pulling teeth. Instead, Effy would just nod or shake her head without further clarification.

One of the clerks attempted to help them, but Effy calmly sent him away with a glare as soon as he started looking at Katie's tits. Katie tried on the coats in a long procession of presentations to Effy; some she managed to get on over her cast with Effy's assistance, some she examined from her good right side, still others hung across her shoulders like a cape and they were left to use their imaginations entirely. The coats Effy seemed to think would keep her warmest Katie did not find flattering to her figure in the least.

"You can't even tell I'm a woman!" Katie moaned. "I feel like I'm wearing a fucking duvet."

_we have one gender in winter: marshmallow_

Effy twirled her finger until Katie spun obediently, then relented when Katie insisted it was too ugly to be purchased. On the next coat their reactions switched.

_i'm impressed_

"I look fucking mint, yeah?"

_bad impressed. won't keep you warm._

Glowering, Katie disappeared behind their pile of potentials. Four coats later, Katie decided she might do better sussing out what Effy herself would find an acceptable balance between form and function.

"What does _your_ coat look like?" she asked as Effy leaned against the wall, nothing but legs and eyes and tousled hair.

_what coat?_

"You don't have a coat?"

_you're the one who's cold_

Katie stared at her a few seconds before deciding she must be taking the piss because it was just newly November and already Katie was certain she was destined to become a full sized piece of instalment art when she froze solid on some windswept street corner. Two hours later they had compromised on several items: a knee length down parka, two vests, two hip length down jackets in varying levels of puffiness, a Windstopper soft shell, and finally a heavy duty waterproof eVent shell for snowy days. Christ, Katie felt like she was about to scale fucking Everest. Like she knew _anything_ about the outdoors or was into trekking or something equally and horribly gay.

Effy had apparently decided to let Katie fanny about looking for sexier clothes some other time, her responsibility in this affair limited to keeping Katie comfortable through the winter. She suffered through an additional hour of hats, mittens, tights and socks. Boots would need to happen on another day because Katie's fondness for shoes meant she'd likely try every pair between Minneapolis and Duluth and buy half of them.

When they left the shop, they walked together to the corner, a stretch of wet concrete and hardening chill as the traffic whipped noisily by just a few metres away. Effy's fingers twitched and Katie knew she was wanting another fag, though she wondered if it was really for the nicotine or just something to do with her hands so she didn't have to talk. Eventually, Katie voiced a question that had been stewing in her mind for several days.

"Effy," she said, nudging her, "why didn't you just fucking tell me when we met?"

_first night? too drunk. _

"And after?"

Effy smirked mischievously, eyes dark. _fucking with you_

"What!"

She smiled, really smiled, with a hint of white teeth. Then she shrugged thoughtfully, if that was possible, obviously considering her next sentence carefully. In the end all she said was _i didn't want to_

Didn't want to. What an Effy thing to say. So fucking far from the whole truth but no less candid, for how little information it disclosed. Katie bit her lip as Effy finally slipped the iPad into her satchel and waved as she ambled down the slope toward the bus stop. She pulled a fag from her packet, the tiny flame from her lighter illuminating her face, making her eyes flash like burning gemstones. The end of the cigarette glowed brightly as she took the first drag. Watching Effy's smoke ring rising into the evening air, Katie at last put her finger on why she disliked Jen calling Effy "pretty normal." Because, honestly? Effy Stonem was something else entirely.

+o+o

Alan Rickins (bham,ac,uk)  
To: Katherine Fitch (umn,edu)  
RE: Conflict of Interest

Emily is quite right, I'm afraid. Be grateful you have steady funding from big pharma because many of these studies go tits up (if you'll pardon the phrase) when they don't have any money. You'll have a number of respected faculty with no monetary interests working with you on the project, although I can't say I'm pleased with Doug for his disregard for your career.

Don't let this bother you and move ahead with the vaccine trial.

Alan

+o+o

Katie knew Jen was a good friend, the way she'd helped with a dozen little things since Katie almost snapped her radius in two, but the thought solidified in her mind when she just checked in out of the blue one day while they were working together at Katie's lab bench.

"How are you doing, Fitch?"

"I'm almost finished. Thanks for opening all the tubes for me."

"No, I mean you. Personally."

Her surprise must have been evident, because Jen laughed.

"Sorry, I know I'm about as subtle as a sledgehammer."

Katie rubbed the shoulder of the broken arm, her smile wistful. "I'm all right. Wish my arm wasn't broken, but things could be worse."

"How did shopping go with that, by the way?"

"Interesting. I was able to get the coats on over the cast some of the time, other times we just had to guess. Pandora was not far off, though; Effy knows what she's about."

"Good." Nodding, Jen stood up and went to the supply shelf. "Do you know what the hell happened to all the glassware? I practically have to stab someone every single time I want a beaker."

"Don't look at me."

"Ten bucks says the techs delivered them to the wrong lab again. Why are they so incompetent? It's very simple. We give you dishes. You wash the dishes. You give them back to us. They are all labelled six ways to Sunday. How do you fuck that up?"

"It takes years of training."

The blonde grinned, slipping out of her lab coat and sitting back down at her desk. She leaned back in her chair as she said, "You know one of my professors in med school was this tiny Russian lady who used to do research back in the USSR. She told me they used to drink the ninety percent ethanol sometimes. She would say to me, 'Little bit for experiment, little bit for me. Little bit for experiment, little bit for me.' I can see how she'd be driven to a life of substance abuse."

Katie laughed. "Shame they cut it with methanol now."

"Yeah, the subsequent blindness is kind of a deterrent." Sitting up straighter, Jen clicked her fingers. "You think if I bribe them with liquor they'll stop fucking up the dishwashing?"

"Jesus, getting them pissed will only make it worse."

"Dammit—"

Jen stopped short as Doug came into the lab, looking rather out of place, strolling apprehensively between the benches until he found Katie and Jen sitting at the end of their bay.

"Katie," he said quickly, relief evident in his tone. "I think I may have found a solution our little problem."

"Which problem is that?"

"Our labour issues." He puffed up his chest as he announced proudly, "I'm going to give you an undergrad."

"You're _giving _me an undergrad."

"Well, perhaps I should say assigning you an undergrad."

"Someone I'll need to train?"

"Yes, unfortunately, but I thought allowing them to do most of the rote work would free you up for more important tasks."

Katie scowled. "So I'll waste two weeks training some inexperienced teenager from the clinic while I could be making headway on this."

"Well, I'll leave it to your discretion, Katie," Doug quavered, taken aback. "An extra pair of hands could make a difference in January. I'm sure they'll be forgiving if the preliminary data is a bit behind."

He winked at her, and she quelled the desire to give him a furious dressing down, because that was exactly the sort of thing she'd warned him she didn't want. She contented herself with a positively murderous glower as he left the lab.

"An undergrad!" she exclaimed angrily. "He thinks an undergrad is going to help me enough to make this deadline? I'd probably only end up with contamination issues on top of everything else."

"In the long run, it probably would help," said Jen reasonably. "Assuming whoever it is isn't a complete idiot."

Katie turned her back, incensed Jen should make any sense at all.

+o+o

Effy's text surprised Katie because it came completely unprompted in the middle of the night.

_wednesday?_

It confused her so much she spent twenty minutes lying only half awake trying to figure out what Effy was on about, and eventually she just texted back _What?_

_pcr_

_What about PCR?_

_me and pcr_

_Have you ever done a PCR?_

_you put precise volumes of clear liquids into other clear liquids_

_You didn't answer my question._

_how hard could it be?_

She was almost asleep again when Katie started upright. Doug had found her help; Effy was her brand new undergrad.


	7. Chapter 6: Antigen Experience

**Chapter 6**

**Antigen Experience: **A process by which cells of the immune system "remember" certain pathogens

"Doug," Katie repeated, "you cannot give me a completely inexperienced undergrad and expect me to have her working independently in a week. I don't even know if she's ever done a bloody experiment before."

They hustled down the hallway on the way to the clinic, Katie practically nipping at Doug's heels like an over excited terrier. He tugged at the lapel of his jacket as though that would defend him from her, dragging it up beneath his right ear.

"Effy seems very bright," Doug said meekly.

"Yes, I agree with you, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be wasting my sodding time."

"You won't know if you don't give her a chance, hmm, Katie?"

Katie halted in the doorway of the clinic. At the end of the corridor Effy and Panda sat with one of the other undergrads at the long table, Panda chattering and highlighting various pieces of information and Effy entering numbers into a laptop. Effy had her back turned, but Katie recognized her by her hair; wavy and dark, swept away from the side of her neck. Katie grimaced. That had been her fatal error in the first place with Effy, hadn't it, not giving her a chance? She certainly made poor choices with drugs, but that didn't mean she wouldn't be a talented bench monkey. Rubbing her temple in frustration, Katie held up one finger.

"She spends one day in lab with me," she said. "If she doesn't stack up I'm not training her."

"Right, you are. Fair enough," Doug conceded.

Katie approached the girls slowly, saying hello to Pandora well back from Effy to prevent her from being startled. Effy glanced up at Panda, and then looked up into Katie's face as she touched her arm. She moved to the side, allowing Katie to sit next to her. Angling the MacBook, she typed a message for Katie.

_warmer?_

Katie smiled in spite of herself. "Yeah. Loads. Look like shit though."

Smirking, Effy rolled her eyes. _arm?_

Katie slipped her good hand up to the keyboard, her own text as she spoke aloud, "Still fucking broken."

Effy narrowed her eyes curiously, and Katie shrugged as they went back and forth sharing the keyboard.

"We're going to have a bit of a trial with you helping me. Have you ever done lab work before?"

_no_

"None at all?"

_i'm a fast learner _There was a slight challenge to her raised eyebrows, more genuine than teasing.

Katie gave her a chance. "Wednesday, when you're able."

+o+o

Jen's single criteria for success in an undergraduate lab assistant fully displayed she didn't have much in the way of discerning standards, but at least she got her wish. Effy Stonem was far from an idiot. She turned up at the appointed hour on Wednesday, sauntering into Katie's bay and waiting there for her with a typically bored expression. A stack of protocols sat on Katie's desk, written out like a cookbook of recipes for science experiments. So many microlitres of this mixed with so many millilitres of that; incubate at 37*C for one hour. Katie considered Effy critically, then decided PCR was probably the most time consuming and repetitive of the jobs she did on a daily basis.

"iPad," Katie said, holding out her good hand.

Effy cocked an eyebrow, but produced the tablet from her satchel, opening up a drawing app for Katie to use. Katie wrote quickly, speaking aloud as she went, as she needed Effy to understand all the words and not just the essence of their conversation.

"PCR stands for polymerase chain reaction. Do you know how it works?"

She glanced at Effy, who shrugged, blue eyes focused on the iPad. _more or less_

"Do you want me to show you?"

Tipping her head to the side, Effy nodded. Katie shifted a bit closer, her shoulder pressing against the warmth of Effy's arm as they leaned together over the iPad.

"DNA comes in a double helix. When you heat it up, it 'melts.'" She drew two straight lines, one over the other. She continued, erasing her text periodically to make room. "DNA is quite long, but sometimes we want to only look at a little piece of it. So we take the DNA and amplify a small portion of it with these things called primers."

Katie drew two shorter lines on opposite ends of the two larger lines, one above and one below. Nodding again, Effy traced her fingertip over Katie's sketch.

_how big are the primers?_

"Tiny, only a few dozen base pairs."

Katie guided Effy through the rest of the process, Effy's face focused and earnest as she followed the flow of Katie's explanation. Her questions were clever, showing how keen the mind behind them could be when intent. Katie only needed to show her once how the pipettes functioned, emphasizing the importance of a good seal between the instruments and their plastic tips, the difference between the first stop and the second when dispensing reagents, and what the tiny numbers printed on each one indicated. As with all her students, Katie gave her a brief test to make sure Effy could be accurate and precise in her measurements. Much as in sport, when a scientist is skilled at making experiments go off without a hitch he or she is described in the vernacular as having "good hands." Effy had good hands.

After letting Effy read completely through the protocols Katie got her a rectangular pan of wet ice, tucking all the reagents she would need into the corners and allowed her to set up her first PCR. Katie did the first half of the 96-well plate as a demonstration, pausing to describe each step to Effy. She awkwardly fumbled with the tubes until Effy recognized the pattern and pre-emptively opened and adjusted things for her in a subtle ballet of thumbs and wrist movements. Effy was beautifully intuitive, somehow anticipating what Katie needed and eventually Katie stopped speaking at all, just to fill the silence. They breathed, communicating seemingly in the staccato rhythmic pop of the snapcaps, the click of the tips as she ejected them.

When Effy took a place at the bench to finish her half of the plate, Katie lingered at her elbow to observe. Katie only saw her load the first two wells before she found herself looking at Effy's eyes. She'd reported for her first day of lab looking unusually serious. Okay, so she generally looked serious. Maybe the words Katie was searching for were _lab appropriate_, actually in a pair of trousers not full of holes and her hair arranged in a neat plait. But perhaps what surprised Katie most was her face, clean scrubbed and slightly pink, making her look younger and smaller somehow. She had freckles; Katie wondered how she hadn't noticed them before. Probably completely distracted by her eyes, which while still ridiculously blue, seemed infinitesimally softer without their armour of makeup.

It took Katie a few moments to realize Effy had finished. She smirked, amused but not reproachful, and Katie blushed deeply at being caught. She was meant to be watching Effy, but her _technique_, not the _girl_ and the clear flick of her gaze. The undergrad could have done a completely wretched job of loading the plate and Katie was none the wiser for all the attention she paid. Katie cleared her throat, concealing her awkwardness by picking up the plate and holding it up to the light. Pointing to two wells where the liquid hadn't quite made it to the bottom, she tapped the sides until the bubbles vanished. Katie sealed the plate up and stuck in the thermocycler.

"Now we wait two hours," Katie said, as the machine hummed loudly, ramping to the right temperature.

_i have class_

"Right, how often will you be here?"

_i'll email my schedule_

If they were going to make Fitch Pharma's goal, it couldn't be often enough.

+o+o

When Katie checked the results of Effy's handiwork three hours later, Jen went along to pass judgment on the outcome. She sat up on the bench, swinging her legs while Katie photographed the agarose gel that would specify success or failure.

"One of these days," said Jen absently, "I'm going to write a romance novel. I want to call it PCR," she waved her hand dramatically through the air, "the polyamorous chain reaction."

Katie rolled her eyes, changing the contrast on the photo, but then a soft smile spread across her face, cutting through her annoyance. Beneath the PCR reactions Katie had set up were Effy's, a perfect mirror image. Every other student Katie had ever trained took a few weeks to master the method enough to do it alone, unsupervised; Effy had gone from never even pipetting to proficient in the course of a few hours. As long as she could remember where everything was stored in the lab, she'd be off running in no time.

"What?" Jen asked, slipping down to look at the photo. "Is she freaking terrible?"

"No." Katie angled the monitor slightly to ease the glare. "She's bloody wonderful."

"Looks like you found your undergrad."

"Jesus, she's not _my _undergrad. She doesn't belong to me. And this is only one time. It could be a fluke."

"Well, congrats, you have three hands until your cast comes off."

"I don't know if we can do this, three hands or not."

"Maybe Effy will buy you more coffee."

+o+o

One of the unfortunate parts of the EBV study was entering the data from the biweekly sexual history questionnaires. As if the whole concept of the study wasn't awkward enough. Fortunately, this task usually fell to Pandora, who was so incredibly sheltered that she often was blissfully unaware of the implications being reported every two weeks. The subjects would report number of new partners and (in very clinical terms) the sex acts performed with each one, from chaste kissing to things best not discussed in polite company. The general trend was that saliva was the main vector for transmission, as Doug never failed to remind them.

"Alice has been analyzing data from the last three studies," Doug said during lab meeting. "She has three groups of individuals we are concerned with. The 'bookworms'" he completed the visual with air quotes, "who never have new partners don't get mono. Not surprising. But then we have 'deep kissers' and 'deep kissers with penetrative sex.'"

Beside her, Jen winced in spite of the fact that they were all supposed to be very professional researchers who did not giggle helplessly at the mention of sex like a bunch of immature primary school students. Katie managed to get away with just closing her eyes briefly, but God help her if trying to listen to him didn't make her uncomfortable. The whole business was enough to put anyone off kissing for life, especially when described in Doug's cheerful Welsh lilt as "taking someone else's spit and having a good swish about."

"As you can see in this plot," Doug went on, oblivious, pointing to a graph, "there doesn't seem to be a difference, meaning 'deep kissing' is the risk behaviour most associated with getting mono. Sex is not required. That is being corroborated by the data in this study as well, is it not Alice?"

Alice nodded, but she did so in a non-committal fashion before saying, "Yes. Well, mostly. There have been two blips on the radar that are driving me crazy. One subject got mono without kissing anyone and another subject this fall is either really lucky or just a liar."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Whoever it is reports having loads of new partners, but never seems to get infected."

Reporting false data was an easy way to ruin the credibility of the study. They went around the table trying to get suggestions for alternative data analysis that would exclude the outliers. Secretly, Katie had a good idea to deal with it, but it wasn't something she wanted to announce to the room at large. Instead, she waited for lab meeting to be over, and drew Alice aside to discuss it in one of the exam rooms.

"You know the SIDs of the subjects, right?" Katie said.

"Yeah, I couldn't plot the data without them," Alice countered.

"I don't think it would be out of bounds to ask the nurses to check up with the subjects in question. Let them know how important it is our data reflects actual behaviour. It's anonymous, and not like Panda is just fucking in here having a laugh at their expense."

Twisting her hands together uncomfortably, Alice studiously examined the ceiling.

"What?"

"One of the subjects is 7089." That was Effy's SID.

Katie sighed, adjusting her sling. "I see. That's well awkward. Do you think she's being honest?"

"You would be better off asking Pandora. I don't really know Effy very much."

Katie wasn't really one to shrink from tough issues, but pestering Pandora about Effy's sex life dismayed her more than prospect of just going to Effy herself.

"Fuck, I'll do it, yeah?"

The things Katie did for science like she actually cared about it. Part of her rational mind had a deep curiosity about how much Effy was really exaggerating on her response sheet, but it would have been a massive breach of responsible research protocol to find out. Katie wasn't even supposed to know Effy's SID for fuck's sake, much less wander about looking up very personal and confidential behavioural data. The confrontation would be horrible enough, just skirting the border of ethical conduct.

She ended up shirking it off, not knowing how to bring it up without looking like a prying cunt. The questionnaires of one subject didn't really matter that much, did they? It didn't stop her from squirming a bit when Effy came in the next morning to see her results. She sat down on Katie's desk, iPad held loosely under her arm.

_that bad?_ Effy asked, misinterpreting Katie's self-conscious silence for failure.

Katie showed her the print out of the photo. "Do you see all these little lines on the gel? We call them bands. Mine are on the top, and yours are underneath."

_so I'm at least as good as you_

Katie snorted at her teasing arrogance. "Beginner's fucking luck, babes. Let's see if you can do it again."

Expecting more text, she rolled her eyes when Effy gave her the blank iPad with a wicked smirk.

Then she actually forgot about the questionnaire altogether when Effy duplicated her virtuoso performance twice more, and Katie finally accepted it wasn't beginner's luck; Effy really was decent at PCR. It was then she came to terms with the fact that Effy was going to be part of her daily life. Katie did what she could to make Effy comfortable in the lab, giving her a stretch of bench space across from her own, so that by ducking or leaning she could see Effy through the shelving. Often the girl's face was half obscured by racks or tubes or binders packed with notes, but it did nothing to blunt the brilliant blue of her eyes when Katie caught them trained on her.

Effy kept a clean bench, doing little to make the area her own aside from labelling one or two of the racks with her name to prevent them being stolen by feckless and unscrupulous technicians from neighbouring labs. Without much fuss she fell into the ebb and flow of the lab, and Katie grew accustomed to seeing her there most days as she began working her way through the amplifications for sequencing; either gloved up in nitrile, pipetting steadily or waiting with her boots balanced on the edge of the bench as she read for her classes. Effy Stonem was there to stay, whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean.

+o+o

Not planning it at all, Katie began to learn ASL. Not properly, like she probably should have, more in an ad hoc fashion randomly looking up words throughout her day. They would work better together, be faster and more efficient, Katie rationalized. It had nothing to do with the fact Effy was intelligent, eccentric, or occasionally quirkily funny, and that Katie was growing more and more frustrated by Effy's easy tendency eschew casual conversation in any setting by the simple expedient of picking something up to keep her hands occupied.

Katie learned, slowly and haphazardly, even when she realized she was too shy to actually use any of it with Effy, afraid the brunette would think her ridiculous for trying. So she eventually went to Pandora, which was much easier to accomplish now that she had been separated from Effy by virtue of Pandora still being assigned to the clinic. Katie found her up to her elbows in biochemistry revision one day around lunchtime.

"Hi, Panda," Katie said, sitting down beside her, frowning at the chemical structures that straggled across the page under Pandora's forearm.

"Oh, hi," Pandora mumbled, evidently startled to see Katie had joined her.

"Biochem?"

"How the hell am I supposed to learn all this stuff? There are all these enzymes and leaving groups. And this aldehyde wants that carbon, but it ends up on this one instead. That hydrogen is super promiscuous and just goes where ever, but it should really feel better about itself because it's a good proton and it doesn't have to jump around to just any oxygen that will take it."

"Are we talking about science or EastEnders?"

Pandora stared at her like she'd just spoken Latin. Sighing, Katie tugged the sheet free and pointed to the top of Pandora's picture, deciding to run with her confusingly weird chemistry/dating analogy.

"Right, so your hydrogen's a bit of a tearaway, does what it fucking likes, yeah?"

Panda nodded.

"Well, sometimes it needs to go through a fair few bonds before it finds the right one. These two proteins help that happen. So where do you think it needs to go?"

"This nitrogen loves it, but it's never been with a nitrogen before so it's scared of what the other atoms will think."

Katie snickered unwillingly, trying to hide behind one hand. Jesus, if she ever needed to explain coming out to a group of nerdy organic chemistry students, that pronouncement ranked highly among the stories she might use. Too bad Emily knew nothing about carbon structures, otherwise it might give her a laugh.

"Anyway," Katie said with widening of her eyes, refocusing Panda's attention. "The hydrogen needs to go to all of these places first, to put all the ducks in a row, and then finally it bonds with the nitrogen."

"Oh, good. I was afraid the hydrogen would never admit it loved the nitrogen, too."

Shaking her head, Katie patted Panda on the shoulder. The blonde wasn't an idiot, but she surely processed things in a way that made her conclusions seem like non sequiturs. It gave Katie an idea.

"Pandora," she said slowly. "Do you have trouble with your biochem often?"

"I've been struggling all semester," Panda admitted.

"What if I helped you?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that Katie. I'm just useless."

"It's not like I'm offering you a bloody handout." Katie hesitated then confessed, "I want to learn ASL. You teach me and I'll help with your revision."

"For Effy?"

Katie thought on that question for a moment. "No, I want to do it for me."

"Okay. Seems like I'm getting the better end of the deal."

"I'm not very bright. I just had fucking loads of help at uni."

Pandora brightened, as though hearing Katie say she had been shit at chemistry meant there was hope for students everywhere failing at pH calculations.

"Panda, I meant to ask you, speaking of Effy," Katie said. "She signed to me the other day but I didn't know what it meant."

She imitated the sign Effy had used by the coffee shop to the best of her memory, the opposite slashes of Effy's curled fingers. Panda thought for a moment, then bounced up with a surprised grin.

"Oh," the bubbly undergrad enthused, "it means tiger."

+o+o

Twice a week, Pandora practised ASL with her in exchange for biochemistry help, which frankly struck Katie as slightly paradoxical considering how much effort and money her mother had to spend on tutoring to get Katie successfully out of university even with the extra year. But Katie _did_ still remember every sodding step of the citric acid cycle and agonizingly went through all of them, each exchange of a hydrogen ion, every bloody catalyst that helped the reactions on their way. They took over one of the upstairs conference rooms, Katie choosing one with a huge whiteboard so they could draw together, sometimes simultaneously as Katie made changes to Panda's equations.

Comparatively, they went slowly with the ASL. Pandora taught her signs and conventions, such as adjectives always followed nouns to make it clear what were trying to embellish. Katie was not a very patient person, and more than once she simply clenched her fists in frustration when Pandora tried to make small corrections to her signs. Nevertheless, she learned, and after four sessions they could hold very simple conversations with Katie filling in the signs she didn't know by finger spelling. Perhaps more importantly though, Pandora taught Katie Deaf protocol as well, things she would not have known were rude without being told.

"I hope she's thinking of giving you a name sign," Panda said one day.

Katie raised her eyebrows, waiting for Panda to go on, but when she didn't Katie prompted, "And what pray tell is that, babes?"

"Oh, it's a name you get so we don't have to finger spell your name all the time. Not that Katie is a long name, but it's kind of symbolic getting a name sign."

"Why couldn't you just give me one?"

Shaking her head, Panda looked mildly offended. "No, Effy has to give it to you. It would super bad if I tried or if you tried to do it yourself."

"So what's involved?"

"She'll pick some characteristic and make a sign out of it. Or modify an existing sign. You can also just use a letter in a place that doesn't mean anything, but Effy likes the descriptive signs." She paused, and made a slashing motion over her chest similar to the sign for tiger. "That's my name sign. It's a play on the sign for bear because my mom called me Panda as a nickname. Tony's doesn't make sense anymore since he's so tall and lean now."

"Who the hell is Tony? This is like the fifth time you've mentioned him."

"Effy's brother." Pandora clicked her fingers, evidently remembering something. "You should come meet him on Friday. It's Effy's birthday."

Making a dissenting noise, Katie leaned back. "Oh, because the last time we went out went so fucking well."

"No drugs for me, I promise."

"Just Effy then?"

"Come on, she's turning twenty-one. That's a big deal."

"Wait, twenty-one? Isn't she just a first year? She should be like eighteen or nineteen."

"She took a few years off before coming to college. Please, she wants you to be there."

That news surprised Katie more than just being invited in the first place.

* * *

**A/N: ****I do have a complete plot arc for this story, looking to be about 30 to 40 chapters in length, so stick with me through the slow burn.  
**


	8. Chapter 7: Pinocytosis

**Chapter 7**

**Pinocytosis:** Cell drinking

Their first mistake was trying to bake a cake. Jen and Pandora were with Katie in her kitchen, all stood around Katie's central worktop gazing down at a pathetic looking cake, the layer in the pan easily thin enough to use as a Frisbee if they so desired. They had been studying it for about three minutes in complete silence when Katie suddenly picked the whole thing up and made for the door like a rugby prop about to plough down the full back.

"Where are you going?" Jen said in alarm.

"To bury my shame," Katie replied.

"With the pan?"

"Fuck, no one else is seeing this."

"Katie, the ground is frozen."

"I'll throw it into the river."

"The river is frozen, too."

"Why is everything in this fucking city frozen?!"

Jen carefully pried the pan out of Katie's grip, appeasing her by disposing of the lot down the garbage chute so the evidence wouldn't be left in her dustbin. It was not an auspicious beginning to their evening, and so it was sans cake that the three of them made their way to Saint Anthony West and the bar Effy's brother had chosen to begin the festivities. Katie had finally given herself over to the fact that Minnesota was cold and that it was impossible to be simultaneously cute and warm, unless you were a Swedish model and fucking coats and snow boots did nothing to diminish your Scandinavian good looks.

The bar Pandora led them into was dark and crowded, and the three of them pushed through the people until she waved excitedly at a tall young man seated in a corner. It was so dim Katie couldn't see him very clearly until they were quite close, and then it was with a start because she recognized him. He'd defended Effy in the club on the night Pandora had her brush with the bad drug gods. He stood up with a big smile and lifted Pandora off the ground.

"Panda-pops!" he cried as he squeezed her.

Only releasing Pandora when she let out an ignominious squeak, he turned to Jen and Katie.

"Tony Stonem," he shouted over the noise, pointing to himself.

"This is Katie and this is Jen," Pandora introduced them. "Effy's friends!"

He was handsome in a gray suit jacket, lean with blue eyes, and the way he smirked at the way Pandora said "friends" Katie could see some of his resemblance to Effy. He had that same careless attractiveness; people were drawn to him. The three joined Tony at the table as Pandora leaned over.

"Where's Effy?" she said.

"Late." He shrugged. "How about a round?

He took their orders and came back a few minutes later with pints for himself and Jen and vodkas for Katie and Pandora, purposefully situating himself beside Katie.

"So Katie," her murmured, close to her ear to be heard, "how do you know my sister?"

"I'm sort of her boss," Katie admitted, trying to formulate a way to explain what she and Effy did to a potential layman.

"I'll be nice then. Effy tells me she does a lot of PCR." He said PCR like he was familiar with it.

"Are you in science?"

"I double majored in biology and chemistry in college. I understand how it works, but I haven't done one since I was in a practise lab."

Okay, so clever in addition to being handsome. "What do you do now?"

"I'm in distributing for a chemical company."

"One I would know?"

Tony smiled mischievously. "Not likely."

Despite his initial similarity to his sister, Katie rapidly discerned he was very different as well: smiling and laughing, talkative where she would be taciturn, and charming against her aloof mystery. His attention made Kaite feel strangely special and much too quickly she was laughing at his jokes and touching his arm, because no one had held her interest since Steve. She wasn't desperate for that validation anymore, but Tony suddenly reminded her she was a woman with assets and she felt for the first time in a long while she wanted to make use of them.

It was another hour before their happy band finally became a birthday celebration. A light hand brushed Katie's shoulder, and Katie looked up to find Effy smirking at her brother, slipping out of her usual black leather jacket to reveal very little underneath, just a vest top and skirt. Getting to his feet, Tony hugged Effy and she hugged him back, with hardly a change in her expression. He signed something to her that made her roll her eyes and the two Stonems went to the bar. At first Katie was stupidly surprised that Tony should be able to sign to Effy, but then she remembered Tony was her fucking brother, of course he knew how to sign and then it bothered her, and she didn't know why.

When Effy and Tony returned to the table, Katie had started to feel the beginnings of something else entirely about Tony; the desire for flirtation had gone. Instead, she focused on Effy sat at the head of the table like the Queen of Sheba. She just seemed to like watching them, although Tony revealed he was rather faster than Pandora at signing, because he kept up a running interpretation of their conversation for Effy. For her part, Effy occasionally stopped him as she added what Katie could only guess was a sardonic comment or two because Tony would start laughing. Two hours of drinking and chatting later they had broken into separate groups. Tony and Effy went off to play pool while Jen and Katie sat with an increasingly lashed Pandora. Jen had embroiled herself in some weird circuitous argument about whether or not orange juice should ever be served with ice, Jen arguing only in screwdrivers and Pandora arguing always. To be honest, Katie fell in the fucking never category, and it was then she saw Effy at the bar.

Although her iPad satchel rested on her hip, Effy had out her phone, holding it so the bartender could see, one boot on the foot rail, breasts practically resting on the bar. Two men were standing about five metres away and Katie could hear the fucking cogs working in their cocks as they leered at her. Effy lithely hopped up onto a stool to wait, and the one in the blue shirt seemed to grow a pair because he sidled over to talk to her. It seemed like Effy was just fucking ignoring him, but then Katie realized she didn't even know he was there until the other one in the red shirt went over as well.

Effy was Effy, so Katie wasn't particularly worried for her as she watched the girl flirt and toy with them for a while, dangerously sexy, all cool glances and smirks from behind her curtain of dark straightened hair. She wasn't worried until Effy tried to stand up. The two shifted, boxing her onto the stool so she couldn't leave; evidently Effy had overplayed her hand and they were frustrated. Katie crossed the room in a flash, but Effy didn't seem discomposed in the least, chin resting in her upturned palm as she looked the boys up and down with indolent, bored eyes.

"Can I fucking help you?" Katie barked, shoving at the men from behind.

"We're talking to her not you, bitch," Red shirt sneered

"And you can fucking get away from her now, _bitch_."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm Katie fucking Fitch. Who the fuck are you?"

In her peripheral vision, she saw Effy break into a beautiful smile. The scene was interrupted, however, by Tony, who nudged Katie's shoulder with a wink and handed her his pool cue, drawing the men to the side.

"Hi, guys," Tony said extending an affable hand. "I'm Russell."

A lame fake name if she'd ever heard one. How was Katie supposed to know she needed a pseudonym when dealing with sodding cunts?

"What the fuck?" said blue shirt. "Are you her boyfriend or something?"

"Nope just her brother."

"Hey, you're not her keeper."

"I'm not _that _kind of brother. Lizzie does whatever she wants. Isn't that right, _Lizzie_?"

He turned to look at Effy and she gave him a lazy shrug like she knew what he'd said even though he had his back to her at the time. Possibly for the first time ever Katie wondered if Effy was short for something.

"How about a little wager?" Tony challenged. "A game."

"What kind of game?" red shirt said.

"Lizzie here is something of a whizz at charades. You two pick any phrase you want. Write it down and give it to her. If she can't get me to guess what it is in five seconds or less, you can bark up her tree. If she does though, you two owe me a hundred bucks."

"Five seconds, huh?"

"Five seconds. And if we get it, a hundred bucks. Each."

"No way I'm giving you two hundred dollars."

"It's five seconds. That's not very long for me to guess. And come on. Look at her. Just lay the money here on the bar and give it a try."

Katie stared at Tony. Fucked up. He was offering up his sister _Lizzie_ to these total strangers on a bet and Effy was tapping through screens on her mobile like she couldn't give a fuck paying them absolutely no mind. Rushing to her side in a panic, she started to protest but Effy gently touched Katie's lips, with an almost imperceptible movement of her head to the side. The heady scent of Effy's radiated from the pulse point at her wrist, and Katie fell silent. Whatever fuckery was afoot, Effy was in on it.

Katie took a step back, watching as the next minute unfolded, because she had a feeling red and blue were about to be duped, and badly at that. Red shirt and blue shirt had acquired a biro from somewhere and were arguing in whispers as they wrote their phrase on a napkin. Finally, they came to a consensus and slid it across the bar top, face down to Effy, who accepted it without even glancing at them. Red shirt had his watch out, timing them as Effy flipped the napkin, rolled her eyes and signed to Tony.

"Gone with the wind," he crowed.

It had all taken less than two seconds flat. Red shirt and blue shirt stood with mouths open, completely flabbergasted.

"Sorry, looks like we won," Tony said, sweeping up the cash.

Red shirt glowered, giving every appearance of wanting to plant his fist in Tony's face, when Effy effortlessly stepped in between them. She just looked at red and blue darkly until they both relented and walked away, glowering. Then she stretched up on her toes, briefly kissing Tony's cheek as she pocketed half the money from him and sauntered away into the crowd. Holy shit.

"You bloody hustled them," Katie said with a wry smile.

"Assholes," Tony spat, his momentary look of disgust ruined by the cheeky grin he gave Katie.

"You do this often?"

"We used to a lot when Eff was in high school, but it's been a long time. Don't worry, we only use our powers for good."

Katie wasn't so sure about that, so she frowned and said, "You don't feel bad about it?"

"Nope."

"Right. Where have Jen and Panda got to?"

Tony searched the bar, his superior height giving him an advantage. "I don't know."

They found Pandora sitting beside a window streaming with condensation, her cheek plastered to the cool glass while she gazed outside with glassy eyes. Katie climbed onto a stool beside her, shaking her to get her attention while Jen looked on laughing.

"I think we should move onto a club just in case tweedle dee and tweedle dum want a rematch," Tony said, helping Pandora up.

Katie and Tony got Pandora outside between the two of them while Jen went to find Effy. Even waiting on the pavement benefited from drunk Pandora's interesting commentary.

"Being cold makes my brain shiver," Pandora murmured.

"I think that's called a seizure," Katie said uncertainly.

"Ooh, do you think they'd let me climb up that building?"

"What, on the scaffolding?"

"Yeah, I could look in people's windows."

"That's well creepy, babes."

"Only so I could buy them presents! And then I'd leave them, and no one would ever know."

"Like Father Christmas?" An amused smile crept across Katie's face.

"There's a priest whose last name is Christmas?"

"No, it's a diff—Americans say— "

"Oh, oh! There's a park over there! There are squirrels in parks."

"Um, yes."

"Sometimes I wish I could be a squirrel."

Katie just stared at her, not sure how to answer, and in any event, Panda had moved beyond that thread of conversation, already thoroughly entertained by clicking her tongue loudly in random patterns.

"She's a charming drunk, isn't she?" Tony asked.

"When she's not munted," Katie muttered gloomily.

Tony's next comment was lost as he jerked his gaze up to Effy exploded out of the building, her expression as intense as Katie had ever seen it. She swung her pointed finger at the car park of the big liquor store on the other side of the street. A second later, Jen followed Effy out, carrying Effy's jacket with a slightly shell shocked look on her face. Tony looked singularly sheepish, barely able to meet Effy's eyes. She jabbed her finger again at the car park and Tony reluctantly went with her, flipping up the collar of his jacket against the wind as they crossed the street.

"What the hell is happening?" Katie whispered to Jen, still watching the Stonem siblings.

"She was arguing with some guy," Jen said, "and then she just ran out here."

"The guy could sign?"

"I think so, but mostly he was just pleading with her."

Across the road, Effy signed furiously at Tony, angrily cutting him off when he tried to sign back to her, which was proof of how with upset she was with him, her mouth moving fluidly in counterpoint to the hasty jerk of her signs. He was clearly on the defence, attempting to backpedal from something but she was having none of it. Only catching the occasional sign, Katie couldn't even get the gist of their conversation. She recognized "here" and "dad" but not much else. Effy finally turned on her heel and stalked away in nothing but her vest top and skirt, arms crossed over her chest against the cold. Throwing his hands up, Tony kicked out at a lump of ice on the kerb. Jen stood beside Katie, her eyebrows in danger of disappearing into her hairline. For several seconds nobody said anything.

Then Pandora unexpectedly found her voice and said softly, "Oh, cookie," which was such an odd thing to interject into the tension of the situation, that Katie broke from her trance. Tony ran both hands through his hair, exhaling in a rush that made it seem like the wind was sucking the breath out of him as it condensed. He trailed back to them, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Where did she go?" Katie asked.

"It doesn't matter," Tony replied, planting his hands on his lean hips. "She won't let you find her."

"Someone should like, try, because it's fucking ten below and she doesn't even have sleeves."

"She'll be fine."

Shoving Pandora over to the speechless doctor, Katie grabbed Effy's jacket. "I'm going after her, take care of Pandora will you?"

"Yeah." Surprised, he nodded. "Good luck."

Katie had no idea where she was going but she set out in the same direction as Effy, her booted feet leading her down a quiet stretch of Saint Anthony Main, the street still cobbled with bricks beneath bowing sugar maples heavy with snow. It must have been her lucky night, because she spotted Effy after only two blocks of searching, her silhouette small but distinct against the floodlights above the dam. If Tony was to be taken at his word, then Effy had let her, had waited intentionally. The girl perched on the back of a bench smoking casually like she wasn't on the verge of fucking freezing to death and with that unnerving sixth sense that only Effy seemed to posses, she turned as Katie neared. Effy's expression remained impassive, watching Katie's tentative approach, a panther waiting to pounce.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Katie demanded when she was close enough.

Effy simply blew out another cloud of smoke.

"Let's go back."

No response.

"It's fucking cold, yeah? Come to mine if you won't go back."

Effy offered up her half smoked fag, but Katie shook her head.

"Uh, cancer? We're trying to prevent it not get it."

Effy finally smirked in return. She remained unnaturally still as Katie draped the leather across the girl's shoulders, her eyes almost black in the darkness, never leaving Katie's as their faces drew close for an instant and then parted again. She'd cried. Whatever happened with Tony, Katie sensed Effy didn't want her concern or her pity, didn't want to talk. Drawing her thumb across Effy's cheek, she wiped away some of her ruined makeup, Effy's skin unusually cold and already dry to the touch. Retreating a pace, Katie held out her hand, a strange mirror image of the morning Katie broke her arm.

Effy took it, towering over the little Fitch as she stood to step down from the bench. Squeezing Katie's hand, she let herself be led toward the river, the pair of them moving like ghosts through the snow muffled city beneath the glare of the Gold Medal Flour sign. Effy released Katie's hand to shrug into her jacket, a moment later gently latching onto her good elbow, her fingers sliding against the smooth fabric of Katie's coat. It was to steady her on the slick pavement, like she didn't think it would do to have Katie hurt again. They crossed the wide frozen river on the shadowy arcing footbridge. Beyond, the ruins of the old flourmill on the opposite bank straggled jaggedly against the Minneapolis skyline, a skeletal reminder of the industry that had once dominated North Loop.

Effy didn't question her as they passed through the park, when they entered Katie's building, or during their ride up in the lift. She simply went, preserving their small physical contact until Katie opened the door to her flat and scrabbled for the light switch. They both kicked off their wet boots at the door, a Minnesotan peculiarity Katie had adopted over the past month. Taking in the open expanse of Katie's kitchen and lounge, Effy flattened her palms to the cold granite in the bench top. She pulled out her iPad, raising her eyebrows at the quality of the furnishings, obviously far exceeding the budget of the average anyone.

_nice fireplace_

A smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth as Katie warned, "Don't get any ideas you bloody pyromaniac. It's gas."

_pandora_

"She gave me fair warning."

Effy shrugged innocently producing a nearly full seven-fifty of vodka from seemingly nowhere like she was some kind of sodding magician and her next trick would be to pull two glasses and a lime from her bra.

"When the fuck did you get that?" Katie asked incredulously.

Effy just shook it with a tinkling of liquor, making distorted shafts of light dance on the tile.

"Let's have a drink then. Your birthday isn't over yet, yeah?"

They went into the lounge and Katie tended toward the sofa, but Effy sat on the rug in front of the fireplace, her tight clad knees hugged beneath her chin. She didn't even flinch when Katie flipped the gas on, the blue flash of the flame ethereal against her paleness. Katie sank down beside her on the floor; she looked ridiculous sitting there in her cast, and even more preposterous when she reached for the vodka gracelessly without a hand to brace herself. She seized the bottle between her thighs so she could twist the cork out, which came with a tonal pop. Taking a deep gulp of the spirit, she winced and held the bottle out to Effy who took a swig as well.

For the first half hour, they drank, watching the fire. For the second half hour, Katie began to ramble as she grew increasingly lashed and Effy let her, much as she often did with Pandora. That was until Katie suddenly stopped talking, and she prodded Effy's knee looking as guilty as if she'd run down Effy's dog and didn't know how to tell her, but instead of a halting confession something even weirder happened: Katie signed to her, carefully saying her words aloud as she did so.

"My name is K-A-T-I-E," she said as best she could with one arm in a sling.

Initially, Effy's eyes flickered shut. Then she turned with excruciating deliberation to face Katie fully, sitting cross-legged to free her arms. Katie bit her lip, looking up at Effy through her lashes, afraid she'd unknowingly broken one of the rules of Deaf etiquette. Effy cocked her head slightly, her expression like she'd never seen Katie before.

[My name is E-F-F-Y.] Effy signed back very slowly, mouthing along for Katie's benefit.

Gratified and nervous, Katie went on. "What's your favourite colour?"

[Black. Yours?]

"Blue?"

[Not sure?]

"It's changing."

[Me too.]

A small but genuine smile curved Effy's lips as she made a sign similar to the one for tiger, augmented how tiny a sweep she made with her hands.

"Tiger?"

[A little tiger.]

Smiling confusedly, Katie shook her head. "I don't understand."

[It's you.]

"My name sign."

Effy nodded earnestly, letting Katie know her expression had betrayed how pleased she was with the choice, that she knew it represented the little commitment Effy made by bothering to give her one. It seemed strangely appropriate; Katie _was_ a small person and had fiercely shouted at a number of people during their first meetings, including Effy.

"What's yours?"

Effy signed the letter E with an understated flick. Simple, just like Effy in many respects. Effy sprawled back on the rug, her fingers interlocked over her belly. She laid there for a minute before rolling over, propped on her elbows as she drank more of the vodka. Sliding the iPad around in front of her, she patted the floor, waiting for Katie to situate herself closer. Effy cocked a playful eyebrow tossing the iPad into her lap as she leaned against Katie's side. The vodka sloshed in its bottle, Katie sipping a measure, and Effy wrote her a message.

_tell me a secret_

"What are we, fucking twelve?" Katie retorted, typing back on the iPad. "Lying on the floor sharing our crushes?"

Effy smirked. _you wouldn't like that_

"Is that a question or a statement?"

_humour me_

"I gave Emily a concussion when we were six."

_how is that a secret? _Effy took another drink, the heat of the fire pinking her cheeks.

"I convinced everyone including Emily she fell."

_devious_

"I pushed her off a bunkbed. She hit her head so hard she didn't remember what happened, so I just told mum she fell."

_another_

"This isn't confession hour with your sodding host Katie Fitch," Katie objected. "You need to give as good as you get, babes."

Effy rolled onto her side. _i stole a car in high school_

"What!"

_i gave it back_

Katie pressed for further details but Effy only shook her head and drew an arrow on the iPad that pointed at Katie. Too intoxicated to keep from blurting it out Katie confessed her culinary fail from earlier in the day.

"I tried to bake you a cake."

_tried?_

"It was bloody awful. I tried to bury it."

_where is it?_

"Hopefully where no one will ever find it."

Effy actually laughed, silently, with a slight tremor of her shoulders to accompany the smile she concealed behind one hand.

_thanks_

"You should not be fucking thanking me for that travesty."

_meningitis_

"What?" asked Katie, bemused. "Are we doing free association now?"

_it's now I lost my hearing_

"Oh."

_your turn_

They gazed at the fire for several minutes, Katie half taken aback by how simply Effy had just said meningitis out of nowhere and half contemplating a secret she wouldn't mind telling Effy, but then a secret she wanted to tell no one came out instead.

"I hate science."

_i said a secret not a lie_

"It's not a lie."

Effy studied her face curiously. _i think you hate a lot of things, but not the science_

"It was chosen for me, yeah?"

_it's yours now_

Laughing bitterly, Katie shook her head. "I'm just defined by my proximity to others. I'm the daughter of Fitch Pharma, the great Alan Rickins' last student, the Brit on Doug's vaccine trial. I don't know who I am anymore."

_i thought you were katie fucking fitch_

Effy pressed her shoulder to Katie's arm, but Katie took another swallow from the vodka to prevent herself from having to say anything. She pushed the bottle into Effy's grasp, with a little hiss at the burn of the liquor.

"Last secret."

_you're beautiful_

"Yeah, and? That's not a fucking secret either."

But the way Effy looked at her, eyes so calm and clear, etched the declaration into her until she felt the truth of it in the pit of her belly. Suddenly Katie wasn't so sure it hadn't been a secret, something that no one knew until Effy gave her the words. She straightened up, not knowing what she could say in response, so she turned the vodka over in her hands, the print on the bottle the most interesting fucking thing she'd ever seen.

"This is good vodka. What is it?"

_death's door. it's organic._

Effy's subtle edge of pretension gave Katie the permission she needed to roll her eyes and turn the whole thing into a joke. She felt a little better when Effy smiled and reclaimed the vodka, cradling it in her arms like a first-born son.

+o+o

Katie didn't know when they finally fell asleep. All she knew was that she woke up still atrociously lashed on the rug in all her clothes. Her broken arm was pinned awkwardly between her torso and the floor. The inside of her mouth had vaguely taken on the texture of sandpaper and every fucking joint ached stiffly from her unplanned kip on the floorboards. She couldn't even move, and after a few minutes of becoming more coherent, she was glad that she hadn't been able to, because while they slept she and Effy gravitated closer to one another. They weren't like, fucking spooned up or anything; in fact there was only one spot where they even touched. Just under Katie's left hip she could feel Effy's fingertips, pressing gently into the skin there, maintaining that single tenuous link like a bridge.

Effy seemed like a different person in repose, all her hard edges and mystery worn away without her endlessly bored blue eyes to disrupt scrutiny. When she was silent, she was whatever people wanted to see, a mirror onto which others projected their own assumptions and expectations. When she was asleep, she was just a girl, her flaws and insecurities clutched close to her chest like the empty Death's Door bottle. It was the girl, the one dozing by her fireplace, that thought Katie was beautiful. It was the girl who had at some point in the night tucked her hand beneath Katie's hip to _feel_ Katie staying close to her.

She committed that moment to memory, from the curve of Effy's dipped chin to the glint of the firelight in her dark hair to the warmth of the girl's fingers against her. It wasn't until Katie had her there, that she realized that something had been missing, something important and intangible. She shivered, and not thinking anything of it she nestled into the crook of Effy's elbow, seeking her body heat. Drifting back to sleep, Katie dreamt they played that children's game where you stack your hands with someone else, and pile them up, trying to get your hand on top.


	9. Chapter 8: Tryptophan

**A/N: Just a quick note to say thank you for all the lovely guest reviews I've gotten but can't reply to, I really appreciate them. You have all been exceptionally kind to me about this work. If only all places on the internet were so nice!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Tryptophan: **Trp or W; a hydrophobic essential amino acid containing an indole group

When Katie woke the second time, she only had an extremely hazy recollection of most of the previous night. She had somehow been manoeuvred to the sofa, a pillow supporting her cast and a blanket tucked around her shoulders. Katie blinked in surprise. She knew instinctually that Effy had left, and that she wasn't much the type to leave a note. Despite being miserably hungover, Katie felt, not happy exactly, because hangovers and happiness were mutually exclusive, but maybe content, and sort of nervously excited. Then she tried to move and all pleasant sensation left her body. Effy fucking Stonem had just officially superseded Jen Carter as the bringer of hangovers. Katie dragged herself off the sofa and went in search of a fucking paracetamol like it could possibly kill her raging headache.

Saturday ended up being the first day Katie skived off work since learning of the funding stipulations weeks previous. She learned early in her doctoral work the feast/famine activity structure most students favoured simply did not work for her and she wasted time and reagents making stupid errors when she was tired. It was generally better to work two eight-hour shifts than one sixteen, because otherwise she was a fucking zombie in a lab coat and about as dextrous. But there was no way in hell Katie could suffer through eight hours of data analysis in her current state. Conventional wisdom held you were supposed to get up and get hydrated when fighting a hangover, but all Katie wanted to do was toss and lie in the dark.

She'd managed to shower and force down some water when Emily phoned. Four fucking times which wouldn't have mattered but her sodding ringer was on and she couldn't turn the bloody thing off without unlocking the screen. She tried but Jesus Christ one glance at the God forsaken contraption confirmed her hunch she couldn't look down at Emily's smiling fucking face without a bolt of pain. Crouched with her face covered on the sofa, Katie declined the first three attempts, finally answering on the fourth just so she could stop the light from dancing behind her eyes.

"Someone better be fucking dying," Katie rasped.

"Sounds like its you," Emily replied. "Jesus, Katie. Are you ill?"

"Not yet."

There was a long pause that Katie almost began to hope meant the connection had been severed when she heard Emily's voice again.

"You're not eighteen anymore, you know," Emily admonished.

"As if that wasn't very fucking obvious already."

"Is it worse than when we went on that bender after A-levels?"

Katie just groaned, and Emily sighed sympathetically.

"Why the fuck have you phoned?" Katie said. "You've interrupted my misery."

"JJ and I are the official Fitch reps coming next week," Emily informed her. "There's some guy called Kirk Hamilton from Vac Tech, but I'm running the show."

"I'm not the fucking liaison, Emily. If you're the site coordinator you should be telling Doug not me."

"Didn't say you were, for Christ's sake. I'm sending our itinerary to Doug Monday, it's just that I'm booked to a Friday flight, but I could stay through the weekend to visit if you're not going to be a bitch about it."

In spite of her hangover, Katie softened at the prospect of seeing Emily for a few days. Emily being the official representative helped as well, as little as she wished to admit it; Emily wouldn't be massively displeased if Katie delivered less data than had been demanded in the contract.

"I don't have to," Emily said into the silence, making Katie realize she hadn't answered.

"No, stay," Katie whispered quickly. "Phone me again when I'm not dying, please?"

Katie laid her mobile deliberately on the coffee table, rolling into a ball where she stayed for several more hours, spontaneously deciding not to go in Sunday either when it seemed she was finally going to emerge from her voyage into hangoverland.

+o+o

Monday was three days before Thanksgiving, another weird American holiday that involved gorging oneself on innocent woodland creatures and then for some reason standing in queues for hours in the freezing cold to engage in acts of unbridled consumerism. Katie kind of understood the consumerism, honestly, as it was becoming a thing in Britain as well, but she drew the line at random murder of poultry to celebrate the altogether dubious cause of giving thanks. The result of it being Thanksgiving week was that the Americans were torn between working with frantic fucking abandon, trying to finish things before they travelled away for the holiday, and being completely lazy, having written the week off as a bad job.

Katie fell somewhere in the middle, going through her normal routine, fielding an astonishing array of bribes and wheedles as people attempted to get her to do this thing or that thing while they were gone. She was in a state of high dudgeon by midday, swearing silently the next person who tried to beg something off her would be violently assaulted with a chemical spatula. When she felt the hand touch her shoulder in the hall she turned abruptly, her best Fitch glare on, only to find it was Effy.

[Morning, Katie,] she signed, using Katie's name sign.

Effy coolly took a step back, raising her eyebrows a millimetre or two, then she held out a muffin to Katie with a little lift of her chin. Confused, Katie took it, and before she could say anything, Effy walked into the lab, maintaining a careful distance as she passed. Well, at least it was blueberry this time; Katie liked blueberry. She set it down on the table outside the door and followed Effy in. It took her a few seconds to get the girl's attention, but when she did Effy set her satchel down and looked up expectantly.

"What is your plan for the holiday?" Katie queried, signing the words she knew and finger spelling the rest, creating some weird syntax that didn't normally exist in ASL.

Effy just smirked at Katie's terrible attempt.

"What?"

Effy resigned the sentence, making particular correction to Katie's overenthusiastic one and a half handed rendition of "holiday" which made it look like she had tugged at a pair of braces. Frowning, Katie tried again, following Effy's movements, and quirking up a quick grin when Effy nodded in approval.

"Are you going home?"

She shook her head.

"Will you be with Tony?"

[No.]

Katie almost asked something else, but Effy added in slow deliberate movements, [I want to work Friday through Sunday.]

"What? Why? You don't have to."

[Fitch comes next Wednesday.]

Katie was long accustomed to the company being referred to as "Fitch" as though it was not her surname as well, but watching Effy finger spell the word she felt a sudden sense of propriety. Since Emily had let slip she was coming as the official representative (along with JJ as he was the project lead), Katie had felt less pressure to actually deliver the requested data. If her mum had assigned Wally instead, there would certainly be a greater urgency to fulfil the terms of Doug's bargain. It made her a hypocrite, not wanting to be defined by her involvement with Fitch Pharma and yet benefit from the connection by counting on Emily to let it slide if she failed to come through.

"Yes, they do," Katie agreed slowly.

[We can finish if we work this weekend.] Katie repeated the sign for "finish," head cocked to the side until Effy clarified by spelling it for her.

Effy was already taking both Tuesday and Wednesday to revise and sit exams. Necessary and not her fault, but now she was offering Katie the opportunity to complete the work on schedule. "Are you sure?"

Smirking, Effy raised her eyebrows, finally breaking into a smile when Katie signed back O-K.

+o+o

"What the fuck is it with Americans and muffins?" a baffled Katie asked Jen later.

"Muffins are delicious," Jen replied, not really paying attention. "Who's like, 'Hell no, I don't like muffins'?"

"It's a strange gift."

"Maybe it's a Minnesotan thing."

"That's the second one I've got for no reason."

"Ooh, popular."

Katie was far past the point where she rose to Jen's baiting, rolling her eyes before saying, "When are you leaving for home?"

"I'm leaving on a jet plane Tuesday night. God, I hope the Denver airport isn't under two feet of snow like last year. By the time flights were actually going out there again the weekend was over. What are you doing?"

"Working most likely, why? To me it's just another Thursday."

"You should have orphan Thanksgiving."

Opening her mouth, Katie realized she didn't have a good response to that because it conjured all kinds of guilty, awkward images in her head. She cleared her throat, frowning.

"What?" Jen asked, looking over at Katie. "I just meant you should see if the any of the undergrads are hanging around instead of going home."

"You mean like host something?" said Katie dubiously.

"Yeah, it sucks when you can't get home for whatever reason and you're stuck alone. It happened to me a couple of time when I was in med school."

"I could ask Effy."

"Shit, yeah. Grand Marais is a long drive from here. I can see why she's not going."

Jen was right. Grand Marais was a windswept coast town on the north shore of Lake Superior some six hours by car from Minneapolis. It would be a lengthy trip for only a day or two; maybe that was why she wouldn't be spending the holiday with Tony if he had already gone.

"How the fuck do you learn these things? She's been like my bloody limpet trying to finish this sequencing and I've got two words from her for my trouble."

Katie didn't count Effy's birthday; they'd both been well pissed.

Jen shrugged. "Oh, Pandora's from Grand Marais. They were friends as kids so I just assumed."

"She's going to be fucking sick of seeing my face at the end of this."

Standing up, Jen retorted, "I doubt it."

So it was feeling a bit like a "goon" as Pandora might have said, that Katie texted Effy.

_You're welcome to come to mine on Thursday. _

As usual, Effy's response was ridiculously fast.

_will there be murdered poultry? _

Apparently Effy was going to have a go at her for whinging about Thanksgiving, only to suddenly get on side with the concept. Katie scowled. Maybe she didn't want Effy to come after all.

+o+o

Thursday commenced just like any other day for Katie. The snowy streetscape of Minneapolis the morning of Thanksgiving Day, however, was positively eerie. It was like being chauffeured through the set of an apocalypse film, just miles of roads where she saw hardly anyone. As loath as Katie had been to do it, she'd had to give up driving when she broke her arm as her car had a manual gearbox, and she was still too much of a bloody snob to stoop to waiting for buses in the cold. So she'd been driven everywhere since the accident and she paid liberally for it. That was part of the line of she walked, as well: a spoiled heiress in a world of scientists subsisting on tiny salaries.

Strangely, she saw more life entering the lab than she had outdoors, meeting a few of the other graduate students who had stayed to work on projects and experiments rather than enjoy the holiday. Labs and hospitals, the two places that never slept. What she was not expecting at all was to find Effy, already embroiled in setting up a PCR. Her bright smirk was diminished by the fact she looked like fucking hell, her hair a complete wreck and her makeup badly smudged. Jesus, Katie would have bet Effy hadn't slept since she'd last seen her.

"For fuck's sake, Effy," Katie said. "When did you get here?"

Trying and failing to stifle a yawn, Effy signed, [Why are you here?]

"It's morning and I'm coming to work."

[It's, what, four?]

"Effy, it's half ten." At Effy's puzzled frown, Katie tried again, "ten-thirty."

She mouthed "Oh" with a lift of her eyebrows, glancing at the wall clock for confirmation. She shakily pushed her hair out of her face and Katie's concern deepened.

"I'm not trying to be your mum, babes, but you look awful. Are you okay?"

[Long night,] she signed, putting her pipetteman down.

"Fuck, I'll finish this. Go to bed."

[There are two more in the freezer.]

"Okay, now get the fuck out."

When Effy hesitated Katie just finger spelled G-T-F-O and she nodded in surrender. Picking up her satchel and shrugging into her jacket, Effy left the lab with a smile to Katie. The lab didn't have any windows, so it was certainly possible to lose track of what time it was but to be off by six sodding hours? Katie glanced doubtfully at the work Effy had done. It was all labelled. The tubes in the racks were in the right order. So despite the weirdness of Effy's Thanksgiving morning PCR run, Katie found herself trusting the girl's skill. It put them slightly ahead, and every little bit helped.

Inspired by Effy's devotion, Katie put in a full ten hours. When she arrived back to her flat that night she felt accomplished but weary, immediately changing into her nightclothes and eschewing food in favour of sleep so that she could get an early start the next morning. She was about to text Effy to ask when she'd be in the next day when she heard a distinct knock on her door. First of all, what the fuck, because her building was secure. No one could get up to her floor without the key and second of all, what the fuck, because all the people who knew where she lived were gone.

A second knock startled her even more and she approached the door slowly with the air of someone about to assault an intruder, creeping silently to the peephole to gaze through. All she could see was the screen of an iPad, like a kidnapper was about to try to ransom her lab equipment back to her.

_requesting entry to fort knox_

Jesus Christ, it was only Effy. Katie opened the door to find Effy on the other side, holding out a rotisserie chicken, her amused gaze immediately raking over Katie's attire. The offering both impressed and confused her, because good on Effy for finding a supermarket that was open at nine at night on Thanksgiving Day but also because, why? Effy at least looked better, like she'd slept, or at a minimum had showered. Katie took the chicken, letting Effy pass her into the flat, and when she turned Effy had written her another message.

_does chicken count as murdered poultry?_

"Is this you coming for Thanksgiving?" Katie asked, placing the sacrificed bird on the butcher block.

_nice nightie_

Rolling her eyes, Katie crossed her arms over her chest. She went back into her bedroom to put something else on yet again, even though what she was wearing was more nightgown than negligee, her decision based solely on the teasing filthy smirk on Effy's face when she caught a glimpse of cleavage. With anyone else, she wouldn't have cared; Katie wasn't shy about displaying a little skin, but Effy would just take the piss and she didn't have the energy for the girl's shenanigans.

When she emerged again in trousers and a button down, Effy was stood by her terrace door, gazing down at the frozen landscape below them. Katie began to scour her cupboards for something to accompany the chicken, though that was probably because she was trying to overcompensate for the cake fiasco and prove that she really was capable of cooking something. Her downfall was her general lack of shopping. Appalling really, how little she had on her shelves, and after a while Effy came back into the kitchen and sat on the worktop with her legs crossed.

"This is fucking embarrassing," Katie said, "but all I have is a bit of instant mash and macaroni cheese."

Smiling, Effy held out her hand for the packet of potato and Katie boiled water to rehydrate them. Meanwhile, Effy tried to cut the chicken only to discover Katie's knives were in a deplorable state.

_you have a honing steel _Effy complained.

"And know fuck all about using it," Katie said.

Effy drew the steel dramatically from the knife block, like she was about to use it as a rapier in a fencing match. Then she stropped the knife until she was satisfied with its keenness, testing the edge by running her thumb perpendicular to the blade. Her second try at cutting the chicken went much easier and they sat down to their makeshift meal as though it were fine fare.

_what are you thankful for? _Effy wrote after a few minutes.

"Are we not signing?" Katie asked, writing back.

_too much right now_

"Okay. Well, I guess I'm thankful for annoying undergrads who turn up to my flat unannounced."

Effy smirked. _i'm thankful for slave drivers_

"Hey! Nobody fucking asked you to do anything over the holiday. You volunteered, you bloody pain in my ass."

Grinning, Effy took another bite. _i wanted to do it_

"Thanks. This morning put us ahead."

_i know. checkers?_

They finished the rest of dinner in silence, playing the proposed round of draughts on the iPad, and communicating entirely in array of facial expressions, from smug to outraged, until Effy lost spectacularly with a nonchalant shrug that gave Katie the suspicion the girl had let her win. Effy could put away a surprising amount of food for someone so skinny and tried to be helpful, only leaving the washing up at Katie's insistence. It was Katie that went into the lounge and sat down on the rug in front of the fireplace. When Effy joined her, Katie nudged her shoulder playfully.

"Worst Thanksgiving of your life?" Katie asked.

[No.]

"It was terrible."

Effy shook her head, but it was her smile that made Katie believe it.

"Stay here, yeah? It's late."

Effy nodded, and for a while they just sat by the fire, drinking tea, and not saying anything. Katie had never liked the quiet, always feeling the need to fill it with her own voice, but with Effy it didn't bother her so much, like she understood herself more the less they said. Around midnight she settled Effy on the sofa for the night, going through several sets of pyjamas before they found a pair that even vaguely fit her. It reminded Katie for some reason of Pandora. In spite of all the things she managed to be, Effy was still just a kid at uni and sometimes Katie forgot that things could be as simple as a friend sleeping on your sofa. And a fucking good friend at that.

+o+o

By morning, Effy had gone again, her blanket folded neatly on the coffee table. It smelled like Effy, Katie noted, when she picked it up, and she frowned a few minutes later because she wasn't sure when she'd acquired that piece of knowledge. The main difference this time was that Katie had a text message waiting for her.

_meet in lab at ten?_

Katie and Effy spent the next three days up to their eyeballs in the EBV strain amplification, more or less just the two of them in the lab. They operated as a single unit, Effy ratcheting through hundreds of individual PCR reactions while Katie sized them and extracted them to be submitted for sequencing. The work was repetitive and boring, but also required an incredible amount of attention to detail; a terrible combination. They both made mistakes as the days wore on, necessitating repeats of some SIDs.

They also began to practise Katie's ASL whenever they conversed, Katie speaking first and then signing so Effy could help her. It was interesting with Katie's left arm only mobile at the shoulder, but they coped. As Katie learned they constantly carried on little subconversations beneath the main thread of their exchange. Subtle (or not so subtle) corrections to Katie's signing and Effy explaining the meaning of signs Katie had not learned yet or did not remember. The end result was that Katie's spoken version was often typically colourful, while her signed version was much simpler in its essence. The only time they weren't both signing anymore was when one of them was too tired and writing was easier.

In spite of the fact that they were almost manically busy, one of the weird things about science is that very often you "hurry up and wait" as it might be said, and the girls encountered pockets of time when they would be at a loss for something to do, waiting for a gel to set or a reaction to finish incubating. During those lulls, Effy started to do things with Katie. Not talk, because Effy still wasn't forthcoming by any stretch of the imagination, but other things like continuing their draughts war. On Saturday, however, Katie managed to wring a little bit of information out of her as they played Hangman.

"How do you go to class?" Katie asked, finishing by signing the letter H.

Effy frowned, drawing the body of the hangman. [I walk there.]

"You know that's not what I meant. R."

Effy added a leg. [The university gives me an interpreter or captions.]

"They just give you that stuff? A."

The word now read A _ _ _ _ _ A _ _ . [Yes. They make weird fuck ups with the C-print though.]

"So the interpreters are better? T."

Effy wrote the T in the appropriate spot. [And more expensive.]

With a twinge of guilt, Katie thought of the exhausted undergrad juggling school and two jobs, that she'd discovered Thursday morning.

"Do you keep up? U."

Katie now had A U T _ _ _ A _ _ . [I'm fine, Katie.]

"I'm a fucking mostly trained immunologist, yeah? I could help if you wanted. V."

Effy just smiled, waiting for Katie to get the word.

"Autoclave," which she had to finger spell because she was pretty sure a sign did not exist in ASL for that.

+o+o

They didn't always spend their down time together. Katie still had a presentation to put together for meeting with Fitch and a mountain of data waiting to be analyzed, which she'd been neglecting. During one of those moments on Sunday, Katie went to Effy to ask which SIDs needed to be repeated and discovered her playing a game alone as she scrunched herself into her chair, sitting weirdly crosslegged in it.

"What are you playing?" Katie asked, the DNA helix catching her eye.

[Plague.]

"What the hell is that?"

[I make a virus and destroy the world.]

"Isn't that like, the opposite of this entire operation?"

[It evolves. I don't engineer it.]

"So it's only kind of like bioterrorism."

[It's fun.]

Effy pulled another chair over so that Katie could see over her shoulder, and when Katie rolled her eyes and sat down, Effy started a new game. The first step was choosing from a long list of microorganisms. Katie, being an EBV researcher, naturally opted to use a virus rather than a bacteria or a fungus. After some consideration, Effy then deployed the virus to Canada.

"Not fond of Canada?"

[No, I like them. They're funny.]

"Why?"

[They tell Americans their Prime Minister is Tim Horton.]

Effy pointed to a tiny counter in the corner of the screen that told them how many people their virus had infected. The number was increasing, and it was spreading over the map of the world, turning the green countries red. A little dialogue box popped up, allowing them to make a decision regarding how the virus would mutate. Katie'd sat through enough excruciating monologues from Naomi to know rapid transmission was the key to obtaining ubiquitous infection.

[Water or air?]

"Air and make coughing a symptom."

[Bully.]

Soon Katie had practically stolen the iPad from Effy altogether, cursing about a group of Japanese scientists that were trying to come up with a cure. Effy just relinquished her grip on the tablet, returning to her next set of reactions now that her reagents had finally finished thawing. Katie barely even noticed when she left, blinking up into Effy's amused smile when she eventually lost the game by failing to kill all of humanity fifteen minutes later.

"Take this bloody thing back," Katie growled, sliding the iPad onto the desk. "That game is fucking addictive."

And yet it didn't take much effort on Effy's part to convince Katie to play twice more with her when they decided to quit for the day, their heads bent close together over the screen, even though they were both exhausted and had many hours of work to go.


	10. Muffled and Crystalline

She was sitting completely still in the dark. How long she'd been waiting there he didn't know, but he could see the cigarette in her hand, extinguished because it had burned down to the filter, a long column of ash waiting to be brushed away by the wind. She'd done that since she was little, just wait in the snow, and now practically a woman she wasn't really all that different. She was the same girl, just hidden. He slipped out onto the porch, touching her carefully on the shoulder so he didn't startle her, but he needn't have worried; it was Effy. She knew he was there before he did.

She looked tired, and he smiled when he realized she was thinking the same thing about him. Without saying anything she stood up and flicked her cigarette away, going into the mudroom of the house and leaning against the wall. A single bare incandescent bulb glowed overhead and it cast them both in a sickly glow, tingeing the whites of their eyes yellow.

[When did you get back?] she signed.

She didn't even want to know when he got back, not really. She was stalling, and he chose to go with her, circling down like a sun into a black hole, until they couldn't resist the tremendous crush of the gravity.

[A few hours ago,] he replied.

[I know you saw Cook.] He didn't bother to deny it. [I don't want to see him again.]

[He's helping us.]

She pulled a huge wad of cash from her jacket pocket and threw it on the floor. [I finished on Wednesday night.]

He raised his eyebrows, momentarily surprised. [How?]

[Didn't sleep, moved a lot.]

Passing a hand over his face, he looked down at her. [Where did you go over the weekend?]

[To lab.]

[You went to help Katie.]

[No.] Her gaze flitted down, blue eyes dark.

[Be careful, Effy.]

He warned her with a feeling of futility. Effy liked playing with fire, even when it burned her. Maybe especially when it burned her.

[Have you been blowing off class?] he asked.

[No.]

This time it wasn't a lie, but only just. It had been a fucking fight to get her to go to college. There had been a time when he'd been the one preserving her youth, letting her run wild. Then for two years she'd held everything together while he finished, and when her turn came she'd flat out refused and she'd listed a thousand reasons why. Now he was jeopardizing it and she'd only been in classes less than a semester. She was still holding everything together with strands of her spider's silk like it was her responsibility, even though it wasn't; it was his.

[I know I'm running you ragged—] he apologized.

She shrugged.

[No, that was your last one for a while. Until finals are over. Okay? We'll be all right until then.]

Restlessly bouncing her foot, she rolled her eyes, but nodded. She'd defer to him. She did when he needed her to. She hugged him quickly, and for a split second he thought she wasn't going to ask as she opened his front door again, preparing to go back out into the snow. But then she paused, and over her shoulder she asked him, out loud, like saying it without signing would prevent the question from existing. Effy's own version of a query that consisted entirely of subtext. A question without words.

"How's mom?"

To most other hearing people, it probably would have been incomprehensible, but he knew her voice, the cadence of her speech and knew what she said without clarification. It was a like a secret no one kept. Effy spoke sometimes to him and she spoke always to the dead. He didn't know whether that meant he fell into the same box as those departed or if it meant he was the only person left that she still loved. Both were unsettling, both set his teeth on edge.

"She's fine."

He signed when he said it though. Effy could hear some but how much she actually understood, even lip reading, he thought wasn't as much as she uncannily made it seem. Honestly, he thought what she was really good at was faking it. Giving the appearance of comprehension and filling in the gaps with supposition. It was easy when your usual response was silence. A lot of people thought they were in Effy's head, but not even she was in there most of the time. There were levels of understanding her, and he understood more than most, that closeness of mind coming arduously like listening to her talk had taken years of practice for them both.

He understood her like she understood the world around her. When they were kids, he thought of her as living in a shadow realm of sirens and mumbling, but as they got older he started to see her as standing in a spruce forest thick with snow, everything simultaneously muffled and crystalline. That her speech reflected her perfection, and as she struggled to learn to speak, he unlearned it until they met somewhere on a plane where he began to hear the world like she did. But then by virtue of being hearing, by virtue of his "normalcy," his idea of her experience was filtered through a pane of audism. He _wanted _her to have all these stupid things even though she didn't seem to care if she did or not, because Tony loved Effy more than he loved himself.

"Be safe, Effy."

He said it to her back, and he wasn't surprised when she couldn't hear him.


	11. Chapter 9: Immunosurveillance

**Chapter 9**

**Immunosurveillance: **How the immune system monitors the body to prevent outgrowth of cancer or infection; obviously fails in some individuals

Although Jen worked literally right beside Katie, her project was completely separate from Katie's, focusing on EBV's links to autoimmune disease rather than mono. In addition to the mix of undergrads who came to clinic to have their blood drawn every two weeks, there were patients with the neurodegenerative disease multiple sclerosis that participated in Jen's study. And as such, Jen's funding was also completely separate, and though benefiting from the money Fitch was feeding the group for the vaccine she was running into difficulties paying her portion of the bills, so to speak.

The answer to the problem was usually fundraising of some kind, and after months of unsuccessfully applying for government grants she finally resigned herself to the prospect of courting private donations. Her capitulation, by chance, happened to coincide with the annual Minnesota Medical Foundation holiday dinner. If a researcher could get a spot presenting at the dinner they could woo potential donors. Monday afternoon Katie was about scared out of her skin when Jen leapt out of her chair and whooped joyously as the top of her lungs. The sudden movement startled even Effy who was across the lab, although rather than Katie's unseemly squeak, her surprise registered as a slight widening of her blue eyes.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jen," Katie swore. "Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?"

"I got it," Jen cried, jumping up in the air.

Katie had only ever seen that kind of delight accompanying shouts of "I got it" in reference to people's menstrual cycles, and it didn't seem like Jen had figured that out based on her email.

"What have you got exactly, babes?" Katie said, her heart rate returning to normal. "And if you fucking say 'soul' this will end poorly for you."

"A spot at the MMF dinner! I might actually get some money!"

Jen grinned like an idiot, holding up her hand for Katie to give her a high five. Eyeing Jen's raised hand doubtfully, she settled for giving her an awkward hug. Effy, however, came up behind Katie and didn't leave Jen hanging, giving her a high five that resulted in a satisfying smack.

"Nice high five, Stonem!" said Jen with an enthusiastic nod.

Effy inclined her head modestly, shrugging blithely at Katie's shocked glance, like giving high fives was a undisclosed speciality of hers. Then just as quickly, all the colour drained from Jen's face.

"Oh, shit," she whispered.

"Wait, I thought this was good news, yeah?" Katie said, bewildered.

"I have to give a fucking speech. A speech in front of four hundred people."

Jen slumped bonelessly back into her chair, gazing helplessly up at Katie with a pained expression.

[Smelling salts?] Effy queried, making Katie laugh at the visual of Jen collapsing on a fainting couch.

Jen either hadn't seen or didn't care about Effy's sign, instead lurching up grabbing Katie's wrist.

"You," Jen said. "You speak."

"Yes," Katie replied slowly, as to someone very dim-witted. "It's Eff that doesn't speak."

Effy shrugged as though to say "true" then paused before adding helpfully, [I could mime.]

"That journal Science has a fucking contest every year for people who interpretive dance to their research," Katie said, riffing off Effy, and then cringing contritely to Jen who looked at her like she'd gone completely mad on that non sequitur.

"You could give my speech," Jen said, looking like she was gaining zest for the idea.

"Oh, no," Katie protested. "Absolutely not."

"You're a great speaker."

"I am not giving your sodding presentation."

"Please, Katie. I'm going to fall apart and ruin it."

"Fine—"

"Oh, Katie thank—"

"No, no. I will help you practise you spineless git, but I am not giving this presentation."

"They don't teach you these thing in med school!"

[I'll help too,] Effy signed out of nowhere, making Katie smile again.

"See, Effy will help as well," Katie told Jen. "I'll give you some of my slides and we'll go from there. About time one of you bloody doctors had to pay the piper."

Jen blanched and, very reluctantly, agreed.

+o+o

Katie and Effy's mad sprint came to an abrupt finish Wednesday, just in time for Katie to fetch Emily. Katie held out her hand, waiting to be given the next plate to put into the thermocycler but Effy just sat back in her chair with her boots up. That was it, they were done. There weren't any more to do. The much more complicated neutralizing antibody project loomed on the horizon, which would be difficult and time consuming, but Effy deserved a fucking break for all the time and effort she'd put in.

"Go," Katie urged. "Go sleep, revise, do something fucking weird with Pandora. I've got to fetch my sodding sister now."

[See you tomorrow?]

"Yeah, at lab meeting."

In addition to meeting JJ and Emily, there was something else Katie needed to do, but she was conflicted about whether she wanted Effy to go with her or if she wanted it to be a surprise. She spent too long hesitating, though, and Effy made the decision for her when she left.

+o+o

The Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport or MSP as it was know to the Federal Aviation Administration was well to the south of Minneapolis, nestled in a suburb where it would peeve fewer of the locals with its flight patterns. It was also fortunately one of the hubs for a major airline and a number of direct flights went between Heathrow and MSP daily. It was a disconcerting trip from the point of view that the one would leave London at 1000 GMT only to arrive in Minneapolis at 1300 CST after nine hours of being crammed cheek by jowl in an aluminium tube with several hundred strangers. Not that Emily and JJ would be doing anything so banal as being placed in economy. They were on Fitch Pharma's tab, after all, and could have paid the fare even if they weren't.

Katie waited on the baggage claim level, lazily reading an article on antibodies below the sliding doors that led from international arrivals. There was a Starbucks there manned by a surly looking barista as well as a play area for children. Disgruntled families were still making their ways back from the holiday, brow beaten parents, runaway toddlers, and inconsolable screaming infants filed past her. Men in sharp suits met colleagues. The occasional scruffy college student would go by on their way to public transit. Airports were one of Katie's favourite places; watching others come and go, until you came or went yourself.

"I thought you were joking," a familiar voice said nearby. "Your arm's really broken."

"Why the fuck would I joke about that?" Katie said, putting the paper down.

Emily was easily carrying her small carry on down from customs while JJ struggled with a much larger suitcase. Fuck it was good to see her, beautiful and casual and grinning like a fool. Katie hugged her with her good arm and Emily hugged back unexpectedly tight. Starting to feel positively soppy, Katie hastily shook hands with JJ so she didn't say "I missed you" to Emily or something equally fucking dumb.

"Katie, always a pleasure," JJ beamed.

"God, Jay, it's been a long time," said Katie. "Pleasant journey?"

"Can't complain."

Katie turned back to Emily. "Where's Naomi? Did you have to have her surgically removed?"

"She had an assignment, but she sent you this." Emily held up her middle finger, and Katie started to laugh.

"Always thinking of others, your girlfriend."

"I don't know about Jay, but I'm knackered. Where's your car?"

"Does it look like I've been operating bloody motor vehicles with one arm?" Katie lifted her cast slightly.

"Thought maybe you'd gone all American and got yourself giant appliances and an automatic gearbox."

Katie rolled her eyes. "There's a taxi rank outside if you're done taking the piss."

"Still too proud for the bus?"

"Everyone should be too proud for the bus when it's minus twenty."

Emily whipped out a very heavy duty looking parka from her bag, which sported an Antarctic Expedition seal on the sleeve and a fur ruff.

"You came well outfitted," Katie said, mildly surprised.

"After months of listening to you complain like a drama queen I figured I ought to be prepared."

+o+o

Emily and JJ were being quartered in the University Hotel. The Thursday meetings began with Katie and Jen waiting in the lobby of the their hotel that morning. It was her single concession to Doug because she knew two of the three parties she was waiting for: Emily, JJ, and whatever the fuck the Vac Tech rep's name was again. The airport had just been a bonus.

Katie was not particularly looking forward the meeting itself because Doug arranged it in the most informal way possible, in the fashion of a general round table featuring the entire bloody clinic staff, lawyers and patent agents from the university, Emily and JJ, the Vac Tech guy, and of course, Katie, Jen, and Effy. The specific topic meetings would occur the next day. Emily could start obtaining approvals for the trial as well as a financial agreement with Doug's departmental leash holders. On the lab side, Katie hoped she'd have at least a few hours with JJ to discuss the antibody assay. His input could save her a great deal of time, but then she might well lose him to the patent agents.

Apparently the hotel had been recently renovated but it still wasn't a four star establishment. Its main attraction was its proximity to the other university buildings, necessitating only a short bolt from the door of the Starbucks to the tunnel which led to Katie's lab. The lobby of the place was pleasant enough though, and Katie sat by the open fire pit still working on slowly restoring range of motion to her wrist and elbow, because they were incredibly stiff and still a bit painful. When Jen had met her in lab earlier her first response had been:

"Holy shit, you have two hands."

"I _always_ had two hands," Katie argued. "Now I can fucking use both of them again."

Jen immediately took a professional interest, asking how her X-rays looked, if she still had pain, as well as dispensing a mountain of helpful advice about caring for her newly re-exposed skin and atrophied muscles.

"They told me all that rubbish when I had the cast off," Katie objected, when Jen started listing all physiotherapists she knew.

"You're going to have to live with the fact I like you, Fitch," Jen said.

Now they were both installed by the fireplace looking like a petulant teenager and a doting mother with the way Jen kept trying to examine Katie's arm, and Katie just scoffed and pulled it away again. They were saved from their cycle of medical concern by the appearance of a fellow with a paunch and a tan that was rather more orange than brown.

"Hi, are you two with the Evans lab?" the man asked.

The look on Jen's face should have won her an award for most dismayed.

"Yes, that would be us," Katie replied, elbowing Jen discreetly in the ribs with her good arm. "I'm Katie Fitch and this is Jen Carter. We're part of the lab staff."

"I'm Kirk Hamilton, senior vice president of Vac Tech. Most of my friends just call me Ham. So what do your friends call you, Katie?"

Jen burst out in a sudden coughing fit, and Katie was left to continue alone. "Ham. Right."

"I like the sound of it even more when you say it." He punched his open hand with a fist.

Katie glanced at Jen, who it was obvious was fighting to maintain a neutral expression as Kirk smiled at her smarmily. Jesus, it was a wonder Jen hadn't become a pathologist because her bedside manner was severely lacking. Searching desperately, Katie spotted JJ popping out of a lift.

"Oh, Jesus. Thank God. It's JJ."

Katie jumped to her feet and quickly crossed the parquet floor, snatching JJ by the cuff of his blazer. Only feeling _slightly_ guilty she shoved him into the path of "Ham" and motioned sternly for Jen to come away before she dissolved into a fit of helpless giggles.

"What the hell are you two doing?" said Emily, recently emerged from a lift herself, looking fit as fuck between her black skirt suit and leather case.

"Trying to keep Sir-Laughs-A-Lot from fucking offending the bloody senior vice president of Vac Tech," Katie hissed.

"He said to call him _Ham_," Jen wheezed to Emily.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I should have brought Effy!"

"Hey!"

Huffing, Katie ignored her. "Emily this is Jen Carter. She's a good doctor and a passable scientist when she hasn't fucking been self-medicating. This is my sister Emily."

"The tall blonde," Emily said, grinning.

Sobering, Jen asked, "Is that what you call me? Aww, Katie."

Emily laughed, then she noticed Katie's arm. "You got your plaster off."

"Yeah, yesterday after I got you and JJ sorted. Pitiful looking, isn't it?"

"I would have gone with you, Kay."

"You can fucking hold my hand the next bone I break, all right?"

"Come on, let's go rescue JJ. From the sound the phone interview mum had with Hamilton she was…" Emily trailed off.

"Bad impressed?"

"I guess you could say that. Yeah."

It turned out if anyone needed rescuing it was Kirk from JJ, so with a glare at Jen and a bright if forced smile for everyone else, they moved into the tunnel system. Doug and Effy were waiting in the conference room when their mixed party arrived, Effy being early of course so that she could situate herself strategically to see as many faces as possible. Bouncing up from the table, Doug greeted them all while Effy remained seated, smirking when Katie glanced over and signed [kill me.]

"Hello, Katie," Doug said amicably. "And…person who looks similar to Katie."

Emily's smile faltered for a fraction of a second, but it was enough to make Katie need to hide behind her hand because if there was something that irritated Emily to no end it was being confused with her twin. To be honest, it kind of baffled Katie that Doug had done it at all because she and Emily no longer looked much alike. People would occasionally do it when meeting them both simultaneously, but if you knew one twin first it was fairly obvious they were not the same person.

"Doug, this is Emily Fitch, the site coordinator," Katie said, careful to make no mention of the fact Emily was her sister to Doug.

For now, they were business colleagues, not family, though she and Emily had never been on opposite sides of a negotiation before. That element was new, and yet somehow not unfamiliar. Katie left Emily chatting to Doug, taking a seat beside Effy with a little sigh. Effy smiled, sliding a cup of coffee across the table to her.

"Thanks, babes, you don't know how much I need this," Katie said, too busy taking the cup to sign.

Effy didn't say anything else, she just laid her hand on Katie's forearm, as keenly interested in it as Jen had been though her scrutiny was more sweet than invasive, slowly running her fingertips from wrist to elbow, a gorgeous smile blossoming on her lips as Katie drank. The skin there had been at once tender and itchy since the previous day, but it was sort of pleasant to have Effy's cool fingers tracing the line of her radius as though she could feel the integrity of the bone beneath.

"I got my cast off yesterday. I can actually start signing properly with you now."

[Does it hurt?]

"A bit. I'll be back to normal in a few weeks. Jesus, stop that, it tickles."

Smirking, Effy playfully brushed a knuckle over the back of Katie's left hand until Katie made a face and tangled their fingers together briefly to stop her. She only let go when Pandora took up post on Effy's other side, thinking a minute later Effy must have cracker circulation because she was incredibly warm. After a bit Emily sat down as well and Katie introduced Pandora and Effy to her.

"Emily, this is Pandora Moon a student from the clinic," Katie said, leaving Effy to second, "and this is my undergrad Effy Stonem. Effy has been fucking spectacular." She paused before adding in sign language and speech, "This is my sister Emily."

Emily was wonderful, shaking hands with both of them, and quickly got caught up talking to Pandora. Katie watched, pleased, until Jen said from over her shoulder:

"I thought she wasn't _your_ undergrad."

+o+o

The meeting was going really well, if one discounted Kirk trying to charm Katie at every possible interlude, in particular over lunch, which amused the fuck out of Emily and Effy who both seemed to delight in her suffering. Katie triumphantly presented her data to a surprised JJ and an attentive Emily, who didn't know enough about Katie's work to cotton on to the fact she'd pulled off a small miracle. The nurses described their preparations for the clinic. Doug said his piece, ending in a rousing cheer of "Ogie, ogie, ogie!" which none of the Americans understood at all with the apparent exception of Pandora who pumped her fist in the air with JJ's reply of "Oi, oi, oi!" like she knew what the hell was going on.

But then there was Jen, who Doug called on out of the blue after JJ talked a bit about the vaccine formulations and which adjuvant they thought would be most effective. Jen froze, having not been prepared to say anything and promptly had her own brand of public speaking meltdown in which she forgot her own name and generally how to string words together in sentences. Extemporaneous blurbs about her research were not supposed to be outside her skill range. Katie had only been half paying attention because she knew just as much about Fitch's proprietary adjuvants as JJ did, instead allowing herself to be distracted by notes Effy was writing her that featured cartoons of Katie and Kirk in various stages of wedlock.

Suddenly, she was drawn back to the moment by Effy's hand gently squeezing her knee, and she glanced up at Jen's white face. She scrambled, trying to think of something to say about Jen's work when Pandora's voice cut through the tension as bright and easy as a Minnesotan accented knife. And she was being prompted by the most unlikely source ever.

"Doctor Carter and I are working closely with Katie on this project," she said. "We are looking forward to sharing more data about autoimmune disease with you when you visit again in January."

Katie stared in disbelief as Effy smiled at the assembled company.

"Thank you, Elizabeth," Doug said.

That's of course when Jen found her voice again and she spluttered in surprise, "Elizabeth?!"

Effy shrugged. God, no wonder Tony had called her Lizzie. The last person to speak was Kirk, and his presentation came off as nine-tenths motivational speech about the importance of biotechnology and had almost nothing to do with the actual specifics for the vaccine trial. Evidently Vac Tech's only helpful contribution to the schema was going to be the fucking patent itself. Katie quickly escaped to a side room when he was done to avoid being cornered.

"Jesus, did you see me?" whispered a mortified Jen.

"Which part exactly?" Katie replied.

"Where I had to be saved from humiliation by Effy. And who knew her name was Elizabeth?"

"Pandora, probably."

"This is why I cannot give this speech at the MMF dinner. Katie you have to help me, I'm going to be a fucking wre—"

Just then Emily and the aforementioned Elizabeth found them skulking in what was essentially a large cabinet more than a room.

"Hiding from your boyfriend?" Emily teased.

"Coming back into the closet, Ems?" Katie sniped back.

Effy held up the drawing she'd made of Kirk and Katie spawning an army of children. Emily's expression turned thunderous for an instant but Katie touched her shoulder and conveyed with a look that it was cool. Effy didn't know.

"That rep _is_ into you, Katie," Jen said, oblivious to the twin's exchange.

"Ugh," Katie groaned. "He's fucking repulsive. I wouldn't fuck him if he was the last man on earth."

"Just Katie's type in college," Emily interjected.

Signing something to Katie that made her laugh, Effy grinned at the older Fitch twin, and Katie signed in return. She whinged as Effy corrected her, letting Effy press a hand to her palm to bend her fingers. Most people probably wouldn't have needed the physical help, but Katie was shit at deciphering the mirror image when Effy tried to demonstrate. Effy smiled as Katie's fingers slid over her wrist, the adjustments disintegrating into a series of soft touches because the formerly broken arm was too weak to make the sign properly. Eyeing Effy clinically, Emily raised her eyebrows. She loved Naomi, utterly, but could say in a completely objective way Effy was…alluring. Leave it to straight as an arrow Katie to make friends with her.

"When did Katie start learning sign language?" Emily murmured to Jen in an undertone.

Jen didn't get the chance to reply before Effy waved goodbye and left the three of them in the closet, Emily's eyes following her until the door shut again.

"I think I chose the wrong career path," Emily said, sounding slightly dazed.

"What, why?" said Katie, nonplussed.

"You're surrounded by beautiful women and I spend all day fighting a glass ceiling with middle aged men."

"I thought you were all loved up, or whatever."

"I'm committed, not blind."

"Wishing you'd played the field more, Ems?"

"God, you played it enough for both of us."

Katie rolled her eyes. "I wasn't nearly as much of a slag as you thought, Jesus. I'll go fetch our coats so you don't turn into an Emsicle, yeah?"

As they went out into the hallway, Emily hung back with Jen.

"When did she start learning sign language?" Emily asked again.

"About a month ago, why?" said Jen.

"It's just…a bit not Katie."

Jen smiled cryptically. "I think a lot of not Katie things have happened since she met Effy."


	12. Chapter 10: Perforin

**Chapter 10**

**Perforin: **A protein made by cytolytic cells (T cells, natural killer cells, etc) that forms pores in target cells, thereby killing them

That night Emily and Katie went to dinner at a place downtown by the name of Haute Dish, the bulk of the pun being lost on Emily until Katie explained that "hotdishes" were casserole things made by Midwesterners, though what actually was in them varied widely depending upon whom you asked. Pandora favoured one that involved tater tots, tiny balls of fried grated potato. The whole business confused Katie a bit but she also came from a country of mutton and mushy peas, so she didn't much judge on cuisine. The interior of the restaurant was long and narrow, dark and probably too romantic for a meal between sisters but they were situated along one wall just beside an arch in panelled walnut.

"How's your gayer half?" Katie enquired shortly after their drinks arrived.

"She has a name, you know," Emily griped. "Jesus you sound like mum."

The comparison was as harsh as any Emily could have levelled at her. "Naomi then. At least you know when I ask I'm not secretly hoping you'll tell me she's like, died."

"Not anymore, anyway."

"Yeah, you still could have done better." The pain was taken from the sting by Katie's wry smile.

"She's well. Got called away on an UN assignment, but I think she'll come with me when we do a more formal assessment in January. Doug wanted to see an epidemiologist."

"I've been bored without her around to insult me." Naomi had become one of Katie's favourite verbal sparring partners, their love for Emily had forged a mutual cause between them even if didn't make them friends. "So _are_ you going to get legal with Naomi anytime soon?"

"We haven't really talked about it," Emily admitted. "I know I love her, it's just been hard."

"Well, if you do, I want to be there when you tell mum. The look on her face is going to be fucking priceless. I want to treasure it for eternity."

Emily snorted. "Not going to throw me to the dogs this time?"

"Am I to be held accountable forever for something fucking stupid I did nine years ago?"

Emily shrugged apologetically. "Then you'll be among the first I tell, I promise."

"Why didn't mum send Wally as the liaison?" Katie said at last, asking the question that had been nagging at her.

"Can we just be sisters for tonight? Not the twins of Fitch Pharma?"

"When are we not the twins of Fitch Pharma?"

"Anytime we chose not to be."

So for a while, they weren't. Their conversation wandered from mutual friends to Katie's social life (or lack thereof) to Emily's adventures hunting for a new flat. Emily related a few stories about cases she'd worked on and Katie told anecdotes about Jen and Pandora. They had progressed to pudding by the time Emily shifted in her chair and fixed Katie with a serious look, stalling her in the middle of a five minute long rhapsody about how splendid Effy had been through the testing.

"So," Emily began, "about Effy."

"What about her?" Katie replied.

"She seems interesting."

Katie cut to the chase. "Yeah, she's fucking gorgeous."

Laughing, Emily shook her head. "Not what I was thinking actually. I'm just happy to see you've made friends."

"Funny really. I think Effy and I hated each other when we met."

"Why am I not surprised."

"It hasn't even been that long, but she's kind of…grown on me, I suppose." Katie smiled fondly.

"I think she likes you."

"That's good, she's fucking stuck in with me, isn't she?"

"No, Katie. I think she _likes _you." Emily jabbed her fork in Katie's direction.

Katie frowned. "You mean …Oh, that's very fucking funny, Emily."

"I mean it. I think she fancies you."

"I think you've had too many gins."

"All the touching?"

Katie held up a hand arguing, "She's been helping me sign."

"And the coffee. Who brings their pseudo boss a coffee?"

"It's a joke because I kept having accidents around her."

"And she just happens to know what you like and how you…take it?"

Folding her hands over her knee, Emily arched an eyebrow to emphasize her point. Emily and her fucking double entendres.

"Oh, no," Katie protested at once. "She's not gay."

"I never said she was," Emily conceded. "But she's something."

"You don't know that."

Taking a deep breath, Emily delivered her coup de grace. "She looks at you like Naomi used to look at me."

For a second, Katie's mouth fell open and then she burst out laughing. Now that was hilarious. Not the Naomi part of it because, ugh, it was Naomi; no, it was hilarious because if Effy was anything she was not_ transparent_, not the kind of girl who got sussed out in like, a day by Emily, who may well have chatted Effy up had she been a little less in love with Naomi bloody Campbell. Effy played everything so close to the chest it was a wonder anyone knew she was holding any cards at all. It was fucking funny.

"Right, Emily," Katie said. "Effy Stonem has a big lezzer infatuation with me."

"I'm just trying to help," Emily replied coolly.

"Well, then you should fucking stop." Katie lasted about ten seconds before she asked angrily, "Why the fuck are you telling me this?"

"I wanted to make sure you weren't accidentally giving her false hope or anything."

Katie made inarticulate noises for a few seconds before she huffed, "Even if Effy did have feelings for me, which she fucking well doesn't, she knows I'm straight."

"Yeah, you've only told everyone six thousand times since we were sixteen." Emily sighed. "Katie, I know she's your friend, so be careful, okay?"

Whatever. It was all completely ridiculous. Emily's intentions seemed good but it didn't make her any less fucking wrong.

+o+o

It wasn't until later that she started to think maybe it wasn't just a figment of Emily's overactive imagination. Katie was standing in the clinic waiting to claim JJ from the patent agents, when she met Jen. The event in itself would have been unspectacular, but as Jen rounded the corner, Katie dove behind a divider and ducked trying to prevent herself from being seen.

"Just me, Katie," Jen called.

"For Christ's sake, I thought it was Hamilton," Katie grumbled, straightening up again.

"Still? That man is persistent."

"I've been hiding from him all morning."

"Your sister seemed to think it was pretty funny."

"She's like fucking addled."

Jen glanced down at Katie's bared teeth. "Okay, do you want to elaborate?"

"No, because it's fucking crazy."

"This is me you're talking to. There is no such thing as crazy."

Katie quickly swept the clinic for eavesdroppers before wringing her hands. Standing on her toes she whispered in Jen's bent ear, "She thinks Effy likes me." Then she scurried back a few steps looking positively murderous.

"I'd hope so," Jen answered, obviously confused. "It'd be kind of awkward if you guys were still all—oh."

Guilty didn't quite describe the flash of alarm that flitted over Jen's features.

"Jennifer Carter," Katie growled.

"What did I do now?" Jen whined.

Her shoulders sagged and she trailed into an empty exam room, sulking under Katie's glower.

"What the fuck did you say to my sister?" Katie said.

"I didn't say anything to her."

"Then why out of nowhere does she think Effy has some stupid thing for me?"

"I don't know. She's gay right? Maybe she has that sonar thing that gay people have."

"She's a lesbian, not bloody Flipper."

"Um, sonar…echo location…no, that's bats…uh…the thing where you can tell if people are gay or not."

"Gaydar."

Jen clicked her fingers with a grin. "Oh! Yeah, that thing."

"You're avoiding the fucking question," Katie pressed.

"Honestly the only thing I said about Effy was that you seemed to be doing a lot of new things since you met her. That was it, I swear."

"I haven't done anything new since meeting Effy."

"Uh, yes you have." Jen started ticking them off on her fingers. "You started learning ASL, trained her after protesting for days, had Thanksgiving. You've done some new things."

"And that translates into Emily thinking my undergrad is having fantasies of fucking me in the cold room?"

Grimacing, Jen shuddered slightly. "Yeah, that seems like a good idea until—" She cleared her throat suddenly. "Okay, first of all _no one _said Effy wanted to fuck you. Not that you're not fuckable because you totally are…let's just move away from the fucking thing altogether. Katie, I think you're overreacting here. Even if Effy does have a crush on you, so what?"

"I'm glad you can be so indifferent."

"It's not a big deal. Effy is smart and beautiful. Anyone should be lucky. If you're not interested, take it as a compliment and move on. That's assuming there _is _something there, and hell, we're just speculating. So would you just chill out?"

Glairing, Katie turned irritably away from the doctor. She planned to forcibly extract JJ from the agents if necessary, but she found him smiling and ready, a long list of suggested reagents and protocols for her to try. Brilliant. Science was exponentially simpler than girls.

+o+o

Unfortunately, Katie's meeting with JJ wasn't as successful as she'd hoped. JJ's list was exactly that: a list, none of the protocols had actually been tested in their hands. Although his team had been working on an antibody assay, they'd had limited data come out of their attempts, so they had abandoned it temporarily to work on other projects. Katie had been under the impression they just wanted her to test the previous study subjects, but apparently they wanted her to develop the whole assay as well. Fitch needed it up and running to assess the vaccine efficacy toward B cells, but Katie couldn't do it alone in the time she had left. JJ agreed to put at least one technician on the problem to work in tandem with Katie while she was back in the UK for Christmas. With any luck, they could develop a protocol for further testing when she returned to America after New Year.

Katie was thus something of an emotional hodgepodge through Emily's visit. JJ and Kirk both left Friday night, but the younger Fitch stayed until Sunday. Having Emily around was wonderful from the point of view that Katie had missed her sister; Katie took her to a number of scenic locations and fed her handsomely, however by Sunday night she was not afraid to say she was happy to see the back of her twin. Katie probably wouldn't have acknowledged it, but she resented Emily for making her dread seeing Effy. Katie hated feeling like there was another barrier between them when they'd made so much progress toward being friends. As Katie and Emily drove toward MSP, Katie finally behind the wheel again, they passed the iconic Riverside Plaza apartment complex, a concrete building with large coloured panels on the sides.

"So what did you think of Minnesota?" Katie asked.

"I'm trapped in an episode of Mary Tyler Moore," Emily commented. "Isn't that the place where she used to live?"

"Yeah, that's Cedar-Riverside. It's fucking dodgy."

"Mary Tyler Moore lived in a bad neighbourhood?"

"I don't know if she did in the seventies, but she does now."

"When are you coming home for Christmas?"

"Twenty first December. It's a Saturday."

"I'll be there if I can. I could send a car round otherwise. Or Naomi."

"Pfft, I'm sure she'd love that. Might prefer a few rounds with a pit bull."

"About the same, really."

Katie parked in front of the ticketing area, helping Emily with her bags and giving her a hug, this time with both arms.

"I'll be home in a few weeks, yeah?" Katie said. "I still owe you a reprieve from mum."

"I love you, Katie."

"I know. Now get out of here."

Emily disappeared into the terminal and Katie closed the boot of the car. It wasn't like her not to strip Emily down when she was upset with her, but she hadn't wanted to discuss Effy a second more, not with so many things on her mind.

+o+o

Katie hardly slept Sunday night. Monday was the feasibility review, and she was nervous about what the evaluation results would be like. She told herself her anxiety had nothing to do with seeing Effy, that Emily was still wrong and she shouldn't be afraid. But then she had a dream. It was the morning she confronted Effy in the cold room, everything preternaturally silent and frigid. Effy was so, so close. Her eyes burned blue in the darkness. Matching Katie movement for movement, the girl had her on the retreat, pressing her up against the shelves without even touching her, the air warmed by her proximity alone. They could have been touching. She could tell Effy _wanted_ to touch her, restraint tensing every muscle. Her breath was hot in Katie's ear as Effy curved a hesitant hand against her left hip, thumb tracing the crest of the bone until Katie closed her eyes and shivered.

Sheets tangled around her legs, Katie woke up with her pulse racing. Jesus fucking Christ. She hated Emily in that moment, for planting the seed. It took every moment she'd ever had with Effy, no matter how innocuous, and charged them all with sexual tension. It put their friendship in danger. Wasn't that was the whole source of her terror? That the lovely connection she had with this girl would be lost if Effy did fancy her and found her affection unrequited. But Katie's fear almost always manifested as anger. So it was the bitch that went to campus Monday dressed to within an inch of her life, icy pavement be damned. When she got to lab, Jen looked her over with an amused smile.

"I have to say, Fitch, you have outdone yourself," Jen said slowly.

"If you're going to sit there and fucking take the piss," Katie bitched.

"Nope, just saying you're looking mighty fine."

"I've had enough. No more of this gay bollocks."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am." Jen saluted solemnly. "But Katie, seriously. You need to chill, okay? Have you even seen her?"

Katie shook her head. "No."

"Then cool your fucking heels, and let's go to the meeting."

Steeling herself, Katie briskly agreed. Pandora and the nurses were the only people in the clinic when they arrived. Sitting down between Pandora and Jen, Katie tired to take Jen's advice to be fucking calm, but that plan went to shit when Effy turned up. She cocked her head a fraction when she noted Katie wedged between Panda and Jen like a fucking crab in the rocks as though she were scared of the tide, but then Pandora very helpfully budged up, leaving Effy the head of the table as usual. Of course, Pandora was just holding the place, not claiming it for herself. Effy's hair was smooth and straight, and she was wonderfully beautiful and unaware as she smiled at Katie.

[All mine again?] Effy signed.

Katie knew somewhere that she didn't mean anything by it, that she was just asking if Emily and JJ were gone, but Katie squirmed uncomfortably nonetheless.

"No," Katie snapped, without signing. "I'm just back to the fucking grindstone."

"What Katie means," Jen said across Katie's tense shoulders, "is that we just have a lot of work to go before Christmas. I think she's stressed about it."

Effy nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. On Katie's other side, Jen gave her a meaningful look. _Chill, Katie_. But she couldn't. Effy was too close and the dream was too fresh in her mind. The meeting was a daze. All she could think about was how close Effy was sitting. What the meaning was behind every glance, every shift in Effy's posture, her playful smirks, or the slight frown she got when Katie didn't laugh at her notes. And she couldn't stop thinking about if Effy could smell her perfume, if she could see down Katie's plunging neckline, if it made Effy want her. Oh, Jesus, why had she put that dress on? She knew the answer to that. She'd been angry, and nothing suited her anger more than being hot enough to make the anger work for her, but now she regretted it. Effy's hand brushed her arm and the jolt of sensation made her stomach drop.

The next thing Katie knew she was sitting alone with Jen at the table.

"Katie," Jen repeated. "We can go now."

"How long have I been sitting here?" Katie asked.

"Like a minute. Effy didn't look super happy when she left."

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Yeah, I think we covered the fuck."

"What the fuck am I doing?"

"Uh, besides being all fucking weird to a girl who is probably pretty confused right now, not sure."

Katie got to her feet, so torn between hiding and screaming it strangely just made her feel like crying. Fucking Emily. She didn't even notice Alice until she'd almost collided with her.

"Hi, Katie," Alice said to her.

"Hi, Alice," Katie said, looking somewhere over the girl's left shoulder.

"Could I speak to you in private for just a moment?"

Glancing at Jen, Katie shrugged and followed her a little way down the corridor.

"I just wanted to say thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?" Katie said, forehead furrowing.

"Talking to Effy."

Okay, it wasn't like she was doing a public bloody service or anything. "I talk to her all the time." Or used to talk to her, since Katie was evidently having some serious issues on that front.

"No, I meant about…that thing."

"Have I missed something?"

"About you know…" Her voice dropped to a whisper, "the questionnaire."

She'd completely forgotten all about the sodding thing. "Oh, shit, I never…"

"What? Oh! Well…things look a lot more normal anyway."

Katie rubbed tiredly at her eyes. "Great."

"I wonder if we could get her to go back and revise some of her previous questionnaires. I mean up until a couple of weeks ago she had—"

"Too much information, Alice!"

Alice winced. "Sorry."

"Sweet fucking Jesus."

Effy wasn't the real problem with the study anyway. The kid who'd magically gotten mono from no one was the real issue. The time was past for caring who Effy Stonem fucked or didn't fuck. Now Katie's only shameful interest was just hoping it wasn't her. She left the clinic as quickly as possible, feeling a hundred times worse than she had when she got there.

+o+o

Katie sat staring at her blank MacBook, cheek resting on her fist. She was so distracted she didn't even hear anyone approach her, just felt the warm soft hands that descended on her shoulders and gently began to knead. It felt so good that for a second Katie's eyes just fluttered shut and she groaned aloud, but then she realized she had no idea who was touching her. Panicked, she looked into the reflection in the glass of the screen to see Effy's calm blue eyes gazing back at her. Effy smirked, forestalling comment with a quick shake of her head as she slowly worked the strain from her muscles. Effy's thumb rubbed a firm line up the back of Katie's neck and she just capitulated, giving herself over to it. They couldn't talk while Effy's hands were busy; she was doing it on purpose, forging this moment where neither of them could say anything. That didn't stop Katie from unconsciously blurting things out though.

"God, you're bloody good at that," Katie muttered.

Effy's answering laugh was quiet but audible, and Katie looked up in surprise because it was the first time she'd ever heard Effy's voice. She couldn't have possibly known what Katie had said, but perhaps there had been enough nonverbal clues to give her an inkling. Turning, Katie gazed up into her face.

"How the hell do you know what I said was funny?" Katie demanded.

[I could feel the vibration of your moaning,] Effy replied.

Effy's smirk, Katie would be forced later to admit, was more teasing than suggestive but the thoughtfulness of the moment was lost. Katie was in full-fledged flight again. She shot to her feet, leaning back against the desk with the chair left to enforce the distance between them.

[What's wrong?] Effy's eyes were concerned and careful as they searched Katie's face.

"Nothing," Katie lied. "I'm just a bit high strung."

She signed the sentence again for Effy a moment later, but the undergrad didn't move, her gaze in a death lock with Katie's.

[Truth.]

It was a command. Effy wanted the truth. How the fuck was Katie supposed to explain without divulging the whole stupid thing? Because it was stupid, unless Emily was right, and then what was it? Katie didn't know.

"Really, it's nothing! A lot of work before the holiday, yeah?"

She tried to sign that part, too, but Effy rolled her eyes at Katie's attempt and didn't do anything to help. Until then, Katie hadn't realised how bad her ASL really was. It always seemed easier with Pandora or Effy to smile and help her, but she tried to form sentences with syntax that followed the pattern of her spoken speech and she still relied too heavily on finger spelling for words instead of learning their proper signs. Her failure fed her irritation, and Effy, ever vigilant, knew.

[Did I do something wrong?]

"I just—I think, maybe I need some fucking space! Okay? Jesus."

As soon as the words had left her she wished she could take it back. It was unequivocally the wrong thing to say, implying fault on Effy's part. Frantically, Katie tried to backpedal.

"No, that's not—I don't know what's happening."

Effy, the girl with quirky humour and a beautiful smile disappeared behind the other Effy. The one that was all long stares and hard edges. Maybe that's why Katie'd dreamt of the cold room; it was an omen predicting the return of the girl who'd looked into the eye of the storm without batting an eyelash. Nodding slowly, Effy turned her back and left the lab.

"Effy, wait!" Katie shouted, feeling like a fucking idiot about two seconds later for forgetting, even for a moment, Effy was deaf.

+o+o

The text she got later that day was more than she deserved.

_when you're ready, whatever it is, i'm listening. figuratively of course._

Katie cried by herself in the storage closet. Then she turned off her mobile because she didn't how to answer.

+o+o

"Autoimmune disease affects over six million Americans. One of these diseases is known as MS or multiple sclerosis. Like most autoimmune diseases, MS affects primarily women, although men can be affected as well. There are a lot of theories about the initiation of MS, but we believe that in individuals that are genetically predisposed, infection can be a triggering event. Of ubiquitous—oh, fuck—yeah, Katie?"

Katie waved her hand, bringing Jen to a shuddering halt. "We need to rework this whole opening segment."

"What?" Jen said, exasperated. "What's wrong with it?"

"You're speaking to people who potentially have no education in science. What is autoimmunity? How does it work? You need to explain all that rubbish before you even introduce infection, yeah?"

"Well, how about I get through more than two slides before you rip the damn thing apart? Is that too much to ask as once scientist to another?"

"Honorary scientist."

Rolling her eyes, Jen got back into the flow of her presentation. "We can think of T cells in your immune system like little policemen. They patrol your body looking for things that are suspicious. Before they can do that though, they need some sensitivity training so they can be nice to your cells while killing the bad guys."

"This is the oddest explanation of central tolerance I've ever heard."

Jen clenched one hand. "Will you stop interrupting me! Unless you want to give this talk yourself…"

Katie shrugged grouchily.

"This is supposed to be for laymen, right?"

"Jen, you're anthropomorphising the cells."

"They're human cells, does that count?"

"No."

Tossing her laser pointer onto the table, Jen jumped up and sat next to Katie.

Katie crossed her arms. "Why're you stopping? We've been through three slides."

"Because we've been through three fucking slides. We're going to take a break for a second while you tell me what you fucked up with Effy, please."

"Nothing."

"I call mother fucking bullshit."

"Fine. I accidentally fucking told her I needed some space. In a really horrible, cunty way. Okay? Are you pleased with your sleuthing Sherlock?"

"_Nice_. Excellent work. Your temper is cataclysmic. Has anyone every told you that before?"

"Yeah, and you're about to be on the wrong fucking side of it."

"This is going to make the MMF dinner awkward."

"Who the fuck said I was going to the MMF dinner?"

"Did I forget to tell you? You're my pitch partner. Minor detail."

"I'm your what?!"

"Like I said, minor, teensy detail. Anyway, apologize, because she's my plus one and I'd really rather not have you two bitching it out while we should be getting donors."

"You're bringing her as your date?"

"I'm not stealing your girlfriend."

"I'm fucking leaving."

Jen lifted her hands in surrender. "Holy crap, Fitch. It's not a date. Unless your boss goes on dates with you regularly, because Doug will be there. She bailed me out the other day and I know you don't want to hear this but she's hot. I thought she might help us out, okay?"

Katie shook her head, leaning further back in her chair. "I can't be there if she is."

"I still don't get why there's so much drama. You're supposed to be her friend and you're hurting her pretty bad right now because she _might_ have a crush on you. Shouldn't you be like, flattered not terrified?"

"I don't know what to do."

"Jesus, Katie. Just show her you're not afraid, no matter how she feels."

That was the trouble. Katie _was_ afraid, and she had no idea why.

Jen pushed at Katie's shoulder. "Fix it, okay?"

It was so unknowingly close to her own speech to Effy, it shook her into having a bit of backbone. Finally, Katie nodded contritely. She was going to make it right with Effy, whatever it took.

* * *

**A/N: Don't panic Emily fans. Katie will be back in the UK soon. Three chapters til the girls hit Christmas and possibly another little interlude, maybe from Effy herself.  
**


	13. Chapter 11: Molecular Mimicry

**Chapter 11**

**Molecular Mimicry: **When two different pathogens have proteins that can be recognized by the same T or B cell; thought to occur between EBV and self-antigens in multiple sclerosis

Effy came to lab the next day like nothing happened. Katie might have avoided talking to her at all if Effy had still been working on the sequencing project, but she wasn't. It was finished. She needed new instructions, and though Katie had something in mind for her, it required a day of working in close quarters while she taught Effy how to thaw frozen blood cells and extract DNA from them. At first, Effy just went and sat at her bench. She somehow looked both tired and alert, as though sleep deprivation heightened her awareness. Then she came and stood beside Katie's desk with her iPad out.

"Hi," Katie said tentatively.

_what's my new assignment?_

They were back to the iPad.

"DNA extraction."

Effy nodded, putting the tablet down on the bench so Katie could come and explain. Katie went to her slowly, and Effy actually backed away, maintaining a respectable distance. Effy's eyes were trained on the screen, not even glancing at Katie as she began to write.

"We have blood cells that are frozen. They get frozen in a dimethyl sulfoxide solution to prevent ice crystals from damaging them. When they get thawed we have to rinse the DMSO off. Then we put them in a very small volume of buffer and lyse them."

_why not just lyse them instead of rinsing?_

"The volume it too great. If we just pellet them in the centrifuge we lose some of the DNA as the cells die. After we lyse them, we use ethanol to precipitate the DNA. It looks like a fluffy white powder."

Nodding seriously, Effy watched as Katie showed her all of the tiny plastic columns they would use to extract the DNA, and the little centrifuge. Having something to focus on took some of the awkward uncertainty from the situation, and again Effy proved to Katie her worth as an assistant. She was always one step ahead, loosening the cap on the next reagent, arranging another row of tubes, or labelling the collection vessels. More and more, Katie sensed the ebbing of the terror she'd felt around Effy the previous day and instead felt nothing but a creeping, pervasive shame. She had treated Effy poorly and knew it.

[I'm sorry,] Katie signed suddenly, desperate to have done with it. [I'm sorry for yesterday.]

Katie knew from the first time they had been at the bench together, they just _fit_. Sometimes, Katie felt so close to her they might have been joined at the hip, their muscles controlled by the same nerve impulses. When they worked side-by-side, they were as flawless as slow growing crystals of frost on a calm morning. But then there were moments like that one, when Effy's eyes shuttered and she turned away, that Katie thought maybe she didn't know Effy at all.

They finished the rest of the demonstration speaking only when necessary, and after, Effy went without saying goodbye.

+o+o

The aura of bad feeling persisted through the day of the MMF dinner, and though Effy was perfectly professional, she was distant and cold. Katie tried to apologise again on Wednesday, but after that she decided to give up until she was ready to tell Effy the whole stupid fucking story. The dinner itself unluckily fell on Friday the thirteenth, and Jen spent the morning in a state of complete and utter panic, running around like having her presentation backed up in thirty different places would guarantee an excellent oratory delivery that night. Katie thought things couldn't get much worse until Pandora came into the lab around three still brushing snow off her shoulders, her boots squeaking wetly against the lino. She brought something over to Effy, a piece of jewellery by the flash of it in the light, but Katie was fixated on the snow.

"Panda," she called to the undergrad. "Is it snowing out there?"

"Buckets," Pandora replied. "It's snowed three or four inches since this morning and it looks like we're going to get three or four more this afternoon."

"Fuck."

"What?" Jen exclaimed. "You are not allowed to say fuck in that tone of voice right now."

"It's snowing. I'm complete shit at driving in the snow. How am I supposed to get home and back again tonight?"

"Taxi?"

"I can't leave my car here overnight to vandals and thieves!"

"You can't leave me alone with Doug and a bunch of donors!"

_i'll do it_

Katie caught the movement of the proffered note from the corner of her eye, and had to turn to look at Effy fully. The girl lifted her eyebrows slightly and Katie stared at her for a second before realising her mouth was hanging open.

"You mean drive me? In my car?"

Sweeping her hair off her shoulder, Effy nodded.

"Can you drive a manual?"

Another nod.

"You don't mind? You'll have to get ready at mine."

[So many questions.]

It was the first thing Effy had signed to her since the feasibility review, and Katie broke into such a huge smile of relief Effy looked mildly surprised. For a long moment she held Katie's gaze, until Katie thought she might liquefy from the intensity of her stare. Then she smirked and signing something Katie didn't quite understand, she jumped down from where she was sitting on the bench and pulled on her jacket before hustling out the door.

"Wait, I thought she was taking you," said a confused Jen.

"She's going to get her stuff," Pandora said. "She and I live in the seventeenth ave dorm so she shouldn't be too long."

"I didn't know deaf people could drive."

"This is why I have high fucking hopes for our chances tonight," Katie put in, shaking her head. "Tactless."

"Said the pot to the kettle."

"I hope you guys have fun tonight," Pandora said a bit sadly. "I wish I was going."

Katie didn't know what to say that. It was Jen's event, and it was ticketed at that, so there was nothing she could do but smile apologetically at the girl as she said goodbye. They still saw each other regularly for Pandora's biochemistry tutoring, but it seemed like all they ever really discussed outside of the subject matter was Effy. Maybe it was time for Katie to start being Pandora's friend again for her own sake. It looked like she had more than just her weirdness with Effy to make up for.

About half an hour passed before Effy reappeared, looking exactly the same with the exception of a small black bag that hung from one shoulder. She nodded quickly to Katie. The cocktail reception began at 1830 meaning they only had three hours to get to Katie's flat on snowy roads, get ready, and be back again at the alumni centre. They left the lab with Jen, the girl's walk a smooth meander beside the little Fitch's quick strides, while Jen kept colliding with both of them as she became distracted. As they emerged on street level, Katie looked around them in disgust. Several centimetres of snow had fallen during the day, and it was still falling. Effy paused, planting her boots in the snow, waiting for Katie to lead the way toward her car.

Katie's car was parked in a ramp across the street and Jen parted from them there, with several harried warnings about schedules and laser pointers and ice under the snow. Handing Effy the keys, Katie took her up to the third floor and pointed a bit self-consciously at her car. It was black, expensive and not at all suited to surviving in a Minnesota winter. Katie cringed to show it to Effy, an undergrad with two jobs, but Effy's grin allayed some of her apprehension. She climbed behind the wheel and very quickly, Katie learned that Effy knew what she was doing. The fatal mistake of new drivers in snow is that they want to give more power when really they should be giving less. Effy moved expertly through traffic, using the manual gearbox to her best advantage in the slushy mess. In just twenty minutes, Effy had them safely in Katie's heated underground garage. Ordinarily, she probably would have done something goofy like bow sardonically as she set the handbrake, but things were still strained, and as it was, Effy simply got out of the car, leaving Katie alone.

The difference in atmosphere was stark as Katie let Effy into her flat. The last time they had both been there, they had sat in front of Katie's fire drinking tea on Thanksgiving Day. Now it ironically more closely resembled getting ready for dinner with someone who just broke up with her. Katie ushered Effy into the guest half bath with a stack of fresh towels, before disappearing into her own en suite. It was nearly six by the time she emerged again, to find Effy already prepared, leaning against her terrace door. She was incredibly beautiful, in a long blue dress that matched her eyes, her eyeliner a smoky black against the paleness of her skin. When she finally glanced up at Katie and smirked, it made her breath hitch.

[Nice dress,] Effy signed.

[Nice dress,] Katie replied snarkily.

Then Effy smiled and Katie suddenly wanted more than anything in the world to tell Effy she was beautiful and have her feel it like no one had ever said it before. But she didn't know how to say it without cheapening Effy's secret, and instead just motioned for the door.

+o+o

They were very nearly late, but they swept up outside the copper and glass edifice of the McNamara Alumni Centre just in time, Effy surrendering the vehicle to the valet as though she did this sort of thing everyday, absolutely stunning and haughty as she sauntered around the boot and followed Katie into the building. Sometimes Katie forgot about Christmas; it had been a long time since she'd felt any magic regarding the holiday, and for her it was a purely secular event at any rate. But as she stepped onto the floor of the ballroom and gazed up into the gorgeous high arch of the ceiling she remembered. The lighting was soft, reminiscent of glittering snow and stars with fairy lights that wove across the glass fissures.

Effy was looking with her, she noticed, face upturned into the light with an amused smirk, like she thought the whole thing was cliché enough to be funny. But then she saw Effy was really looking at the maroon Minnesota Medical Foundation banner that clashed with all the silver and blue and it's redundant little slogan _Giving to medicine and health._ She only got to admire it for a moment, though, before Doug seized her by the hand.

"Oh, good you're here," Doug said in a tense whisper. "Have you seen Jen?"

"No, I only just arrived," Katie replied, keeping her voice low.

"She was supposed to be here half an hour ago for the tech check for her presentation but she didn't turn up."

Katie sighed. "I'll go phone her."

Turning back to Effy, Katie touched her on the shoulder without thinking, slipping past to ring Jen in a quiet hallway somewhere. She tried twice but she wasn't successful in reaching Jen either time.

[Jen missing?] Effy signed on Katie's return.

Katie nodded. [Traffic?]

[Maybe.]

[This is bad.]

Doug cleared his throat, reminding them he was still present, and wasn't able to understand their exchange.

"Do you have Jen's presentation?" Doug quavered.

"I have it here on a flash drive," said Katie, "but I don't exactly have a laptop with me, do I?"

"They have one. Katie, I hate to ask this, but if Jen doesn't come, we need this funding. Would you give her presentation?"

"No, I will not give this sodding presentation! Jen describes T cells as bloody policemen for fuck's sake."

"Katie, I'm begging you, please."

"Why can't you do it?"

"You practised with her, didn't you?"

"Listening, not talking!"

Effy angled her head slightly, evidently trading places with Doug as she attempted to speech read enough to catch the essence of the spoken conversation. Katie had only ever seen her actively do it once or twice before.

Shrugging, Effy signed, [Well, I can't do it.]

"Oh, for the love of…fine." Pulling the flash drive from her purse, Katie slapped it into Doug's hand. "This is the presentation. If Jen isn't here when her turn comes, I'll fucking give the thing, but I swear to God she better be close to death somewhere or she will be when I'm through with her."

Doug smiled gleefully, scurrying off to transfer the presentation onto whatever laptop the organizers had prepared. Meanwhile, Katie attempted to phone Jen again, still with no success. Halfway through her third call, she got a text. She jerked her phone down from her ear only to find the message was from Effy and all it said was _calm your tits_. Glowering, she looked up, and Effy made eye contact with her from across the room, her smirk playful and strangely sexy. She beckoned with one finger and Katie went to her, drawn inexorably, as if Effy had tied a string to her solar plexus and wanted to cash in on the claim. Instead, she gave Katie a glass of champagne.

[Sorry, no tequila,] she teased.

"Yeah, because that will improve my performance," Katie groaned.

[Jen says you're a good speaker.]

"I lisp."

[I know.]

Shifting into ASL, Katie signed, [Why are you being so nice to me?]

[When was I mean?]

Katie took a deep breath, on the verge of attempting to apologize again when Doug interrupted them.

"I've heard from Jen," he announced. "She's been in an accident. Trying to get here now, but no guarantees she'll arrive in time."

"Okay," Katie said.

Effy arched an eyebrow, and at Katie's answering shrug, she grinned. She was going to, as Effy suggested, calm her tits. Over the next hour Doug introduced them to about six million people, none of whom Katie could keep straight and she was tired of hearing herself talk by the time everyone sat down to dinner. True to Jen's prediction, many of the male and some of the female donors simply stood and stared at Effy for most of the time Katie was trying to pitch Jen's project. Katie wasn't sure if this was beneficial or not, if they'd subconsciously associate the research with the mysterious brunette or if Effy was drawing away too much attention.

Regrettably, Jen was still with the police when they were seated because the Evans lab had the great fortune to be at the same table with Grant Stratford, one of the richest and most generous donors of the MMF. He was middle aged, but handsome and Katie was thinking she was going to have to break out her womanly charms when she noticed he had his wife with him and that they seemed to be genuinely fond of one another. It looked like they were down to the merit of the research alone. Not a good sign with the clinician for the project drowning in a sea of insurance paperwork.

"Mister Stratford," Doug oozed, "very pleased to meet you, sir. I'm Doctor Doug Evans and these are my students Katie and Effy."

"Please, call me Grant," Stratford replied easily. "This is my wife Erica and daughter Gretta."

The daughter Gretta no one realised was even at the table, because she'd sunk so low in her chair as to be almost invisible behind her place setting. No one, that was, except of course for Effy who noticed everything. She was looking curiously at the little girl, head angled, the candlelight flickering brightly in her blue eyes. As though sensing someone was talking about her, Gretta sat up straighter and almost immediately Effy signed:

[Hi, my name is Effy.]

The little girl seemed taken aback for approximately ten seconds, then very shyly, signed, [Hi, my name is Gretta.]

Stratford's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Not wanting to disturb Effy's conversation with his daughter he asked Katie, "She knows how to sign?"

"Effy's deaf. Probably very hard of hearing is more accurate, really, but, yes, she signs."

Effy gestured to Katie and Katie introduced herself as well to Gretta.

"You sign, too?" said a smiling Stratford.

"I'm still learning, but it makes it much easier to talk to Effy."

She was supposed to be trying to curry favour with Stratford, but she couldn't stop watching as the undergrad carefully coaxed Gretta out, much like she convincing a tiny bird to eat from her palm. It was mesmerising, to see this side of her, because so often it was Effy hiding and withholding when pressed. Yet with tantalizing slowness, Gretta seemed to decide she liked Effy. She began to offer small pieces of information like her age, and if she went to school. Biting her lip, Katie wondered if Effy would ever stop amazing her. Stratford's indulgent smile greeted her when she turned back to him.

"Your girlfriend is really lucky to have you," he said quietly. "I hope Gretta will find someone so understanding someday."

That was the moment Katie's fear started to leave her. She wanted to correct Stratford, but not as a kneejerk reaction or a chance for her to scream, "But I'm not gay!" No, she hesitated only because she was actually sort of pleased in an embarrassed way. Proud that someone might mistake them for a couple, for it implied Effy would have chosen her out of any of the dozens of people Katie had watched ogle her striking form. So it was in the interest of truth, for Gretta more than herself, that she said slowly, reluctantly and for his ears alone:

"Effy's not my girlfriend, but if she was, I'd be the lucky one."

+o+o

The presentations started just as pudding began. Who decided the presentations should come after dinner, Katie didn't know, but it was probably a toss up between trying to squeeze money from peevish starving donors or presenting projects to recently fed donors who were falling asleep. Katie sat tensely waiting for Jen's timeslot, but just as she'd resigned herself to giving Jen's talk without her, the doctor came screeching in like a whirlwind and dropping into her vacant chair like she'd just run the Iditarod in an evening gown.

"Shit, you look terrible," Katie said.

"Thanks, Katie," Jen replied dryly.

"I'm going to give your speech. So just sit here and see if they'll bring you some dinner."

"No, I'm here and I'm doing this." Jen's eyes bulged like she was teetering on the edge of a psychotic break.

"Then I'm going with you."

"What happened to, 'Be independent, Jennifer!'"

"…and our next speaker, Doctor Jennifer Carter of Clinical Virology Programs and her presentation on infectious disease triggers of autoimmunity."

Glaring at each other like they were about to sprint for the podium, Jen and Katie simultaneously stood up and climbed up to the stage.

"Hi, folks," Jen said, only betraying a slight tremor. "I'm Doctor Carter and this is my lovely assistant Katie Fitch."

They ended up giving the presentation together, riffing comically off one another, until Katie realised about halfway through that she was actually having a good time. Catching Effy's eye, she smiled and Effy just smirked her unreadable smirk, too far away to know what either of them were saying. When the presentations concluded about an hour later, Effy had taken the bored Gretta to play somewhere, Jen was gazing forlornly at photos of her smashed car, and Grant Stratford was silently contemplating the side of Doug's head. Finally, he shook Doug's hand firmly.

"I'd love to fund your project," Stratford told Doug. "Let's talk details on Monday."

Jen leapt up, eagerly shaking hands with Stratford while hissing repeated and vehement "thank you"s to Katie. Laughing, Katie patted her shoulder before going to find Effy. Effy and Gretta were in an alcove sitting on opposite corners of a granite water effect, the trickling giving Katie the sensation she needed the loo, not that it would have bothered Effy or Gretta. The dialogue with Gretta had entered an interesting phase involving animals, with Effy describing various animals she had in her life. Katie by that time knew enough animal signs to understand most of what Effy said. There was Tony the chipmunk, Pandora the bear, Cook the wolf, who she described with almost painful sadness, Katie the tiger, and finally Pato who was something with the letter G that Katie didn't comprehend. Gretta in turn described a series of animals as well, though Katie did not know if her animals were real, stuffed, imagined, or actually people like Effy's.

The little girl seemed sincerely happy to be talking to Effy, her signs animated and overexcited now that she'd gotten over her preliminary shyness. In ASL, emphasis or superlatives could be as simple as a few extra inches of motion on a sign or an added movement. In that context, watching Gretta sign made Katie laugh and she smiled until Effy saw her, and beneath all those fairy lights Katie felt that insane urge again to say Effy was beautiful, to keep saying it like a mantra. Gretta's head snapped up suddenly, and Katie glanced over her shoulder to see Stratford was summoning her away with a wave of his hand. Scrambling up, Gretta threw her arms around the neck of a shocked Effy, who smiled sheepishly as she gave her an awkward one-armed hug in return. Then she ran off, taking her father's hand. When Katie turned back again, Effy had gone. She was standing just outside the doors in the snow, fumbling with a packet of fags. Katie went out to her in spite of her dress being little protection against the cold.

[That was sweet, what you did for Gretta,] Katie signed.

The snow fell silently around them. Effy blew a smoke ring into the air as she took in the flecked pink of the night sky, the snowflakes melting on her skin. Shrugging, she pulled her hair away from her ear, deliberately showing Katie the hearing aid there. She had never noticed it before.

[It's going to be harder for her,] Effy said.

[Why?]

[It just is.] Curling the smoke in her mouth, Effy returned to her fag, then asked, [Why are you out here?]

[We're friends. Right?]

Effy nodded, her gaze unwavering.

[I'm sorry.]

[I know.]

[I was afraid.]

[Of what?]

Smiling bitterly, Katie curled her arms around herself, knowing she needed to say it quickly or she would freeze. She confessed in a garbled mix of speech and ASL.

"Emily thought you liked me. But it was just stupid. I told her she was wrong because you're not like, gay or whatever."

Smirking, Effy took her last drag as Katie finally started to laugh in earnest.

"I'm sorry. It was so stupid."

Flicking her filter into the snow, Effy just looked at her for a second before she laughed as well. Katie pondered how ridiculous it was to think Effy could ever have fancied her, because she was fit, surely, but she was not Effy Stonem material; in her opinion, Effy could do better.

"God, it sounds even stupider when I say it out loud."

[Let's go in.]

She held open the door for Katie who gratefully preceded her back into the warmth of the alumni centre. Brushing some of the snow from Effy's hair, something occurred to Katie.

"Effy, who is Pato?" Katie repeated the sign with the letter "G."

Effy shook her head slightly, but Katie didn't get to enquire further, because an exuberant Jen Carter mobbed them.

"My car is completely totalled and yet I feel pretty good," Jen said, throwing her arm over Katie's shoulder. "I'll even drive you home, Fitch. This is me asking to stay on your couch by the way."

"After you just fucking wrecked your own car?" Katie protested.

"Hey, totally not my fault."

"At least you got funded."

"High five?"

Snorting, Katie walked away to collect the car from the valet, but Effy high fived her without much enthusiasm, turning away from Jen's disappointed frown to follow Katie to the front of the building. Five minutes later they left Effy outside her dormitory on 17th Avenue.

[Goodnight, lover,] Effy signed, unable to resist a joke at Katie's expense.

Katie rolled her eyes at Effy's sarcasm, but smiled as the undergrad waved goodbye. She didn't look as Effy ran up the steps to the residence hall and went inside, didn't see Effy stop and swallow at the door, eyes closed tight so that, when she exhaled the shaky breath of Katie's scent she'd been holding, she wouldn't have to watch the wind take it away.


	14. Chapter 12: Tropism

**Chapter 12**

**Tropism: **A preference of a pathogen for a certain type of cell

Monday morning marked the beginning of final exam week and the undergraduates hurtled about in a haze of stress and exhaustion as they moved ever closer to end of term. To be honest, Katie almost enjoyed watching them, indulging in a bit of schadenfreude as she went into lab. Maybe it was her comeuppance, then, when she discovered that _someone_ (Jennifer Carter!) had dropped a box of samples into the liquid nitrogen dewar which necessitated Katie leaving everything she was doing in order to rescue the tubes. The most annoying thing about it was that nitrogen is not a trivial substance in its liquid phase, literally snap freezing anything that gets too close. So Katie had to go into the neighbouring building to get very specialized equipment, and by specialized the lab manager meant a net and some sort of grabber device.

It was on her way back to lab, resembling a deranged entomologist, that she spotted Effy's foot. She recognized it by the boot, as she probably would have been unable to pick Effy's bare foot out of a line up if it had come to a do or die round of foot recognition. It was hanging off the end of one of the sofas by the coffee shop, and as Katie leaned over the back, she saw that Effy was sprawled there leaning against Pandora, each engaged in some kind of revision reading. Effy began to smile before she even looked up, slowly dragging her blue eyes to Katie's face after a moment. Then she quirked an eyebrow when she noticed the net.

[Do I want to know?] she signed, resting her book on the flat of her belly.

Laughing, Katie pulled a face. [Jen.]

[Are you going to catch her?]

[No, she dropped a box of samples.]

Effy stretched, sitting up and pulling her satchel over her head. [Test now. I'll be in this afternoon.]

Katie nodded. [Good luck.]

[Bye, sweetheart.]

Apparently Effy wasn't finished with that yet. Katie decided to just let it run its course.

"Hi, Katie," Pandora said. "Ooh, are you going butterfly hunting?"

"Bit cold for that, I think," Katie replied.

For a moment, Katie considered asking what exam Effy was about to sit, but then she remembered the promise she'd made to herself: to treat Pandora as more than just her conduit to information on Effy. Effy's secrets were her own to keep, and Pandora deserved Katie's friendship on her own merit. So instead, Katie tried to think of something neutral to say.

"Do you like butterflies?" Katie said, grasping at straws.

"My mom says I shouldn't trust anything that turns into a semi-solid gel between childhood and puberty."

"Butterflies what?"

"When they pupate and stop being a caterpillar they turn into a gel. It's freaky."

"I..." Katie frowned. "I'm not sure I'll ever think of butterflies the same way again." Desperate to change the subject she continued, "When do you go home for the holiday?"

"Friday. Effy was supposed to come with me, but she and Tony are doing something, so they're coming back later. I wonder if their—"

"We don't have to talk about sodding Effy every time we're alone," Katie interjected. "We were friends before without her, yeah?"

Pandora blinked, then she smiled, nodding.

"Are we still on to revise for your biochem exam tonight?"

"Yes, please. I'm not going to do well."

"You'll be fine."

Pushing back from the sofa, Katie made to return to lab but Pandora had one last comment for her:

"Tell Jen congratulations on her funding!"

Thinking on Jen's success with Grant Stratford brought her back to their conversation on Friday night, and she stopped dead in the middle of the hall. What kind of expression must she have had on her face to make him think Effy was her girlfriend?

+o+o

That evening found Pandora and Katie most of the way through the citric acid cycle, Katie being really happy her cells continued to know how to do it even though her brain was apparently forgetting. Effy was also in the room with them, though more in body than spirit because she was about three hundred pages into some terrible looking Henry James novel. Her boots were up on the table, and she looked at her ease, undisturbed by Katie and Pandora's ongoing conversation about phosphorylation and enzyme kinetics.

Although Pandora was clearly entering that mushy brain area where further revision is pointless, Katie insisted on one more go through, as the repetition could only help. She was so engrossed in watching Pandora struggle through the last two steps she didn't even notice when Effy threw down her book with a thump and came up behind her to watch as Panda wrote Acetyl-CoA on the white board in squeaky marker. When Katie nodded approvingly, Pandora triumphantly threw her first in the air.

"I know the citric acid cycle!" she shouted. "My mom said I shouldn't learn chemistry because there would be too many boys in my classes, but I told her men are scared of smart women so she shouldn't worry. And I was right! I haven't been asked on a single date!"

Glancing up at Panda, Katie raised her eyebrows; it was moments like these she wasn't sure if she should explain to Pandora that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Effy circled around Katie's chair smiling, as always taking her best friend at face value. She promptly erased a big swathe of Pandora's handiwork and wrote in the centre of it _target! _and that was how Katie ended up at Target with three girls in their early twenties even though it was half bloody ten on a Monday night.

Target was another American concept that confused her. It was just a shop, and not a very exciting one at that, about on par in her mind with an ASDA or something else unimpressive, but Minnesotans loved them. And God forbid you make a comparison with Wal-mart because you'd get your head ripped off by the normally impassive denizens. Alice immediately broke off from them and disappeared to unknown corners of the shop, whilst Katie and Pandora lingered by the clearance racks as though waiting for someone to pop out and tell them where to go. Even the Salvation Army ringers had gone home for the day, their red kettles abandoned in a corner.

"This reminds me of the time I got stuck at the lutefisk booth," Pandora said absently, watching Effy who had wandered some distance away.

Looking around, Katie tried to figure out what prompted that outburst, or at least was waiting for Pandora to finish her thought but she seemed content with that snippet.

"What, dare I ask babes, is lutefisk?" Katie finally said.

"It's fish treated with lye. Really awful smelling."

"And why does this remind you of lutefisk?"

"Oh, it was just Christmas, and Effy stayed with me even though we had to wear these weird traditional Norwegian outfits. Do you remember that Eff?" She repeated the question to Effy in sign language, getting a bored shrug for her effort. "She kept pissing off the tourists because they couldn't understand her. And Cook got in trouble with Mister Olsen but then—"

Effy's sharp look could have cut glass, and it's meaning was not ambiguous. Lutefisk and Norwegian dresses were embarrassing but acceptable conversational topics; Cook, whoever he was, was not. Pandora fell silent, her expression thoroughly abashed as Effy strode away vanishing into the automotive section. Wanting to break the tension, Katie touched Pandora's shoulder.

"Do you want to go get a muffin?"

The girl continued to gaze at the spot where Effy had gone for a few seconds, then she nodded. Katie got them a box full, giving three to Pandora and keeping one for herself, because she knew sooner or later she would need to go find Effy and didn't want to go empty handed. Suddenly, the whole muffin gift giving began to make sense in a "here I brought you this, so don't kill me" kind of way.

"Where do you think she's gone?" said Katie, scanning the mostly deserted warehouse floor.

"The Christmas lights," Panda answered. "She always looks at them when they're out. Even in October."

Katie wandered for a little while by herself, carrying her recently acquired muffin. She found Effy alone in the very back behind several displays of artificial decorated trees. That's where the strings and nets of Christmas lights were, an entire wall of shelves filled with boxes, the demonstrations twinkling brightly against the harsh fluorescent light glaring off the linoleum. At first Katie wasn't sure if Effy knew she was there or not, but the corner of Effy's mouth curved in recognition and she glanced down at the muffin with a raised eyebrow.

"Muffin?" Katie asked, holding it out to her.

Shrugging, Effy broke a piece off and they shared it as they watched the shifting colours of a fibre optic Christmas tree. They walked along the aisle, Effy seeming to favour the boldness of the LED lights over some of the others. She didn't ask about Cook, there was no point. Instead, Katie winced as a particularly obnoxious Christmas song came in over the tinny speakers, and she glared up at the ceiling as though that would make it stop. Frowning, Effy followed her gaze until she also sighted the speaker and then she grinned.

[Which one is it?] Effy said.

[You know songs?]

Effy shrugged. [I know the words.]

"Little Drummer Boy."

[Drum and babies always seemed like a bad combination.]

Effy paused, finger spelling "babies" and "combination" for Katie, who didn't know those signs. They both went back to looking at the lights, Katie not finding them nearly as fascinating as Effy apparently did.

As Katie prevaricated Effy signed, [It's okay. You can ask.]

[Do you ever wish you could hear more?]

[I can a little, but you mean…clearly.] Pausing, Effy brushed her fingers through the tinsel of one of the tree displays. [I don't remember what its like, so I can't miss it.]

[Is there anything you do remember?]

[Wind. Wolves howling. Loons. Tony's laugh. The lights at Christmas were always my favourite though.]

For a moment, Katie fumbled, and finding Effy's hand, squeezed it hard before releasing it.

[Everything isn't about hearing and not hearing, Katie. It doesn't matter to me.]

Turning away slightly, Effy took another piece of muffin.

+o+o

After rounding up Alice and Pandora in the manner of two sheepdogs (one disinterested and one exasperated) herding two sheep with attention deficit disorder, Katie returned the girls to campus. In the slushy car park full of empty trolleys she relinquished her keys to Effy for the drive; she trusted Effy's experience in the snow more than she trusted her own, and Effy took them with a smirk like she'd been expecting them. The drive itself was a dark one, Effy choosing a route that wound through quiet suburbs rather than the interstate. Pandora and Alice were chattering in the back seat about something, but Katie didn't really hear them. She felt the vibration of the engine, saw the pale flex of Effy's fingers on the gearshift in the moonlight and smiled to herself, because for the duration of that drive she understood Effy a tiny bit more.

+o+o

None of the undergrads had been properly working that week. The girls in the clinic simply didn't go at all, but Effy had been in and out of the lab. Really she was just taking advantage of the bench space to spread her books and notes out and it was a place where she'd be left in relative peace. Katie, for her part, was just as busy, trying to make headway with the antibody assay before she returned to London to work with JJ and his technician. By Wednesday, Effy was obviously feeling the effects of her exams, intermittently falling asleep at her desk like she'd developed narcolepsy and more than once Katie had to go and wake her to keep her from tumbling from her chair altogether. All of their collected tasks, however, did not prevent the departmental Christmas party from coming as it did every year, and Jen would not be denied free food and alcohol because med school had taught her one did not just walk away from drinking beer with one's boss.

"Come on, Katie," Jen begged.

"I'll go if Effy does," Katie hedged with the sensation that the undergrad would say no given how many pages she still had left in the cell morphology chapter of her textbook.

What she was not expecting was for Effy to snap the book shut and sign OK like she also fucking loved awkward departmental gatherings.

"You have half an hour," Katie warned with the proviso, "I'm not drinking with you."

Effy shot Jen a sceptical smirk from behind Katie's back though she couldn't have known what Katie said and Jen was not quite successful at stymieing her grin.

"Whatever the fuck you two are planning, forget it," Katie commanded, sweeping on her parka.

She should have known it would only make them try harder. The Laboratory Medicine and Pathology Holiday Extravaganza, as it was advertised in very politically correct language, was held in the upstairs ballroom of the University Hotel. Katie had not yet been to one, as she'd relocated to Minnesota the previous April, but Jen was very familiar with the ins and outs. Preceding them up the stairs at a light jog, Jen promptly ingratiated herself with the secretaries handing out the drink tickets whom she apparently knew suspiciously well, and obtained far more tickets than her allotted quota of three drinks. These she passed surreptitiously to Effy without for an instant breaking flow in her conversation.

Rolling her eyes, Katie went without them into the ballroom, noting with some surprise that the party was going to be nicer than she'd previously thought. Huge ropes of garland hung from the ceiling, and all of the tables were covered in holly and fir springs, though thankfully not candles since that seemed rather like a fire hazard. Pandora and Alice had already claimed a table with the two nurses, and Katie went to them. A few seconds later, Jen and Effy came over snickering, Effy's iPad out as she showed Jen something on the screen. Seemingly in reverse of the night Katie had first spoken to Effy, the undergrad kissed the top of Pandora's head and sat down next to her. Then, she glanced up, her eyes so blue everything else was colourless by comparison.

Had it really only been two and a bit months since she met Effy Stonem at Tim Sorensen's retirement party? She thought back to the aloof stranger that sat across the table from her that night, the memory of her fuzzy at the edges with the tequila that had been pulsing fast and unforgiving from Katie's stomach to her veins. Effy was still that stranger; Katie could see it in her posture, the way her hand rested idly on the back of her iPad. Yet instead of her almost nonexistent dress, Effy wore snow boots and a plaid shirt like she'd just popped from a lumber camp in British Columbia, and managed to be just as feminine and sexy as she ever was. Just two and a half months, and she might have been a different person. A person who drank vodka and wrote secrets, because that was the girl Katie saw most often now.

And Katie thought then on how she'd changed herself. She'd learned ASL, broken her arm, and in a thousand subtle ways she felt the alterations that had come of being Effy's friend. To the point where she knew that she was never going to be the woman she'd been just nine months previously, crying on a park bench in Amsterdam. Effy'd touched something in her and she felt that little bit less afraid, that little bit less alone.

+o+o

An hour after Katie's prearranged half hour, she had to admit she was fairly intoxicated. Not really properly pissed, but definitely tipsy. If Jen and Effy were vying for the title of Bringer of Hangovers, Katie might just need to relent and give it to both of them because they were fucking good at getting her to drink in spite of her most fervent protestations. She and Effy were standing in an alcove, looking out at the snowy landscape of Minneapolis, strangely urban and yet dotted with grain silos and rail yards. Somewhere behind them Katie could hear Alice complaining about one of the new undergrads in the clinic.

"I swear she's a vampire," Alice was telling Jen. "It's like she has to think to herself, 'Oh, this would be an appropriate time to smile.'"

"Not good with social cues," Jen agreed. "But that does not mean she's a vampire."

"She seriously looks like she hasn't seen the sun in weeks."

"Uh, we're all kind of vitamin D deficient down here on Hoth."

"What's Hoth?"

"What's Hoth! What's happening to the youth of America…"

Their conversation slowly trailed away and Katie looked over at Effy with a scowl.

[Have you seen the new undergrad in the clinic?] Katie asked.

[She looks like a vampire.]

Well, that answered that question. Just as Katie was turning away to get another drink, Effy caught her hand and with a classic Effy smirk she glanced up. Above them hung a little spray of mistletoe. Arching her eyebrows suggestively, Effy wet her bottom lip with a flick of pink tongue. God, she was never going to stop having a laugh at Katie about the stupid business with Emily. Katie was inebriated and annoyed and she wanted to wipe that damn smirk off Effy's face, but there was the pressure of Effy's hand on her hip, her thumb tracing the bone there in a deliberate arc. It was so close to the dream, the warm press of Effy's body and the cold of the window behind her, that she couldn't help her reaction. She couldn't help the way she jerked away in surprise. For a moment, Effy held her, fingers still curved against the fabric of Katie's top. Then Effy's expression changed, the cigarette between her lips before she'd even fully left the alcove.

For a long while, Katie waited there for her, because how long could a single fag take to smoke? She waited, too drunk to understand what had gone so wrong. Instead of guilt, she registered only a vague disappointment when Effy never came back.

+o+o

The next morning Katie sat at her desk in a restless state of readiness like she was constantly on the verge of ambushing someone. Fortunately for her prey, she wasn't actually going to ambush anyone, but she would be damned if she would miss the look on Effy's face when she saw it. But all of Thursday Katie waited and it looked that Effy had gone the way of the other undergraduates, choosing to finish their revision elsewhere. There was only one day of exams left, and Katie suddenly felt terrified she wouldn't see Effy again before her flight back to London on Saturday. So that afternoon, Kate texted her.

_Where are you?_

Effy's response was evasive. _wouldn't you like to know_

_ Yes, that's why I asked._

It took almost fifteen minutes, an unheard of reply time for Effy, but she finally gave up her location. _biomedical library_

The biomedical library was literally just down the hall from the lab, and Katie cursed liberally under her breath. Effy was on the upper level, silhouetted by the reading lamps behind her, her head resting on her arms as she watched for Katie against the wrought iron railing. They met halfway up the stairs, or halfway down maybe. The wood flooring creaked as another student crossed to return a book to the shelf, and Effy looked down at Katie, one knee bent as she stood with each foot on a different step.

[You didn't come in today,] Katie signed unnecessarily.

[No.] They were keeping things obvious, then.

[When is your last exam?]

[Tomorrow.] Also obvious, as she wouldn't still be in a library unless she had to sit one on the last day. [Why are you here, Katie?]

[I have something to show you.]

[Can it wait?]

[It will only take a moment.]

Sighing, Effy finally nodded, moving back up the stairs to gather her things from the table. When she came down again, she motioned for Katie to lead the way. They walked without signing or speaking all the way back to the empty lab. It was much darker than usual in the hallway, the overhead fluorescents turned off and Effy looked down at Katie apprehensively. She hesitated even when Katie touched her shoulder, not budging until Katie took her hand. Evidently Effy was a bit frightened of the dark, though upon reflection Katie couldn't blame her. It robbed her of too many of her senses. A dim glimmer was coming from inside the lab though, and Effy drew reassurance from their threaded fingers, moving toward the light. There Effy's entire bench was done up in Christmas lights, ranging from bright blues to deep reds to emerald greens. Effy's eyes widened as she followed the strings and a slow beautiful smile spread over her face.

[You did this for me.] It wasn't a question.

"Where's the tree?" Katie said abruptly. "There's supposed to be a tree."

Effy went over to the bench, and she began to laugh as she picked up a slip of paper there. She held it out to Katie with a wry smile. It was a ransom note, left by none other than some prankster calling herself the Grinch. Fuming, Katie pivoted on the spot looking around for the thief as though Jen was going to jump up like a jack in the box. She looked incredulously at the note trying to work out whose handwriting it was, but Effy just ran her hand down Katie's arm to calm her, not really succeeding until she gently pulled Katie into her arms. Only then did the little Fitch's rage abate somewhat, and it made Effy smile to simultaneously feel Katie relax and swear angrily against her shoulder. For several lovely seconds, Effy just held her close, then she stepped back.

[Thank you.]

They sat on the opposite bench and admired the lights for a bit longer. Effy kept her distance then with a feeling of bittersweet resignation, because this was all she could really have hoped for, a few fleeting moments of blissful contact in the glow of some LED lights.

+o+o

On Saturday, the arrangement was for Effy to drive Katie to the airport and keep her car for the duration of the holiday, but the morning Katie left for Heathrow, it snowed heavily. Somehow the airport managed to keep the outgoing flights relatively on time, but the traffic to MSP was nothing short of apocalyptic and Katie's original plan to have Effy give her a lift fell apart. Effy stood on her terrace, face lifted to the falling snow as she smoked, her dark clothes sharp against the swirling white that blotted out the river and the bank beyond. She came in again shedding little drifts onto the floor and smelling deliciously like menthol and the cold.

[How am I supposed to get there now?] Katie lamented.

Effy chuckled as Katie fumbled the sign for "now" emphatically, so that she actually accidentally signed "today." She corrected her, mouthing the appropriate words with each sign. Katie just flipped Effy off.

"And don't you dare make any fucking quips about that not being sign language," Katie warned as Effy rolled her eyes.

[Light rail?] Effy suggested. [They're the most consistent in bad weather.]

Katie frowned, repeating the sign for "consistent" which Effy spelled out for her.

"My sense of direction is complete shit, babes, you know that."

[I'll go with you.]

[And how will you get back?]

Effy shrugged.

Eventually, Katie relented, because they didn't really have time to argue. Not that Katie couldn't have just changed her flight, but Effy insisted the light rail was a right of passage. Everyone who lived in Minneapolis should take it at least once to the airport. Once Katie's two enormous suitcases were piled up by her door Effy gave her a once over worthy of a crazy person.

[Jesus Christ, Katie,] Effy complained. [Are you moving back?]

"I will if you don't stop your bitching," Katie shot back.

Katie ran around the flat twice more, frantically checking to see if she had everything or not, stopping at the window to glare out at the snow. When she turned back to Effy, the girl was holding something behind her back, an expectant look on her face.

[What?] signed Katie.

Effy produced a bottle of vodka and set it on the butcher block. It was Death's Door.

[Going to pass out on my floor again?] Katie teased.

Effy just shrugged again, but bit her lip somewhat sheepishly when Katie touched her hand and said thank you. Helping Katie with her bags turned out to be an adventure, because the larger of the two suitcases likely weighed more than either of them and they had to manhandle it into the lift together like they were moving a body. Fortunately by the time they reached the lobby a taxi was waiting to take them to the Warehouse District rail platform, but even the driver's eyes bulged in surprise as he tried to pick the damn thing up. Katie translated Effy's specific instructions about where he was supposed to leave them, and once they were situated on the covered platform watching the snow fall, Effy leaned out, her eyes following the tracks into downtown.

[How long is your trip?] Effy signed, a cigarette in her mouth like she wasn't sure if she wanted to smoke it or not.

[Two weeks,] Katie replied. [Are you going home?]

Effy shrugged, but then she added, [I'll be back by New Years.]

[Have you ever been to London?]

[No.]

That was all Katie got out of her before the train arrived, and Effy and Katie dragged her suitcases on board for the half hour journey to the airport. They rode in silence, their only exchange when Katie pulled the fag from Effy's lips and tucked it behind her ear, making Effy smirk. For public transit, the light rail could have been worse. It ran parallel to a highway called Hiawatha, everything stark and white for miles before descending into a tunnel. The train platform at MSP was deep underground and cold, requiring a trip in a lift and a short period on a tram. The airport practically hummed with activity, thousands of people milling about trying to get various places for the holiday. All except Effy, who went solely for Katie's sake.

They stood gripping the same pole on the little tram as it took off toward the main terminal, packed so close together that Katie could smell the citrus and cedar of Effy's soap beneath leather and cigarette smoke, at once effervescent and musky. Effy smirked, nodding at a little red placard above them on the wall. It read _Curves. Please hold on_. She mockingly darted out a hand, curling it around Katie's hip beneath her open coat, her long fingers warming the chilled flesh there. Always there, on her left side, in the same fucking place. She smirked again as Katie rolled her eyes and Effy let her hand drop. The other travellers around them disembarked en masse as the tram arrived, and soon Katie found herself alone with a suitcase, Effy already standing outside the door. They checked Katie's bags and Effy lingered there with Katie near security, a still life amongst the throng, motionless save for their hands as they said goodbye.

[Be safe,] Katie signed. [Happy Christmas.]

Effy smiled, turning to go, but Katie caught her, snaking her arms around Effy's back as she hugged the girl tight, to remind her that she wouldn't be gone long. Even years later, Katie still couldn't quite describe what happened in the next moment; maybe it was the ghost of her breath against Effy's neck or the way Effy's lips brushed her cheek, but as she drew back something dark passed through Effy's eyes. Something so intense Katie's breath hitched, and she felt Effy's grip tighten on her hip. Then Effy's mouth was on hers, hot and pressing and insistent, and Katie's eyes fluttered shut as her heart jumped into her throat, hand tangling involuntarily in Effy's hair. And just as quickly it was over, Katie frozen to the spot as Effy smirked, already walking away backward.

[Sweet,] Effy signed.

She turned and the last Katie saw of Effy was the back of her head as she vanished down an escalator. Cool as fuck Effy Stonem, her touch still like fire on Katie's skin, just shattered her whole world. Just left her shaking on the ticketing level.

And all she had to say was _sweet_.


	15. Chapter 13: Episome

**Chapter 13**

**Episome: **A piece of viral genetic material that is tethered, hiding, inside an infected cell

[Sweet,] Effy signed, walking away backward.

How long Katie stood there, her expression completely shocked, she didn't know. She might have rooted to the spot, still have been standing there a millennia later to discover vines had grown round her legs if it hadn't been for the timely intervention of an elderly couple that accidently bumped her. True to Minnesotan nicety they were both profusely apologetic, wishing her a pleasant journey even after her initial foulmouthed exclamation of, "What the fuck?"

She went through security in a haze, the agent having to ask twice for her passport and Katie searched through her purse for it to only realise she was actually holding the stupid thing in her other hand. Stuffing the little maroon booklet back into her bag, she finished being screened for incendiary devices and walked down to her gate like she was a painting from the surrealist movement come to life. Effy _kissed _her. Or had Effy kissed her? Had she kissed Effy? It was becoming incredibly confused in her mind. It had been just a peck, barely a second if that. That's right. It hadn't been anything. And that's what she repeated to herself over and over again for eight hours as she crossed the Atlantic.

By the time Katie reached Heathrow, she'd calmed considerably. The kiss was a little show of affection from a friend, hardly worth the Big Fucking Deal she was somehow making it. Because kisses from friends, especially meaningless ones, always left her trembling with her heart pounding in her ears. She passed through customs and immigration, grateful the journey back to the UK allowed her to enter the welcome home queues by virtue of her British passport, while the passengers of different nationalities were shunted off to different areas. In her distraction, she neglected to check her mobile until she was out of international arrivals, not sure if Emily had come for her or if she could be expecting a car. Instead, she got the worst possible thing at that moment in time: Naomi Campbell.

Heathrow had a bit of interesting architecture, having been done in the style of a hangar with a high arching roof and lots of glass. Thus, the morning sun was bright in Naomi's platinum blonde hair as she waited there with a smirk aggravatingly similar to one Katie had just left, though the eyes were completely the wrong shade of blue.

"Good job you have a bloody trolley," Naomi whinged, taking in Katie's assorted luggage. "Were you trying to crash the plane?"

"Hi," Katie said still sounding strangely shell-shocked.

"What, no bitchy remark?"

Katie shrugged helplessly, and Naomi's expression shifted taking on a slight tinge of panic as she clung to tangible topics.

"Where are we going?" Naomi asked.

"To mine."

"Not staying with your lovely mum for the holiday?"

"She still giving Emily hell?"

"No more than usual."

Katie only grunted in reply, wishing she could avoid seeing her mother herself. There was a car waiting outside for them, purloined from the Fitch Pharma motor pool. It made her wonder why Naomi had bothered coming at all for her, but then suspected it was because Emily had made her. She probably felt guilty for being unable to come herself. Katie sat in her corner of the vehicle, silent, as they motored to the east en route to Katie's overpriced townhouse in Chelsea. They were mired in traffic somewhere in West Kensington when Naomi finally cracked.

"What is going on?" Naomi said suddenly. "I don't even—"

"Friends," Katie cut across her as though she hadn't spoken, "they like…kiss goodbye sometimes, right?"

"What?"

"You've kissed a friend goodbye, yeah?"

Naomi cast her a bewildered glance. "How do you mean?"

"Just—you know, quick like."

"I'm sorry. This is fucking irregular. Are you seriously asking me if I've _kissed_ a friend goodbye? Like on the mouth kissed?"

"Just answer the fucking question, Campbell," Katie snarled, getting a bit of her edge back.

"Yes."

Hope and relief flitted over Katie's features. "Right."

"But the _friend_ was your sister and we didn't stay friends too much longer, did we?" Naomi's smile could only be described as smug as she went on, "Thinking of taking the train to girls' town, Katiekins? Emily said there was a pretty student that fancied you, though God knows why."

Katie's furious glare was as good as a confession.

"Oh my God. Oh my God, it's her, isn't it? You kissed her."

"This conversation is over."

A peal of gleeful laughter emanated from Naomi. "Oh, no. Oh, sweet Jesus this is the best thing that's happened to me in ages."

"Fucking leave it, yeah? Nothing happened!"

A dark, damning blush crept up Katie's neck as they pulled up at the kerb outside Katie's place. Katie left the vehicle in a huff, slamming the door with unnecessary vigour. Naomi followed a second later, resting her arms on the roof of the car.

"Where are you going, Katiekins?" Naomi called.

"To fucking sleep where lezzer slags will stop fucking mocking me!" Katie shouted.

"You're going to have terrible jet lag!"

Naomi didn't stop laughing until Katie charged back at her, dragging her down by the collar of her coat so their faces were just a few centimetres apart, a flash of genuine terror in the brown of her eyes.

"Don't you fucking breathe a word to Emily, do you understand me?" Katie hissed.

Naomi nodded, swallowing hard when she realised just how scared and alone Katie must have felt at that moment. She jumped when Katie's front door shut with a bang, and slipped back into the car. Despite much superficial evidence to the contrary, Naomi was soft hearted at the worst of times. It was one of the things Emily loved about her, even though she hated it in herself. The oldest Fitch needed a friend, and if Katie would let her, Naomi found she wanted to help.

+o+o

Except Katie didn't go to sleep. Instead she paced inside her bedroom, which had been recently cleaned by the smell of it, no doubt someone sent over by Emily or her mother in her absence. Her house was not overtly large, though larger than her flat in Minneapolis, and purchased when she was too young and self-absorbed to understand Chelsea was a pretentious neighbourhood to buy a house. Emily's response at the time had been a mildly disgusted, "Really, Katie?" But it didn't change the fact she bloody owned the place and she still liked it. Her favourite part of it was the mostly open first floor, but just now she eschewed its airiness for the confinement of her bedroom. It limited her movement; it defined her boundaries. She obsessively checked her mobile, looking to see if she had any new messages, but of course, she didn't.

So she paced, completely torn over whether she did or didn't want to get a text from Effy. Her inclination went through several phases, yet in the end, the result was always the same. She'd lay her mobile down again and take another turn around the room until she was dizzy and exhausted from her circling. It was only then that something occurred to her that she forgot about more and more often where Effy was concerned, and suddenly the kiss that was not a Big Fucking Deal became a Huge Fucking Problem. _No one_ could know that it happened, but Jesus, Naomi had already found her out. Her lone recourse was to fucking pray that no one who knew them both had witnessed it and that Naomi would fucking shut her mouth for once. Katie looked again at her phone, but this time with trepidation rather than hope.

+o+o

The following morning Katie went to Fitch. It was Monday, the only workday of Christmas week by the Fitch payroll calendar. The headquarters was a massive building in Brentwood on Great West Road, its extensive reflective glass giving the edifice the appearance it had been wrapped in aluminium foil by an ill advised architect. The black car dropped Katie at the main entrance, and she remembered why it had taken four outfits for her to finally decide what to wear. Industry was distinct from academia. Her lab facilities at the University of Minnesota were some of the worst she'd ever used, having obviously not been updated since the '80s. Anyone could enter them without identification or official business of any kind. Walking into Fitch Pharma, by contrast, was like visiting a high security prison with a very expensive interior decorating budget.

Katie clipped her microchipped staff badge to the lapel of her jacket, smiling brilliantly at the receptionists as she swept in. Technically, she was a member of the board as a major shareholder in the firm. All of the welcome staff would be trained to know her face, even if they had never met her before, though her resemblance to Emily may have helped her on that front regardless. A tiny girl with ginger hair and a personality that shouldn't have fit in her petite frame popped up immediately.

"Good morning, Miss Fitch," she trilled. "My name is Fiona. May I offer you a beverage?"

"Thank you, but no," Katie answered. "I'm off to the research and development labs. Doctor Jones should be expecting me."

"Yes, of course." Fiona glanced around before approaching Katie and quietly muttering, "Your mother specifically requested a meeting when you arrived. She should be waiting in her office."

Fiona made the word "meeting" sound more like "audience" like Jenna was the bloody Queen. It irritated her even more that Fiona had also called Jenna "your mother" rather than using more neutral verbiage like Mrs. Fitch or even Executive Officer Fitch. Instead Katie got a menacing "your mother" like she was six fucking years old and was about to be punished for her cheek. Katie needed some time to compose herself, and failing to contrive anything better said to Fiona:

"Actually, a tea would be lovely, thanks."

She waited in the main receiving area while Fiona fetched the tea. The lobby was a wide space, shooting up five floors, with a larger than life three-dimensional rendering of Fitch's trademark double helix logo spiralling up to the ceiling beside the wide slope of copper plated stairwell. The original design had the floors open directly onto the central room, but the Health and Safety officials had buggered up the design after a few suicides in America had been accomplished in such lobbies, requiring Fitch to refit the all the areas with glass at great expense to wall off the offices and landings.

Everything, though, had come at great expense. All the surfaces were wood or stone or metal, the chairs were leather, and even the hangings on the walls came from prominent modern artists. When Katie had first begun her postgraduate education, her paltry resources and grungy surroundings had disgusted her, but she couldn't be trained formally by Fitch Pharma's R&D. No, that wasn't true. Her mother could easily have arranged for Fitch to sponsor a training programme with a neighbouring university. It was Katie who had oddly enough insisted on doing the thing properly, because she had her pride. Not that it had mattered anyway, with Fitch funding Doug's vaccine trial. It had all blown up in her face.

If anything, her time away from Fitch had given her perspective. She still liked the slick shiny things this kind of money afforded her. She missed its ease, and the smell of expensive espresso on days she drank shitty American drip because that was all they had. Some days she missed her house in Chelsea and being called Miss Fitch with respect, rather than a sharp "Katie!" like she was a fucking idiot. Or maybe it was all the same, for just then a taut voice rang out across the atrium.

"Katie!"

It was Emily. She foisted her case off on some hapless looking assistant who took it with a muffled noise of surprise, moving to pull Katie into a hug.

"I thought you'd phone last night," Emily said, smiling.

"Sorry, fell asleep," Katie mumbled, only half lying.

"Naomi said you seemed tired."

Katie tried not to let her astonishment show. Naomi had kept quiet for her.

"Thanks for not being a complete bitch," Emily added.

The closest Katie could come to returning the favour was to scoff irritably, but she chose not to say anything further.

"You off to see our chief executive officer?"

"You'd think she'd like, I don't know, come down to see her oldest daughter, but I've got to go up to her fucking office like I'm her bloody ten o'clock."

"I know you're still upset about the vaccine trial."

"You think?"

"Just…try not to draw blood until after Christmas. I'd like to be safely with Naomi's mum when the fur flies."

"Oh, cheers, Ems."

"It'd be nice if Mum acknowledged Naomi was in the room with us this time."

Katie sighed. Emily had tried an amazing array of tactics over the years from avoidance to straight aggressiveness to dismantling her brick by brick like she was the Berlin fucking Wall. They were back to gently but persistently reminding Jenna that Naomi wasn't going anywhere and it would mark the second Christmas the long suffering Campbell had spent sitting in the Fitches' lounge with a series of backhanded compliments for the twins' mother that even Katie had to admit were funny.

"I'm like, with you or whatever," Katie said. "I'll sit in or walk out or insert performance of one of Naomi's stupid political gestures here."

"Inspiring," Emily replied dryly.

"Don't you have people to sue?"

"Let's just hope it's not us when Mum forces us to sell our shares on Boxing Day."

Katie rolled her eyes. "She can't. It's a bank holiday."

+o+o

Twenty minutes later Katie was sitting outside her mother's office like an anxious contractor about to beg Jenna to allow Fitch's latest run of antidepressants to be made at a very special manufacturing facility in Malaysia. Michael had been Jenna's personal assistant since Katie was a teenager, and though the man was in his later thirties now he was still charismatic and handsome. Sometimes Katie thought it a bit weird that this man who managed Jenna's calendar, literally scheduling family events into her day, facilitated most of her interactions with her own mother.

She could see the spot where she was virtually pencilled in on Michael's iPad for the morning of December 23rd, as though Jenna knew she would come to headquarters to see JJ. There was another spot labelled Christmas Eve dinner, and then again Christmas morning, followed by a string of charity events Jenna was planning to attend in the afternoon to spread goodwill toward the sometimes maligned public persona of Fitch Pharma. That was Jenna, though. Company first. Michael was on a call with someone very important sounding, so she was left to her own devices. Naturally her hand strayed to her phone, and without thinking she wrote out a text.

_About to go into the lion's den. Wish me luck?_

Then her heart just about stopped, because she realized she wanted to send it to Effy. They'd never even talked about her mum, not really. It wasn't a preferred light chat subject of Katie's. When had Effy become the person she wanted to reassure her? When had Effy become the person she went to for comfort? That kiss, that stupid bloody kiss was ruining everything. It confused her so much and filled her with so many furtive unnamed desires that she didn't even know what it meant. Like this one, to have a single line from Effy even though it was four in the morning in Minnesota, a single line to bolster her as she went to see Jenna. Emily could have given her a fucking motivational speech and it wouldn't have meant as much as an acerbic _calm your tits _would from the girl who rationed her words like she paid for them in drops of blood.

Katie wasn't expecting it when Jenna emerged from her office with all the composure of a Roman empress, tall and attractive with dark hair. She ushered out a white-faced man in a business suit who looked like he might faint. Michael intercepted him with practised grace, offering him a bracer of brandy to ease his journey home. For a moment, Katie's brown eyes followed him, then she got to her feet and her mother put her hands on the little Fitch's shoulders, her only token of affection a perfunctory and false feeling kiss on the cheek. Fuck, the last person to kiss her was Effy Stonem. She must have had an expression to rival a deer standing in the headlights of a Range Rover because her mother _actually_ seemed a tiny bit concerned for a second, but just a second.

"Katie, lovely to see you again," Jenna said, the soft Scottish burr of her accent doing nothing to disguise the fact Jenna seemed to be missing the whole point that she was seeing her oldest daughter for the first time in almost a year and not a distant business colleague at a casual luncheon.

Katie just smiled wanly. "Hi, Mum."

"Please, dear, do come into my office."

Katie followed her in, taking the chair opposite Jenna's desk like she was about to interview for a bloody job. Jenna's office was a large one, with full-length windows overlooking the bit of greenery that was Boston Manor Park. Or in summer it was green, as the deciduous trees had all dropped their leaves for the winter. Katie'd read once somewhere that people are happier if they can see trees from their windows; in that case Jenna should have been one of the happiest executives in a ten-kilometre radius, but Katie didn't feel much ebullience rolling off her.

"Katie, how's your project?" Jenna asked.

"Gee, I'm great Mum, thanks," Katie retorted sarcastically. "How are you?"

"There's no call for that tone to a perfectly reasonable request."

If Jenna was not going to exchange pleasantries, than neither was Katie. "Why are you interfering in the vaccine trial?"

"Fitch merely saw a financial opportunity. It had nothing to do with you."

"Right, hiding behind boilerplate language even to your own daughter. Nice, Mum."

Shaking her head, Jenna folder her hands. "The vaccine had stalled. Vac Tech is run by a pack of slavering dogs, not men."

"Thanks for that. I couldn't get Kirk Hamilton's eyes off my bloody tits for five seconds."

"People always let you down, princess. Not you though. I just didn't want to see this thing you'd worked for fall apart."

Katie gritted her teeth. It was so tantalisingly close to the approval she craved, but came barbed, subtly suggesting she was incapable of it without Jenna's helping hand.

"It should have been mine to lose, then," Katie said carefully.

"The conflict of interest—"

"_Exactly_," Katie cried, utterly losing her temper. "You created a COI for me. Fitch's fucking policy on COI is so to the letter we can't even let friends of employees in on drug trials lest it tempt us to tamper with the drug distribution. Yet here the company is funding this trial and I'm the bloody immunologist!"

"We frequently compensate doctors who work with us on trials."

"I'm a _student_, Mum, still trying to build a reputation outside of this fucking pharmaceutical firm. I need to publish to finish my doctorate."

"Katie you've already published—"

"In a low grade journal doing work in dishes. You should never have done this."

"As I said, the board saw a financial opportunity. It wasn't my decision."

"That's fucking bollocks."

"Katie!"

"No, we're done."

Katie sprang up, heading for the door, but she turned back at the last moment.

"And you should never have assigned Emily as solicitor when we have American lawyers who could have done it. You're wasting her time forcing her to be site coordinator."

"I wanted to talk to you about that actually."

"Oh, that's rich. You want _me _to be site coordinator on top of everything else? You're off your fucking trolley."

Katie burst out laughing, and left the office still in full-throated hilarity.

"Good visit, then?" Michael asked guilelessly.

"The fucking best."

+o+o

Maybe it should have been ironic that the first place Katie wanted to go after her consultation with her mum was the lab, but it felt safe and concrete in its rules and sterility. Politics were always shifting, and paradigms in science shifted, too, but like rivers cutting deep canyons, not wind shaping sand dunes. She'd never wanted science for herself. That had been Jenna's pressure, her fear, though of what Katie didn't know. It was Rob, her father who had inherited Fitch Pharma from his father, but Rob was not the sharpest tool in the shed, so to speak. Jenna had taken control of the company from him when they married and Fitch thrived under her guidance. Then she pushed, hard, at all of her children to take up posts in the infrastructure like it would collapse without full-blooded Fitches to shore its moorings. Even her poor brother James was enduring some miserable course in economics and business at uni. All the aspects of the company could be seen to by her three expert offspring.

Katie was shrugging out of her outside jacket and donning a starched white lab coat as JJ's curly head bobbed into view. His bright smile consoled her somehow as he came over and happily shook her hand.

"Katie, not on holiday yet, I see," he enthused. "Couldn't keep you away from the lab?"

"Morning, Jay," Katie said though her own smile was strained. "You said you'd have a technician for me?"

"Indeed I do, but he's not here at the moment. His name is Jared Wilcox, a post baccalaureate from Australia. Very clever, though without much formal training."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. When's he back?"

"I can have him meet you on Boxing Day, if you're keen."

Katie waved off his offer. "No, let the guy have a lie in hungover like the rest of us. If he could meet me the twenty-seventh, though? I know it's a company holiday, but I don't have much time before I'm due back in America."

"Say no more. I'll just tell him he has a very beautiful young woman eager for his company."

Katie raised her eyebrows at his blatant flattery and then had to laugh. It was JJ and he'd been a dependable pillar of support throughout his tenure at Fitch, because even though they were not far apart in years, JJ had precociously finished his doctorate at the tender age of twenty-one. She'd been stumbling through repeating coursework at uni at twenty-one. He led her into his vaccine team's research and development lab, and once again she was blown away by the difference in her surroundings.

Nothing was dirty. There were _windows_ and Katie was given a positively extravagant space of lab bench in the corner of JJ's lab with a splendid view of west London. There was hardly anybody in the lab itself as most had already fucked off on holiday, but she and JJ spent the day familiarising her with the stock rooms and the types of reagents she should have readily available. If there was anything, literally just about anything, she wanted, all she had to do was inform JJ's lab manager and the item would be in her hands in twenty-four hours or less.

It was beautiful and luxurious but it was fed by so many things that Katie cringed and felt conflicted about. Was she working trying to come back to this or was she working trying to escape it? To trade near bottomless funding for the simplicity of knowing that budget didn't come by breaking the backs of people who had to choose between paying or dying? Then again, many of those drugs wouldn't exist without companies like Fitch to develop them. Suddenly, incredibly fiercely, Katie wished she could see Effy. She could easily imagine the undergrad sitting up on the bench with her iPad on her knee, eyes trained on the horizon. Effy would know what to do, what to say, probably by doing and saying nothing at all.


	16. Chapter 14: Turpenes

**Chapter 14**

**Turpenes: **The chemical compounds that give evergreen trees their distinct smell

Christmas Eve was supposed to ferry in some kind of earth ending weather event and the bookmakers were taking the lowest odds in years on if parts of England would have a white Christmas or not. In London, it pissed down rain, hovering just above freezing while those in more northern climes were battered by gale force winds. Katie woke that morning at the strangely appropriate time of eight, which felt all wrong considering how off kilter the rest of her sleep pattern had been since arriving. Katie laid in bed for a few minutes, watching the numbers of the hour tick over on her ceiling, projected there by her clock. It was nice, for that little bit to listen to wet sounds of traffic in puddles and not think very hard about anything.

But the not thinking about anything didn't last very long. How could it? Christmas Eve was the night of another Fitch family dinner, since Jenna and Rob were off doing charity work on Christmas Day. Her father had instituted those dinners when Katie and Emily were ten as a means for the busy Fitches to stay connected to one another. It once consisted of Katie being a general cunt, cutting Emily off at every opportunity and talking about nothing but herself. Now Rob would try to make awkward conversation and smooth over fights caused by Jenna's varied interrogation tactics. The introduction of Naomi had taken the pressure off of Katie and James, but left Emily in the line of fire. She hoped James had some spliff handy because they'd all need it before the evening was through.

+o+o

Katie arrived at her parents' enormous house in Oxshott almost at the exact same moment as Naomi and Emily, as though by clockwork. Warily, Katie looked over at Naomi who was clutching a bottle of wine like it might defend her from demons, but Naomi just seemed more interested in being nervous than she did in continuing to have a laugh at Katie over Effy. The three all gazed up at the brickwork of the house, hesitating on the cobbled drive.

"I'll give you fifty pounds if you ring the bell and run away," Naomi said.

"Like I need fifty pounds," Emily replied, with a raised eyebrow.

"I have other things you might…like."

Emily bumped her shoulder playfully. "What did you have in mind?"

Finally, Katie with a muttered "for fuck's sake" went smartly up to the door and rang the bell.

"Why the fuck did we ever have a cat flap?" Katie said as they waited. "We never even had a bloody cat."

Naomi and Emily shared a glance, and Emily slipped her hand into Naomi's, linking their fingers and giving her girlfriend a meaningful smile. Tapping her foot impatiently, Katie averted her eyes, relieved when the door popped open and it wasn't Jenna. It was Rob, wearing an apron over his shirt and tie. His smile could have lit the neighbourhood.

"Katiekins!" he boomed, sweeping her into a hug so tight he lifted her off the ground.

"Hi, Dad," Katie whispered, barely able to get the words out her ribs were being compressed so tightly.

"I've missed you, girl."

A muffled reply came somewhere from the region of Rob's chest, but Katie eventually gave up trying to say anything as the hug dragged on for a painfully long time before Rob released her.

"Good to see you, too, Dad," Katie murmured, her eyes wide as she looked round at Emily.

"And you two," said Rob, extending his arms.

Emily embraced him willingly, though she got less of a treatment than Katie had since she'd probably seen Rob rather more recently. The surprise came when hugged Naomi as well. Her squeak echoed off the walls in the entrance hall as he crushed her close, the bottle of wine trapped between them along with Naomi's arms. Emily bit her lip to keep from laughing at the look of shocked dismay Naomi cast her over Rob's shoulder, while Katie had to turn away completely to keep from losing it. Giving Rob a tight-lipped smile at the conclusion of the hug, Naomi nodded briskly before following the twins into the house.

The house was a multi-million pound affair, the interior bright and modern looking. Solicitously taking their coats, Rob hung them in a small cupboard. Katie desperately tried to think of a reason she could stuff Campbell into the closet and impress upon her she was not to tell _anyone_ not just Emily about Effy, but she couldn't contrive one. So she unhappily went into the lounge where Rob left them. James and his most recent girlfriend were sitting on a ridiculous white sofa by the fire when the girls entered. Grinning, he jumped up from the sofa, his suit jacket flaring open with his movement in a flash of red silk lining.

"This is a first," James said, hugging her. "Katie Fitch with no bloke on her arm."

"Bit tough when it's broken," Katie said archly.

He looked down at her, studying her arm. "It's not broken now, is it?

"No, fucking broke it in October. I was in a sling until a few weeks ago."

"Take a tumble from those sky high heels of yours?"

"Slipped on ice. My student found me in the road like a turtle and brought me to hospital."

"Effy found you?" Emily cut in. "The one who's teaching you sign language?"

"Is she fit?" James asked automatically.

Katie's face blanched as her jaw dropped slightly, unsure how to answer in front of the two lesbians who were no doubt scrutinising her response. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Naomi's face and she almost lashed out pre-emptively to prevent her laughing, but Naomi didn't even smile; she simply watched with such calm curiosity that Katie glanced over, startled. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Emily had plenty of opinions of her own about Effy.

"Yeah, she's well fit," said Emily, giggling.

"Are you _still _fucking on about that?" Katie exclaimed, blushing hotly.

"Shit, I'd break my arm for a fit bird," James joked, looking back at his girlfriend. "Isn't that right?"

Then he greeted Emily and Naomi, taking a quick perve at Naomi's breasts that got him a sound smack on the back of the head from Emily. For being such a little horny prick during his adolescent years, James had somehow become a remarkably successful womanizer, his lust tempered by experience when he realised he pulled more often when he infused a little charm into his bluntness. He was still an asshole when he wanted to be, but at least that no longer applied to the twins who he had come to appreciate in less sexual ways with age. Somewhere during the introductions, James' girlfriend said what her name was but Katie almost immediately purged the information from her memory banks; she wouldn't need it three days hence.

Apparently so had Naomi because Katie overheard her say in an undertone to Emily, "What the fuck's her name again?"

"I'm calling her forty-two."

Naomi snorted. "Is she really number forty-two?"

"No idea."

They all sat and exchanged idle chatter until Katie thought of something.

"Mum's not cooking, is she?" Katie said to James with a slight edge of panic.

"No, we've been spared. The whole thing's been catered."

"Then why is Dad in an apron?"

"Because it's Dad. Why does he do any of the things he does?"

"Good point."

Their reasonably pleasant catching up was interrupted by the appearance of Jenna. She swept into the room, kissing her children and shaking hands with James' girlfriend. The only person she didn't really greet was Naomi, who gave her an icy smile as only Naomi Campbell can.

"Oh, Naomi," Jenna said. "I didn't know you were joining us."

"I fucking told—" Emily began angrily, but Naomi gently touched the small of her back.

"You're looking lovely as always for a woman of your age," Naomi said smoothly.

The lazy malevolence in her voice impressed even Katie. Then again Naomi and Jenna were fighting a war of attrition, and Naomi had dug herself into a foxhole, prepared to wait for her small tastes of revenge.

"Is dinner ready?" Katie said pointedly, breaking the eye lock Naomi and Jenna were in like they could glare each other to death.

"I don't know what we're going to do now," said Jenna. "But let's go and see."

The room where Fitch family dinner generally commenced looked out over a long slope of lawn that ran up to the edge of a wooded lake, and it was a particular place as the family were the only ones that ever ate there; guests were taken to different spots. The view from that dining room alone probably accounted for half the house's value. The table was beautifully adorned, but it didn't take a genius to quickly ascertain that it was only laid for six. Emily rounded on Jenna.

"Emily, this is a six-seater table!" Jenna cried. "What do you want me to do? Maybe if I had known Naomi was going to be here…"

"I _told _you she was going to be here," Emily said through clenched teeth. "I told Michael she was going to be here. I told Dad she was going to be here. I don't really know who else I could have told!"

"Mum, seriously, we have like four other fucking tables," Katie interjected. "Let's just move."

"But this is a Fitch family dinner!"

"And what? Were you expecting that two of us would never fucking bring anyone home? It's not Emily's bloody fault you didn't plan ahead."

"What's going on in here?" Rob said, as usual a day late and a quid short.

"We're just moving tables, Dad," Emily said, gaze still on her mother. "Mum can't count."

"That was silly of you, dear," Rob said fondly, kissing his wife's temple.

Emily corralled James and the two of them began moving the place settings to the larger table two rooms over. Luckily, Rob steered Jenna back to the kitchen, and it was then that Katie finally saw her opportunity to have a private word with Naomi. She was standing by the window, one hand pressed to her forehead.

"You cannot tell anyone about Effy," Katie growled without preamble. "Absolutely no one, am I clear?"

"I wasn't going to," Naomi replied, a little disdain creeping into her delivery. "Your little gay interlude is safe with me."

"It's not about _that_."

"What is it then?"

"Effy's a—"

Katie never got to finish her sentence, as she and Naomi were summoned to dinner. Naomi raised her eyebrows slightly though, following Katie with her eyes as they walked to the other room.

+o+o

Dinner could have been worse. Naomi and Jenna managed to mostly ignore each other though Jenna was more passive aggressive to Emily than a Minnesotan at a church potluck. Still, overall there was relatively little blood shed, in part because Katie tried her best to make good on her promise to Emily. Bravely focusing Jenna's attention on herself, they spent a good portion of the meal hashing why Katie didn't have a new boyfriend and what exactly had happened with Steve. Katie was just starting to think that the evening might not end too poorly when there was an impromptu gift giving.

"Your father and I are attending an event tomorrow morning," Jenna announced, "so we'll be missing Christmas morning with you."

That news wasn't terribly surprising to any of the Fitch children; it had happened often enough during their youths. It was also not surprising to any of them that their gifts came in the form of donations to various organisations, because honestly the three of them already had more money than they knew what to do with. Okay, maybe James had plenty of ideas for his share, but Emily and Katie could have lived in preposterous opulence without much difficulty. The gauntlet was thrown, however, when it came to the gifts for number forty-two and Naomi. Forty-two opened a box with a beautiful diamond studded bracelet. There was nothing for Naomi or at least there didn't appear to be.

"Oh, Naomi, I apologise," Jenna said. "Your gift is in the other room as I wasn't _expecting _you."

Katie rolled her eyes, thoroughly annoyed with her mother's continued claims of ignorance. When Jenna returned, she handed Naomi a neatly wrapped rectangular box. There was even a little tag on it with Naomi's name in neat cursive script. Emily and Naomi glanced at each other, a lot of unspoken amazement shared in the look, as Naomi tore into the paper. As she pulled off the lid, she actually winced like she thought the box was going to contain a landmine the perfect size to destroy only the person handling it. Then, she started to laugh. Hard. She'd been completely reduced to tears by the time Emily seized the box from her, a second later jerking out a loaf of artisanal bread by the cellowrap.

Emily had always been that little bit stronger than Katie, and it was ironic really, that for all her rebelliousness she seemed to slot so much more seamlessly into Jenna's grand plan. Emily was an excellent solicitor and she'd found happiness with a brilliant epidemiologist, though you'd never catch Katie saying that sort of thing out loud. The only fly in the ointment was the fact Naomi was a woman. It was the reason Katie had kept her position as Jenna's golden child, otherwise Katie _knew_ that Emily would have been her favourite. It was her saving grace.

Contrary to common conception, she'd never disliked Emily, had never even really cared about the gay thing; she had always been jealous. She struggled by tooth and claw to separate herself from Emily, because what happened when she let go of the identity Jenna had forged for her? What did she have left? The juxtaposition was simply too cruel; to fight for a life you didn't want and then wake up one day and have even the lie stolen from you.

So Katie didn't know why she did it. She didn't know why she was the one who spoke first.

"What the fuck, Mum?" she said, incredulous.

It wasn't the bread. She could have given Naomi a frame constructed out of elbow macaroni and it wouldn't have mattered. It was the vindictive premeditation. The disparity between the gift she'd given forty-two and the one she'd given Naomi, both wrapped, both labelled, both planned. It was a deliberate slap in the face, symbolic, like she'd accept anyone James brought but would never accept Naomi regardless of how many times she proved that she _loved_ Emily.

"Why do you keep punishing her?" Katie spluttered, not entirely sure whom she was referring to: Emily, Naomi, maybe herself. "I'm not—why can't you just love us? Why is that so hard?"

She felt like she should have been angry, shouting, but her voice got quieter, until it broke on the last word. Crossing her arms, on the verge of weeping, Katie left without her coat, walking down to the end of the drive before allowing the first tear to fall. Only a moment or two had passed when Emily called to her.

"Katie!" she said, running down to catch her like she'd been trying to escape. "Katie, are you okay?"

"Shouldn't it be me asking _you_ that?" Katie bitched, sniffling and hastily wiping her face.

"I think Naomi's lost it. She's still sitting up on the front step laughing."

"Laugh or fucking cry, I suppose."

"Between the two of you I think you have it covered."

"Fuck, I think I'm going to go home now."

Emily hesitated for half a second, then grinned. "Come with us to Bristol."

"Why the fuck are you going to Bristol?"

"That's where Naomi's mum lives."

Katie shook her head. "Isn't she like, expecting only the two of you?"

"Unlike our mother, she'll act like she was expecting you the whole time. Come with us, yeah?"

"I feel a bit guilty leaving James."

Emily scoffed. "He has forty-two and enough spliff to last three weeks."

"Fine. But only if you sit in the back because I'm not spending two hours on the M4 watching you bloody hold hands and cuddle."

Smiling, Emily slipped her arm around Katie's shoulders.

+o+o

It was well after two by the time they were on the motorway. The night seemed to have taken its toll on Emily and she was asleep within minutes, head nestled into a corner. Naomi just drove, the glow of the tachometer reflecting in her pale blue eyes. Sometimes, Katie could see a little of what Emily must see in Naomi, and in the half dark, it was one of those moments. She was sort of beautiful in a soft and blonde way, head canted to the side as she ran her fingers restlessly through her hair. Shifting in her seat, Katie checked her phone. The very last text she'd gotten from Effy was still in her messages.

_come let me in _

That had been just three days previous, when Effy came to take her to the airport. God, it had only been three days ago. The phrase had taken on so much subtext since then. They were almost to Swindon before either Katie or Naomi spoke, and it was so quiet Katie literally jumped.

"Still got your knickers in a twist?" Naomi said.

"Fuck's sake, Naomi," Katie cursed.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"What do you want?"

"You practically made me swear a blood oath of silence—"

"Shhhh!" Katie frantically checked Emily for signs of life. "We are not talking about this with her in the car."

"Oh, please. Have you ever slept in the same room with her? You could bring in a ten piece brass band and she'd wouldn't so much as stir."

"No, she might—"

"Oi, Emily! Katie here kissed a girl!"

"Shut the fuck up, Campbell! Jesus sodding Christ!"

Sure enough, Emily was still sound asleep. She even helpfully began to snore a bit. With a murderous scowl, Katie pinched Naomi's arm hard, which just made her smile in a satisfied way after she'd managed to squirm away.

"Now tell me about her," Naomi prompted.

"Who?" Katie said.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Jesus, you're fucking thick. The girl. Ellie or whatever her name is."

"Effy."

"Quick for her being someone you don't care about. Effy, then."

Sulking, Katie didn't say anything.

"Christ, I'm not doing it have a laugh. I just don't know anything about her save Emily thinks she's attractive and you've been learning sign language for her. Not much to go on, is it?"

Katie eyed her suspiciously. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"I'm sick of your weird broodiness and I'd really like to get back to just insulting each other if at all possible." Pausing, Naomi sighed. "And because…if I'd had someone to talk to, maybe I wouldn't have messed your sister about so long. So don't flatter yourself; it isn't really for you."

"I'm not fucking gay."

"Great, now we've established that we can get onto discussing how you kissed a girl."

Clearing her throat, Katie looked down at her hands. "This stays between us. I mean that. _No one_ can know about this, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Mum's the word." Naomi pulled a face. "Sorry. Not my best idiom choice. So tell me about Effy."

Katie tipped her head back, gazing at the ceiling while she tried to compose what she knew about Effy into a few short sentences, only to find that it was impossible. How could she compress Effy Stonem into a caption? It was like trying to recreate the Sahara with a handful of sand.

"She's…hard to describe," Katie said slowly. "Just…complex."

"Do you like her?" Naomi asked.

"Of course, I bloody _like _her. That's not the question. You want to know if I _want _her and the answer to that question is I don't fucking know."

"Well, either you want to fuck her or you don't. It's not that complicated."

Katie smiled self-deprecatingly, fully aware of the cosmic irony of a statement like that leaving the lips of Naomi Campbell. "Isn't it?"

Casting her a quick look, Naomi shrugged before returning her eyes to the road. "Maybe not."

"It's not like I've never kissed a girl before."

"Now you're just fucking with me."

"Emily didn't like, invent snogging girls, fuck."

Naomi flat out stared at Katie for a few seconds, overcorrecting slightly when she put them back in the correct lane. "You need to pinch me again because I think I'm fucking dreaming."

Katie happily obliged, pinching her shoulder more in retaliation than compliance with the request.

"Ow!" Naomi cried. "And this person is still walking around breathing?! Jesus."

"I fucking assume so because she was alive when she left my room."

"I'm sorry, I just can't believe this. You need to go back and tell me the whole story, I think."

Katie blew out a quick breath. In for a penny, in for a pound.

"I was at uni," Katie began quickly. "You and Emily hadn't been dating very long, but there was this girl that had been hanging round. We became friends or whatever and I guess she'd fancied me for a while, but I never thought anything of it until she turned up one afternoon in a towel."

"In a towel?"

"I was still in the halls, and she told me she'd accidentally locked herself out of her room. So I let her in mine for a bit while she waited for someone to bring her a spare key. Then she just fucking kissed me."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"Please don't tell me you slapped her or something else fucking brilliant."

"It came out of nowhere! I was so—"

"Oh, Jesus. You did slap her. So what happened after you blacked her eye?"

"I made her leave and never spoke to her again."

"Katie, I don't think that counts as having kissed a girl. That's like a girl kissed you and you assaulted her."

"It was self-defence! She came on a bit strong, didn't she? In a fucking towel!"

"I wasn't making a judgement! Just saying. Did you slap Effy, too, then?"

Sinking lower into her seat, Katie bit her lip. "No."

"Did you want to?"

"No, but it doesn't matter. It didn't _mean_ anything."

Naomi rubbed her hand along her jaw, rolling her eyes again, because all Katie's protestations only made it more obvious that the kiss _did _matter. For another minute or two they lapsed into silence.

"Why can't you just talk to her?" Naomi finally asked.

That made Katie laugh. "Effy doesn't talk."

"Right, she's deaf. Fine, text or email or sign or whatever you do with her."

"No, I mean she…she doesn't talk, really about anything."

Naomi glanced at Katie one more time. "This isn't _really_ about her being a girl, is it?"

"I…I don't know. I think maybe she frightens me."

"She's just a girl, Katie. She doesn't have fangs, I'm sure."

"It's like my whole life I've only ever had weak interactions with people. Like it's all been hydrogen bonding and the only person I've ever been covalently linked to is Emily. We're a molecule instead of just two atoms. It's all permanent. And I feel that way with Effy. I feel…"

Katie trailed off at the blank look Naomi was giving her. Apparently the analogy was too chemical for Naomi to follow.

"I like Effy," Katie sat at last. "I admire her and want to be around her, but I don't know what all of that means."

"So kiss her again. Figure out what you want."

"Even if I fucking wanted to I bloody well can't."

"What, she's still got a mouth hasn't she?"

"Effy is a fucking study subject."


	17. Chapter 15: Allelic Exclusion

**Chapter 15**

**Allelic Exclusion: **Generally humans have two "alleles" for each gene (one from each parent) but usually one of these alleles is "silenced" meaning only one is expressed

Naomi raised her eyebrows, shifting her grip on the wheel.

"What does that mean, she's a study subject?" Naomi asked.

"It means," Katie said with elaborate slowness, "that if anyone from my lab, the clinic, or the University finds out that we fucking kissed in the first place I will be removed from the study and have no chance of participating in the vaccine trial. The lab will be formally censured, possibly barred from future human studies and trials."

"What, because you two had one tiny kiss in an airport? Bit melodramatic, don't you think?"

"Epstein-Barr virus is transmitted through saliva and—"

"Hello? I'm an epidemiologist, Katie. I know how people get mono or whatever you call it now."

"Thanks for the reminder. Christ. Can I go on or are you going to interrupt again?"

Naomi waved her hand. "Please, continue your lecture, professor."

"By kissing her, I could give her the virus—"

"Wait, she's a negative? How the fuck is that even possible?"

"For fuck's sake, Naomi!"

"Sorry, sorry. I just—did she grow up in a nunnery?"

"Fuck, I'm not supposed to be discussing any of this with you. This is violating personal information nondisclosure. I'm not even supposed to know her bloody subject identifier!"

The truth was Katie still had no idea how Effy managed to be EBV negative. She and Doug had started to theorise a few of the subjects were immune due to their behavioural profiles, and Effy happened to be one of them. That didn't preclude the possibility, however, that Effy had just been insanely lucky in her twenty-one years. The overall incidence of EBV in Minnesota was remarkably low, so there was a very small chance. If Effy'd been lucky rather than immune though, Katie could give her the virus. Technically, it would be a knowing if not deliberate inoculation of a subject by a researcher. It would be the worst thing she could do as a scientist.

"Okay," Naomi said, "I get the picture. You're not supposed to fraternise with the enemy."

"The whole fucking thing is unethical any way you cut it," Katie moaned miserably. "We shouldn't even be _friends_."

"This is just an observational study, right? Not as though you're actively treating her for something. If she withdraws, you're in the clear."

Katie shook her head. "And how the fuck do I propose that exactly? Do I even want to?"

"Katie, you can't do this at a distance," Naomi said.

"She's just a fucking girl."

"If she was just a girl we wouldn't be talking right now."

Naomi sighed as Katie buried her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes before looking back at Naomi. Clearly they were both exhausted, so Naomi let it drop.

"I'm sorry about my mum," Katie said, changing the subject though not exactly to lighter fare.

Making a noise of mock horror, Naomi retorted, "Who are you and what have you done with Katie Fitch?"

"Oh, fuck off."

"So you are still in there. Good to know."

"Jesus, I knew this was too good to be true."

Naomi scanned the street signs, leaving the motorway and heading into Bristol proper.

"Thanks," Naomi said grudgingly.

"Yeah, you too."

That night marked the biggest concession Katie and Naomi had ever made to one another, and the exchange finally died on that last point. Naomi drove the rest of the way into Bristol without saying another word. They arrived at her mum's house around five in the morning, a slow drizzle soaking the streets. Naomi gratefully turned the key in the ignition, stretching her cramped limbs.

"Your mum won't mind us coming in at this hour?" Katie asked.

"If we're quiet we might not wake her at all," Naomi replied, ducking to look through the window up at the house though she likely couldn't see much as it was still dark.

"If we're going to have conversations like this every time we get into a fucking car together this is the last time I'm driving with you anywhere."

"Have fun getting back to London then. You might have to take the train! Gasp!"

"I've taken the bloody train. I'm not a complete spoiled bitch."

Naomi smiled. "You know, Katiekins, this might actually be the first time I kind of agree."

Naomi climbed from the car and after a great deal of difficulty managed to rouse Emily, who complained grumpily for a solid minute before agreeing to go into the house and go to sleep. After installing the younger Fitch in her own childhood room, Naomi returned to Katie downstairs.

"There's another bed I could take you to," Naomi offered.

"I'm not very tired to be honest," Katie replied. "Could I just sit down here for a bit?"

"Yeah, all right. The bedroom is top of the stairs if you want it."

"Sleep tight, lezzer."

Naomi rolled her eyes, giving Katie the finger as she went back up the steps. The house faced south, and Katie sat in the lounge as the sun began to rise, burning away the darkness with the gray of predawn. The sunrise wouldn't look like anything when it came later; it was too overcast for it, but it was still pleasant to watch the world become lighter around her. The lounge was small, with worn furniture and hand knitted throws, but it struck her more as a home than any of the places she'd been since her return to Britain. She felt like an intruder on the sofa of a stranger in a house she'd never visited before. What if Naomi's mum came down and called the police? She was coming up with a list of ways to prove she was Emily's sister when something she was not expecting happened. She got a text. From Effy.

_how's london?_

What a question to ask her, at such an odd time, because it must have been the middle of the night in Minneapolis, if that's where Effy was. Maybe she was in Grand Marais. Maybe she was somewhere else entirely. Katie didn't know. It was too much, somehow, that casual fucking enquiry after everything that had happened in the past four days. Katie cradled her phone in her palm for several minutes thinking about if she even knew the difference between things she wanted and things she didn't want. Everything was so closely intertwined with an unattainable set of criteria that she measured her life by. It suddenly disgusted her, winning against Emily, because she'd always win, no matter how pathetic a fucksplash she chose, so long as the fucksplash was male.

The scales tipped again, and just as she'd rocked from confusion to fear to reluctant hope, there was resignation and anger. She had to put Effy out of her mind. Effy being a subject precluded anything from happening by definition. Not to mention Effy was also her undergrad, her student, and she was just a kid, almost five years younger than Katie. It was just a chaste kiss, so what if she'd kissed back? She would just go back to Minnesota and explain to Effy that they could only be friends, possibly get Doug to reassign Effy if she had to, either to Jen or have her sent back the clinic. Quick and clean.

Yet in almost the same thought, out of nowhere, she found herself having a weird daydream about Effy. As the weather had turned colder in Minneapolis, Katie learned Effy had a magnificent pair of snow boots. Katie lusted after those boots; or maybe she more correctly lusted after a pair of legs long enough to pull them off. Knee high dark grain leather and blue canvas Sorels, embellished with straps and buckles that wound up Effy's lean calves. There was something so strangely sexy about them, because they were just snow boots, the leather over covers fastening in the arch of her foot like a spat.

They stayed just snow boots for weeks, then one day she met Effy on her way into lab, and watched her as she came striding up the wide tunnel toward the lab with her easy "give a fuck" gait. It probably would have been like all the other times she'd seen Effy wear those boots if Effy hadn't caught her eye and held her gaze until she was close enough to touch. It made Katie stare at her when they stood a hair's breadth apart, that moment liquid with heat and confusion; prior to that, Katie had jealously wanted Effy's effortless beauty, but that morning she just _wanted_. God, Naomi was right; she couldn't do this at a distance of 6500 kilometres, but she feared what would be waiting for her when she returned to Minneapolis.

Most of all, she feared that want, because Effy was unequivocally off limits and the knowledge just made her _want _so much more. Katie deleted the text, shoved her mobile so deep in her purse she hoped she wouldn't find it again for days.

+o+o

"Well, you weren't here when I went to bed," a voice said somewhere over the back of the sofa.

Katie sat bolt upright to find it was properly daylight, or as daylight as it could be whilst raining, and there was a middle aged woman in a bathrobe gazing at her with an amused expression.

"Fuck, I didn't break in," Katie said stupidly, still half asleep.

"Are you one of Naomi's friends?"

Katie's response was gut deep, completely automatic. "Hell no." She grimaced realising what she'd said. "Sorry, yes, I guess. I don't know."

The woman smiled, cocking her head sympathetically. "It can be difficult to tell with Naomi, can't it? I'm Gina, dear. Very nice to meet you."

"I'm Katie."

"Emily's twin." Gina nodded. "I'm sorry to wake you, but you were in a terrible position on the sofa. Didn't want you to have a kink in your neck for the next week."

"Thanks." Jesus, the woman was ridiculously nice.

"Could I interest you in a tea or coffee?"

"A coffee maybe."

"Why don't you come through with me to the kitchen? I'll put some water to boil."

Sliding her fingers over her mussed hair, Katie arduously rose from the sofa, feeling stiff and self-conscious. She followed Gina into the kitchen, taking a place at the worn wooden table, literally sitting on her hands to keep from fidgeting. A large chalkboard hung at the end of the table, marked out into several columns.

"Not had a good night have you?" Gina surmised as she filled the kettle.

"That obvious?" Katie replied.

"I wasn't expecting Emily and Naomi until tomorrow, and you three turn up in the night banging about like a band of trolls, so I'm supposing last night was shit."

"My mum."

"Ah." Apparently Gina was acquainted with stories of Jenna.

"Whatever you've heard the reality is probably worse."

Gina didn't even try to argue. Though Katie couldn't be sure _what_ she'd heard from Naomi, it was likely very negative. To her credit, Gina didn't ask any more questions about Jenna and she didn't probe Katie for the reason she'd abandoned London for Bristol with two people she hadn't always been on side with. She sat with Katie, gave her a mug of coffee, and shared polite conversation about Katie's work, in spite of the fact Katie knew Gina approved of Fitch Pharma and biomedical research about as much as Naomi did, which was really very little.

Naomi was an epidemiologist, but not one that simple analysed biostatics data from behind a desk at the Ministry of Health. She worked for the United Nations visiting sites all over the world attempting to help prevent the spread of certain diseases. Primarily her assignments focused on prevention of tuberculosis transmission as drug resistant strains were becoming all too prevalent. That meant she got to see first hand the effects of the policies of big pharmaceutical companies. She was violently opposed to Fitch's testing, marketing, and sales schemes because while some of them _were_ legitimately rather unethical, they were often just in poor spirit, designed to extract as much money as possible with limited expenditure.

Now they were older, it was the only real point of contention in her relationship with Emily outside of Jenna. At first, Naomi had flat out threatened to leave her unless Emily quit working for them, but Emily had argued that the best way for her to make a positive impact on Fitch's policy was to stay with the company and effect change internally. Pharmaceutical lobbyists had legislators by the balls and they'd never pass regulations that would really make Fitch come to heel.

Naomi had eventually come around to Emily's way of thinking, but for a few months, Emily had been a disaster, nearly failing the last portion of her Legal Practice Course. That's how much Emily loved her; it was finally what made Katie fully accept them as a couple, watching them compromise on a sacred issue like only people desperately in love can do. Naomi, meanwhile, consoled herself by persuading Emily to spend as much of Fitch's money as possible on her favourite charity projects.

Katie and Gina's halting conversation was finally interrupted by the appearance of Naomi who had spectacular bed hair. She glanced suspiciously between her mother and Katie, as they'd abruptly stopped speaking when Naomi entered, although it wasn't for any nefarious purpose.

"Is she prying your darkest secrets from the corners of your soul?" Naomi asked Katie with a sardonic look.

"We were just having a chat about Katie's research, love," Gina said.

"There is no such thing as just a chat with you."

Katie scowled in Naomi's direction. After the bloody awful experience they'd fled with Katie's own mother less than twenty-four hours previously, Gina seemed like a perfect saint, even with the flaws Naomi evidently thought she possessed. Naomi seemed to realise it as well, and her face softened a bit as she gave her mother a one armed hug from behind.

"Thanks, Mum," she murmured close to Gina's ear, and the older Campbell touched her wrist before letting her go.

+o+o

Christmas Day actually ended up being kind of lovely, or as lovely as it could have been given the circumstances. Gina fed them and plied them with alcohol throughout the afternoon until at some point Katie found herself sitting alone with Emily on the sofa, watching the rain fall. Curled under a blanket, Emily yawned, completely at her ease in her pseudo mother-in-law's house. Katie leaned against the arm of the sofa, legs tucked underneath her.

"You've been quiet," Emily said.

"Haven't had anything to say," Katie said.

"Katie, the last time you were this quiet we were five and you didn't want anyone to see you'd lost your front tooth."

"Well, I've still got all my teeth." Katie flashed her a humourless smile to prove she was in possession of all her incisors.

"Is this about what happened last night?"

It was an easy enough lie, and not even one of her own invention. "Yeah."

"I thought you'd be the last person to stick up for Naomi, but I guess you've been surprising me a lot lately."

"I've been surprising my bloody self lately," Katie muttered.

"Thanks. For what you said to Mum."

"Someone had to say it finally besides you." She laughed bitterly. "I used to hide in the bath when she was angry. I couldn't stay hiding forever."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Emily. Jesus, I think I liked it better when you were a cunt."

Emily rolled her eyes, settling back beneath her blanket as Katie shifted position, tucking her knees beneath her chin.

"I'm sorry," Emily said out of nowhere.

"What for?" asked Katie warily.

"I was always angry at you for not taking my side. But we were all pulling at you, and it must be horrible being in the middle."

Katie shrugged, eyes fixed on the street. "It's all shit."

"Yeah, it is."

Really she was only half listening to Emily anymore. Instead, she began to think of the conversation she'd had with Naomi the previous night, about talking to Effy, because how much bad blood could she have saved with Emily by talking to her about Jenna? They'd made assumptions and Katie hadn't wanted to hear her, though Emily had tried to speak. So like Jenna, now that she thought on it, so like her Katie had to bite her lip from making any sound. Communication seemed like the prudent thing to do now, in retrospect, but with Effy…what was she supposed to say? It couldn't possibly be that simple.

"Katie?" Emily said, her voice at a volume that suggested it wasn't the first time she'd said it.

"Yeah, what?" Katie replied.

"God, you're distracted. I'm going to find Naomi."

"Okay."

Emily got up and Katie sat very still for a few more minutes before searching through her bag for her phone. It wasn't nearly as hard to find as she had hoped it would be. There weren't any new texts, but Katie remembered the contents of the one she'd deleted earlier that morning. She took a deep, slow breath. Was she really just going to let Effy go? Not try to fight to keep at least her friendship? With shaking fingers she typed back.

_I'm not in London. _

The response was slightly slower than usual, but that might have been due to the network rather than Effy herself.

_good. weather looks awful._

That made Katie smile.

_ Yeah. Where are you?_

_ tony's_

_ Good Christmas?_

_ conducting a controlled experiment. you'd be proud. _

_ An experiment on what?_

_ the placebo effect_

_Are you fucking high?_

_ yes, but not relevant to experiment_

_ Well, are you going to elaborate?_

_ testing if tony's thermostat actually changes temperature, or just makes us think it changes temperature_

_ Results?_

_inconclusive so far_

Katie rolled her eyes. Effy could be positively goofy when she wasn't being all dark and mysterious, and Katie ran her thumb down on the side of her mobile. The little exchange had been very _them _without touching any of the raw places that had been dogging Katie for days. Maybe this was Effy's way of telling her it was going to be okay, but then she was probably reading too much into it. Maybe they were just avoiding the problem. Then after a minute or two, she got another text.

_stop worrying, tiger. you'll be back with me soon._

If someone had asked her an hour ago if she thought it could get more confusing, she would have said no. It should have made her run, fucking flee, not want to tuck herself in the crook of Effy's elbow, to curl up in that forbidden place, against Effy's steady warmth to be held.

+o+o

Katie went back to London on her own on Boxing Day. Before she left though Naomi pulled her aside and had a quick word with her in the hall closet in a sort of strange fulfilment of Katie's desire to do so back in her parents' house. Katie assiduously resisted her kneejerk inclination to start making closet jokes as soon as they went in and gave Naomi the benefit of the doubt. Naomi though was measuring her words, and Katie huffed loudly.

"Is there a reason we're suffocating in here with the mothballs?" Katie said impatiently.

"Fuck, could you wait ten seconds?" Naomi swore. "I just wanted to say Emily and I will be going to America with you when you fly back on the fourth."

"Why did that require a side trip to this bloody cupboard?"

"Because you fucking cow I'm trying to tell you I'll be there. All right?"

"Good thing Emily's taking me to the train station. The thought of being trapped in car with you right now, Jesus."

Naomi flung open the door of the closet, sweeping Katie a deep bow. "Enjoy mingling with the common folk, princess."

"Fuck's sake, you're a bitch."

It didn't prevent her from sending Naomi a text halfway to London though.

_Thanks._

Naomi's reply was typical. _Welcome, whore._

+o+o

Shrugging into her lab coat, Katie settled the cloth across her shoulders as she entered JJ's lab. She'd been working with JJ's post bac for a few days, and his claim that Jared was clever was spot on. Jared was standing at her bench measuring something out when she came in. He smiled at her, and greeted her with his Aussie drawl.

"Good morning, Katie," Jared said, looking toward the window. "The weather's shit today."

"The weather's been shit every day," Katie replied. "At least its warmer than bloody Minnesota."

"We can look forward to summer, I suppose."

The young man was pleasant and intelligent, and a year ago, he would have been the kind of man she'd be interested in. That was yet another thing that had changed since she'd met Effy. Just as she felt she should have been more amenable to Tony she hadn't felt much inclination to flirt after Effy joined them. There was even an era she would have given Kirk Hamilton the time of day, though her revulsion for him now probably had more to do with her having matured than anything to do with Effy. If she'd been younger, she might have thrown herself at Jared, to prove she could still be queen of cock, but it wouldn't have _changed_ anything.

It wouldn't change needing to return to Minnesota and it wouldn't change the swirling push/pull that grew every morning she woke up one day closer to January 4th. She could seduce him and fuck him easily. And hell, she'd probably enjoy it too because honestly she hadn't had a proper shag since the previous March, but what then? Most of the blind panic she'd felt when she left Minneapolis had subsided into a nagging uncertainty. To fuck someone else now would be a betrayal of the kiss Effy had given her, a kiss that was slowly beginning to feel less like a threat and more like a promise.

"Katie," Jared warned, "Jay's coming."

Katie turned away from the rain streaked window and looked back toward JJ who was moving up the lab with none other than her mother floating in his wake. Her holiness had apparently condescended to venture into the land of mere mortals, and Katie scowled, half with the prospect of having to speak with Jenna and half because she was starting to sound like Naomi sodding Campbell in her own head. JJ didn't say anything, hands crammed into the pockets of his lab coat as his head ducked a bit between his shoulders like he was a nervous turtle about to pop back into its shell. Instead it was Jenna who spoke.

"Katie," Jenna said with a smile that chilled Katie a bit, "I hoped you'd be here. Would you come with me into Doctor Jones' office?"

Katie nodded, slightly cowed by her mother's tone. This was potentially very bad. Jenna could eject her from the vaccine trial if she chose or worse, what if she'd caught wind of something about her little indiscretion with Effy. It could damage them all. Following Jenna into JJ's corner office, she stood gripping the back of one of the chairs with white knuckles while Jenna drew the blinds. Katie was on the verge of a full-blown heart attack when Jenna sat down carefully on the edge of JJ's desk.

"Where did you spend Christmas?" Jenna asked.

Oh. They were going to talk about Christmas, nearly a week after the fact with only an obligatory Happy Christmas on the day like Katie and Emily had not stormed out of the house in outrage on Christmas Eve.

"Does it matter?" Katie said acidly, crossing her arms.

"Were you and Emily at least together?"

"We went to Bristol to stay with Naomi's mum." Katie waited a beat before adding, "She was lovely."

Jenna sighed. "I hoped she'd have grown out of this phase by now. You never—"

"It's not a phase, Mum. She's never going to leave Naomi."

"But you—"

Katie had endured hours of this argument as well. How could Emily be gay if Katie was straight? Badgered and beleaguered, Katie's next words burst from her like a spring from a box, unintended and shrill.

"I've kissed girls."

Never mind that it had only been _just _enough to make it plural girls and not singular girl, and that was if you counted the first one, which really she shouldn't owing to the slappage. Looking at Katie as though she'd suddenly grown two heads, Jenna stared at her with wide eyes.

"What?" Jenna said weakly.

"That's right." Katie was shaking, her palms clammy against her own fingertips.

"Is that why you broke it off with Steve?"

Katie managed a laugh. "No, I broke it off because Steve was a cunt."

"And you're…like Emily? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, I'm saying sometimes you can be a lot of things. Emily can be your daughter _and _she can be gay."

Shaking her head, Jenna got to her feet. "You've clearly been under a lot of stress. We can continue this later."

Jenna didn't give Katie a chance to respond before leaving the office. Katie let out a muffled howl of frustration into her cupped hands that dissolved into a soft sob. Even when she tried to choose sides, she was always going to be trapped in the middle. Then the impact of what she'd confessed to her mother pressed into her consciousness. God, why had she said it? Pulling her mobile from her coat pocket she texted Effy.

_We need to talk when I get back._

She could almost see Effy's little smirk when she got the reply.

_ i know_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry I know everyone is probably dying for Katie to see Effy again, but I thought it was important to establish some of the groundwork in these scenes. I'm going to be travelling for work as well, so I apologise if some of my updates are slow for the next few weeks (and also why you got three updates three days in a row!). Consider it research because Katie and Effy are scheduled to be taking a similar journey about ten chapters hence. ;)  
**


	18. Chapter 16: Super Infection

**A/N: A quick reminder that this fic is not rated M just for my gratuitous usage of the word fuck. Just sayin'. Hilarious side note from my mild mannered alter ego. This fic officially has more than TEN TIMES as many views as my most recent professional publication. I salute you Keffy fans. I salute you.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Super Infection: **Being infected with two strains of the same virus simultaneously

Katie waited cringing for the day that Emily would come to find her. It wasn't a question. Knowing Jenna, she would blame Emily for the secret Katie had divulged as though the twins could control one another's sex lives. The fallout would eventually come and bury them both like volcanic ash from Mount Vesuvius. Two days before Katie's return to Minnesota, she arrived at Fitch Pharma to find Emily sitting in the atrium reading some extremely dense looking patent application evidently hoping to catch her on her way in. Katie thought briefly about sending Fiona to run interference, but then figured that was probably useless; Fiona had a lot more reason to stay in Emily's good graces since she saw Emily almost daily. As it was, Katie put on her best bitch face and went to confront her sister. The only hiccup was that Emily didn't seem to want a confrontation. Her attitude was one of bemused contemplation.

"Katie," Emily said when Katie had taken the seat on the sofa beside her, "what did you say to Mum? I think you broke her."

"What did she say to you?" Katie hazarded, trying to suss out exactly what Jenna told Emily.

"I'm…not entirely sure. She took a day off."

Katie's eyebrows shot up. Jenna hadn't skived off work for a day since James was born, and then it was because she'd been under general anaesthesia at the time due to a placental haemorrhage. Clearly Jenna thought the world was ending.

"What did you say to her?" Emily pressed.

"I was trying to get her to start treating you like a fucking person," Katie said. "Like you and Naomi are inseparable or whatever."

It was Emily's turn to look surprised. "When did you become my tireless defender? Be honest I thought it was sort of a one off thing for Christmas."

"Yeah, well don't go being all soppy. You're my site coordinator now. Maybe I just wanted to be in your good books."

With that Katie went up to the research labs, leaving a perplexed Emily down in the shadow of the stylized Fitch double helix. She'd dodged the bullet, but only just. Emily was too fucking clever for her own good, and it wouldn't be long now before she sniffed out that Katie and Naomi were hiding the same secret. For the time being, however, Katie returned to her science. She and Jared had made good progress on the antibody assay so she felt a bit better about now having to go back to America empty handed. She wasn't going to finish the requested testing in time, but she would have something rather than nothing.

Katie didn't see Jenna again before she left the country, though she wasn't sure if that was due to avoidance on her part or Jenna's. Katie was not accustomed to being in the receiving end of this type of neglect; usually Jenna was overbearing rather than evasive. The only part she really regretted was not being able to say goodbye to her dad in person.

+o+o

The following night she packed. She ate curry and did other things she'd miss doing when she got back to Minneapolis because as decent as that city had turned out to be, it just wasn't London. Nowhere was London but London. As she was deciding what clothes to put into her suitcases, she got a series of texts from Effy. At first Katie had no idea what she was supposed to be looking at because the photos they contained were so fucking blurry, but as more texts came they resolved themselves into a miniature picture book of sorts. There were two very bad photos of what looked like Effy's hand but they were so grainy it was hard to tell if she'd been trying to make a sign and anyway without the accompanying motion they wouldn't make much sense regardless.

The next photo was partially of Tony and partially of a little white plastic box. That also was not particularly helpful. The fourth photo was clearer and Katie could make out the numbers on the white box. It was Tony's thermostat. Katie rolled her eyes and sent Effy a text back.

_Are these from the Christmas experiment or a new experiment?_

She got more photos in lieu of a proper response. Another shot of the thermostat, set to sixty (obviously in Fahrenheit because Americans had been saddled with Britain's cast off, the Imperial system) along with a bloody ancient mercury thermometer that was turned the wrong direction to be read. Then a photo of a clock in which Katie couldn't tell what time it actually was. Either Effy was fucking munted or she was a bloody shit photgrapher. There were no more texts for about half an hour and Katie wrote half amused half irritated:

_What the hell are you doing?_

_ you can't rush science_

_ Because this is extremely scientific._

Then there was another photo, this time of the thermometer turned the right direction but too close to the phone to be seen properly and the clock in the background. Katie threw down her phone sighing and wondering exactly how fucked up Effy and Tony must be to wander around talking photos of Tony's thermostat in the middle of the day. She didn't see the last photo until later, one evidently taken and sent by Tony because it was of Effy with her arm half extended as though to snatch the phone back. Her hair was apparent as a dark blur, but her eyes were clear blue in the centre of the frame. Jesus, Effy was a beautiful girl. Katie wished he hadn't sent it.

+o+o

Katie met Naomi and Emily at Heathrow Saturday morning. JJ didn't accompany them because the meeting was meant to be primarily legal, and Naomi was acting as an epidemiological consultant for Doug. It was a bit odd from the standpoint that Katie couldn't remember the last time she'd actually flown somewhere _with _Emily. They had been inseparable in that regard for ages as children, but now if they were going to be in the same place they generally met wherever it was. She'd forgotten that Emily was a traveller that seemed to get by more on luck than planning, though Naomi seemed to balance that out somewhat. The whole flight Katie fidgeted, enduring several knowing looks from Naomi when Emily was otherwise distracted. When Emily nipped off to the loo, Naomi snuck up and nudged Katie in the ribs.

"Is she going to be there when we land?" Naomi asked.

"Fuck's sake you have pointy elbows," Katie complained.

"Well?"

"She has my car so I fucking well hope so."

"Why does she have your car?"

"Because I—fuck is that Emily?" Katie shoved Naomi down, who let out an irritated grunt before popping back up again.

"Jesus, it's not her. You're so jumpy."

Katie looked up at her with dark miserable eyes and Naomi scoffed.

"You're going back to being a cunt, then."

"We can't work together anymore."

"Is that what you're going to do?"

"I don't see how I can do anything else."

"Are you even going to fucking tell her or just let Doug reassign her?"

Exhaling through her teeth, Katie clenched her fists. "What, am I supposed to throw away my whole fucking career because some student has a stupid crush on me?"

"A crush that is fucking you up, Katie Fitch."

Naomi didn't say anything else; she didn't need to. She just went back to her seat and didn't look at Katie again until they were on the ground. By the time they arrived in Minneapolis, Katie's nerves were in shreds. She followed Naomi and Emily through immigration in a positively foul mood, almost getting into an argument with the agent about the end date of her work visa that was ended only when Emily intervened on her behalf.

"I think my sister is tired from the journey," Emily said, taking Katie's forearm in a death grip. "You're sorry, aren't you, Katie?"

"Yeah, sorry," Katie muttered.

It was around then that Katie got a text that Effy was stuck up north of Duluth due to the weather and wouldn't be back to the Twin Cities in the next day, though the good news was that Effy hadn't taken her car after all. It was waiting in Katie's garage with the keys on her coffee table. Katie relaxed so much after that it was like she was a different person. She and Naomi even had a proper bitch about the preposterously cold weather as they made their way outside the arrivals level toward the taxi rank.

"Fucking hell," Naomi said. "It's zero. What's that in Celsius, oh master of conversions?"

"Minus twenty or thereabouts," Katie replied.

"You were not fucking joking about how cold it is here."

"I told you she wasn't," Emily put in, giving Naomi an indulgent smile.

"It's Katie. I take everything she says with about a pound of salt."

Emily and Naomi took a separate car to their hotel, Naomi casting Katie a meaningful glance as they parted ways. Without the threat of Effy on the horizon, Katie went back to her flat in comparatively high spirits. After getting the cabbie to assist her with her suitcases, Katie went up to her lovely flat in North Loop and leaned gratefully against her door, taking in the spread of her space in Minneapolis.

She smiled wryly when she saw it. The bottle of Death's Door Effy had given her stood sentry on the butcher block, unmoved from where Effy had laid it there two weeks previous. Slowly Katie crossed the room and picked it up, tracing her fingertips over the engraving on the glass. She still didn't know if she was doing the _right_ thing. It was the ethical thing for her as a researcher and for her as Effy's lab supervisor. But it was shit from the perspective of a friend, and purposefully precluded possibilities of _more_. She hoped Effy would understand when she explained, if she explained, because being half a world closer didn't make her any less of a coward.**  
**

+o+o

Doug was on his way out of his office when Katie met him, still in her coat, having not been to lab yet to shed it in the bay she shared with Jen. She'd spent too long in the hallway trying to pluck up the courage to speak to him, and felt she'd have gotten a lot further with bravado and aggressiveness to defend her. As it was, she had to hustle after him, pulling her bag higher onto her shoulder.

"Oh, good morning, Katie," he said. "Good holiday I expect?"

For a beat, the rush of things that had happened in the preceding sixteen days washed over her. She managed to say with only a slight twinge of sarcasm:

"Yes, great. And you?"

"Can't complain. Are you going to our meeting with your sister the solicitor?"

Katie frowned. "Doug, I thought—"

"I apologise. Emily, I should say."

"Yes, but that's not why I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh? And what can I do for you?"

Katie swallowed. "It's about Effy."

"I daresay that partnership has turned out well."

It took no small degree of self-control not to wince at the word "partnership." "Yes, but…maybe she'd do better reassigned elsewhere."

"I thought she was quite adept at lab work."

"She is."

"And she works hard?"

"Incredibly hard."

"And you get on, it seems."

"Yes." Katie didn't add "stupidly, ridiculously well" though she thought it in her head.

Doug's forehead creased in confusion. "Has there been something to change your opinion of her, then?"

Katie couldn't very well tell Doug the fucking truth. She couldn't tell him that Effy had kissed her and now she didn't know whether she was coming or going most of the time. She couldn't tell him that the very thought of seeing Effy again made her extremities tingle with adrenaline. And she also wouldn't lie to him. Effy was a _good _assistant, as good as she could have asked for and it would be a massive discredit to her loyalty and effort to have her shunted off like she'd been terrible. Just like it was a massive discredit to her friendship to do this behind her back. Ashamed, Katie quickly shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she said at length. "There's just going to be a lot of work and I didn't think it'd be fair to ask her to put in that many hours and go to her classes."

"Oh, is that all, then?" Doug replied with a grin. "Then I have good tidings for you. Fitch has pushed back the data delivery schedule. They're thinking sometime in early March rather than a few weeks. Do you think that will buy you and Miss Stonem enough time?"

"What? Back to March? That gives us an extra six weeks."

"Yes, I was pleased by that announcement, too. Unreasonable to expect you to optimise an antibody assay all alone in a month's time."

Katie was nodding in agreement when they entered the conference room. It was smaller than the one they'd used in December because they had the benefit of not needing to seat the entire bloody clinic staff. The meeting was supposed to be a closed one, exclusively attended by the upper level staff. Katie and Jen were the two representatives from the lab and Doug was representing the clinic staff. Also at the table were Emily, Naomi, two patent agents, a lawyer from the University, and her favourite idiot from Vac Tech, Kirk Hamilton.

But then Katie saw her, and for a few seconds, she couldn't even breathe. Effy Stonem was sitting at the table, her iPad out and ready. She glanced up as Katie stopped dead on the threshold, her expression inscrutable. Katie thought she would smirk and take the piss like usual, but she didn't. Effy didn't even smile. She just looked at Katie with such open eyes Katie could feel the pull in her chest. It was fucking folly to ever have thought she could just walk away from Effy. It was too easy to think with an ocean between them that Katie could come back to anything but this finely tuned buzz that reverberated in her teeth like the hum of a tuning fork. She knew the tremor of Effy's nearness now, and it sang at a frequency that resonated with her own.

"Ah, Effy," Doug said, like that could break their silent commune. "Come to sit in, have you?"

Effy nodded without knowing what he said, her eyes never leaving Katie's face. Katie blushed hard, and took a seat beside Jen feeling her pulse race. It couldn't have been more than a moment or two, that look, but Katie flushed deeper feeling like it must have been hours. Oblivious, Jen grinned.

"Hey, Fitch," Jen said, as Katie wriggled out of her coat. "When did you get back?"

Katie, however, was assiduously trying to act like she was alone in the room. On the other side of the table, Naomi rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. It didn't take a genius to figure out who Effy Stonem was and Naomi had obviously pegged her as the gorgeous brunette with blue eyes, who had gone back to looking at her iPad like Katie wasn't dying less than five feet away. Glancing at Effy, Jen raised her eyebrows a trifle before shrugging.

"What?" Katie demanded harshly.

"I didn't say anything," Jen replied, holding her hands up.

"Yeah, but you fucking shrugged."

"Are you going to be pissed I'm breathing next?"

Naomi couldn't exactly kick Katie under the table without arousing considerable suspicion so on the pretext of introducing herself to Jen, she stood up and went around to them.

"Naomi Campbell," Naomi said extending her hand.

"The epidemiologist not the model," said Jen, evidently remembering some of Katie's descriptions. "Sorry you probably hear that a lot. I'm Jen Carter, the MD."

Naturally, Jen and Naomi hit it off straight away and were deep in conversation about some of Naomi's UN assignments when the meeting started. Effy hadn't looked back toward Katie or done anything else to acknowledge her presence since Katie's initial reaction, but Katie was still on edge as the meeting wore on. Occasionally she would glance up to see Effy focused on whoever was speaking, and she couldn't help thinking about what a fucking shit thing she'd almost done to Effy that morning. Effy didn't deserve her rejection for something as trivial as a kiss.

It didn't matter that she kept watching Effy's slender hands as they slipped over the surface of the tablet Katie had given her. It didn't matter that she was committing to memory the shade of Effy's purple nail polish or the angle that formed between forefinger and thumb as she rested her chin in her palm. She'd simply find her after the meeting and explain. It was the best she could hope for. Katie was actually surprised when the meeting drew to a close two hours later. It had hardly felt like any time at all, but now instead of panic Katie began to feel worried when Effy settled her iPad in her satchel and made to leave without saying anything to Katie. She couldn't go without giving Katie a chance to explain. Hastily piling her papers together, Katie started to cram them in her bag, when Kirk Hamilton accosted her.

"Katie, you're looking very sexy today," Kirk said to her, having apparently decided he'd been too subtle on his previous visit.

"Kirk, sorry, I just—" Katie mumbled as she tried to skirt around him to get to the door.

"Please, Katie, call me Ham. I'm really happy to see you again." His stocky frame prevented her from escaping as he gripped her arms and she glared at him, knowing every moment she was delayed would make it harder for her to catch Effy before she vanished.

"I have somewhere to be."

"Is it somewhere I could walk you maybe?"

"No, that's—"

Katie stowed the last of her papers still trying to twist free, movements becoming more sluggish as she realised she was far too late now and Effy would be gone. Sighing in frustration, she looked up to tell Hamilton off for good, professional decorum be damned, only to find Effy hadn't gone after all. She was standing very close to Katie, almost touching the point of Katie's shoulder as she calmly stared Hamilton down without a trace of amusement on her face. Very slowly, he let Katie go and backed away. Effy didn't actually say anything, but then she didn't need to. Her posture could only be described as _possessive_, assertive and treacherously tranquil. Reaching back, she tangled her fingers with Katie's, pulling her forward until Katie was pressed against her back and Katie had to bite her lip to keep from burying her nose in Effy's hair.

No, she didn't have to speak because to anyone who cared to look Effy made it clear that no one was going to manhandle Katie in front of her. Without waiting a second longer, Effy led her from the room and Katie went willingly, trailing her down the hall into the same cupboard they'd met in once before. The atmosphere couldn't have been more dissimilar, tense and charged rather than light-hearted and teasing. Effy shut the door with intentional care, so that it made no sound other than a soft click as the latch caught.

"Effy, what—" Katie began but the words died in her throat as she looked up into Effy's eyes.

They were the darkest blue Katie had ever seen them, wide and drinking her in a lazy sweeping rake. That was when Effy took a step toward her, expression paradoxically fierce and yet gentle, like Katie was the only one who need not fear her in that moment. Panther-like, Effy slunk toward her in deliberate motions, feline and sinuous but no less intense for their slowness as Katie backed away. And Effy followed her, matched her movement for movement until Katie was pinned there against the wall even though Effy hadn't once touched her since letting go of her hand. So far back Katie's face was tipped up to maintain eye contact and Effy's breath was soft on her skin.

Effy's gaze shifted down, just twice, flickering between Katie's eyes and her mouth, asking her without word or sign for permission. Katie could smell her, all lust and soap, feel the warmth of her body even through their clothes and the intervening air. The questions and uncertainty were dissolving, becoming liquid against the beat of Katie's pounding heart. Without meaning to, her lips parted and her jaw trembled with anticipation because Effy was going to kiss her again. Effy was going to kiss her with singular intent, until the hot, urgent press of her tongue made Katie moan in her mouth.

Involuntarily, Katie's hand slipped beneath the hem of Effy's top, palm against the flat her belly, over her navel, though whether to keep her from it or to beg her to do it, Katie didn't know. The pad of her thumb stroked the taut muscle there, and Effy closed her hand over Katie's letting that tenuous link bind them together like matchsticks about to be struck. Her head canted, and Effy held her gaze, until Katie thought she might explode if Effy didn't kiss her right fucking now. It was the voice in the hall that broke the spell, and dragged Katie's eyes from Effy toward the door. Then Effy pushed Katie's hand away, her fingertips lingering overlong against the little Fitch's wrist as she retreated a few paces, unsteady as though Katie _had _kissed her.

If she'd been going to say something she didn't get the chance because the next instant, someone opened the door and Effy collided with a startled Jen as she burst into the hall. Jen was too busy watching Effy to notice Katie as she slumped against the wall in the closet her knees buckling completely in the aftermath.

"Hey, where are you going?" Jen asked Effy, without looking at Katie.

Katie closed her eyes, taking several deep shaky breaths. Cunting fucking _hell_. She looked imploringly up at the ceiling before swallowing and getting to her feet.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Jen said in alarm.

Katie nodded, still trying to get her breathing under control.

"You sure? Did something happen with Effy?"

"No, she just—no. It's fine."

"Well, I was sent to find you because you and I still need to see the patent agents about the language for the adjuvant."

"Yeah, sorry. I forgot."

Jen walked slightly ahead of Katie as she came up behind, arms crossed over her chest. She flexed her right hand a few times, spreading her fingers to their widest extension before crumpling them into a fist again.

"Emily thought we should go out together for dinner as a group later," Jen was saying "She said we didn't have to all hate each other by the time this was over."

Passing a hand over her face, Katie nodded again. "Yeah, that's a good idea."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"What? Sorry, yeah, I'm fine."

Jen's look clearly said she thought Katie was an awful liar, but she didn't say anything else, just let Katie maintain her preoccupied silence as they went back to the conference room. It wasn't until they were in the middle of talks with the patent agents that Katie had a strange thought. If being kissed by Effy Stonem had brought the world crashing down around her ears, then _not _being kissed by Effy Stonem was worse. Infinitely, infinitely worse.


	19. Alight by Proximity Alone

It was one of the first sticky hot days in early May. Pandora bounced along the sidewalk, on her way to clinic with a bit of sadness because there was only a week or two more until summer break and then she would be back home with her mom for the duration of the holiday. Effy had come down from Grand Marais to visit since she was supposed to be going to school in the fall, but it wasn't a sure thing because it was contingent on Tony getting a job now that he was about to graduate. It was also dependent on how the siblings felt about Anthea, their mom, but Effy had finally kept her promise to visit, so Pandora wasn't complaining too much. Even if Effy had waited until Pandora was ridiculously busy with finals. Pandora figured Anthea must have made her come, that she probably wouldn't have otherwise.

Maybe Effy'd done it on purpose because she'd the past few nights she'd been out all night, coming back exhausted in the morning and sleeping into the early afternoon before bouncing up and going with Pandora to her classes in that way only Effy could do. That day Effy had agreed to come to clinic, which was a small miracle in itself; Effy hated anything to do with medicine, especially research studies. Though Pandora couldn't blame her, not really. The pair walked along the cobbled road from Pandora's dorm room to the clinic. It was _hot _out, and Effy's skirt was approaching vanishingly small, which made the red of her Converse sneakers that much brighter in the warm glow of the sunlight. Pandora could tell Effy had missed her although Effy wouldn't ever say anything like that. It showed in the way Effy moved close to her, the slow way she smiled when she signed.

The clinic was much cooler being in the basement of the building and thoroughly air-conditioned. Effy suffered through introductions to the other undergrads and the nurses. Mostly she just looked bored and settled into a chair in a corner with her legs crossed, because Effy wasn't exactly sociable at the best of times. Plus she didn't really like meeting people for the hell of it. It was the only time she showed any discomfort about her deafness, that moment when she saw that spasm of guilt pass over someone's features as they realized, like she was accustomed to seeing it. No, more than that, like she enjoyed it. But Pandora knew her well enough after all these years to know that satisfaction was under laid with self-loathing, like rebar in a bridge. So much anger and uncertainty always brimming and boiling under a smoky facade.

Effy didn't pay much attention to anyone who came or went. She didn't _care _about the other students, though she noticed them all, no one until someone passed in a full throated tirade about how the weather was "hotter than the fucking sun" and the humidity was ruining her hair. Pandora looked up to watch as the petite brunette went on complaining to Alice. Though Effy couldn't hear the woman, Pandora noticed that Effy's eyes were following her, running the length of her curves, from heels to breasts. It wasn't that unusual, because Effy had the odd tryst with a girl. According to Effy girls could be sexy. They were more subtle, softer and better smelling with less hair. Fucking girls was beautiful like coaxing wet tinder to the flame. But Pandora had never _seen_ Effy take such an interest in a girl before, especially an obviously straight girl bitching a blue streak.

Still, Effy looked at her and _smiled_. It was nice to see Effy smile. She hadn't smiled much since she was sixteen, but a lot of stuff happened that year that probably wouldn't have made Pandora smile either. And since then Effy's life had been a pantomime of going through the motions. Effy didn't believe in having things she wanted. In her own head, she was Shiva incarnate. Effy the time bomb who, without meaning to, watched everything she loved burn in the conflagration of her mere presence, set alight by proximity alone. The comparison was an apt one, though she'd stopped playing with fire so indiscriminately. Now the fire needed to be a good one for her to bother.

Then Effy did something Pandora wasn't expecting. She asked who the bitching Brit was, could tell by the way the small brunette's mouth formed the words she had both an non-American accent and a slight lisp. Pandora prevaricated awkwardly before admitting the woman was Katie Fitch. Effy gave her a sharp look, and it wasn't fair because Fitch was a common enough name and what were the odds? But Effy was right; Katie was one of _those _Ftiches. All Effy said in reply was [Oh] with a smirk that lit her eyes with playful roguishness, because Katie was a good fire. Katie was a fire Effy wanted very much to play with.

And she did play, for a while. She played until she realized with a start her singed fingers and raw skin were from _tending _to that fire rather than toying with it, but by then, it was too late. Oh, by then it was much too late.


	20. Chapter 17: Nucleotides

**Chapter 17**

**Nucleotides: **The building blocks of DNA and RNA

For two days, Katie successfully hid from Effy. Or she supposed she was successfully hiding because the girl hadn't found her. Katie couldn't be sure Effy was actually looking, either. Maybe they were hiding from each other. As such, it meant Katie was effectively hiding from everyone else as well, spending her days doing literature research in one of the undergraduate libraries rather than going into lab. She was sort of dreading Thursday because she was required to be present at the weekly lab meeting. Tiring of listening to hissed conversations between students in the stacks, she eventually decided full volume voices were preferable even if they were pretentiously discussing social theorem with comments like, "You don't have to be so hegemonic about it."

It was purely by bad luck (and some hunting on Naomi's part) that Naomi found her at the Starbucks by the hotel. Katie registered Naomi's presence long before the woman actually saw her, and she watched her pondering if Naomi was looking for her or if she'd popped in by coincidence. As Naomi's blue eyes quickly scanned the room, Katie realised it was the former, and Naomi's gaze settled on Katie with a relieved "Jesus." She strode over to Katie's table, already pulling down the zip on her enormous coat. Katie wasn't one to go around avoiding Naomi Campbell, so she simply sat back in her seat waiting for Naomi to come over. The blonde sat down with a scowl, looking Katie over.

"And where have you been?" Naomi asked.

"I don't know why that's any business of yours," Katie sniped.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Yes, you're well hard and don't need my help."

"So why've you come to ruin my day?"

"Why haven't you been answering our texts? Emily thinks you're ill."

Katie shrugged irritably. "Better that that than the truth."

"Why is it so important to you that Emily doesn't know?"

"Aside from the fact I could lose my fucking place here?"

"What's she going to do, Katie? Run down the ethics committee chair and out you?"

"How long have you been saving that gay awful fucking pun?"

Naomi fake smiled as she started to rise. "Fine, I'll leave you to your own devices. Have a good time!"

"No, Jesus, I'm sorry."

"No need to call me Jesus. The sorry is sufficient."

Katie stared at Naomi with barely concealed antipathy. "I fucking hate you."

"The feeling is mutual. Now back to Emily."

"I gave up that right when I turned my back on her, didn't I?"

Naomi frowned. "I thought you were both past that."

"It wouldn't make me any less of a fucking hypocrite."

That was a response Naomi had evidently not been expecting because she actually looked like she pitied Katie for a split second. Naomi cocked her head, looking at Katie for a long moment.

"I don't think she'd see it that way," Naomi said.

"It doesn't matter, does it?"

"Did she kiss you when you two ran off on Monday?"

"Who, Emily?"

Naomi scoffed. "Let's dispense with the pretence that you're not having these incredibly gay urges, Katiekins. You know I meant Effy."

"I thought—I don't know. Jen came and Effy just fucked off. Nothing happened."

"Oh, _something _happened. She just didn't kiss you." Naomi sighed. "It's okay, Katie."

"No, it's not okay, nothing about this is okay. She's my student and a subject and…"

"I'm guessing a bit here, but by the look on your face she's also beautiful and smart and funny and you fucking fancy her in a way that is not platonic. I'd wager she hasn't even thought of the study being a problem. You're making this much more difficult than it needs to be."

"It's Effy. Of course she's bloody thought about it. She thinks of everything."

"You are absolutely infuriating. I don't know how Emily didn't murder you when you were children."

"Wasn't for lack of bloody trying," Katie muttered.

"Promise me you'll just go and talk to her, Christ."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, what?"

"I'll go and fucking talk to her or whatever, Jesus."

"I already told you, no need to call me Jesus."

+o+o

Katie didn't go straight away. She figured if she wasn't going to be hiding anymore she ought to go get some work in lab done. There was a note on her desk waiting for her from Jen.

_Please text me so I know you're not dead. Also. Effy is running out of samples. She needs instruction on what to do next._

Fuck. Jen couldn't realise how many layers of meaning that last sentence had. Effy probably did need instruction on what to do next, if only Katie could figure out what it was exactly she wanted Effy to do. There was science to be done, however, so she put in a full eight hours, finishing up just shy of midnight. As she was pulling into her garage, she noticed there was a hooded figure leaning against the front of the building. It was twenty fucking below so either the person was crazy or freakishly impervious to the cold. Katie tensed as the figure approached the car slowly, then realised with a sinking feeling that the person was Effy. God, how long had she been just standing there waiting? Katie pointed into the garage, making it clear she intended to park and Effy nodded, leaning back against the brick.

Katie briefly debated whether she should go back out or just fucking run. Go up to her flat like Effy wasn't freezing outside still. Finally, after several false starts, she pulled the zip on her coat up to her chin and pushed through the door to the street. Effy looked up at her, and it was so cold it was impossible to tell if she was smoking or just breathing, steady long clouds of white streaming away in the wind. It seemed she did own a coat, the bloody liar, a lovely down one that fell to mid-thigh. She pushed off the wall as Katie neared, pressing back her hood. This time she was careful, keeping a respectable distance from Katie.

"Are you fucking munted?" Katie asked, harsher than she had intended. "It's bloody cold out here."

[I came to see you,] Effy replied.

Katie started to sign back, but found her fingers were shaking too hard to form the shapes. She hoped they were just frozen because the alternative was that she was frightened of Effy and she hated feeling so pathetic in front of her.

[Can I come up?] Effy asked.

Swallowing, Katie shook her head, slipping her hands back into her pockets. It was too much, to have Effy so close with so much that still needed to be said. Effy studied her face, eyebrows drawing together in a frown. Then she smirked, expression hardening as she turned and began to walk away. Katie darted forward, closing her hand around Effy's elbow and spinning her back.

"No, that's not what I meant," Katie said desperately, her fingers tightening on Effy's forearm. "I just—could we go somewhere? Is that…is that okay?"

Effy's head rocked back and her eyes traced the skyline for a moment before she focused on Katie again. She nodded slowly, and then flung out her arm to hail a taxi. Wherever they were going, Katie was going to have to work harder than leaping back in her car if she wanted to escape. Effy swarmed over the dirty snow heaped in the gutter and opened the door for Katie, allowing her to slip in. Then she circled the back of the taxi and climbed in on the left, behind the driver. She didn't have her iPad satchel, instead pulling out her mobile and showing the man the place she wanted to go.

They headed south. It was only a Wednesday, but they were still two hours to bar close and plenty of young drunks were trying to hustle across the icy pavement against the traffic. Effy sat beside her, hands folded quietly in her lap, not attempting to engage Katie in any way. It was too dark; Katie wouldn't have been able to see Effy's signs very well even if she'd tried. The drive took a scant five minutes, putting them somewhere close to Lake of the Isles, in a disgustingly trendy part of the city called Uptown. As they emerged from the taxi, Effy jerked her head toward the outside of squat well-lit building with a bus shelter blocking the windows. It was a cafe of some kind. Effy led the way in, and took a table with a nod to one of the waiters.

"Hi, Effy," the boy said. "The regular?"

It seemed Effy was a frequent visitor at this hour then, since the staff knew her and she had a "regular" thing that she ordered.

"Oh, who's your friend?" the boy went on noticing Katie.

Katie didn't understand for a second why he didn't just ask her who she was, but maybe the polite thing was to let Effy introduce them after all. Effy held up her phone to him.

"Hi, Katie," he said, shaking her hand. "I'm Zach, nice to meet you."

"Yeah, likewise," Katie said.

He grinned, and suddenly Katie wondered what the hell Effy had told him with her little phone message. Effy showed him some other note and he nodded, giving her a thumbs up before going back behind the counter. For a stupidly long time, they just sat there. Effy played idly with her phone while Katie opened her mouth to speak only to shut it again and glance around at everything but Effy. Pushing her hair behind one ear, Katie cleared her throat as she looked down at the chipped veneer on the table. She jumped as Effy gently touched her ankle with her booted foot. Effy hadn't laughed, hadn't taken the piss about anything. Whatever was about to happen Effy was taking it deadly seriously.

[Talk to me,] Effy signed.

Katie's ASL was rusty after three weeks of disuse, like her brain had purged all her signs in trying to ascertain exactly what Effy meant to her. Or maybe she did know the signs, and this was her subconscious way of prolonging the agony, of not having this awful conversation with Effy. Halfway through her first sign Katie faltered, lifting her chin to find Effy typing into her phone. She was momentarily angry that Effy wasn't even paying attention to her, when her own mobile buzzed. She had a text from Effy.

_talk to me_

Effy evidently wasn't going to let her hide anymore, and if that meant they carried out the whole damn exchange via text message, sitting across a mildly greasy cafe table, then she would do it. So Katie typed back.

_You want ME to talk to you? That's a bit ironic, isn't it? You never talk._

_you never ask_

Katie growled in the back of her throat, about to dress Effy down when Zach returned, giving them each a coffee. Unable to resist, Katie raised her eyebrows slightly in question. Effy just smiled as though to say, "I'll risk it." Katie began to type something, but Effy sat up straighter, reaching over her cup to touch the top of Katie's phone. She shook her head before sending another text.

_soon. first, tell me about christmas._

_It was boring. Nothing to tell._

Effy clearly didn't believe her, her scepticism evident in the angle of her head. _truth_

Somehow she knew she could lie to Effy all bloody night and that it wouldn't get her anywhere; Effy would still know she was being lied to. The lights were fluorescent and overbright for the hour, rendering them both paler than they actually were, but Effy was still fucking gorgeous, the set of her shoulders like she didn't care about any of it. Did Effy still think she was beautiful, almost make up less, exhausted and flagging in this unflattering fucking light? Katie looked around helplessly, not sure where to begin, but Effy took the decision from her hands by asking something else.

_why weren't you in london?_

_My mum._

Effy examined the screen of her phone for a moment. Then she turned it to Katie, displaying a bright photo of Jenna standing in front of Fitch Pharma's logo, the company's horrible slogan _Keep your family Fitch _printed over Jenna's suit jacket. Katie nodded.

_Yeah, that's my mum._

_was it about the vaccine?_

Katie managed a laugh. She wished the fight had been about the vaccine.

_No, it was about Emily. _

_what happened?_

_Same shit we've been dealing with for ages, about Emily being gay._

_that sucks _

It was just two words, but Katie knew Effy understood, probably understood more than Katie had meant to tell.

_And where did you spend Christmas?_

_with tony_

_Not with your parents?_

_my mom was there_

_Are your parents divorced?_

_no_

Frowning, Katie took a sip of coffee. It was warm and fragrant, but rather weak. Effy smirked at the look on her face.

_ i knew it would be too weak for you_

Katie shook her head. _Oh, no. You're going to tell me about your dad._

_ he's dead_

So startled she almost dropped her cup, Katie merely slopped part of it onto the table. She hastily mopped it up, watching Effy's eyes the whole time. The girl merely shrugged like she couldn't care less but Katie had been learning. She knew Effy well enough, probably just well enough, to distinguish the distance that manifested in more in her posture than her expression. Doing much more than smirking was a giveaway, a tell, and Effy would guard her eyes in a way she didn't guard her muscle tension or her breathing. Effy cared, and deeply at that, but the likelihood she'd allow Katie to ask anything else was almost nonexistent. Katie's gaze was still fixed on Effy when she got the next text.

_why did you become a scientist?_

_ I was groomed for it. I never really had a choice. _

_ you were upset when fitch started funding the trial_

Shifting, Effy moved into the corner, half propped against the wall with her left elbow on the table. Her feet rested on the chair beside her, one knee visible over the tabletop.

_I finally had something that was mine, that no one engineered for me._

_ you were proud of it_

_ No, I just wasn't fucking ashamed._

_ i don't believe that_

_ You should._

_ do you want to go back to fitch?_

It was a question Katie asked herself often, and her opinion on it changed as often as the phase of the moon. Hell, sometimes she thought it was influenced by the phase of the moon. As always, Effy was at the source, cutting through all of Katie's bitchiness to the painful core of the problem. Katie wasn't ready to say anything about it, though, and answered Effy's question with another question.

_ What's your proudest accomplishment?_

_ my high score at minesweeper _

Effy maintained a completely straight face as Katie read the text, cracking a tiny smirk only when Katie's eyes widened in disbelief. She touched Katie's ankle again beneath the table, dropping her phone onto it with a clatter.

_i think you'd still choose science every time_

_I never would have chosen it at all._

_ you suffer through all of this for the esteem of a woman you don't respect?_

_ I respect my mum. _

_ you love her but you don't respect her_

That was funny because it was the complete reverse of how Katie felt. She respected her mother as a businesswoman. Jenna was shrewd and had turned Fitch into a huge and successful pharmaceutical firm, but she was a terrible mother, always offering judgement and veiled criticisms instead of support or affection. Effy had turned that notion on its head with just a sentence. Maybe all this time Katie had loved her mother without respecting her, had grasped wildly for any indication that Jenna loved her in return like she'd been chasing down her doctorate from the beginning not for Jenna to pat her on the back, but just to love her, for being Katie Fitch. Katie smiled ruefully.

_I was fucking terrible at science going through school. I needed so much tutoring. No one would have chosen me for talent._

_ambition counts for more than aptitude sometimes_

_And what's your ambition?_

Effy smiled. _it's changing_

_Mine as well._

_tell me a secret, katie fucking fitch_

_I'm too sober for this game. _

_sober secrets are the best secrets_

_You care, even when you pretend you don't._

_so do you_

Effy's eyes added the last bit even though she didn't actually send it. _It's one of the things I love about you. _Taking a deep breath, Katie swallowed. So they'd come down to it. They were going to talk about it. Katie exhaled, shoving her phone away so that it skittered and collided with the salt. Forcing herself, Katie gave voice to the thing that had been eating at her for almost three weeks, only it didn't end up coming out the way she intended.

"I'm not gay," Katie said suddenly, vehemently, and Effy just looked at her strangely, because really, who the fuck was she trying to convince anyway? She already knew even if she wasn't _gay _something very deep seated burned in her for Effy.

[Did it bother you?] Katie could sense without being told Effy meant the kiss, but she didn't even look interested in the answer.

"No."

[Liar.]

"Why did you do it?"

Effy shrugged. [I was curious.]

"Liar."

Smirking, Effy started stacking the sugar packets into a tower. Katie unconsciously wet her lips as she glanced down at her coffee and heart beating fast she said quickly:

"Did you like it?"

For a second Effy seemed to consider, then she looked up at Katie from her sugar packet structure and Katie finally saw the suppressed hunger there, but that longing was tinged with fear. If Effy Stonem was scared, then what did that mean for Katie? Was it better or worse knowing she wasn't alone in her uncertainty?

"Effy, we can't," Katie said softly.

[I know.]

"So then we have to stop."

Effy nodded slowly.

"Because you're my student."

[You're not my boss. Doug is.]

"You're only twenty-one."

[Legal.]

"You're a subject."

[I'll withdraw.]

"We can't."

[I know.]

Frustrated, Katie shook her head. There were so many fucking reasons not to, and Effy seemed to fucking agree with her, so why did she feel like she was making an awful bloody mistake telling Effy no? Why did she want to throw caution to the wind and taste everything this girl had to offer?

[We can't, Katie,] Effy signed, knocking down her tower.

"I know," Katie repeated.

[Okay.]

"But if we did there would have to be some fucking rules."

Effy's eyebrows shot up, and she leaned her cheek against one fist looking vaguely intrigued by that outburst. Darting her hand out to retrieve her phone, Katie reverted to texting.

_I need you until March. That's two months from now. Then you get your own project._

[Okay.]

_Stay in the study until the end of this enrolment._

[That's in May.]

_I know you need the honorarium._

[It's only fifty dollars a week.]

_I don't want to take that from you._

Effy rolled her eyes. [March.]

_After that we go slow._

[Slow.]

"But no touching or flirting or any of your shit until you withdraw, understood?"

Effy began to reply but Katie cut her off, snatching her mobile away.

"And no more fucking pinning me against things because, guh. I just fucking can't."

[Oh?] Effy's smile was so fucking sexy it made Katie's heart skip a beat.

"I mean it!"

[Okay.]

"And if one of us decides it's off before then, no hard feelings, okay?"

[Okay.]

Effy looked downright amused, stirring her cold coffee with a bent stainless steel spoon. For her part, Katie glared fiercely at her because in establishing the rules she realised belatedly that Effy was notching them down like the points of a challenge. Effy was going to probe the limits of every fucking rule like they only existed to be broken. They were artificial in any case, designed to buy them both a little more time while Katie decided if the powerful chemistry in the closet was a fluke or if it would only become more forceful with denial.

"And I fucking hate it that you smoke," Katie said angrily.

[Why?] Effy signed.

"Because you're killing yourself and I bloody hate it. You need to quit."

[Okay.]

"You're not supposed to fucking agree with me!"

Effy raised her eyebrows with a grin. Just like that she rummaged in the pocket of her coat, until she came up with a nearly full packet of fags and her lighter. These she slid across the table to Katie like an offering, to seal their pact with the relinquishment of her nicotine addiction. Katie shoved them back, holding up two fingers.

"You have two months, babes," Katie said. "Do it properly."

Effy pulled a cigarette out, tapping it carelessly against her lighter before rolling it between her tongue and teeth. Smirking, she tucked the fag back into the packet, making it obvious who she'd be thinking about as she smoked her way through them.

"And no experimenting with the rules," Katie warned, already disliking the suggestion in Effy's smile. "You start bollocksing up the agreement and its finished."

Then Effy said the most dangerous things she'd said all night. [I can be patient.]

Katie had no doubt that she could be, and she felt a tremor of regret in putting Effy Stonem to the test, because she was probably going to make Katie pay for it. Then the shutters closed and Effy just looked bored again. The only outward indication that something important had happened was the way Effy kept glancing at her, not with awe or premeditation, but with her cool smirk, the one that was unreadable in its intent. Effy paid for the coffees and said good-bye to Zach. He didn't seem put out about having to give up two hours at one of his tables for a couple of girls talking by text and ordering nothing but the cheap house blend. Hailing them another taxi on the corner, Effy let Katie tell the cabbie her address in North Loop.

They sat on opposite sides of the cab, gazing out their respective windows as the wintry city passed by. For the first several blocks, they might have been two strangers sharing a park bench, but then Effy's hand crept, without looking, to touch hers on the seat between them. Already playing with the fucking rules, and Katie almost took her hand back but she _wanted_ it. She bit her lip as their fingertips brushed, locking and tracing, learning the texture of knuckles and the swirling patterns of thumbprints. It was sweetly affectionate, the completion of the promise Effy had made her with their first kiss, until the circles Effy drew on her palm shivered up her arm in a sexual wave. If she could be patient, if she could be brave, she could tip the powder keg. She didn't look back at Effy until she was climbing from the taxi. The girl's profile was shadowed by the streetlight, but she was smiling, face still averted to the street beyond.

+o+o

Emily was bent over her laptop, arduously reading through the some legal paperwork. She was working on a tremendous headache, and she slipped off her glasses to rest her forehead against the heel of her hand. A pair of arms slipped around her from behind and she couldn't stop the smile that came every time Naomi found her like this and rescued her, made her come to bed.

"I think you've had quite enough of this, Ems," Naomi said softly, kissing her temple.

"I have to finish this," Emily protested feebly.

"Right now?"

"Tonight ideally."

"Is it for the EBV vaccine?"

"No, but—"

"Oh, that time change gets you every time. Are we behind or ahead, who knows?"

"Naomi—"

Naomi closed the MacBook, drawing Emily up into a embrace. Emily laid her head on Naomi's shoulder; she'd always liked the way they fitted together, the height disparity pleasant rather than annoying.

"I'm worried about Katie," Emily said softly.

"And I thought we were having this lovely moment together," Naomi said with a laugh.

"Jen said she hasn't been to lab since Monday."

"Maybe she's working on something else."

"Did you see the way she was with her student? God, you could have cut that tension with a knife."

"Hmm? I hadn't noticed."

"Nai, I thought one of them was going to choke Kirk Hamilton to death. How could you have missed that?"

"I'm sure she's fine, Emily."

"Do you think she'd tell me if something was happening?"

Naomi sighed, resorting to the old expedient of kissing Emily to get her to shut up. It wouldn't stop the topic from coming up again, which it undoubtedly would since Katie was incapable of not acting like a guilty cow with anything having to do with Effy, but it would stop it for now. Naomi hoped Katie had actually worked up the courage to go talk to her. Then she didn't think about anything else as Emily's hand slid to cup the back of her neck to deepen the kiss.


	21. Chapter 18: Lymphopenia

**A/N: Sorry for the delay and wishing you all a lovely Sunday!**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Lymphopenia: **A state characterised by very low white blood cell counts

The first day after the agreement (as Katie had begun to refer to it in her head) went remarkably well, sort of. Or perhaps as well as could be expected given she'd just entered into a pseudo dating accord with a beautiful and non-traditional twenty-one year old _girl_, that Katie was nonetheless frankly interested in. Katie went back to lab on Thursday a bit late owing to her foray until three in the morning with Effy to find Jen sitting looking perplexed at her desk. The American greeted her with sarcastic relief.

"Oh, you're still alive," she said. "I was running out of lies to tell your sister."

"I didn't need you to perjure yourself," Katie replied, setting her bag down.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Well, that's great because things have not been good here. Look at this shit!"

Jen opened up the top drawer of her lab bench to reveal approximately thirty tiny cut outs of Doug's portrait scattered about the place like confetti. She opened the next drawer. It was possibly worse.

"Are they all like that?" Katie asked, mildly horrified.

"Every goddamn one. Check yours."

Katie popped open the door on a little cabinet and had her shoes deluged with an avalanche of the photos.

"Where the fuck did these come from?" said Katie, still standing in a sea of Doug.

"I have no flippin' clue," Jen said dramatically. "I just came in this morning and found them. Someone's idea of a joke, I guess."

"Do you have any enemies you need to tell me about?"

"Just that old cryostat that keeps ruining my slides. Think Doug's having a fit of ego mania?"

Flipping up one of the lids on a tip box, Katie found yet another photo of Doug glued to the inside. "Jesus Christ. They're like fucking _everywhere_."

Muffled squeaky boot tread could be heard coming down the hall, and a small nervous smile played at the corner of Katie's mouth because she knew without looking that it was Effy. She glanced up just as Effy rounded the doorway, and had to bite her lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. Effy didn't pause as she came in, but her eyes immediately went to Katie's as she pulled her satchel over her head. The talk was supposed to diffuse the tension. It was supposed to make it easier to work with Effy without complications hanging over both of them, but if anything, it had only made it worse and Katie could feel it as Effy's gaze lingered almost involuntarily on her tits. Katie cast her a warning look.

[You said no touching,] Effy signed with a smirk.

[I also said none of your…] Katie trailed off as she realised she didn't actually know the sign for "shit."

Meanwhile, Effy went back to surreptitiously appreciating Katie's curves.

[Effy!]

She smiled, looking completely unapologetic. [I can't help it.]

"Are you telling her about the Douging?" Jen broke in.

Wrestling with mixed feeling about Effy's covert perving, Katie didn't at once respond.

"Katie," Jen said again.

"What?" Katie replied, finally dragging her eyes away from Effy.

"Did you tell her about the Douging?"

"The what?"

"We've been Douged!"

Effy, however, found out for herself two seconds later when she went to lay her satchel down on her desk. Finger spelling W-T-F to Katie, she held up one of the little photos with an intrigued lift of her eyebrows. Katie shrugged.

"We're going to be finding these fucking things for weeks, aren't we?" Katie asked Jen grimly, continuing to dart looks at Effy.

"Oh, God, they come in different sizes." Jen had located a version where a large Doug had been taped over a smaller Doug over a smaller Doug in the manner of a Matryoshka doll. "Do you think they hit all the parts of the lab?"

Even as Katie went with Jen to check the fume hoods and the incubators, she remained hyperaware of Effy, thinking for a wild moment she could smell Effy's hair even though they were at least ten metres apart. Jen's suspicion was carried out as they found photos of Doug hidden in the flammables cabinet, boxes of reagents in the freezer, and even soggy and sunk in the water bath. Katie replaced the cover to the water bath with an annoyed sigh. She felt more than heard Effy approach her from behind until she was practically vibrating with the girl's nearness as she peeked over Katie's shoulder at Doug's sodden, smiling face. The worst part was Effy hadn't really _done_ anything. She'd given Katie a look, made a cheeky comment and there Katie was, the back of her neck on fire like Effy had grazed her teeth over the skin there. They were going to destroy each other by degrees playing whatever game this was by March, because just five minutes was playing havoc with her fucking sanity.

"Well, let's go clean up all the pictures of Doug," Jen said reluctantly. "Like that's what I wanted to do with my morning."

Effy laughed, signing something which Jen obviously didn't understand that apparently gratified her greatly because she started to laugh harder.

"It _is _kind of funny," Jen admitted, laughing as well.

Effy lingered, waiting as Katie turned to find her not as close as she had originally thought by a long shot. She read the expression on Katie's face before Katie had the sense to just look angry, and the satisfaction in her eyes didn't run through the Fitch twin so much as a jolt as it did like a rolling surge, slow and settling deeply in the pit of her stomach. God, Effy was driving her mad for no particular fucking reason. As Effy watched her, she felt a bit of the fear and uncertainty filter back to the surface, because it was imperative that nothing happen until March. Effy must have seen it beneath Katie's trademark bitchiness because she cocked her head a degree and instead of smirking or goading Katie further she nodded. Effy was going to let it lie.

The rest of the workday passed easily. In fact, it was mostly wonderfully simple, with the exception of random outbursts of swearing from Katie every single time she looked in a new spot to discover yet _more_ tiny photos of Doug. It was during one of these outbursts that she got a text from Naomi warning her that Emily was about to come find her. It came too late, though, and Emily slipped through the door looking a little astounded to actually see Katie standing by her bench. Effy furtively glanced through the shelving at the pair of them, and with a quirked eyebrow, silently fucked off to do something elsewhere.

"There you are," Emily said. "I've been trying to get hold of you."

"I was working in the library yesterday," Katie complained. "I told you that."

"There are like twelve libraries. I haven't got telepathy to figure out which one."

"What did you want?"

"I've been here almost a week and I've seen less of you than I did at home. Jen says there's a nice place close to your flat. Dinner?"

"Yeah, all right. Tomorrow then?"

Emily scrutinised Katie. "You're all right?"

"Shouldn't I be?"

"What the fuck is going on with you? You haven't been right since you came home for Christmas."

Deflecting, Katie frowned as she turned her attention back to her tubes, cursing loudly as she unearthed a truly miniscule Doug from under her tube rack.

"Is that a photo of Doug?" Emily enquired, picking it up and squinting at it where it lay on her fingertip.

"Someone bombed the lab with them," Jen informed her helpfully. "We've been trying to get rid of them all day."

"Why?"

"If I had a dollar for every time I've thought that in the past eight hours, I'd have like, well at least five dollars."

"I think your maths needs some work," Katie snickered. "Or you haven't been thinking properly."

"Biologists are terrible at math, you know that. It took us half an hour to figure out the molarity of some buffer last month."

Emily sighed before saying, "This is the future of scientific research. You two. No wonder we don't have a cure for cancer."

"Are we going to have this argument again?" Katie said irascibly. "There's not _one _cure for cancer. That's not how the science—"

Emily waved her hand. "It was just a joke. I don't understand any of that signalling pathway nonsense." Giving Katie one long last look, Emily touched her sister's arm. "So you'll come collect us tomorrow?"

"I'm not your bloody driver," Katie said.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Seven?"

"Yeah, whatever."

Jen and Emily exchanged a glance behind Katie's back, but Jen just shrugged and Emily let Katie go back to her aliquoting. Katie wouldn't be able to hide whatever was happening with Effy much longer. Emily was going to find out soon enough, but it wasn't the day just yet. When Effy returned she hopped up on the bench beside Katie looking like she'd just learned something incredibly interesting.

[What?] Katie demanded.

[You need to stop being angry.]

"What? Why? It's not my—"

Effy pressed her thumb to Katie's lips, deliberately breaking the no touching rule, and they stared hard at each other. Surprised, Katie unintentionally flicked the tip of her tongue over the pad of Effy's finger and the expression on the girl's face just after could have melted a glacier.

"Oh," Katie said softly, feeling simultaneously hot and shivery.

Whatever it was, it was a two way street, and apparently she could torture Effy just as much if she wanted, and which she probably had been doing unwittingly for some time.

[I think you should go back down there,] Katie signed and Effy hopped down so lazily that Katie swallowed.

After that, Katie was somewhat guiltily happy for the sign language because it enforced a minimum distance. They couldn't see each other's hands when they were too close and in any event without about half a metre between them they ran the risk of accidentally smacking each other. The danger came if Effy needed her to check something or Katie had a piece of data to show her. Then they would have to bend relatively near to one another to look at whatever it was. Katie half expected Effy to take advantage of those moments, but she didn't even give Katie so much as a suggestive eyebrow raise. Her adherence to the plan was part inspiring and part disappointing; she liked the unbridled way Effy looked at her.

Effy's reserve, however, was probably what Katie needed most at the moment. She definitely had some strong non-friendly feelings for Effy, but they hadn't resolved into anything in particular. Every time she tried to think about doing something specific, just kissing her or occasionally doing something a bit more, Katie would just shut down feeling insanely ridiculous because she couldn't _fantasize _about her undergrad and then face Effy after like nothing happened. And all of that was in stark contrast to the way Katie fell apart when Effy did touch her, like she might just fucking liquefy from the intensity of it.

It didn't make any sense, even when she woke up in the middle of a dream about Effy and spilled sodding cups of coffee that night. They were back on that street corner in front of the armoury where Katie broke her arm but it was summer and the air was mild and smelled warmly of grass and leaves. Effy was writing quotes from Plato on her cast even though Katie knew her arm was healed, blue eyes glittering above a smirk that left open so much potential. Katie's free hand flattened against the small of Effy's back, her fingertips caressing the soft skin in slow circles until Effy wet her lips. They spoke without actually moving, as though their occupied hands were still capable of making signs.

[I want to kiss you.]

[You can't.]

[I can, just not on the mouth.]

She dipped her head, just short of laying a prolonged open-mouthed kiss just above Katie's collarbone. _Sweet_. Katie shot upright, hands fisted in the sheets. She squeezed her eyes shut, actually letting out a growl of frustration because she was sweaty and flushed and only six hours closer to finally finding out what it was she wanted from Effy Stonem.

+o+o

Things didn't improve at all through the next day, especially when Katie decided to teach Effy to Ficoll. When a blood sample needs to be frozen, it has to be "processed." Generally this involves separating the red blood cells from the white blood cells by very carefully layering the blood on top of a sugar solution (the eponymous Ficoll). Effy volunteered herself to donate the blood for the example.

"I suck at drawing blood, just to warn you," Jen said, sizing up Effy's skinny arm where she laid it on the bench.

Effy shrugged like she didn't really care how many times she got stuck while Jen tried to find a good vein. It took a few tries for Jen to situate the tourniquet properly; she was admittedly out of practice and made a great show of prodding Effy's antecubital region even though she had an excellent vein plainly visible. Katie was not especially fond of needles in spite of the fact she worked with them and had watched many people be phlebotomised over the years, so she glanced away as Jen announced "big pinch" like Effy could hear her and pushed the small needle under Effy's skin. Effy watched the needle go in without even a flinch and kept watching as Jen checked for the flash of blood in the hub.

Slightly disturbed by Effy's plain fascination, Katie looked at Effy's eyes which were completely unwavering while Jen took about thirty millilitres from her. Effy was much accustomed to having blood drawn for the study and she quickly applied pressure to the little puncture wound when Jen removed the needle. It was the most uncomfortable Katie had ever felt in proximity to a bleed and the feeling grew as Jen passed her the tubes of blood. They were almost hot in her hand, still warm from Effy's body. Grimacing, Katie nearly dropped them in revulsion, like she had never handled warm blood before.

Giving Effy a weak smile, Katie took her to the biological cabinet, a sort of box that they worked at that placed a heavy piece of acrylic between them and the blood, just in case of spills or splashes. The cabinet had a gap about twenty centimetres high where Katie could stick her arms through up to the elbow which made it difficult to sign so Effy simply pressed close to watch as Katie moved and demonstrated the layering. But Katie was shaking and badly fumbled trying to get the cap off the first tube. It clattered against the stainless steel work surface as it bounced and rolled away from her. With a concerned look, Effy calmly took the other containers from her, setting them down in a rack. She could see Katie's discomfort and in her silent way brushed the sleeve of Katie's lab coat reassuringly.

"Do you always watch, when they take your blood?" Katie asked slowly, not daring to look up at Effy.

Effy leaned, brow furrowing, but Katie didn't see until Effy gently nudged her elbow to draw her attention. It was the first time in a long time Effy hadn't been able to understand her, or at least had actually let Katie know.

[Do you always watch?] Katie signed.

[Yes.]

[The needle doesn't bother you?]

[I think its better to know what people take from you.]

[It's just blood.]

[Exactly.]

Effy picked one of the tubes back up, tipping it to mix the heparin into the swirling maroon liquid. She looked at with such…approval that it terrified Katie. Taking the tube back, she suddenly grabbed Effy's hand and squeezed it hard. Then without really knowing why she pressed her face into Effy's hair, kissing her quickly on the side of the head. To anyone who didn't know Effy was mostly deaf, it might have looked like Katie was just whispering in her ear. It might have all been innocuous, to reassure them both in the wake of that glimpse of Effy's darkness. It might have been until Effy turned slightly, and God, it would have taken the _smallest_ lift of her chin, but instead Effy backed away shaking her head.

[Soon,] she signed, giving Katie an uncharacteristically quelling look.

Katie was so focused on looking at Effy's lips she didn't even notice the understated double entendre in the sign, but it was just as well because if she had understood it would have made the next fifteen minutes they spent three inches apart at the microscope something much more intimate indeed. Katie took a huge breath, trying not to watch Effy's ass as they went back to her bench. Jesus Christ. They were never going to make it through the next two months. In the back of her mind, Katie began feverishly contemplating contingency plans for if she and Effy ended up alone in the supply closet together because she wasn't certain she could be responsible for her behaviour.

+o+o

Katie did not forget about her promise to go to dinner with Emily, which Jen decided to gate crash, though it wasn't a proper gate crashing because Emily invited her. It was only that way in Katie's head. Emily and Naomi had become quite friendly with Jen during the first week of their visit which irritated Katie in a childish way because Jen was supposed to be _her _friend, not Emily's. They were all adults now so Katie couldn't exactly pit herself in psychological warfare against her sister, but it had been such a long time since the twins had actually had to share something that, at first, Katie didn't really remember how.

It was also a strange experience because Katie had never realised quite how alike Jen and Naomi really were on the face of it, and it made her wonder if she had met Naomi in some other context whether they would have been more civil to one another. The four of them were at a table at the back of the restaurant, overlooking the moonlit river, Naomi and Emily sitting rather closer to their shared corner than necessary because Katie knew they were holding hands under the tablecloth. It was a bit sweet and a bit silly, and Katie tried not to feel, well, jealous.

"Hey, Katie," Jen asked, turning the tide of the conversation away from the unearthing of whole new treasure troves of Doug photos. "You just taught Effy to Ficoll today, right?"

"Yeah," Katie said, feeling sort of irrationally possessive about Effy. "Did you want to borrow her?"

"I'm not going to steal her from you, geez. She just got approved for a UROP so I was curious what her skill set was."

Katie frowned. "What's a UROP?"

"Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program. I thought you helped her with her application."

"Slow down a bit. What does that even mean?"

Jen shrugged. "It's some kind of research program for the undergrads. It pays them to work on some project they come up with. She asked me to sponsor her in December."

"Wait, what? Why didn't I know about this?" Katie couldn't help but feel hurt the girl hadn't told her about the UROP.

"Not as though you've been _talking_ to her much lately," Naomi said delicately.

"Yeah, too busy doing things with your _hands_," Jen replied.

"We've been well busy," Katie said in a carefully controlled voice, trying to ignore their banter. "I just don't know why she didn't tell me."

"You need to get her off your service anyway, don't you?" reminded Naomi.

Emily glanced over at her girlfriend, obviously confused as to why Naomi should know that kernel of information. Eyes widening, Naomi opened her mouth frantically trying to come up with some excuse when Jen saved her by saying:

"I wonder why she asked me to sponsor her instead of you, Katie."

"Maybe she's more interested in the autoimmunity project," Katie hedged.

"Maybe she just doesn't like you."

"I don't think that's the problem," Naomi couldn't resist adding in an undertone.

"I guess I should learn some sign language. What do you think, Fitch?"

"Might help," Katie said with a pointed look telling the two of them to _stop_.

"I'd need someone to teach me."

"Could Effy give you lessons?" Emily asked.

"Probably not. Effy's already giving it to Katie."

Naomi flat out choked on her wine, eyes watering as she spluttered and attempted to hide her laughing behind her napkin in a coughing fit. Katie knew she couldn't sit there and glare at the two of them without immediately tipping off Emily, who no doubt knew there was something afoot anyway because she was too fucking clever for her own good. Apparently she and Effy hadn't been nearly as subtle as she thought; Jen knew there was something going on, and Katie knew they needed to discuss it soon. At least Jen seemed content to just take the piss rather than anything more serious. Katie's only recourse, then, was to try to change the subject.

"So how long do you think you'll need to stay, Emily?"

"Another week at most," Emily replied. "The rest we can do by email until the final evaluation in March. That reminds me, are you coming to Oxford?"

"Oxford? Why would I be coming to Oxford?"

"The fiftieth anniversary EBV symposium. I figured you'd want to be there."

"I forgot all about that."

"Do you think Doug will pay for us to go, Katie?" Jen said, with a great deal of enthusiasm for the idea.

"I'll probably go even if he doesn't."

"Where is it in Oxford?"

"Keble College, isn't it? I've not been to Oxford in years."

Jen sat back, evidently lost in daydreams of touring the UK. They left not long after, and Katie really should have been suspicious that Emily hadn't pushed or said anything about Jen and Naomi's obvious mockery of her situation with Effy. She hugged her sister goodbye, scowling at Naomi and Jen over the little solicitor's shoulder. She should have been suspicious because as Katie turned up the street, Emily rounded on the two guilty looking blondes.

"Right, now you two are going to tell me everything."

+o+o

For her part, Katie went back to her flat confused. She was still stuck on the fact Effy had gotten that research funding without her knowledge, and with the specific objective that she start working for Jen instead. Effy had made it plain she intended to stay with Katie to finish the Fitch testing and assay development, but then what? Maybe she really did prefer the autoimmunity project and Katie _had_ said Effy needed to find her own project if they were going to try anything; but the application deadlines must have been months ago, and she would have had to approach Jen about being her sponsor since Doug would no doubt be acting as her faculty mentor.

How long had Effy been thinking and planning? Is this what she'd wanted as far back as her birthday? Katie thought about that night they'd slept on the floor by her fire. If Effy had feelings for her even then, and had woken with Katie in her arms… There was a time she might have been repulsed by the image it conjured, but now it made her want to press Effy into her rug, the girl's long legs locked around her hips, and kiss her deep and hard and slow. In that second, her previous mental block vanished, and she bit her lip, realising too late the inability to have vivid and fucking filthy fantasies about Effy had been a _good _thing.

God help her if she ever got Effy in front of that fire again.


	22. Chapter 19: Cytopathic

**Chapter 19**

**Cytopathic: **A term for viruses that violently destroy their host cells when they reproduce

Sometime in the night Katie got a text message from Emily demanding an instant interview. Katie doubted she actually meant for it to be all that instant seeing as it would have meant she wanted to come round at four in the morning, but when Katie woke she reluctantly agreed to meet Emily for brunch. She somehow ended up ridiculously early at the hotel to fetch her sister, and wandered into the nearby Starbucks for a coffee while she waited. Starbucks was a sort of funny place for Katie. At Birmingham, she'd only been a few times and then she found the place frequented most often by foreigners, Americans or Europeans from the continent, or perhaps she merely had a skewed sampling. On one of the rare occasions she had gone during her first year of her doctorate, she had once seen two girls there.

At the time, she hadn't dwelt on it; it didn't seem important. But as she sat in the lobby of the hotel by the fire she thought about the two girls she'd seen. They were young, probably university aged and either _really_ Canadian or Americans trying to hide their nationality. Backpackers between trains, maybe, or temporarily stranded until a hostel would take them. Why the fuck they were in Edgbaston she couldn't guess aside from perhaps a visit to Cadbury. One had her feet up on a chair, while her companion curled into a little ball, nestled into her side sleeping. The girl who was awake had laid aside her book and smiled at Katie before kissing the other girl's hair. Katie wondered why then of all times she recalled seeing them. They were just two girls in an overpriced American shop, and yet the image of them together had stuck with her for three years. Then she realised she'd thought of them because the girl had looked like Effy, if Effy was the type to fall soppily in love, which she wasn't. It was such a clear memory. Espresso, pretension and light coloured wood. Those two girls. Were they still together? Suddenly and irrationally, Katie hoped so. She hoped they still felt that obvious swell of love she'd seen in that stranger's blue eyes.

Katie was so deep in her recollection she almost didn't see Emily coming for her. Glancing up quickly, Katie got to her feet, watching as Emily approached her.

"Sorry I'm late," Emily said.

"I said ten, not like ten prompt," said Katie mildly, surprising Emily.

"Ready then?"

Katie nodded, leading the way to her car which was parked just outside the door. As they latched their safety belts, Katie looked at her sister.

"Why isn't Naomi with?" Katie asked.

"I figured we could use some time together," Emily said evasively.

Katie didn't like the sound of that, but then just turned her key and drove them to brunch. Along the way, since Katie had decided all her conversations in cars should be inappropriately serious she asked Emily something, still thinking of the two faux-Canadian backpackers she'd seen in Edgbaston.

"You still love Naomi, yeah?" Katie asked.

"Yes," Emily said slowly, looking at Katie like she'd grown another head.

"Good."

Emily glanced at her incredulously.

"I just mean—it's nice. To know some people find the person they're supposed to be with."

"Is that why—" Emily stopped short.

"Is that why what?"

"Isn't this the longest you've gone without seeing someone? Like, ever?"

"I haven't wanted to."

"So there's _no one_? No one at all you're interested in?"

Katie shrugged, effectively putting an end to that line of questioning. It wasn't any of Emily's fucking business, was it? They finished the rest of the ride listening to a series of strange Minnesotan accented adverts, pulling alongside a tiny restaurant situated in a snowy alley. They were seated in a corner by a window, making strained conversation over their coffee that rapidly dissipated. The wait for the food was improved slightly by the interest of the waitress, in spite of it being a busy Saturday morning. She immediately commented on their accents and asked if they were taking a vacation, like fit young professionals from London often just dropped everything to visit Minneapolis in the middle of the winter on holiday. It wasn't until they were eating that their conversation began again in earnest.

"So for what purpose did you convene this emergency meeting?" Katie said.

"I just wanted to see you," Emily replied.

"That is a complete load of shit, Ems."

Emily fidgeted with her fork, pushing her eggs to one side of her plate. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Is there anything you fucking want to tell me? Such as what's going on here, because to be honest I'm a bit lost."

"You're straight," Emily blurted out, turning a shade of red roughly equivalent with her hair.

Katie's only admission to the point was a slight twitch of her mouth. She was momentarily incensed Naomi had snitched on her, but then reason prevailed. Naomi hadn't exactly helped matters by so blatantly taking the piss the previous night, yet without her, well, Katie owed it to her not to be too upset.

"You're _straight_," Emily repeated.

"You're gay. What the fuck does that have to do with the price of fish?"

Shaking her head, Emily sighed. "Naomi told me.

"And what did she tell you?"

"You're going to hurt that girl, Katie."

Katie laughed bitterly. "_That's_ what you're worried about? Forget how confused I've been, I'm just the big bad straight girl. Is that what you think this is?"

"Have you ever wanted to be with a girl before?"

"No," Katie said honestly, "but I think I do now."

With a start, Katie finally felt how true those words really were. She wanted to be with Effy, at least wanted to try.

"Katie, I think—"

"This is well ironic, you convincing me I'm straight. I don't know what I am anymore, but I don't need your patronising to work it out." Katie paused. "Is this how it felt?"

"When you said I was 'stupid not gay'?"

Katie gazed at her sister sadly. "I'm sorry. Fuck, you know I am."

"Katie, wait."

For once, Katie didn't feel any anger or resentment. She understood what Emily was thinking and why, walking the same path Katie had years earlier, though for completely different reasons.

"It's okay, Ems. Really." Katie laid several bills on the table as she rose. "There should be enough for a taxi there."

Like either of them truly had to worry about things like cab fare. Their problems were infinitely more petty.

+o+o

Instead of going home, Katie went to lab, like she usually did when she had thoughts too big for her head. Katie almost texted Effy when she got in, a short message of just six words: _We need to be more careful_. But how much more fucking careful could they possibly be short of not seeing one another at all? That was impossible as she and Effy still needed to work together. She ended up sending an entirely different text, wanting to hear from her.

_How's your Saturday?_

A few minutes later Jen arrived as well, looking distinctly put out about being in lab on a Saturday. What Katie hadn't seen was the way Jen had tried to come in five minutes earlier. Upon spotting Katie, she let out an ungainly squeak before running in the opposite direction and hiding in the cold room. It was only after several deep breaths and working her face into a theatrical scowl that she went out again reasonably certain Katie wouldn't be able to read her like a book.

"Cells to feed?" Katie asked.

"Yeah," Jen complained. "For being so small they're hungry little bastards."

Effy's reply set off Katie's phone. _panda just told me my spirit animal is the sloth_

Blinking, Katie had to read that one again.

"What the fuck is a spirit animal?" Katie muttered.

"Effy?" said Jen absently as she dug through a stack of papers for her cell media recipe.

Katie looked back over her shoulder at the American, her mention of Effy bringing back Jen and Naomi having a laugh at her expense, and somewhat at her peril.

"How long have you known?" Katie said bluntly.

"Known what?" Jen swore as she accidentally knocked a tube rack off her bench with her elbow.

"About Effy."

Stopping mid-movement, Jen looked at her sharply. Very slowly, Jen bent down and retrieved the rack, strumming her fingers over the metal lattice until it twanged.

"Don't be mad!" Jen said anxiously.

Katie started to reply but was interrupted by a wild torrent of confession.

"She cornered us! We tried to hold her off, but your sister's fucking scary. We didn't tell her everything! Well, okay we kind of told her everything but we didn't mean to and we're sorry so please don't be mad."

"Oh, you were fucking obvious enough without that last night, a regular comedy duo. What did you think was going to happen?"

"You're just so…straight? You know? Plus Naomi had noticed, so it was just funny. I didn't realise Emily was going to interrogate us."

"If one more bloody person reminds me I'm straight today…"

"It's kind of a weird thing to forget, isn't it?"

Katie shook her head, unable to compress ten bloody years of back-story into thirty seconds or less so she didn't try to explain at all.

"You're mad," Jen said quietly.

"Do I fucking look angry to you?"

Jen gave her a look that suggested it was the stupidest question she'd asked in ages.

"What did you tell her?"

"Just that you two are 'close.'" Jen completed the sentence by actually fucking making air quotes. "And you're all with the signing and the flirting or whatever you do, but not to worry because it seemed innocent."

"Is that what you think? That I don't take her seriously?"

Jen leaned back against the desk, eyes gaining a hint of disapproval. "You don't, do you?"

Katie shrugged, not sure what to say. God, she was becoming Effy with all her cryptic shrugging and eyebrow raising.

"She's a study subject, Katie."

"I fucking know. I know! That's why we haven't, you know, done anything."

Mouth twisting in disbelief, Jen scoffed.

"She kissed me. _Once_. Right before Christmas. That's it, I fucking swear."

"This is a big deal, Katie. It's a huge—"

"Fucking ethics violation, yes! And I don't know if it's her or me or because she's like, out of bounds, or whatever but…I want her."

"Then you can fuck her later, can't you?" Jen said, voice dropping a low snarl. "If you ruin this study then you're screwing us all."

"I haven't done anything! She's going to withdraw before anything happens. We want—I want to do it properly." Katie cringed, looking at Jen helplessly, trying to drive as much as she could into her expression as she ran out of words.

Jen sighed, her face softening.

"I'm completely mental. What am I doing?"

"I'm sorry, Katie. I thought—I'm not really sure what I thought." She offered a reassuring smile. "I'm on your side, okay? When is Effy withdrawing?"

"March."

"Oh my God, you're pouting. You—wow, I feel like an idiot. You have it _bad_ for her, don't you?"

"You need to get your bloody eyes checked."

Jen shot her a huge grin.

"Fuck, this needs to stay a secret, please," Katie begged.

"Oh, honey. You and Effy were never a secret. Let's just hope everyone else has gaydar even worse than mine."

+o+o

Alan Rickins (bham,ac,uk)  
To: Katherine Fitch (umn,edu)  
RE: EBV 50th

Excellent news. Looking forward very much to seeing you in Oxford! Shame I'm organising this year, it means I'll have less time to spend with you at the pub.

Alan

+o+o

Effy went with Katie on Monday to collect the post directed to the lab, but it necessitated venturing to the central departmental mail room in another building. There were two ways to go. One was through the tunnel system, which Katie preferred as it was faster. The other crossed the enclosed skyway on the fifth floor, and offered a view of the landscaped pedestrian terrace near the hospital. Whenever Effy accompanied her, that was the way they went and usually it involved some type of interval in the skyway. At first, Katie thought Effy took that route for the glimpse of the outside world, but then she slowly came to suspect it was actually because the skyway was infrequently used, and it provided them a less disturbed moment to just be together. The longer she knew Effy the more she came to realise that Effy's actions were rarely random, even when they gave every appearance being so.

The sky was clear and blue that afternoon, the sun blinding off the windscreens of the cars circling the drop off at the University clinic. Effy leaned against the rail, one foot resting on the floor level radiator that kept the skyway from becoming an icebox in winter. Katie assumed she was looking at the people trundling through the snow below them but Effy was really watching her out of the corner of her eye.

[What's the sign for S-L-O-T-H?] Katie asked, fingerspelling sloth.

Half smiling, Effy glanced at the ceiling. [I don't know.] Effy made a pointing motion and touched her left shoulder, which was the sign for "lazy" before adding: [But that's not the animal.]

[W-T-F is a spirit animal?]

Effy just laughed, her eyes bright. Then she saw Katie was hesitating about something.

[What?]

[Jen knows,] Katie signed, [about us.] Pulling a face, Katie went on aloud, "Or the not us, whatever the fucking Christ we're doing."

Effy nodded, not looking in the least surprised.

[Emily too.]

[Oh.]

Except Effy didn't ever say "oh" the way most people did. Katie said "oh" as a spoken confirmation of something she should have known, but Effy said it when she realised something no one else had noticed. Raising one eyebrow, Effy smirked. It couldn't possibly be more obvious that the Fitch twins had some sort of disagreement brewing, and Effy had apparently connected the dots.

"Fuck."

[We can stop.]

Katie bit her lip. That was the trouble. Emily or no Emily, Katie didn't bloody want to stop. Effy shrugged, turning to head back to lab, but Katie caught her hand, impulsively kissing her palm.

[Effy, no,] Katie signed.

Effy's kissed hand curled into a fist, which Katie misinterpreted as anger, when really Effy was just touching the spot with her fingertips.

[Why didn't you tell me about your funding grant?] Katie said.

[I wasn't sure I'd get it. First years usually don't.]

Frowning, Katie tried not to let her hurt show. [I could have helped you.]

Effy rested her forehead against the window, like the cold glass would make her blood run slower.

[If you wanted to work on the other project—]

[I don't care about the research, Katie.]

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?"

Effy shook her head. [It's just a job.]

[You work too hard for it to be "just a job."]

If Effy was simpler than she appeared, the oldest Fitch was much more complex than a glance would give you to believe, and strong for all that. Effy envied her strength, because Katie was never cowed unless on some level she _wanted _to acquiesce. It was one thing to let people believe you didn't give a fuck; it was something else to actually not give a fuck and Effy's game with Katie was growing problematic. Katie was getting harder and harder to fool, and the undergrad walked the line tantalised by the prospect Katie might break her apart. Effy filled the stillness (her equivalent of silence) with an eye roll, pushing away from the window.

[Thanks pot,] she signed.

[What?]

[For calling me black.]

[But…]

Effy rounded the corner to the lifts without her. Katie sighed. How could she keep from mucking everything up? She was in a deadlock with her sister and was messing about with someone she should _so _not be fucking messing about with. Wouldn't it be easier to just stop? Maybe, if Effy would let her, because two seconds later when Katie followed alone, she found Effy against the wall waiting. Effy jerked her head toward the lift bank and Katie went with her, running one knuckle over the back of Effy's hand.

[No touching,] Effy remonstrated, and roughly punched the call button with her thumb.

+o+o

Katie didn't see Emily and Naomi off when they left Minneapolis the following Friday. In fact, she hadn't spoken to Emily at all since the morning of their failed brunch although Emily had tried a handful of times; Katie wasn't ready yet, like having either Emily's blessing or condemnation denigrated the whole thing by virtue of her needing to interfere at all. The only thing Katie did do was text Naomi, half to whinge about Emily and half to thank her for being like, decent. Katie had needed her, and Naomi hadn't disappointed. Still, neither woman texted her when they returned to London and Katie went back to her routine without much love lost. She had more to be concerned about than waiting for Emily to come round, if she ever did.

In the weeks that followed, they didn't arrange it, but it started happening. Katie would park up across campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays even though it was further away, and Effy would meet her in front of her residence hall on 17th Avenue. Sometimes she would have coffee. Sometimes she would have a funny image to show Katie on her iPad. Sometimes she was just waiting there, beautiful and pale in the falling snow. The walk was an easy way for them to stay close without being too close, and it established a pattern that set boundaries to make the restrictions bearable. Those mornings they were just two girls walking together toward lab and its normalcy was one part relieving and one part terrifying, because it felt so right that sometimes Katie forgot to worry. She forgot about Emily and her mother, forgot Effy was _anything_ other than just Effy. It didn't matter she was a girl and it didn't matter she was deaf. Effy became her steady state, the place Katie belonged.

It was just before February that Katie began to run time courses for the neutralizing antibody assays, necessitating samples be taken every four hours, even through the night. Classes had restarted the week previous and the undergraduates and professional students had percolated back into Katie's awareness as they returned from their winter holidays. Effy elected to stay with Katie for some reason that evening, working on her homework until one in the morning. For a while, they kept separate from one another after all the other lab members left, but eventually Effy went and sat beside Katie, rolling her eyes when Katie yawned massively and put her head on Effy's shoulder. The girl glanced down at her, her eyes clearly saying "No touching!" in a mocking way, but Katie didn't care with everything still and curled up in her chair, hugging onto Effy's arm as she began to fall asleep. Unexpectedly, Effy let her stay for a few minutes before rousing her.

[Go home, Katie,] Effy signed.

[I have to be back in three hours,] Katie replied sleepily. [I'll just stay.]

[Come back to my room.]

Katie stiffened, suddenly becoming more alert as she gave Effy an uncertain look. Effy rolled her eyes again.

[Panda is there,] Effy clarified. [I'll sleep with her and you can have my bed.]

[She won't mind?]

Effy shook her head, slipping away from Katie before holding out her hand. Katie was so tired she simply took the offered appendage like a small child, allowing Effy to help her up and fetch her coat. It was bitterly cold through the journey to 17th Avenue, and about half way there as they trekked alongside the natatorium Effy stuck out her elbow, hand still in her pocket. For a beat nothing happened, then Effy did it again. Katie finally cottoned on and looped her arm through Effy's. They walked close together, Effy partially shielding her from the wind the rest of the way. By the time they mounted the steps to the hall, Katie was yawning again, leaning heavily against Effy's support.

Effy disengaged briefly to fish her keys from her pocket, quickly stuffing the largest one in the lock of the outer door and ushering Katie into the entrance area with a soft push in the small of her back. Katie had never actually been _inside _17th Avenue before, merely gazing in through the greenish glass of the windows at the dining hall on the lowest floor. The building itself was quite new, and still smelled a bit of wood varnish and paint, like cheap furniture that hadn't settled into its place yet. The dining hall branched off to the left, set beside a sitting area complete with a small gas fire, but it was all dark with only the street lights gleaming through from the street beyond.

Effy led the way to the right and up the stairwell, rounding three floors worth of stairs before alighting in a blindingly bright corridor of room doors. Effy's room was on the corner, and she tested the silver door handle with a little jiggle, looking mildly amazed to find it unlocked. With an intrigued lift of her eyebrows, she went in, letting Katie pass her before bending down to untie her boots which involved a series of unbucklings and fiddling with little cord locks.

The room was very small, somehow managing to stuff a bunk bed and two each of desks, chairs, wardrobes, and a small chest of drawers into the limited floor space. A washbasin was affixed to the wall in one corner and there was a window as well but the curtains were drawn over it. Katie didn't at first see her but Pandora was sitting awake on the top bunk, a textbook in her lap as she leaned over the rail and waved enthusiastically.

"Hi, Katie!" Pandora said. "What are you doing here?"

"Time course," Katie replied. "I don't mean to intrude."

"Mi casa es su casa."

"Thanks, I think."

Most of the wall decorations clearly belonged to Pandora, being typically vibrant and colourful. Effy's only obvious contribution to the space was a string of lights that were strung along the lower bunk; the corner of Katie's mouth twitched up when she saw them because it reminded her that Effy was not very fond of the dark, which seemed simultaneously silly and heartbreaking. As Effy struggled out of her second boot, a tiny slip of paper fell out onto the carpet. It was another photo of Doug.

[_How_?] Katie asked with a pained look. [Every time I think they're all gone…]

Effy shrugged, flicking the photo into the hallway and firmly shutting the door. It was the resident assistant's problem now. She approached the bed and reached up for Pandora's book like it was something she was accustomed to doing, a little ritual that she and Pandora went through daily.

"Will you be here in the morning?" Panda said to Katie.

"No, I've got to go back to lab," Katie said.

"Well, sleep tight!"

Meanwhile, Effy had turned the toggle to the light string and extinguished the overhead light, leaving the room bathed in a soft glow.

[Do you want pyjamas?] Effy signed.

Katie shook her head. [Not for three hours.]

Effy nodded, turning her back and shimmying out of her trousers. Feeling rather self-conscious, Katie sat down on the edge of Effy's mattress nervously trying not to watch as Effy stripped off her top as well. Somehow she'd always imagined Effy as skinny and angular beneath her clothes, but the glimpse she saw of Effy's flesh revealed she was pleasantly fluid and smooth; a bit bony at the shoulders, quickly receding into lean pale hips and the waistband of unpretentious knickers, which were soon unfortunately covered by a long shirt. Katie blushed when Effy spun back to her, having been obviously caught perving. Smirking, Effy climbed up the ladder to the top bunk, garnering a murmured protest from the already mostly asleep Pandora as she joined her best friend on the tiny bed.

Katie reluctantly slipped beneath Effy's duvet, still uncertain if taking Effy up had been a good idea. As it turned out, it had been an awful idea because the sheets smelled powerfully like Effy and Katie had to resist the urge to bury her face in the pillow. That was where Effy slept, where she worked. Her clothes hung in the wardrobe and Katie was lying in her bed. For several long minutes, Katie lay there straining her ears for the sound of the girl's breathing, half hoping she would come back down. It was as close as she could safely be, and she felt soothed by Effy's proximity as the exhaustion slowly overtook her.

+o+o

A warm hand was brushing her hair back from her forehead. Katie's eyes flickered open to find Effy crouched beside the bed, a tired smirk on her face in the low light from over the washbasin. Katie cursed in a hoarse whisper transforming Effy's smirk into a real smile. Tugging at the duvet, Katie rolled over in protest. Effy signed something but she had shut her eyes again.

[I don't want to,] she signed back.

Grudgingly, she finally sat up, bent low to keep from whacking her head on the top bunk, only to yawn and nuzzle her face into the crook of Effy's neck. Her hands slid up Effy's back as she cuddled closer, breathing in Effy's warm sleepy scent. She didn't even notice Effy was kneeling between her legs until she felt the push of the girl's breasts against her own. God, Effy was fucking wonderful and she smelled ridiculously lovely, which just prompted Katie to hook one leg around Effy's, pulling them flush together. Effy's fingers tightened against her shoulder blades, eyes wide as she pressed into Katie just _there_. She held perfectly still, like Katie would eventually disentangle herself, but at some point in the proceedings Katie drowsily breathed on her neck, and Effy shifted.

Once. Then twice, and Katie involuntarily rewarded her with a languid answering roll of her hips. Jesus fucking Christ. The pressure was exquisitely light, but so fucking _good_ and soon she was lost against Effy's heat, gasping as Effy cupped her ass to increase the force. Katie gently sank her teeth into Effy's shoulder and the vibration of the little Fitch's muffled whimper quivered in her lungs. It was then that her eyes snapped open and she finally tore away with a frustrated grunt. Suddenly, Katie was painfully awake, staring at Effy with a startled, guilty expression.

"Fucking hell," she whispered. "I'm so sorry I—"

Shaking her head, Effy bit her own lip hard enough it almost drew blood.

[I'm so sorry.]

She glanced up, smirk dark and dangerous. [Soon.]

"Jesus Christ." Even the suggestion in the sign sent a tremor through Katie's body.

[Yes.]

[I should go.]

Katie got to her feet shakily, making for the door. For fuck's sake, Pandora was asleep above them less than five feet away. What the hell was wrong with her? She was jeopardising everything, and risking peoples' futures other than her own. March was too far away; and she was only a few centimetres of fuse away from having it explode. That had been too fucking close. It took her a few seconds to find her shoes, but then she staggered into the bright light beyond the door, burning with unsatisfied lust and regret. Surprisingly, Effy went with her into the hall.

[Where are you going?] Katie asked.

[To take care of something,] Effy signed with intent.

"It's four—"

Effy surreptitiously ran the heel of her hand over the flimsy fabric of her own knickers with a soft hiss, making it clear exactly what she was going to take care of.

"Oh." Katie cleared her throat quietly. "You, uh—oh. That much?"

Effy nodded, the look on her face turning more feral than mischievous. Katie prevaricated, faltering before breaking all the fucking rules again and giving Effy a single hard kiss on the mouth.

[I hope that helps,] Katie signed hastily.

She flushed furiously, escaping from Effy's floor at a dead sprint. By the next night, Katie didn't know whether or not the kiss had helped Effy, but fuck, it helped her, leaving her so momentarily sated she didn't have the energy to feel even vaguely embarrassed about what they'd done. Later, though, that ten second lack of remorse just made her feel worse.


	23. Chapter 20: Extravasation

**A/N: For my intrepid labmates who read this fic and get stuck in lifts with me...!**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

**Extravasation: **How white blood cells move from blood vessels to tissue

The memory of Katie's little "lapse" with Effy dogged her for weeks. She vacillated between guilty and defiant, before always thinking back to the way that Effy had pressed against her. Effy was as far removed from Katie's usual type as it was possible for someone to be. Wasn't one of Katie's first drunken thoughts about the undergrad how easily she must have drawn suitors to her unsympathetic flame? Katie was caught with them, uncertain of she, too, was bound for immolation in the greater scheme. Owing to Effy's new class schedule, Katie saw less of her though the girl was certainly about enough to make her presence felt. Somewhere in the middle of February, however, something else happened that made Jen's day but left Katie feeling even more conflicted, if not outright infuriated. She and Jen were sitting in their bay taking odds on if any of the subjects would seroconvert over Valentine's Day when Doug came in to find them.

"Good morning, ladies," he said, taking the high stool beside Katie's bench. "I'm glad I've found you together. Is Effy about perchance?"

"No, she has cell biology," Katie replied without thinking.

Jen let out a snort she just barely managed to turn into a cough, clearly making fun of her for knowing exactly what schoolwork was keeping Effy away.

"Well, you'll pass this onto her, won't you?" Doug asked.

Katie and Jen both nodded.

"As you know, this year twenty eight March marks the fiftieth anniversary from Sir Tony Epstein's seminal _Lancet_ paper describing the discovery of Epstein-Barr virus." He smiled, gazing at the ceiling with a far away look in his eye as though he were a very old man pining for green pastures. "To celebrate the occasion, there's going to be a symposium at one of the colleges at Oxford."

"I know," said Katie. "Alan's organising this year as he was one of Professor Epstein's former students."

"Well, the reason I mention this is because all of the big names in the field will be there, including Professor Epstein, who I know you're acquainted with Katie, but Jen's not. Fitch has invited the laboratory personnel for a visit to headquarters in conjunction with the conference."

It was an irrational double standard, but in not being the site coordinator or even agreeing to liaise Katie constantly felt as though she was the last to know anything. Of course, that wasn't true; it meant she found out about everything at exactly the same time Jen did, but something about this did not sit well with her. The whole plot was _someone's_ idea, so all that remained was for her to figure out if had been Emily or her mother who had concocted it.

"We're going to London!" Jen cried excitedly.

Katie levelled an unimpressed look at her before being reminded of Doug's request they inform Effy.

"Hang on," Katie said. "Why am I passing this on to Effy?"

"The invitation mentioned the three of you by name, including Effy."

It had been Emily then. Katie scowled, not liking this development at all because frankly she wasn't sure if she even wanted Effy to join them. London was still the place she considered home and then there were her parents and the sodding firm itself. Effy felt right with her in Minneapolis, but having the girl in the UK, even in Oxford, denied her the luxury of compartmentalising, as shallow and petty as that was.

"Won't she have classes?" Katie protested feebly.

"By luck it falls on the university spring holiday," Doug said.

"But…it'll interfere with her sampling schedule."

Doug shook his finger at her in simulated disapproval. "Naughty, Katie. Worked out she's a subject, have you?" He laughed. "I doubt very much it will interfere with her sampling because she withdrew last December!"

Katie's mouth fell open with an outraged squeak at the exact moment Jen sprang dramatically out of her chair and slung her arm across Doug's shoulders.

"Great, great," she was saying manically. "They're taking care of the plane tickets and everything? The lodging? Great, wonderful. Okay, yeah, we'll tell Effy, no problem. Bye Doug! See you later!"

Herding him toward the exit, she practically shoved him into the hall and slammed the door behind him. Katie was still sitting at her desk, utterly bound to the spot as she repeatedly shook her head like she was trying to shake water from her ears.

"He's wrong," Katie said to no one in particular even though Jen was standing right beside her. "He's got to be wrong. He's thinking of someone else."

"Yeah, right," Jen agreed dubiously. "Because if he's not that means—"

Katie jabbed a finger at Jen daring her to finish that particular comment. There was only one way to find out for sure: consult the subject database. It recorded the date and time of every blood sample, every oral swab, symptoms reporting and numerous other things. Most importantly (at least to Katie in that moment), it had the dates of subject enrolment and withdrawal. Opening her laptop, Katie carefully typed in Effy's subject identifier and waited as the ancient, ailing software pulled up Effy's subject record. There in the corner of the sheet was a capital W along with the note _20 Dec_. It was true. She'd been withdrawn these two months. She had fucking planned it. She must have been planning on kissing Katie at the airport, because the dates were too precise to be a coincidence, that Effy would by chance withdraw the day before tearing down so many conceptions she had about herself and the world she lived in.

"She lied to me," Katie said quietly.

"On the bright side," Jen said in an overly cheery manner, "at least you're not going to give the ethics board a heart attack."

"Why did she fucking lie to me?"

"That's something you're going to have to ask Effy."

Standing up, Katie started pacing restlessly up and down the bay. "No, this whole bloody business has been nothing but a massive headache. I don't care anymore."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I'm fucking finished." Katie gesticulated emphatically. "I've washed my hands of her."

"Katie, give her a chance to explain herself."

"She lied to me! She doesn't get a chance to explain herself!"

Jen glanced at her watch. "Look, I have a meeting in ten minutes. Can we hurry this crisis resolution up?"

Glowering, Katie retook her chair.

"Okay," Jen mused. "I estimate, with my shoddy biologist's math mind you, that you have twenty hours give or take to get your head out of your ass. That girl must love stubborn women because you are the _worst_. Ugh, is this shit what Naomi put up with when you were home for Christmas? That woman is a saint. She deserves a medal, let me tell—"

"All right! All right! You've made your point, Jesus fucking Christ."

"Awesome. If there's some kind of shenanigans in here when I get here tomorrow morning I'm locking you both in the cold room until you get hypothermia or make out. I mean up. God, that was a weird Freudian slip. Please don't make out in the cold room." Jen winced. "I'm never going to get rid of that visual now, am I?"

"Would you just leave, please?"

With a slightly disgusted expression still on her face, Jen picked up her lab notebook and left the lab muttering "up, make _up_" under her breath as she departed. Well, that was the whole issue of Effy being study subject sorted, but Katie hadn't been lying when she said she wanted to be done with it. It was all too dramatic, too complicated. From the girl thing, to the subject thing, to Emily and Oxford, why couldn't anything with Effy ever just be simple? She was ready to quit, to go back to her solitary life working on a project that had been half stolen from her. Katie was wrong, though. Sometimes it was simple with Effy; usually when Katie turned off her scientist's brain and stopped thinking about the girl long enough to feel.

+o+o

The next day was a Friday, 14 February. Katie went into lab early, having not slept much the preceding night as she thought about Effy and what her withdrawal meant. She'd let Katie think she was still enrolled in the study for a reason. Katie just didn't know what that reason was or why she'd plotted like some sort of Cold War spy. So naturally, the one person she was not expecting to see was already there, standing at her bench, with a full rack of tubes of purple loading dye. They hadn't needed to do any PCRs for over a month, so Katie's first reaction was to suss out what the hell the girl was playing at doing experiments by herself. Then she actually got a good look at Effy and all her righteous indignation couldn't compete with the wave of lust she fought. Sometimes Effy would come in looking like that, still made up and smelling of sweat and liquor.

There was something animal and heartbreaking about her on those mornings, so that Katie started to have fantasies about bathing her and taking her to bed. Perhaps the first time or two, it had been putting her to bed; now it was definitely taking her to bed, although what Katie wanted to do to her she wasn't sure because that was dependent on what Effy liked after all. Katie's anger and confusion finally won out, pushing any considerations of Effy in the bath from her mind. Her real concern was still that Effy had lied to her, when it was imperative that they both be as honest as they could.

[What are you doing?] Katie asked, leaving a good five metres between them. Too much further and Effy was going to need binoculars to make out her signs. Possibly a telescope.

[Running a gel,] Effy replied like that wasn't very fucking apparent based on the equipment on her bench.

[Why? We're done with the PCR.]

[You'll see soon.]

Katie came around, peering at the gel suspiciously but it didn't divulge any of its secrets. It just lay there in the gel box, a semi-flexible slab of agarose swimming in buffer. Effy angled her head as Katie looked, sneakily enjoying Katie's freshly washed scent as much as Katie enjoyed Effy rough from the club. No use being coy about it, so Katie told her straight out.

[We need to talk, but not here.]

Effy nodded, but didn't give so much as a flicker of indication of what she was thinking or feeling. She just looked imperturbably calm. Throwing down her things without much regard for the contents of her bag, Katie immediately set about pulling blood samples to be sent to a collaborator in British Columbia. The cell aliquots were kept in the liquid nitrogen and needed to be transferred immediately to a box of dry ice. The large nitrogen dewars were fitted with six tall racks, each about the height of Katie's hip. The mouth of the dewar, however, was only as wide as her forearm, requiring a full extension upward lift in order to get the racks out. Normally Effy would have helped her with this task because the job was much easier with two people, especially since Katie was just a hair too short to do it with much efficiency; to extract the racks she had to stand on a stepladder.

Effy watched passively as Katie struggled with the first rack, the liquid nitrogen pouring off it in sheets and skittering across the cracked linoleum in droplets that fizzled and evaporated almost immediately. She could feel the cold of it through the fabric of her clothes, a reminder of the potency of its danger. Even indirect contact with the stuff could leave her with burns. Yet after so many years, Katie chose dexterity over safety, wearing only a pair of nitrile gloves rather than the thick protective mitts. She fumbled her way through the first two boxes of cells, pulling out the vials she needed before hissing and rubbing her fingers together vigorously. Effy sighed and briskly stepped forward, donning the heavy mitts to handle the boxes.

[I don't want you here,] Katie signed.

Effy was not one for obedience and took the box away, cramming it back into the rack before taking out the next one. Effy wasn't going to leave, even if Katie commanded her and not fancying permanent nerve damage from nitrogen burns, Katie relented. They pulled the rest of the samples in a rigid dance without further signing. During the hour it took them, Jen had appeared and she glanced over at the pair with raised eyebrows. Katie might have been witnessing the demolition of a shoe factory for as happy as she looked about being in such close proximity to Effy. As Effy lowered the last rack back into the nitrogen, averting her face from the vapour that came billowing out, Katie taped the package of dry ice shut with an almost silent torrent of curse words. She swept it off the bench to take it to the FedEx drop off, and stormed out of the lab. Effy leaned against the sink, a trace of a frown finally furrowing her forehead.

"Well, fucking go after her!" Jen urged, giving Effy a push toward the door.

Effy shrugged and Jen didn't need to understand ASL to make an accurate interpretation of her subsequent sign.

"Good luck!"

Looping the strap of her satchel around her shoulder, Effy jogged after her. She caught up to Katie by the lift bank, the package sitting on the floor by her left foot.

"Oh, no," Katie said, holding up her hand like she was trying to ward off a vampire. "Go back to lab. We are not doing this right now."

Scooping up the box, Effy held the samples hostage as she manoeuvred just out of Katie's reach and slipped inside one of the lifts. Katie had no choice but to follow if she wanted the parcel to make it to FedEx. They'd ended up in the freight car, with metal walls and floor, that moved at about a tenth of the normal speed of the other lifts. As soon as the doors slid shut, Effy placed the box deliberately on the aluminium decking and put her boot on top of it.

[Tell me,] she signed.

Katie shook her head. [No, I'm not—]

Her retort was cut short as the lift dropped out from under them and came to a halt with a shudder that almost knocked Katie off her feet. Catching her around the waist, Effy kept her upright, blue eyes quickly scanning the light panel that indicated what level they were currently on. They should have been passing the fourth floor, but none of the numbers was lit. And they weren't moving, which Katie wasn't sure was good news or bad news. Squirming away from Effy, Katie pushed the button for four. Then three. Nothing happened.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Katie spat. "This parcel has to go out before ten!"

Effy jumped experimentally, smirking at the savage glare Katie gave her after ascertaining they weren't going to fall to their deaths.

"Are you stupid?" Katie snarled, gripping hard onto Effy's forearm.

The girl shrugged, settling in a corner like she got stuck in faulty lifts everyday and wasn't in the least panicked. Katie was on a schedule though and was seriously fucking displeased about being confined in an extremely small space with Effy Stonem. She started shouting, so loudly in fact that even Effy could hear her. Rolling her eyes, Effy crossed to the door and popped open a little door and pointed to the speaker system. Obviously Effy couldn't communicate with whoever monitored the sodding thing so it was up to Katie to summon assistance.

"Hello!" Katie yelled as she held down "speak." "Hello, we're fucking stuck in here!"

"Can you tell me the number of the elevator you're in?" returned a tinny voice.

[Number?] Katie signed to Effy, who motioned to the digits stamped on one of the ceiling tiles.

"One sixteen."

"We'll send an engineer. ETA twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes?! That's not near fast enough."

"Sorry, ma'am, that's the best we can do."

Katie attempted further remonstrances but the tinny voice had quite enough of fuming women with British accents and it didn't reply. During the exchange, Effy had retaken her post in the corner, sitting with her legs stretched out as she fiddled with her phone.

[How long?] Effy asked casually.

[Twenty minutes.]

[Good.]

"Good? How is any of this good?"

Effy gave the screen of her phone a languid swipe of her thumb and that was all Katie got out of her. Fifteen of the twenty minutes they spent as two rival boxers in opposite sections of the ring, more tolerating one another than sharing any type of camaraderie. Effy did eventually tire of being furtively stared at like a circus sideshow, though, and called Katie out.

[Ask me,] she demanded.

Katie gazed down at Effy, feeling her chest well up with hurt. What do you say, what do you do when all of your self-defence mechanisms fail you? In spite of Katie's best efforts, she had let Effy toy with her. Yes, toy with her, because the existence of the lie rendered all their flirtation just a game. Effy lithely stood, going to her and it was finally her nearness that fractured Katie like a green branch, splintering along its length but unable to break cleanly.

"You withdrew in December! Why didn't you fucking tell me? That was two months ago and all the time we—"

Effy held up her hands, touching Katie's shoulders to slow the assault. Her eyes searched the little Fitch's face, and Katie realised that Effy hadn't understood any of what she was saying she was so angry.

[December!] Katie signed violently.

Effy sighed, retreating to lean against the wall.

[Why didn't you tell me?]

[You weren't ready.]

"What do you mean I wasn't ready? Of course I was ready I—"

[You still aren't ready.]

Effy raised her eyebrows just a fraction, and Katie swallowed her arguments. Fuck, would _no one_ let Katie make her own decisions? Ever?

[Isn't that for me to say?] Katie said at last. [Isn't it?]

[Yes.]

[Why did you lie?]

[Too much.]

There were so many things she could be trying to say. It would have been too much. It is too much. It will be too much. For you, for me, for us. In the same vein as the phrase "I never said she stole my money," a sentence with seven distinct meanings depending on the emphasis of a single word on each telling. That sliver of fear was so subtle as to be almost invisible, but it got deeper every time Katie saw it.

Katie shrugged. "What do you want from me, Effy?"

The answer was plain, mouthed rather than signed as though to belie how much, maybe too much, it was really asking. "You."

[Then you can't lie to me.]

[I didn't want to.]

"But somehow I made you do it because I wasn't ready, yeah? Is that what I'm supposed to take away?"

An ominous creaking sounded from somewhere in the lift shaft and Katie snatched at Effy apprehensively as it continued, then the lift doors were suddenly pried open to reveal they were halfway between levels, the bottom of their car misaligned with the fourth floor by about a metre. A burly engineer poked his head in, getting a nice view up Katie's skirt before Effy had the presence of mind to stand between her and the workman.

"Sorry about that," he said. "Are you both okay?"

"No, these things are a bloody menace," Katie growled. "Get us down from here."

Effy slithered down without further ado, stoutly rebuffing any help from the perving engineer. As such, she waited for Katie as she handed down the package of samples and sat down on the edge of the lift. She placed her hands on Effy's shoulders, sliding more or less into her arms during the descent. For a moment, she clung to Effy's top but Effy turned away from her as soon as she was safely on solid ground again.

Katie then unleashed the full force of her pent up rage on the man. To Effy's surprise some of the frustration had to do with her and she clearly saw Katie say "deaf" and "alone" no doubt furious about what would have happened had Effy been stranded in the lift without a hearing person to converse with the dispatcher. He was frantically trying to simultaneously apologise and assure her that all the elevators were on a switchboard that would signal a malfunction, but Effy didn't stay to see how it finished, as much as she loved Katie's temper. She climbed the stairs the rest of the way up to the shipment centre, Katie's box tucked under her shoulder. The clerk was just printing the receipt for the acceptance when Katie found her.

[I thought you'd stolen it,] Katie signed.

Effy held out the paper, dropping it on the tile when Katie didn't take it after a few seconds, brushing past her and back down the hallway. Katie grabbed the receipt, scurrying after Effy to where she waited by another lift. After one look at Katie's face, Effy rolled her eyes and went into the stairwell to return to the basement. She had her boot on the first step when Katie seized her wrist and spun her around.

"What? So I caught you at it and now you're all fucking petulant, is that it?" Katie said.

With slow, calculated economy of motion, Effy returned to the landing, drawing herself up to her full height and using the advantage to loom a bit over Katie. She lifted her right hand to cup Katie's hip, employing the pressure at Katie's centre of gravity to gently snug them together. Her left hand she laid against Katie's cheek like the woman was some fragile, precious thing and very, very softly, with a kind of painful tenderness, she touched her mouth to Katie's forehead and then her lips in a lingering kiss.

[Tell me when you're ready,] Effy signed when she'd released a dazed and breathless Katie. [And develop my gel. I'm late for class.]

Katie's fingers flexed, shoulders pressed against the wall. When she regained use of her limbs some time later, Effy had already gone, leaving behind two cryptic sets of instructions. Katie was to tell her when she was ready, a directive which rankled because Effy had already robbed her of the opportunity only to thrust it back like the girl didn't obviously have the measure of her. Effy knew her. _Was_ she ready? She'd thought so until Effy said she wasn't. But Katie could develop the gel. That part was easy enough. Jen offered her a tentative thumbs up when she returned to lab a few minutes later, but Katie waved her off irritably before going to Effy's bench. She pulled on a pair of gloves and unplugged the gel box.

The gel was hot and overrun. She could see where the dye front had already come off the foot and was dissipating into the bubbles in a blue swirl. Warily testing the gel with a gloved finger, she checked to see if it had melted any, but it seemed relatively intact, probably because Effy had the foresight to set the power supply to a relatively low voltage. She gingerly lifted it out of the mould and carried it to the ultraviolet light box. Why the fuck was Effy running this gel? When she went to take the photo, though, she had to bite her lip and swallow she felt like such a fool. Effy must have spent hours working out the right restriction enzymes and templates to come up with so many perfectly sized fragments of DNA. Even though the point had run off the gel and it was a bit elongated from the delay, the bands Effy had loaded for her formed a slightly distorted heart. It was the single most beautiful valentine anyone had ever given her.


	24. Chapter 21: Tethering

**Chapter 21**

**Tethering: **A term for when a virus first binds to the outside of a cell

"How was your date?" Jen asked at regular volume while they were all grouped around the long table before an impromptu lab meeting.

"For fuck's sake, it wasn't a date," Katie hissed, glancing over at Pandora. Effy wasn't there yet and thank God for that.

"That's not what I heard."

Katie peered harder at Pandora who had the grace to blush slightly and look away. The girl could seriously not keep her mouth shut, and the most unpleasant thing about it was that Pandora had picked up on how awkwardly platonic they'd tried to be. Jen had been right; she and Effy were absolute shit at trying to be subtle, which really meant Katie was shit at trying to be subtle because Effy never much looked interested in anything. It hadn't been a date. Or at least it hadn't _felt _like a date. How could it sitting on opposite ends of a three-seater sofa in a sunny res hall lounge on a Saturday afternoon with Pandora working maths equations nearby like she was their sodding chaperone? It had been ill conceived enough as it was, springing out of an impulsive comment made by Katie the Tuesday after the heart gel.

When Effy arrived that Tuesday morning, her coat was open and there were snowflakes in her hair. Deciding to lay aside their differences for the moment, Katie beckoned Effy over to her. She looked mildly surprised, but went, blue eyes focused on Katie's face. Not giving Effy the chance to sit, Katie slapped down a glossy blue and white brochure onto the lab bench. It read _EBV at 50, Keble College_ over the brick backdrop of Gothic style Keble Chapel. After some rumination, Katie had decided Emily had asked Effy along not to give the undergraduate an educational experience but to test Katie's commitment. It was a cynical view for Katie to take of her twin, and probably unfair to assume Emily was trying to make some kind of big gay point, but personal considerations aside, a paid conference as an undergrad was a great opportunity.

[Do you want to go?] Katie asked.

Effy raised her eyebrows reproachfully, obviously annoyed she didn't even know what she was being asked to give an opinion on. She opened the pamphlet, reading with some interest before laughing and chucking the paper back onto the bench.

[Four hundred pounds just to register?] she signed.

[It's part of a visit to Fitch for the lab staff,] Katie replied. [Fitch is paying for everything.]

[That's nice of you, Katie, but—]

Katie held up her hand. [It's not just me. Jen and Doug are going too.]

[And why me?]

[Emily.]

Effy shook her head. [I can't go.]

[It's over your holiday. You shouldn't have any conflicts.]

[I still can't go.]

"Why not?"

A muscle tightened in Effy's jaw and Katie saw an emotion in her eyes that she'd never seen before, coloured with a bit of anger, a bit of fear. It was gone though before Katie could properly index it, and the girl picked up the brochure again, shredding the edge with a fingernail.

[Afraid of flying?] Katie teased.

[No.]

"Eff, what is it?" Effy's anxiety was palpable if only because of how calm she was pretending to be. "You don't have to go."

Effy flattened her hand on the bench, then slowly began to nod. [I have to talk to Tony. Do I have time?]

[A few weeks.]

Nodding again with more purpose, Effy slipped the information sheet into her pocket. She walked round to her own side of the bench and for a few seconds she just lingered there without moving. Her expression had gone blank and pale, the Effy equivalent of having seen a ghost. A minute later, though, she had returned to relative normalcy, stood at a shelf copying the list of saliva samples she needed to concentrate antibody from. Katie sat back down at her desk, attempting and failing not to scrutinise the girl through a gap between a bottle of nuclease free water and a Qiagen brand kit. Gaze still trained on the sheet of subject identifiers, a smirk crept across her lips and she glanced up at Katie. She was bloody cute for a liar that didn't want to go to Oxford.

Katie didn't say anything to the girl about the gel, having hidden the photo beneath a stack of papers in her uppermost desk drawer. She probably didn't need to, because how much the gesture had softened her showed in the way she swore about half as much as usual as the day wore on. After having the weekend to think, Katie had mostly forgiven Effy. The gel didn't erase the lie, but Katie finally thought she understood why Effy had done it at all: to protect her. Her withdrawal guaranteed Katie wouldn't have ethical conflicts, and the lie gave them both something to hold like a shield between them. Katie tried to imagine how she might have reacted without that barrier to buffer her confusion with the promise of time. It bought Katie months to get used to the idea of _being _with Effy. Slowly. Without it she might have bolted in January, shut down completely.

Yet Katie would have wagered five hundred quid that getting Effy to actually tell her she'd plotted for her safety and waited with improbable patience would require a lot more finesse than she was capable of mustering. Communication was always going to be their Achilles heel, and it didn't have anything to do with Katie's occasionally still lacking ASL. It was down to Effy and her unwillingness to say even a reasonable fraction of the things that went through her head. So Katie guessed, and badly at that, until she was always brought up short by something Effy would say or do. Effy cared for her more than Katie was currently willing to admit, but she couldn't be permitted to lie and make choices for her, even if she thought they were in the little Fitch's best interest.

"We still need to talk," Katie said firmly to Effy while they monitored the diluted saliva dripping through the Protein A column.

[Here?] Effy signed.

That was the other problem. None of Effy's mysticism changed the underlying issue that they saw each other almost exclusively in lab or at lab functions. The distinction had been made by design at the outset of their agreement to limit the prospect of temptation, but now that was just ridiculous. Temptation was the least of her worries, wasn't it?

[Should I come by later?] Effy asked.

[No.] As upset as Katie still was with her, being alone with the girl in her flat felt like it would not end with any talking being done whatsoever.

[But I like your fire,] Effy said as though reading her mind.

She'd come to the conclusion the tension must all be manufactured, mostly the result of their affair being a forbidden one, but there they were, perfectly allowed to do as they liked and with a scant instant of signing and a glance Effy was fucking melting her. Smirking, Effy offered Katie the dropper so she could add another millilitre of citric acid buffer to the column. Katie eyed her, wondering if it would be a mistake to turn her back on her while that smirk was on the verge of becoming a smile. Effy laughed and gave Katie a wide berth, motioning to indicate that she wouldn't be interfered with, but, fuck, the look she got when Effy settled back to watch, amused and raking and unshuttered. Katie was _so_ much better at leverage than finesse; she opted for force. With a hasty scan of the lab, Katie grabbed Effy's arm and hauled her into the supply closet, pressing her into breezeblock wall.

"You're still in fucking trouble," Katie whispered, not caring if Effy could see her as she pinned her with her own body, "but you're driving me mad. You're always so close and I just want to fucking—ugh."

Katie wanted to make up for the way their last kiss had ended because she didn't like the way she just _let _that kiss happen. She should have pushed her away or kissed her back, should have done anything but stand there like a stone. So it was awkward and tentative, but she reached up for Effy's face, curling her fingers just behind the angle of the girl's jaw and rocked up onto her toes. Effy hesitated for a moment, blue eyes questioning, but Katie closed the distance, pressing her lips to Effy's so softly they might not have been touching at all. Effy froze, not daring to move until Katie kissed her again a little more insistently. Effy's only concession was a quick nip at her bottom lip, breathing heavily as she snapped back so sharply she smacked her head on the concrete. Suddenly self-conscious, Katie backed off a pace, frowning.

[It's okay,] she signed. [We don't have to.]

[That's not it at all,] Effy replied, rubbing the back of her head with a wince.

[I'm sorry. Are you okay?]

[Fine.]

Katie started to turn, but twisted back almost immediately. [Am I bad?]

Effy laughed shakily. [No.]

Drawing Effy close, Katie tried again, pleased when she finally reciprocated with barely restrained craving. Effy let Katie lead through several gentle kisses, withdrawing from her only when her fists clenched in Katie's top, clearly fighting the urge to grab her by the hips and push her up against the shelves. She tilted her chin down, eyes closed as she exhaled carefully.

"Effy," Katie said hoarsely. "Fucking kiss me, yeah?"

Effy's eyes burned as she mouthed the word "slow" reminding Katie of her stipulation.

"Then kiss me slow."

Effy did, pressing her tongue into Katie's mouth with such deliberate _aching_ slowness Katie let out a startled grunt, as though she would never be able to get enough of how good Effy tasted. Desire flowed with lava-like imprecision down her spine, setting her on fire. Pulling back a scant millimetre, Effy denied her, letting the yearning build and crest until Katie nodded lips already parted to accept Effy's tongue again. Kissing Katie hard, Effy surrendered completely, running her fingers up the backs of Katie's arms. Katie held her face, their touching intensifying dangerously as Katie dragged Effy's hand to her tit with a whimper and encouraged her to squeeze. They needed to stop, and soon, or else Katie wasn't sure if she'd be able to, because she was shaking and smouldering and she needed Effy to—

The sudden metallic clink of the cold room door shutting brought Katie back to reality, and she shot away from Effy as though electrocuted. Effy merely looked incredibly dazed for a ludicrously long time, then stared at Katie hungrily with her chest heaving. In her daydreams, Katie thought she might miss having a voice to whisper sexily in her ear, but the look Effy gave her was far fucking superior. Katie would have yielded to her right there if she'd wanted it, which her brain assured her was really not a good idea. With some difficulty, Katie glanced away and crept to the door. She listened but there were no other noises aside from the combined hiss of their winded breathing. When she turned back, Effy was standing resolutely in the corner, arms crossed. Katie faltered, afraid she'd done the wrong thing, but Effy smirked.

[Go,] Effy signed.

It was just a sign, a single word in English, and yet Katie still felt it in the pit of her belly because she knew there was an unsigned "otherwise" that accompanied it. Otherwise, she was going to slip her fingers into Katie's pants and softly stroke her clit she begged for Effy to break her. Katie moaned without meaning to at the resulting throb, realising she was fucking _wet_. Much too wet for thirty seconds of snogging with Effy's hands (mostly) resting chastely on harmless parts of her anatomy. She wasn't supposed to want Effy that much, not yet, and Effy knew it, in that way she had of knowing how to unravel Katie in single strands.

[Soon?] Effy taunted with a raised eyebrow.

Katie took a deep breath as she nodded, groping for the handle and opening the door a crack.

[Visit me Saturday. We'll talk.]

"Talk?" Katie said in a strangled voice, not sure if she wanted to still actually talk to Effy or just fuck her, preferably repeatedly.

Effy smiled. [Talk.]

"Okay."

[Soon, tiger.]

[Very soon,] Katie replied with trembling hands.

As much as she wanted to, she didn't dare kiss Effy again, stumbling backward out into the lab. That was how Katie ended up stood outside the 17th Avenue residence hall at 1300 in the afternoon the following Saturday. It was bright out, all blue sky and sunshine glinting off fucking everything, the snow, the glass, the passing cars. The wind was surprisingly calm, so the wait was at least bearable, though as Katie watched the students come and go she started to feel a bit like someone's mum, far too old to be skulking around on the steps of university housing. She started to mull about her age difference with Effy again, but that too left her when Effy came down to let her into the building. In its place, a new panic took her. What the fuck was the proper etiquette? Were she and Effy like, a couple now? Should Katie hug her? Was a kiss too forward? As Effy held the door, Katie went for a brisk handshake, moving past her into the entryway afterward, slapping her forehead with her palm.

Jesus fucking Christ, it was like she was losing all of her social skills by reverse osmosis, the awkward as fuck scientists around her sucking away her ability to do something even vaguely appropriate to a girl who'd just about snogged her face off less than five days previous. And it wasn't like she hadn't seen Effy; she had, there just hadn't been any more amorous interludes in supply cupboards because having your first fuck with someone you care about as a quick shag surrounded by dangerous chemicals was well outside Katie's grown-up standards. Instead, they had teased each other, mercilessly. Apparently Effy liked her breasts, especially in shirts with buttons, and all it took was a little extra cleavage for Effy to utterly lose track of just about everything, including her signs midsentence. In turn, Effy had figured out that Katie felt similarly about her neck and shoulders, and could be induced, almost involuntarily, to kiss or touch her there with very little persuasion other than having the skin bare.

And yet, on their first meeting outside of lab, Katie opted for the handshake when she could have given Effy a real kiss. Up in her room then. Fuck she hoped Pandora was somewhere far, far away and would stay there for the foreseeable future. Dorm rooms were also not high on her list of good places for introductory sex, especially since she'd bloody well think of Pandora while they were inside. With a mild grimace, Katie followed Effy up to her floor, noting the girl's bare feet and how slender her legs were clad in black tights, disappearing beneath an extremely modest skirt for Effy. When they got to Effy's room, though, she walked right by it, leaving Katie nonplussed and holding onto the doorframe in a slightly desperate way. Glancing over her shoulder, Effy smirked.

"Yes?" she mouthed.

"We're not…" Katie waved her hand at the door.

Effy shook her head.

"Why not?"

[We need to talk.]

"Oh."

Grinning, Effy went back to her, and with none of Katie's earlier clumsiness, wrapped her arms around Katie's waist to hold her. Not exactly what Katie had been angling to achieve, but just as she bounced up to mash her mouth against Effy's they were interrupted.

"Hi, Effy," someone said carelessly as they went by, evidently habituated to seeing random folk embracing in hallways.

Effy gave a jerk of her head in greeting, focused on Katie as the woman's eyes widened and she craned her neck to look nervously at the stranger's back as he vanished into the stairwell. Put off by how nonchalantly the boy had treated the encounter, Katie pushed Effy far enough away to sign to her.

[People see you kissing girls often?] Katie asked.

Effy rolled her eyes and that was all the dignity she granted that question. Threading her fingers with Katie's, Effy led her to the southwest corner of the res hall, a common room with two full walls of windows, bright with midday sun. The furniture was definitely of an industrial standard, including two tables with chairs and a pair of sofas facing one another. Below, the street crossing where Katie had broken her arm lay, pavement salt streaked and solid. Pandora was situated at one of the tables, one knee tucked beneath her chin as she read out of a massive textbook. Whatever Effy had in mind, it was going to be fucking supervised, which struck Katie as simultaneously odd and appropriate because they weren't going to have any privacy to "talk" as Effy kept insisting or to "talk" like Katie secretly wished.

[I hate math,] Pandora signed to Effy without looking up. Then she noticed Katie was with her and smiled hopefully. "Katie, what do you know about calculus?"

"Very little," Katie replied suppressing a shudder. "Maths was never my strong suit."

Feeling a morbid curiosity, however, Katie went to Pandora's side and looked at the series of examples on the page. She shook her head.

"I'm not going to be much use to you," Katie affirmed.

"That's okay. This class is awful." She slumped glumly before turning back with a more cheerful expression. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you. You're a woman in science, right?"

Katie battled with her natural tendency to scoff back some sarcastic remark, settling for a simple, "Yes."

"I'm on the student council for career development and we're looking for people to come speak to the graduating seniors about professions. Would you mind coming to say something about grad school, or maybe about Fitch?"

Katie frowned. "I don't know, Panda. Not sure I'd exactly steer anyone down this street if you know what I mean."

"You don't like research?"

"No, it's not that, I just…I'm not sure. Can I get back to you?"

"Sure. No problem."

Meanwhile, Effy had gone to sit on one of the sofas, long legs crossed beneath her. She was leaning against the arm rather than the back, a MacBook that belonged to someone open beside her with some sort of animated film flashing by captioned in blocky yellow text. Shooting a guarded look at Pandora, Katie joined her. How the fuck were they supposed to do anything but stare at each other with Pandora keeping vigil nearby? It would be one thing if Pandora couldn't sign, but she was better at it than Katie was effectively ruling it out as a method of idea exchange.

[What are you watching?] Katie asked.

Effy glanced at the computer like she'd forgotten about it, turning on the sound for Katie's benefit. An archer was riding across a field and several soldiers were shouting instructions. The first thing Katie noticed was how poorly the film was captioned. Only about half of the spoken dialogue was reflected in the text with several small quips missing entirely, robbing the scenes of their light humour.

"These captions are shit," Katie said irascibly, offended on Effy's behalf.

[If the movie is good, you don't need the words,] signed Effy.

[How do you understand what's happening?]

[You watch.]

Effy clicked her way through a mini-menu, silencing the MacBook and doing away with the captions as well. Scowling sceptically, Katie spent the next five minutes going along with Effy's demonstration. The archer's horse was wounded, and as he swung down off the animal's back to examine the slash mark on his flank it was obvious he cared for the horse. The fight continued, the enemy general sitting cosseted and out of the line of fire at the back of the field.

[This is all action,] Katie complained.

[Does it matter if he says he loves his horse if he kills him?]

[Maybe he has to.]

[Then he loves something else more. Apologies and promises are meaningless.]

[So you don't believe apologies and promises.]

Effy shrugged. [I didn't say that.]

Without the speech to distract her, Katie found she was more acutely aware of the nuances of the character movements, the distances between them and the changes in the angle of a smile. They were finely done for being drawn, and Katie felt she finally had an inkling of Effy's fine perception, how she was able to see things that no one else saw.

[Is this how you see everything?] Katie signed.

[I don't see everything.]

[When you make assumptions, sometimes you're wrong.]

[I know.]

[Maybe the horse _wants_ to help him. It's not fair to take away the choice.]

[Isn't it?]

Katie growled in frustration. "You can't go through life subsisting on the gist of things! You have to respect what I want."

Cringing in the wake of her outburst, Katie muttered a quick "sorry" to Pandora who was still revising. So Effy wanted her to show rather than tell, and not physically, because she had consciously precluded what could have been a heated tryst, which Katie had all but broadcasted she wanted earlier. Effy was asking for something else, perhaps for Katie to prove she was just as invested. Arranging herself in the corner of the sofa, Katie sat with Effy watching the rest of the mute, uncaptioned film, feeling a little closer to something, especially when Effy shifted down the sofa and wedged the fingers of her left hand beneath her knee. When Katie left, Effy parted from her at the head of the stairs, a slow trace of fingertips along her left hip the last sensual memento of her time in Effy's res hall.

Thus why it hadn't been what Jen was no doubt thinking.

"It wasn't a fucking date," Katie repeated vehemently to Jen on Monday.

Katie didn't need the look that passed over Jen's features to know that Effy had entered the clinic, and was visible down the corridor of exam rooms. She could feel Effy without turning, and her slinking panther's stalk as she made her way down to the table. Having chosen her position strategically, Katie thought Effy would immediately go to sit at the head of the table instead of the middle where she was stationed. But Effy didn't. She touched Katie on the shoulder, and Katie automatically lifted her face to the girl. The way Effy looked at her made her, for one insane second, forget where she was. There were literally dozens of times she could have done it, and yet she hadn't kissed Effy properly in nearly a week and she was starting to go slightly mad with the want of it.

"Katie," Jen said pointedly from somewhere extremely far away.

"What?" Katie replied absently, eyes still trained on Effy's lips.

"Get a grip, will you?"

Katie snapped back to reality, not catching Effy's pleased smirk and the quick greeting she signed to Pandora, who had been watching the proceedings with an air of frank bemusement. Then Effy left her, to take her place, and Katie couldn't have been more relieved she didn't have to resist the urge not to touch Effy under the table for however long it took Doug to make his announcement. She probably could have done it with the very real possibility of embarrassing herself professionally, but it didn't stop Effy from distracting her by just existing in the same room. It wasn't really her fault when she missed what had been so important to prompt an emergency meeting on Monday morning.

"—going to go?" she heard Jen say.

"I'm still trying to find us other accommodation," said Doug, "but I can't fight the university hospital. They're a much bigger entity than we are. Even if we don't have a confirmed new location we'll need to have the clinic vacated by the end of the week."

"Nice of them to give us so much warning."

"Now, don't worry. I'm sure things will be fine."

They were losing the clinic temporarily, which to Katie's vaccine trial oriented sensibilities should have felt like a blow, but Effy caught her eye and gave her a small, reassuring smile. A smile that Katie couldn't help returning.


	25. Chapter 22: Cytokine Storm

**Chapter 22**

**Cytokine Storm: **An illness caused by rapid release of inflammatory molecules

After attending one pathetic attempt by Doug to argue with his departmental taskmasters, Katie claimed mission to have them allotted a new set of appropriate rooms for her own. Effy had not chosen a variant on tiger as Katie's name sign because she was just that whimsical. Katie showed how appropriate it was over the next few days, for the first time, digging in and throwing around her metaphorical weight as she fought for Doug and the research group over the loss of the clinic space. Not only were the building managers fucking with their ongoing study, they were hurting the preparations for the vaccine trial and Katie did not have the time or patience to play games with them. In less than an hour she'd secured them newly renovated facilities on the thirteenth floor. Katie strode into lab with a thoroughly impressed looking Doug, lugging along his case.

"Katie, you have outdone yourself yet again," he said gratefully. "I don't know how you did it."

"I reminded them the university has a share of the vaccine profits," Katie said acidly, shrugging out of her jacket. "No trial means no money."

Across the lab, a pair of blue eyes drew Katie's attention, and it was Katie's turn to finally smirk at the look on Effy's face. She'd stopped in the middle of pipetting to ogle the open collar of Katie's top.

"Will you herd everyone down to the clinic to help with the moving tomorrow morning?" Doug said.

"We'll be there," Katie replied, already moving toward Effy.

"Wonderful. Thank you!"

As Doug departed, Katie rounded the end of the bench and strutted up to Effy with single-minded intent. She was still angry and the remaining epinephrine from her confrontation was making her reckless, but she'd given Effy plenty of chances to make a move. Leaning over the bench, Katie rested on her elbows which had the general effect of beautifully displaying her tits.

[What are you doing?] she signed.

Effy completely missed the tube she was trying to dispense reagent into, gaze focused on Katie. Seeming to casually inspect Effy's work, Katie toyed with the top button of her shirt before slowly and deliberately slipping it from its hole. Effy actually wet her lips as she watched, the hint of red lace reflected in her perilously darkening eyes. Katie arched her back slightly, looking up at Effy innocently, but sudden images of Effy licking a hot, messy line between her breasts made her give up the pretence entirely.

"Come home with me tonight," Katie said urgently, tugging at Effy's trousers.

Still staring at Katie's cleavage, Effy didn't respond.

[Come home with me.]

[I can't tonight.]

Katie scowled. [W-T-F are you doing that's so important?]

With fingers that looked a lot steadier than Katie suspected she felt, Effy regretfully rebuttoned Katie's top. [Work.]

[Can't it wait?]

Effy shook her head. [No.]

[Tomorrow?]

Smirking, Effy arched an eyebrow. [Are we planning it now?]

"Well, spontaneity doesn't seem to be fucking working, does it?"

[It's supposed to snow tomorrow.]

[And?]

Effy smiled. [Eager.]

"It doesn't have to be like, sexual, if you don't want it to be." Katie ran an uncertain hand down Effy's back. "I've just missed seeing you outside of this bloody place."

[Is that why we haven't kissed again?]

Glaring at her, Katie crossed her arms. "You ask the dumbest questions. It's your fuck—"

Katie bit back the rest of her sentence as someone from another lab came in to borrow a bit of acetic acid. As Katie went to make sure that's all he took, she signed quickly to Effy, [Remember, come straight to clinic tomorrow morning.]

Jesus, Katie was starting to think Effy _hadn't_ spent months trying to win her over, and it had all been a figment of her overactive imagination.

+o+o

"I miss chlorophyll," Pandora said wistfully. "Leaves…grass…algae…"

"Might could do without the algae," Katie answered.

"It's an important part of the ecosystem. Think of all the aquatic animals you'd kill with no algae."

"That's why there's sodding ecologists to worry about who eats what."

To be honest, Katie was starting to miss chlorophyll as well, because aside from a few courageous coniferous trees, Minneapolis had been stark dead of colour. A bit of pavement every now and again, then everything else swathed in white. They were standing at the window in the new clinic, which commanded a sweeping view of the Mississippi River and the easternmost part of the university. Aside from downtown, Minneapolis had little skyscraper-esque verticality to speak of, which made it sort of like the greater London area in that respect; _most_ of the really tall buildings clustered together, although that great big glass pyramid Katie could never remember the name of on the south bank was the most obvious British outlier to the trend. Except in addition to Minneapolis' urban sprawl there were plainly observable silos dotting the skyline, like if a child had taken a country rail yard and dotted its trappings in amongst the cityscape.

They'd spent most of the morning moving small things, boxes of supplies and the like, while Doug directed the workmen sent to transport the larger equipment such as the mounds of paper records and blood drawing tables. Unfortunately, he did poorly at this job since he never actually did anything in the clinic, leaving the nurses to scramble behind him correcting his mistakes. The forced move was a winning situation, really, because it finally looked like a proper clinic and not at all the disused A&E they had previously occupied. There was a genuine reception area, three exam rooms, a processing bench and the meeting table, all surrounded by _windows_. Granted, she and Jen were still locked away in the basement, but it was pleasant to live vicariously through the upstairs staff by looking out their window for a few minutes. What she was not expecting was for a warm shoulder to press against her own and a tousled brunette to join them. She couldn't stop the stupid smile that pulled at the corner of her mouth because she'd meant it when she said she just missed seeing Effy outside of lab. Effy looked tired, but she smiled readily as Katie touched the back of her hand.

[Not snowing yet,] Effy commented, and Katie knew her well enough to catch what she meant without completely seeing all of the signs.

[It's supposed to be a blizzard,] signed Pandora.

[You should go home soon,] Effy told Katie.

Katie glanced up at her, asking with her eyes what she couldn't ask aloud with Pandora standing beside them. Effy made a great show of thinking about it before shrugging laconically. Slapping her arm was the best Katie could do since pouncing on her to change her mind was not an acceptable behaviour from a work colleague.

"Hey, we're not paying you to look pretty over there," Jen's winded complaint rang out.

"_You're_ not paying us at all," Katie said.

"Faster we get done, faster we can escape the snowpacalypse."

Katie turned from other girls, not seeing the first snowflakes that eddied in the wind past the thirteenth floor.

+o+o

In a cruel twist of fate, Katie was in the basement when Doug sent everyone home to make sure they weren't stranded for the rest of the night. So when Katie came up to find the clinic dark and she the only fool left hanging about, she was understandably upset. The only fool besides, naturally, Effy who perched on the end of the long table with her legs crossed. She was nothing more than a dark silhouette from where Katie studied her from the waiting room, the snow falling in a virtually impenetrable curtain beyond her, blotting out everything for miles.

"Fuck," Katie muttered, approaching the window.

There was no way in hell she'd be able to make it back to her flat in those conditions.

[Why didn't you come get me?] Katie asked Effy, gesturing at the howling storm.

Effy shrugged. [It's beautiful.]

[Were you waiting for me?]

[I thought you should see it.]

All she could truly make out was the patterns the air currents took around the building, compelling the snow to sweep up and then down against the panes. The snow seemed different from their vantage point, as though they were planted in the centre of a furiously shaken snow globe, enveloped by glass and sinking glitter. The world was lush and blank, full of possibility. Effy hopped down from the table, pressing close to Katie from behind and nudging her nose against Katie's ear. The girl didn't often touch her, though if that tendency was a constant trait or merely symptomatic, Katie didn't know. She revelled in the girl's affection, holding very still. She could feel the steady cadence of Effy's breathing against her back, the caress of a thumb down the curve of her waist. In her sudden pursuit of carnality, she hadn't paused to consider if things could be quiet like this as well. The swell of emotion made her turn in Effy's arms and kiss her, sensual and deep and unhurried, sneaking her fingers beneath Effy's top to hold her as near as she could. When Effy pulled back her smile was so slow Katie thought it might not ever manifest, content to flirt furtively at the edges of her mouth.

[Sweet,] Effy signed.

"You really quit," Katie blurted.

[What?]

[You quit smoking.]

Katie blushed, the unadulterated taste of Effy's kiss lingering on her lips in attestation to that fact. Nodding, Effy glanced apprehensively at the window.

"Are we fucking trapped in here?" Katie said anxiously.

Effy laughed, holding out her hand for Katie to take. By Effy's estimation, they should be able to make it to her res hall, a place with food and beds, without too much difficulty so long as Katie stayed near; something Effy was fairly certain she wouldn't be able to prevent in any case the way Katie kept leaning into her and running her fingertips over every bit of skin she could find. The only thing that parted them was the collection of their coats. It turned out the escape was something of an adventure, because the view from the thirteenth floor didn't at all lend the impression the visibility was not more than ten metres. Effy's eyebrows shot up as she angled her head to look up at street level from the mouth of the tunnel, casting a wry smile at Katie.

"Are you fucking mental?" Katie spluttered. "You want us to go out in _that_?"

Effy frowned. [We'll be fine.]

[I hope you know what you're doing.]

Even with the gale that whipped down between the buildings, it was relatively warm for February. The snow should have been evidence enough since it didn't snow if it was truly frigidly cold. Their main enemy was the blowing snow that blinded them whenever they weren't lucky enough to move in the lee of some wind block. By the time they reached 17th Avenue Effy looked like she'd just had the time of her life, grinning at Katie who angrily tried to flip Effy off but the effect was ruined by the mitten she was wearing. Helping divest Katie of her coat, Effy shook some of the snow off the pair of them before heading up to her room. Katie snuck her another stealthy kiss as Effy simultaneously tried to get her key in the lock, which of course resulted in more kissing than unlocking.

All was well until they were both in the room and Katie realised with a start that they were alone. She'd fully anticipated Pandora to be there with them, not an empty dormitory room lit by what little sunlight filtered through the clouds and snow. For the first time, she felt nervous and she didn't know why because wasn't this what she wanted? A bit of time one on one with Effy? She pulled off her boots and waited by the door like a house guest that didn't want to be invited in. Effy was roughly combing her fingers through her hair, trying to shuck some of the melting snow from it.

[Where's Panda?] Katie asked.

[With Thomas,] Effy replied.

[Who's Thomas?]

[Her boyfriend.]

Well, that was a new piece of information. [Panda has a boyfriend?]

Sat down on the edge of her bed, Effy shrugged.

"Right." Katie fidgeted, still looking like she might make a run for it.

[You can come in you know.]

Cringing slightly, Katie took a few tentative steps into the room. She noticed a few things she hadn't seen on her original visit. Effy's sheets were grey, rumpled on her unmade bed. A small stuffed giraffe peeked from a shelf in Effy's wardrobe. Her leather jacket was flung carelessly over a rung on the foot of the bunks. Smiling, Katie turned on the spot. That was when Effy stood back up, reminding Katie the room was really quite small because they were very close. Effy was abruptly incredibly real and immediate. Their eyes met and all Katie could do was press her palm to the flat of Effy's belly, fingers closing around her top as the trickle of want washed away her awkwardness. And then Effy kissed her, not sweet and gentle as she'd done up in the clinic, but hard like she'd been holding it at bay for far too long. Katie wrapped her arms around Effy's neck, opening her mouth almost at once to let Effy in. The insistent sweep of Effy's tongue against her own made her snatch at Effy's shoulders until Effy half lifted her onto her desk in a surprising show of strength so that she wouldn't buckle.

A soft bite below the angle of her jaw then a kiss to soothe it, as the girl slowly popped the uppermost buttons on Katie's shirt from their holes, flexing her fingers to graze over Katie's breasts and descend between them. Katie threw her head back, desperate to feel Effy's mouth on her, and she smirked as she laid a kiss on Katie's chest, then two, finally brushing a fingertip over a lace-covered nipple. Katie moaned, already aching for Effy to fill her. How could she be so fucking ready? This wasn't how she had imagined it; there were too many clothes and Effy was too far away, but she couldn't wait, literally shaking with how badly she wanted Effy to touch her. Katie pulled on Effy's hand, kissing her hungrily as she forced it down between them.

[Impatient,] Effy signed, trying to step away.

"Please, touch me," Katie implored

Effy smiled, intentionally pushing the heel of her hand against the seam of Katie's trousers until Katie ground into it with a groan of longing.

"Wet," she mouthed, watching with dark eyes.

Then she kissed Katie's forehead, stroking Katie's hair until she relaxed.

[We have time, Katie. Tell me where to go.]

How could Katie keep Effy as near as she needed and sign to her at the same time? Was she meant to tell her only with the begging in her eyes? She needn't have worried though; she was with Effy and her solution was elegant as always.

[Put my hands where you want them. I'll learn.]

Katie dragged their linked hands up the outside of her thighs, until Effy could feel the waistband of her trousers. Nodding vigorously at the question in Effy's eyes, Katie helped her with the button and zip, canting her hips so that Effy could drag them down with her pants. Effy kissed her hip as she moved to stand between her knees a moment later, letting Katie pull off her top and slide her hands over ribs and shoulders as she claimed Effy's mouth again. With fewer clothes she smelled even more intensely like _Effy_, whatever heady mix of soap and skin and pheromones made up that scent Katie had become utterly addicted to.

Effy had told her to lead, so she did, burying her face in Effy's neck as she shyly took the girl's hand and guided it between her legs, pressing Effy's fingers immediately to her swollen clit. She was so sensitive she jerked away at the first touch, before settling with a breathy moan. A slow swirl, dipping down to gather some of her dripping wetness, and then back up stroking her so softly Katie's eyelids flickered. Effy kissed her gently.

"Look at me," she mouthed, taking Katie's face in her free hand.

Struggling, Katie forced her eyes open, clinging to Effy's wrists and writhing beneath her touch. It was simultaneously too light and too much, Effy's restraint threatening to break her.

"_Effy_," Katie pleaded, trying to kiss her again.

Effy just held her gaze, fingertips brushing over her painfully responsive flesh.

"Please, Effy!"

"Shh."

Katie took a sobbing breath of air, rocking against the pressure of Effy's hand. Effy felt _so_ fucking good, rubbing her throbbing clit in increasingly firm, lazy passes. That's when Katie realised with sudden dead certainty that in spite of Effy's impossibly slow circling she was going to come. She was going to come for Effy, ridiculously fast, staring into her fathomless blue eyes.

"Effy," she warned too late, cunt already tight. "Effy, I'm—"

And she came, _hard_, gaze locked with Effy's as she panted and shuddered, crying out so loudly as the climax took her that even Effy thought to quiet her. Effy eased her down with gentle brushes of her fingers, finally gifting her with a kiss so tender it broke her all over again. Collapsing, she let Effy hold her, her damp hand cooling complacently on Katie's thigh. Effy practically gleamed with predatory satisfaction, her smile small and genuine. But it wasn't enough, not nearly enough, Katie needed her and the girl knew it, slipped her fingers down and _in_, holding Katie as she bit down on her shoulder to keep from swearing repeatedly in vehement approval with each thrust.

Effy's palm slid up her spine, resting over her left shoulder blade like it was protecting her heart. Why she chose that spot, Katie had no idea, not when the other hand was moving inside her with such perfect rhythm, seeming to know what she liked and how to give her more of it. Katie didn't know it, wouldn't know it for days, but Effy was learning in her way, because she could feel the fine vibration of Katie's moaning there, weaving that bit of knowledge into her other sensory stimulus: the dig of Katie's short nails in her back, the hot exhale of their mingled breathing, the understated flutter of her inner muscles as Effy fucked her as gently as she could force herself to go.

She was already close again, Effy could feel it, knew it would only take a few deliberate strokes of her clit to shatter her completely. That could wait though, because she was wet and gripping inside, and Effy was losing herself, as much as she didn't want to, losing herself to having Katie like this with her legs wrapped around her hips, Katie's teeth stinging as she kissed and nipped to muffle her whimpers. She was so beautiful and dangerous, so beautiful Effy had to close her eyes. Her world reduced to the scent of Katie's want, the softness of her skin, and Effy pressed her fingers to that spot that made Katie jump and moan her name, finally shifting her thumb to end it. When Katie came the second time, she bowed off the desk, gripping Effy's fingers in a wave of helpless contractions, clutching at Effy and trembling until the orgasm shook her and shook her and subsided. Effy just stood with her, every bit as breathless and unsteady.

Katie was saying something, the reverberation of her speech apparent in the air rushing in and out of Effy's lungs, but it didn't matter. Katie kissed her neck and recovered. Her fingers drifted down, touching the wetness pooled in Effy's hand. As Effy opened her eyes again, she found Katie looking up at her almost in awe, reverently cradling her face while she tentatively explored the place they were joined, where Effy still lay inside her feeling the subtle lingering quiver of Katie's orgasm, her pulse hot and rapid.

"You're so fucking…" Katie whispered, incapable of finding a word strong enough or deep enough for what she wanted to convey. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Effy kissed her, finally slipping out, and wiping her fingers on the back of her trousers so she could embrace Katie properly. It was hold her or run, adhere to her in the aftermath or fuck off. She didn't know how to do anything else. So when Katie grabbed her, determined to reciprocate, how could she know it was the wrong thing? Because this was the bit Katie was unsure of, and she didn't _look_, didn't see Effy. In principle, she knew what to do, her knowledge helped along by a textual education and her imagination, but the act still frightened her because it wasn't like she had any fucking practise at it. What if she was rubbish? What if Effy was disappointed in her performance? Katie did what she usually did when frightened, tried to deflect with bravado. She kissed at Effy's chest, not knowing if it was right or not, roughly palming her tit through her bra. A little noise of discomfort from Effy let Katie know she'd been too aggressive and she sat upright with a slightly sheepish expression. Amused blue eyes looked down at her, along with an indulgent smirk.

[Do you want me?] Effy asked.

"Yes," Katie said.

Effy shook her head, pressing her tongue into Katie's mouth again. She kissed Katie until it was easier, but Katie's reluctance stayed her hands. Effy broke from her, rolling her eyes and taking just long enough to strip off her bra as well. She watched with a smile as Katie stared at her breasts, fascinated and uncertain but then lifting her hand and enfolding one much more gently than she had before. It was warm and soft, and Katie enjoyed the weight of it. She had just begun to calm down when Effy let out a soft hiss, and Katie released her as though burned.

"Fuck," Katie apologised, "I'm so sorry. I'm fucking this up. I—"

Fingertips on her lips silenced her, and Effy attempted to take her hand again to replace it where it had been teasing the underside of her erect nipple, but Katie, now thoroughly gun-shy, refused.

[You don't have to prove anything to me,] Effy said, frustrated.

[I'm not trying to.]

[Yes, you are.]

"I'm sorry, I'm such a fucking twat. I don't know what I'm doing."

Effy turned away from her, retrieving her own top and Katie's knickers from the carpet. Taking her sodden underpants, Katie clambered back into them with a wince like Effy was going to throw her into the hall in her state of dishabille.

[I'll go,] said Katie, panicking.

[Don't be fucking stupid.] Effy almost never swore in ASL, and the sign chastened her. [Go lie down.]

Pointing at the bottom bunk, Effy inclined her head until Katie obeyed. Effy tossed her top into her laundry, and slowly worked her way out of her tight fitting trousers, finally sliding with Katie beneath the duvet. She was gorgeous and nearly naked and that much more terrifying for how patiently she cuddled against Katie, giving her free reign of her body for as much or as little as Katie wanted to have a go at. To Katie's interminable shame, she just took comfort in Effy's arms, twining their legs together and kissing her timidly until the girl's warmth lulled her to sleep.

+o+o

When she woke again, it was dark and she was on her own, the section of the narrow mattress Effy had occupied empty and cool. It wasn't the first time Katie had roused to find last night's partner gone, though it had never happened to her in a bed that wasn't her own. She stirred, glancing up to find Effy in one of her long shirts again, leaning against the wall on the same desk where they'd fucked. A thick blackout curtain obscured most of the light from the street, but a thin strip lit Effy's face where she looked unseeing out the window. Katie sat up, realising she had at some point lost her bra, and was wearing only her half buttoned top and her pants, hair wild and mussed.

[It stopped snowing,] Effy signed. [You can go if you want to.]

The Effy who had been so…everything had left, as she did sometimes. Katie rose from the bunk, and crossed the tiny floor, aware of how outlandishly _fucked_ she looked; because of Effy, because Effy had loved her, for want of a better term. If Effy's silence wounded them, then Katie's fear did the same.

[You can go, Katie,] Effy repeated.

[I don't want to.]

[I get it. You don't have to prove anything.]

[Don't I? Don't I have everything to prove to you?]

[Go.]

Katie shook her head, climbing up to straddle Effy's lap. She smelled like stale tobacco, acrid and smoky. Katie didn't have to kiss her to know she'd taste like it, too, the nicotine infusing her soft tissues. For whatever reason, she'd gone and had a fag, and Katie found she didn't like it but didn't blame her.

[I shouldn't have tried to change you,] Katie said, touching her chin.

[You didn't.]

[How can I tell you how much I want you? You were so beautiful last night. So beautiful it _hurt_. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do that for you. I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough.] She'd been running Effy down, trying to catch her like she was scared she'd lose her nerve. [Come lie with me. Please.]

When Katie kissed her, she was kissing the other Effy, the dark doppelganger to her labmate, her friend, and her lover. She couldn't separate them, so she didn't try, but as Katie deepened the kiss and slipped her tongue past Effy's lips she felt her Effy coming back to her. They slid off the desk together, Katie stripping Effy of her top again, and doing what she'd acutely wanted to do the first time Effy had stood with her tits exposed and ready. She ran the flat of her tongue over Effy's nipple, and Effy moaned, _out loud_, like she couldn't help it, grunting softly as Katie engulfed it and sucked. Holding her head, Effy watched with wide blue eyes until Katie couldn't resist her mouth again.

Hands were everywhere, Katie's shirt laid open with a popping of several of the buttons and off her in a trice. Their bare breasts pushed together as Katie pressed Effy down into the mattress and kissed feverishly at her pulse point. It happened more by accident than by design, when Katie's bent knee skimmed the soaked fabric of Effy's pants, but the way Effy's hips rolled up demanding more contact let Katie know aroused Effy was for her, and had probably been for all the hours since Katie had come around her fingers. She wanted Effy to come like that, to have that kind of unbridled release under her hands. Licking her way down the girl's belly, Katie pulled down her knickers, groaning when she saw exactly how wet Effy was.

"I can smell you," Katie growled, able to feel the heat radiating from her centre.

It was as she shifted back up that she touched Effy's pussy. For a tiny moment, she strained uncertain if she'd found Effy's clit or not she was so fucking slick, but Effy's hand helpfully moved over her own, showing her what to do until Katie was pleasuring her on her own and a desperate moan erupted from them both. Katie was the one touching Effy, the one looking down at Effy's parted lips and hooded eyes, but she felt like she was the one coming undone, skin to skin with Effy Stonem. Pressing lower and deeper, until an upward jerk of Effy's hips seated her inside, filling Effy's inexorable wetness and Effy's fingers snaked down impatiently to keep pressure on her clit. After only a few strokes she felt a tremor in Effy's cunt, not experienced enough to know what it predicted as Effy stiffened beneath her. Eyes squeezing shut, Effy's cry was just shy of a scream, teased by her denial to such a state of readiness she couldn't stop the orgasm that rocked her. Clenching and gasping, Effy came, and came again, Katie watching her with unguarded amazement as the pleasure crested and ebbed, Effy hanging on like she might drown.

Katie didn't say anything after; she didn't have to. All her words were distilled in a kiss, that she gave to Effy once her breathing had slowed and her eyes had opened; it was better than an apology and more than a promise. Her wet hand lay on Effy's chest where she could feel her heartbeat, the bridge of Effy's nose nuzzled against her throat. She hadn't finished Effy on her own, and it hurt her pride, but she would be better the next time. God, the next time; she would as Effy said, learn. Effy's fingertips were drawing random patterns in the small of her back, fingers slowing and stilling, becoming more erratic as she fell asleep in Katie's arms. If this was how Effy spoke, then she wanted to listen, possibly for the rest of her life.


	26. Chapter 23: Flow

**A/N:** Now I've lost everyone by consummating their relationship, a few notes... **1.** Another huge thank you to all you readers and reviewers, especially the guest reviewers I can't respond to individually. I hope I'm doing justice to KFF and Effy. **2.** Those of you hoping for an SCW update, I have to confess I've discovered I can't write both at the same time; the tones are just too hard to keep transitioning through. I promise I will get back to it when COI is finished. I am fighting off a plot idea for a fantasy themed Naomily/Keffy fic as well, but that's for months from now. **3.** I've not seen Orphan Black but apparently I'd be strangely appropriate at writing canon fanfic for it...?

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Flow: **A slangy immunologist term for assessing cell types by flow cytometry

She'd been awake for about an hour, studying a painting on the back of the wardrobe door. It was simple, with three colours, blue, black, and white, and depicted a bizarre scene. Audrey Hepburn in her evening gown and long gloves ala Breakfast at Tiffany's, only she was being attacked by a striped cat, her cigarette holder knocked from her hand by a flailing paw. It was helpfully captioned in the corner _The Mauling of Audrey Hepburn_. Comprising all one of Effy's wall hangings, Katie knew it was hers without being told, an outcast among the vibrancy and youthful assorted mess from Pandora. Aside from the disturbing painting, Katie started to count the other things wrong with her situation.

It was nine on a Friday morning and she was ostensibly late for work. Luckily Doug didn't really monitor her in that capacity, but Jen would probably take one look at her and take the piss for the weeks to come. She was also completely dishevelled, which could be remedied with a bath and a change of clothes if she had any idea where to find a shower. The main problem, though, was lying next to her, sleeping while Katie lazily combed her fingers through long wavy hair. She was in a hell of a compromising position, sort of amazed they both fit on the single mattress of the battered dorm bunk bed, the problem being an American uni student, a _girl_ who was gorgeously naked and smelled like sex. And it was nothing short of fucking magical.

As it happened, the problem was beginning to wake, yawning so cutely it ought to have been illegal. She rubbed her face against Katie's collarbone with every appearance of curling up to go back to sleep when she seemed to realise there was another person sharing her bed. She peered up at Katie with a mildly startled expression, blue eyes scrunched in a disbelieving squint. Sitting up abruptly, she would have whacked her head on the low underside of the upper bunk if Katie hadn't the presence of mind to thrust her hand between Effy and the slat. She looked at Katie hard, like she thought Katie might evaporate.

[You're here,] she signed.

"Am I meant to be somewhere else?" Katie asked, noting how Effy seemed surprised she was there at all rather than still there from the day before.

Effy just stared at her, balling herself in the corner so they weren't touching. Her strangeness was starting to be unnerving.

"I've been waiting for you to wake up for ages," Katie said gruffly. "There's got to be a bloody toilet somewhere in this building, hasn't there?"

Effy nodded. [Around the corner.]

[Great.]

Katie remembered what it was like to share toilet facilities with other people from her own time in residence halls, but it felt very weird to have to find her discarded, wrinkled clothes and throw them back on to take a trip to the loo. As she stepped out into the hall barefoot and with her shirt askew due to its missing buttons, she was suddenly reminded of that Harvey Nichols advert about the walk of shame, because she certainly fucking looked the part. Two girls on their way to class passed her, and she flinched, unwilling to make eye contact. If she'd looked, she would have quickly discerned that nobody cared; they saw much worse things day in day out than twenty-five year old grad students emerging with yesterday's outfit and outrageous sex hair. She'd probably have gotten a congratulatory high five if she were the type to try. When she returned, the girl was standing in the middle of the room, no longer naked but noticeably curious.

[Are you okay?] Katie signed.

[You're here,] Effy repeated.

"Yeah, I thought we established that already."

Effy frowned and then shook her head.

[What's wrong?]

[I don't know what to do with you.]

That struck Katie as an odd sentiment to share, especially as Effy didn't have any pants on and didn't seem very shy about it. [Do you want me to leave?]

[No! I—] Effy vacillated, not positive how to explain. [You're the first.]

Katie's jaw dropped. [What do you mean I'm the first?] she demanded.

[You're the first I've wanted to stay.]

Effy didn't _do_ the morning after. The most she usually offered was a glass of water as she turfed out her latest conquest, or fucked off before the poor sod could stop her. She didn't know what to do with Katie. She was never meant to _want_ to stay, was she? Katie went to her and looked into Effy's face. For several seconds she stood there, finally taking her turn to frown when Effy didn't so much as smirk.

[Don't you have lab?] Effy asked.

[Shouldn't you be in class?]

[I'm a rebel.]

Effy fingerspelled "rebel" at Katie's quirk of confusion, faltering as Katie caught her hand on the "L" kissing the crease between thumb and forefinger.

"You think you're so cheeky."

Planting Katie's hands on her bare ass, Effy raised her eyebrows. Sex. Sex she understood and so she brought Katie back to where they could commune on a level pitch. Katie rolled her eyes at the implication in the pun, giving Effy a playful shove before dragging her close.

"Fuck's sake you're bad at this," Katie muttered against her lips and kissed her.

As Katie's hands roamed up Effy's back, following the curve of her ribs to her shoulders, she wondered why Effy had bothered putting that damn shirt on. Because Katie was obviously just going to take it off her again to spend the next several hours thoroughly introducing herself to all of Effy's carnal delights. She shouldn't have been so frightened; watching Effy respond made her crazy, made her keen to learn all the ways to give to her. Effy was on the verge of returning the favour, clearly relishing all of the unbuttoning that had gone on in the past twenty-four hours, when Katie stopped her.

[I'll do it,] Katie said. [If you do it there won't be any buttons left.]

Effy shrugged with a grin, which made her tits bounce in a way that left Katie's throat dry. Since when the fuck did she have such a blatant interest in breasts? Probably ever since she'd started seeing breasts attached to naked Effy Stonem. Effy's eyes darkened, aroused by the spark of lust in Katie's unconcealed look.

[What do I do now?] Effy signed. [Since you're teaching me.]

[With the buttons?] Katie was sort of distracted.

[No, with you.]

[Let me touch you?]

Smirking, Effy shook her head even as Katie ran her splayed palm across Effy's torso to take her breast. A long, filthy snog ensued, Effy seeming to reward her for her disobedience. They were still too hungry to linger over their foreplay, still too greedy to pay much mind to their clumsiness. Katie's fingers slid up the inside of her thigh seeking her clit amid the heat and wetness.

"Please," whispered Katie, beginning to graze her.

[Later,] Effy signed as she inhaled sharply.

"Later?"

She rocked against the pressure, surrendering as Katie's warm mouth closed over her nipple, sucking eagerly until Effy moaned.

"Do you want me to stop?" Katie asked, lips brushing her erect flesh.

Eyes challenging, Effy let Katie guide her to the edge of the bunk, Katie kneeling between her legs to touch and taste her tits while her fingers teased the girl's aching cunt. Her tongue flicked over a nipple, tugging at it gently with her teeth before suckling it again. Katie kissed down her belly, looking deliberately up into Effy's eyes as she licked in the same rhythm that her fingers had taken. It was so insanely close to having Katie's mouth on her, to having Katie lapping insistently at her clit, that out of nowhere she moaned loudly, hands tangling in Katie's hair. If Katie ran her tongue over Effy even once she was going to come. Did Katie want to? Could she smell how wet they were together? Effy lifted her hips to Katie's mouth with an urgent noise, fucking begging for Katie to taste her. There was a beat and Katie sloppily bit her thigh, her hesitancy in impossible counterpoint to how purposefully she was stroking.

But Effy was much too close, and all it took was the hot rush of Katie's exhaled breath on her centre to bring her to climax. Katie watched her as she tensed and quaked, absorbing the pleasure that rolled from her in waves as she came. Katie drew it out until Effy stilled her hand with a sigh that made Katie shiver. She buried her face in Effy's side, trying to ignore her own throbbing, as Effy absently massaged her shoulder beneath the collar of the top they'd never quite gotten off her. She lasted all of five seconds, Effy having barely come down, before she was pushing off her trousers, pulling Effy onto the floor to straddle her. Apologising desperately, she urged Effy's hand to her soaked sex.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured into Effy's neck, needing to say it. "Fuck, ohhh, Effy baby, _please_."

Then Effy was inside her, and Katie bit down so hard on her own lip she nearly drew blood.

"I'm sorry," she said again making sure Effy could see her, straining against the penetration. "Effy, you feel _so _good."

Katie moved above her, Effy's smirk moving from slightly dozy to smug as she snaked her arm around Katie's hips to restrain her, trying to prolong it, but Katie's body was in control, pleading for release, and it wasn't going to take long even if Effy forced her to go slowly. Clinging to her shoulders, Katie moaned and clenched as Effy fucked her. She nipped at her throat as Katie's head lolled back, latching onto her pulse point and sucking mercilessly. Katie panted, pressing her forehead hard to Effy's, angling her thrusts until Effy's palm rubbed her just there. It was building in earnest, each time she sank onto Effy's fingers sending a nerve impulse that made her muscles constrict, made her joints flex. Just as she thought she'd break, Effy kissed her, and she arched, everything contracting to an infinitesimally small point of sensation before exploding. Effy held her, swallowing all her senseless cries as Katie rode the crest of the orgasm with her hand curled in a fist against Effy's back. The kisses gentled and lingered, continuing for some time, until Katie drew back with a sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry," she said contritely, pushing Effy's hair back over her ear. "That was incredibly fucking selfish."

Shaking her head, Effy nudged her chin. [No, it was good.]

[I should have waited.]

[It's good. To know you want this.]

"Uh, yeah. You being inside me right now would be a bit weird if I didn't."

"Again?" Effy mouthed, twisting her wrist so Katie hissed.

Katie wasn't sure she could, but Effy was smashing her preconceptions and didn't seem like she would ever not. So she took a deep breath and nodded, trying not to melt completely at the satisfaction in Effy's smile.

+o+o

Her knees were rather raw and she wished in retrospect universities did the floors in something more forgiving than institutional grade carpet squares. They were half lying with Katie's cheek on Effy's hair, Effy leaning against the side of the bunk. Katie shifted up enough for Effy to slip out, smirking at the disappointed look on Effy's face.

"You like staying inside me," Katie said softly, though it was a needless observation.

_Obviously_ Effy liked being inside her as she had been for ages. She rested her hands on Katie's flanks, gently tracing the outline of Katie's iliac crest with her thumb. She did that often enough, but it was the first time she'd done it with them naked and pressed together. Patting the mattress, Effy asked with a quick jerk of her head if she wanted to move up to the bed.

Sitting back slightly, Katie signed, [Are we going to fuck all day?]

Effy grinned. [Hopefully.]

"Do we like, get a break for food?"

[Is that lesson two?]

Katie snorted and gave Effy another kiss. [Yes, lesson one was don't treat the girl like you want her to G-T-F-O.]

Effy flopped to the side, retrieving her phone from where it had gotten shoved beneath the bed. Kissing Katie's collarbone, she checked the time, and tossed the phone somewhere across the room.

[We can eat,] Effy informed her.

Katie frowned. [Where?]

[Downstairs.]

Katie was seriously unimpressed by that revelation, dreading a meal in a dining hall full of undergraduates. [You can't bring it to me?]

[No.]

"You expect me to go down in a ripped top fucking reeking of pussy?" She paused, mulling over that phrase as words she'd never thought she'd hear herself say.

[We can shower if you want,] Effy replied casually, but something about the look in her eye made Katie suspect they'd be doing a lot more fucking than bathing.

Her stomach winning out temporarily over further enticements from the evidently insatiable Effy, Katie stiffly clambered to her feet. Effy lounged a few moments more, gazing up at Katie with an inscrutable quirk of one eyebrow.

[What?] Katie signed.

[I'm going to get that shirt off you again.]

[Is that a threat?]

Nude and as long limbed as she was, Effy seemed like she should have been all elbows and knees as she pushed lithely off the floor, but instead she was fluid, lean and pink skinned. Katie laughed, like actually fucking giggled, as Effy snared a handful of the fabric.

"We're supposed to be putting clothes _on_ not taking them off," Katie objected.

Effy rolled her eyes dramatically, allowing Katie to go on searching for her discarded knickers. She had no idea where they'd ended up, and by the time she found them she'd have killed for a clean set. Just as she was contemplating whether she should attempt making her top a serviceable garment or ask Effy to borrow one, there was a rattle at the door. Frantically closing the neck of her top with one hand, Katie spun, pulling Effy flush to her with her free arm. Pandora came in wriggling out of the shoulder straps of her rucksack. Her gaze flew from Effy to Katie to Effy again, and a conflicted happy slash guilty grin washed over her face as she hastily tried to back out of the room with her hand over her eyes. She rebounded headlong off the doorjamb twice before she managed it, the door shutting with a click.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Katie swore with a grimace.

Behind her, Effy laughed silently, hugging Katie around the waist as she laved a series of slow, wet kisses along the side of her neck. Katie squirmed to face her, which just resulted in Effy transferring her attention to Katie's mouth.

"You…knew she…was…coming back!" Katie protested between kisses.

Effy pulled away, giving Katie an exasperated look. [I can't hear you.]

[You knew she was coming back!]

[Maybe.]

"I fucking hate you."

Effy smiled.

"Put a—well, put _something_ on. She needs to come in I imagine."

[Tragedy.]

"Oh, fuck," Katie exclaimed unexpectedly. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Effy, what time is it?"

Waving her hand at Effy's perplexed headshake, she dove for her coat, locating her mobile in one of the pockets. It was twenty minutes to one in the afternoon and she had about ten unanswered texts from Jen. They were supposed to meet at half ten to discuss materials for their project update with Grant Stratford.

[I have to go,] Katie signed, scouring the floor for her bra.

Effy confined her by pinning her against the wall since numerous attempts to catch her eye had yielded no joy.

[What's wrong?] Effy asked calmly.

[Grant Stratford, twenty minutes. I have to go now.]

Effy eyes widened almost imperceptibly as she fixed Katie with an incredulous look. Katie glanced down at herself; she couldn't very well go back to lab in her current state. It would be worse than not turning up at all.

"Well, I wouldn't be late if I hadn't spent the whole bloody morning having sex with you!"

[Don't look so upset about it,] Effy replied coolly.

[No.] Katie stopped dead, pressing her lips against Effy's in a soft kiss. [You know that's not what I mean. It's my fault I forgot.] She kissed Effy again. "You are absurdly fucking distracting."

Effy rummaged in her wardrobe heaping a number of toiletries and a towel in Katie's arms.

[Go shower,] she ordered. [I'll reply to Jen.]

Turning to one of her drawers, Effy was whirled back to having both hands on Katie's full, uncovered tits.

"After this you're coming home with me and I am going to fuck you until Monday morning. Do you understand?"

Effy just stared down into the brown of her eyes, Katie's nipples hardening against the girl's involuntary kneading. It was one thing when Effy chose not to say anything. It was something else to leave her speechless entirely.

+o+o

The world didn't often get a look in at scrubbed up Katie Fitch, which was a shame because she was lovely. Katie, however, did not agree with that sentiment, her hair damp and clad in a weird assortment of her own clothes and clothes purloined from Effy. Namely she had on one of Effy's plaid shirts over a vest top but her same trousers from they day before. The other option Effy jokingly proffered had been a tee with _Stand back, I'm about to do science_ on the front. Her pants had been loaned her as well, though no one need know that save Effy, obviously, because it was fucking strange wearing underwear that didn't belong to you. It took Katie an astonishing five minutes flat to bathe, probably speeded along by the detail many teenaged girls are_ disgusting_, and Katie could not get out of the communal shower stall fast enough.

She returned to a fully dressed Effy whose wild hair had been tamed by the expedient of plaiting it. The girl looked and smelled clean, though the sweat and musk of all their sex sort of suggested maybe she just couldn't sense it on Effy because the whole room smelled of their fucking. The bit she didn't know she missed was the thirty seconds Effy used tracking down Pandora. Signing a brief, nonchalant thank you to her best friend, Effy smirked, small and unreadable. Effy accompanied Katie to the clinic, having to almost jog to keep up with Katie's pace, despite Effy's legs being rather longer.

The storm had transformed the world, and the snow heaped to mid-thigh so that it felt like they were scurrying through tunnels carved in the drifts by following the paths ploughed over the pavement. Concerns of getting there had trumped everything else, but as they rode up in the lift, Katie demonstrated her appreciation in the form of a hot, messy snog, sucking on Effy's lip before darting out into the reception area. Clearly awaiting her arrival, Jen paced in circles amid the boxes that had yet to be unpacked.

"If you were—" Jen began. Katie's attire was so uncharacteristic that Jen froze in the middle of tearing Katie up for forgetting about Grant Stratford. "What are you wearing?"

They did not have time for philosophical discussions about Effy's wardrobe and why items from said wardrobe fit Katie so poorly.

"Is Grant here?" Katie said.

"Not yet." She glanced over Katie's shoulder at Effy, who just wandered in. "Seriously, Fitch. You look like a lumberjack, and Effy's Katniss fucking Everdeen back there. What is happening?"

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"Look, I'm still a little miffed you didn't, I don't know, text me or something since we have the technology, but you're here now. Doug and I should be able to cover it, so just chime in if you have an idea or a comment."

"Great, okay. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot."

For a shining moment, it seemed like she was going to let the clothes thing go, then she scrutinised Katie. "Is that Effy's shirt?"

Katie looked automatically to Effy and Jen burst out into riotous laughter.

"Is that what—Oh, she must be _good_."

Katie blushed furiously. "It's none of your business, is it?"

Jen waved at Effy to get her attention, then slow clapped. "I congratulate you, Effy Stonem."

Effy inclined her head graciously.

"For the fucking love of God," Katie complained.

"Oh, sorry," Jen said. "I also congratulate you, Katie Fitch." Katie glared at her. "So, why are you here?"

"Grant bloody Stratford."

"You should have just said you were busy with _someone_. Doug and I could have totally handled this."

Katie didn't get a chance to say anything else because Grant Stratford walked into the clinic, his overcoat draped over one arm and Gretta firmly attached to the other. The little girl immediately set her sights on Effy and flung herself into Effy's lap.

"Don't be jealous, Katie," Jen whispered mockingly.

Grant laughed, saying to Katie and Jen, "She sees Effy every Tuesday but she still insisted on coming along when I told her where I was going today."

"When does Gretta see Effy?" Katie said.

"Effy volunteers once a week at Gretta's school. She started just after Christmas."

Effy didn't seem the type to be overtly liking of children, but there she was, having deposited Gretta back onto the floor to give them enough space to sign.

"Should we go back to the table now that Effy has Gretta?" Jen prompted.

When they came back out chatting and laughing about an hour later, they found Effy sitting on the floor with Gretta fingerspelling something from a book. Katie had never considered it before, but reading had to be a difficult skill to learn for a deaf child. The phonetic basis of the written words would be lost without hearing. Effy could read and write, though, and Katie wondered if had been hard for her. Watching the two of them sign she was reminded how slowly Effy still went with her, how much she was still teaching Katie to speak her language. Katie's expression must have been well soppy because Grant grinned at her.

"Did you fix not being her girlfriend?" he asked in an undertone.

Katie tugged at the hem of Effy's borrowed plaid with an embarrassed smile; there was going to be no hiding it from anyone. "I think so."

"Not sure?"

"It's Effy."

"I'd say you fixed it."

Already standing, Effy helped Gretta up, eyes fixed on Katie. Grant scooped up his daughter, exchanging a few awkward one-handed pleasantries with Effy. He glanced at Katie and signed "congratulations" with Gretta balanced in the crook of his elbow before carrying her to the lifts.

"Is everyone going to fucking congratulate you?" Katie bitched.

"Ugh, go away," Jen said from behind them, ushering them out the door.

Adjusting her satchel on her shoulder, Effy looked sidelong at Katie.

[Do you want to come with me?] Katie asked.

[Until Monday?] Effy teased.

"Yeah."

She didn't balk when Katie dug in her bag and gave her the keys. She didn't demure when she drove them to Katie's flat. But she did smile when Katie led her by the hand to her bedroom and slowly stripped off their clothes by the window. The sunlight streamed in to glow brightly on their threaded fingers, their meshed hair, Katie's eyes so pale they seemed more hazel than brown. Effy smiled until Katie pushed her down onto the bed, and then she kissed her instead.


	27. Chapter 24: Cryptic Epitope

**A/N: This part of the story keeps getting away from me. Emily was supposed to be back like three chapters ago according to my outline. Soon.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**Cryptic Epitope: **Parts of proteins that are normally either hidden or not well presented to the immune system

"Are we ever going to eat again?" Katie whinged.

Even without much hearing, Effy had been able to foresee the coming of some suggestion of edibles as her ear was pressed just above Katie's stomach, Katie's right leg thrown over her hip. It was sometime in the middle of the night, the sky dark outside the closed blinds. They were in Katie's bed, wearing absolutely nothing and twined on her crumpled sheets. Effy's hand paused on its journey up the back of Katie's thigh and she glanced up at the pitiful face Katie was making.

[Food?] Katie signed.

Effy smirked, making the sign for "eat." Laughing as Katie nodded, she unexpectedly dipped her head and licked dangerously close to Katie's cunt. Katie's fingers dug into her arm and she looked back to see Katie staring at her, breathing fast and shallow as she warred with wanting Effy to continue and doing what she felt was the right thing. Finally she gave a single curt shake of her head, closing her eyes briefly to compose herself. She gently urged Effy up her body.

"I want you to," she said carefully. "But I want to do it first. Otherwise I don't feel like it'll ever be fair, yeah? Can…can you wait? Until then?"

She paused, almost afraid of Effy's response but the girl gave her a peculiar look before she signed her assent. Pushing up, Effy slipped from Katie's bed. Katie cringed for a few moments, then rose and pulled on her pants and Effy's shirt. She followed to where Effy had ventured naked into the kitchen and prevaricated anxiously at the corner of the worktop. Noticing she'd been joined, Effy frowned slightly, touching the closed but unbuttoned shirt.

[Why did you get dressed?] Effy asked, coaxing Katie to let her open it and worm her way inside.

[You're not angry?]

Effy raised her eyebrows. [Yes. I'm very angry that you want this to be fair.]

"Because your sarcasm is so fucking helpful."

[It's not all or nothing, Katie.]

In all the months since they'd become friends, Katie had forgotten the quiet malevolence that could stir in those blue eyes. Katie couldn't be positive, but it was like Effy was daring her to run. Even though Katie knew she'd be cold, she took off Effy's shirt and tossed it away so that she could be bare skinned when she went to Effy and buried her face in her neck. They were less than forty-eight hours into whatever they were doing and Katie felt she was constantly on the cusp of fucking everything up, a reaction she bloody well hated because it wasn't as though they were tailoring every move to Effy's specifications. Not to mention Effy didn't _seem_ to want that in any case; she was attracted to Katie's boldness, and her insecurity was crippling her, making her not act like herself.

"I'm still hungry," she said at last.

Smirking, Effy went back to her perusal of the cupboards.

"Are you going to like, cook something?" Katie said sceptically when Effy chucked some bread at her.

[T-O-A-S-T.]

Katie scowled. It was just her luck she'd pick the girl whose culinary skills ended at toast. By Saturday evening, however, Katie had come to the conclusion there was something to be said for a diet consisting entirely of toast if she got to eat it under a duvet by her terrace door with Effy there to keep her warm. Despite the hiccups, Katie more or less hadn't been out of physical contact with her for more than a few minutes since they'd left the clinic. She wasn't sure what would happen when Monday came and she had to detach herself, because the thought of not being able to touch her was oddly upsetting. Chin balanced on one knee, Effy looked out at the frozen river. Beneath their covers, Effy had on only her knickers, not seeming to mind the hardness or the chill of the wood flooring since the rug didn't reach to where they were sitting. Katie's cheek rested against her shoulder, idly stroking her belly between ribs and navel.

She didn't know why it felt like it did, why it felt so right risking failure and jam stains so she could press herself into the bone and sinew of this girl she kept doing so badly with. This girl that turned her head to kiss the crumbs from Katie's lips, not with intent, but just because she could. Being with a girl was pleasantly different, though Katie wasn't which bits she liked just because it was Effy, and strangely she didn't feel the need to dissect it. She simply wanted to be with Effy, to add to knowledge she'd gained. Effy was a bit ticklish on her sides. She was incredibly soft. Making her come defied description. With boys, sometimes if felt like she was going through the motions toward the inevitable, but every time Katie watched Effy it was more beautiful, more triumphant. Not because she had to struggle to do it, but because it rewarded her attention, her subtlety and nuance, like Effy's body, too, would only tell her its secrets with patience.

Kissing the point of Effy's shoulder, Katie stretched as she speculated why she and Effy kept winding up on the floor. Neither of them had a particular penchant for it. They would have been more comfortable on the sofa, but when they were together they seemed to go there. Effy stood, the duvet falling from her as she reached down to take Katie's hand. Katie rose with Effy's assistance, brushing her hair out of her face.

"We could use a bath," Katie commented.

[Aren't we just going to get dirty again?]

Katie rolled her eyes with a smile. "We can be wet _and _clean." She blushed, surprised how quickly she was getting the hang of exchanging suggestive sex banter with Effy.

Skimming her fingers over Katie's arse, Effy jerked her head toward Katie's bedroom sloppily signing "I like you wet" with one hand. Powerless to resist, Katie let her have her wicked way. They did eventually shower, though Katie insisted upon doing it separately because Effy couldn't keep her hands off Katie's tits for more than about ten seconds and they ended up fucking twice against the tiled wall before Katie banished Effy from the bathroom. When she emerged, though, a scene she was not predicting in the least greeted her. Effy was sat on the edge of the bed in her street clothes with her hair still dripping, lacing up one of her boots.

[Where are you going?] Katie asked.

[Tony.]

"Has something happened?"

[No.] Effy turned to seize her coat where it lay in the centre of the mattress.

Katie crossed her arms over her chest, feeling both confused and a bit rejected, exposed in her towel in contrast to Effy's trousers and tee.

[Family thing,] Effy added as she got to her feet.

"Are you going to elaborate?"

Effy didn't reply.

"Right, fine. I understand. Whatever," Katie said tetchily, half speaking, half signing.

Effy touched her face. [No, you don't. If I was trying to abandon you, I wouldn't have waited.]

Where were they? Did Katie have the right to demand a better explanation, or was she bound to just letting Effy walk with her piss poor excuse? She had no idea what could be so fucking important short of an emergency, because Effy hadn't budged from her side, had given no indication she wanted to do anything but be glued to Katie for the immediate future.

[See you Monday,] Katie signed.

Annoyed, Effy sighed. [I'll be back tomorrow morning.]

"You don't have—"

[I'm not. I don't _want_ to go, Katie.]

"Are you making me a promise, Effy Stonem?"

[No, I'm telling you what I'm going to do. I'll be back tomorrow morning.]

She kissed Katie deeply, her damp hair brushing Katie's cheek. Then she left Katie stood by her bathroom door, questioning the decisions that had led her to this point with Effy for the millionth time. It was supposed to have been a perfect weekend, and it was turning out to be far from it. Attempting to figure Effy out left Katie with a sharp pain at her left temple. Sometimes being with Effy was so easy it unnerved her, but these trying interludes reminded her Effy was never going to be domesticated, was never going to treat her like a doting boyfriend. Her lack of convention, though, was part of what Katie loved as maddening as it was to try to muddle through. Surveying the wreck that was her bedroom, she set about tidying up a bit. She dressed. She ate something besides toast. But when it came time for her to think about sleeping, she didn't go; the sheets s in all likelihood needed to be put through the wash and worse, they smelled like Effy. And Effy wasn't there.

Instead she sat on the sofa, clutching her phone. Obviously so she could read through her email, not because she was hoping Effy would text her, both to reassure her and allay her frustration by saying something atypically sweet. Among her unread messages from the previous day, there was one from Doug with the visit itinerary for Fitch Pharma's final trip to the University of Minnesota. They would be on campus three days, concluding with a dinner for the major staff at the Nicollet Island Inn on Friday night. If Katie leaned out from her terrace, she could see the restaurant through the trees though she'd not been there. She had a little over a week to finish fine-tuning the antibody assay, but she didn't even care about that. The visit also meant she would have to face Emily, and whatever judgment her twin decided to rain down upon her. Not that either of them had made the smallest effort to contact one another since their disagreement over brunch in January.

Katie had just gotten that passive aggressive invitation to have Effy go to Oxford. In ruminating about it, Katie suddenly realised she wasn't unhappy about it because she felt guilty, but rather indignant. They were both being hypocrites in their own way, weren't they? Emily had come out in college, and while Katie had been fairly awful about it for six months or so, she hadn't had any further objections until the appearance of her blonde limpet and then than had passed as well. Since Effy, she and Campbell had even been freakishly friendly. Maybe they were _all_ just being fucking unreasonable. If Emily wanted to be a cunt, then fuck her. Katie blinked, her brow furrowing as she pondered the word "cunt" and how it had too many hard consonants for something that tended to be slick and warm and yielding. When she thought about Effy's cunt, it did not conjure images having an even remotely negative connotation. In fact it made her a bit—Jesus, was she becoming a lesbian? Perennially distracted by snatch?

With a twitch, she tapped through to her calendar to add the Fitch visit to her schedule. It was three weeks before the conference. Returning to her email she noted she had two from someone at the University of Birmingham that she didn't recognise. She still often would get general announcements and the occasional missive from a colleague or friend, but never strangers. She rapidly discovered it was from some administrative dogsbody in Alan's college. They'd given her a fifteen-minute speaking segment on the second day of the conference. In the afternoon, during Theme 6: Vaccine Development. Good fortune all round, then on her Saturday night.

"Fuck," she said out loud, hoping some of the endorphins cursing was supposed to release would blunt the misery and fear.

Bloody Alan Rickins. He'd done it on purpose. He'd teased her with the prospect of having to lecture in Oxford on that fucking train platform at Gatwick eleven months prior, and now he had ensured she would have to stand up and talk if she wanted to do it or not. It wasn't only the fulfilment of that prospect, but also no doubt because Alan had trained with Tony Epstein at the University of Bristol back in the seventies. She was only Doug's on loan, and as she was Alan's last student he would naturally put her to speak if Professor Epstein was going to be attending. Somewhere in Selly sodding Oak Alan's bald head would be lying upon a pillow as he slept. She privately wished a leak would start in his plumbing and the resulting deluge would wake him.

This unfortunate engagement she inserted into her schedule in addition. It seemed a lot of movement for a very short period of time. Just then a reminder popped up for her next appointment, which was apparently Sunday morning. Frowning, she touched the corner of the box with her thumb. It wasn't actually from her calendar at all, but an event shared with her from Effy's. It read _8 AM: Naked breakfast with KFF. _Katie snorted. Presumptuous, thinking they'd be naked and Katie texted her to tell her so.

_Who said we'd be naked?_

_wishful thinking?_

_Will this breakfast include more than toast?_

_i was hoping it would include you, but i'll settle for eggs_

_Maybe it'll include you._

_now you're just taking the piss_

Katie rolled her eyes at Effy's usage of that phrase, knowing she'd done it to make fun of Katie. One last little message came to her before Effy stopped responding.

_wish i wasn't here_

It was probably as close as Effy was likely to come to saying something out right sentimental, because Effy's words were always layered and beneath she was confessing. Katie smiled, feeling a little better.

+o+o

Katie buzzed a punctual Effy into her building the next morning at 7.55. The cold clung to her skin and clothes, like she'd come a long distance on foot though the temperature was far below zero. Katie pushed off her coat when she came in the door, kissing her until her lips warmed. Effy stroked her face as she looked at Katie with that same inscrutable expression that she got more and more frequently. The thing that bothered Katie most, though, was how she smelled. Her scent was odd, masculine and yet fresh. Katie stepped back, looking up at her.

"You smell like boy," Katie said, giving her a suspicious sniff.

[I showered at Tony's,] Effy clarified.

"I don't like it."

Effy smirked. [I'll bring my own soap next time.]

The truth was Katie _really _didn't like it, for several reasons, not least of which was principle because Katie was rather keen on the usual Effy smell. Her first irrational thought was that Effy had promptly gone out and fucked some guy, which was jealous and possibly crazy. As strange as Effy smelled, she didn't smell like sex. She legitimately seemed like she'd washed with a man's shower kit, having on no make up and her hair a roughly combed, air-dried mess, but it didn't preclude skulduggery. Perhaps it was worse that she was clean, that she didn't have Katie's sweat painted on her.

[You don't trust me,] Effy said.

[You're not honest with me,] Katie replied.

[I've lied to you once.]

"Lies of omission are still lies."

Effy took a breath, moving past her to collect her satchel from where it sat beside the butcher block. Katie hadn't seen it there and had no idea Effy had left it.

[I was always coming back,] Effy told her, heading for the door.

"Yeah, and where were you in between?" Katie spat.

[With Tony.]

"We've been together like two fucking days and you're off with barely a goodbye to God knows where. I'm just supposed to sit round and not ask questions, am I? I'm trying, Effy, but I can't do this if I'm nothing but a fuck to you."

Katie shrugged, abruptly drained by the dance they were trapped in and went back into the lounge, sitting on the floor with her head in her hands. She waited to hear the door, for Effy to go, but after a few moments she felt Effy sink down behind her, putting her chin on Katie's shoulder, arms around her waist. The iPad was on Katie's knee. Reluctantly, she picked it up to read what Effy had written.

_you've never been just a fuck to me_

Katie hesitated, then typed her reply. _It doesn't feel like it right now._

_i was supposed to help tony friday, but i didn't go so i could stay with you. i couldn't stand him up twice._

Katie tried to turn, but Effy kept her there, adding a line of text to what she had already typed.

_stay_

Katie remained, starting to feel the tension and exhaustion in Effy's embrace.

_Is that where you go? Those mornings you haven't been home?_

_yes_

All of the pieces clicked together, and Katie finally understood. She saw Effy clearly.

_What do you sell?_

Effy stiffened, startled at being sussed out so summarily.

_I used to buy from girls who looked like you. They'd steal Adderall, and sell it for three quid a pill. _

_molly mostly_

_MDMA? _

Effy nodded.

_You accidentally gave Pandora a bad pill in October. Testing a new batch?_

Pressing her nose to Katie's shoulder, Effy just held her tighter.

_Do you deal any other class As?_

_what's a class a?_

Katie tried to recall what term an American would use. _Schedule I. Coke, heroin, meth._

_sometimes_

_Are you and Tony both clean?_

_enough_

Katie broke from her, looking her hard in the face. "You're either clean or you're not."

_i haven't used anything addictive in years_

"You had some mandy last night though, didn't you?"

[Speaking from experience?] Effy smirked spitefully, even when Katie's frown would have wiped it from the mouths of lesser souls.

[You have to stop.]

[I can't.]

Katie began to sign something, then huffed in irritation, not knowing the signs she needed. She was never going to be good enough, proficient enough to talk to Effy without an intermediary. They were always going to miscommunicate, to struggle and fail.

"Are all our serious conversations always going to be fucking relegated to this iPad?" Katie said.

[For now.]

_Why do you sell?_

[Because.]

_No one sells that hard that often because they need the pocket money or like the fucking thrill._

Effy rocked back, then was on her feet, halted as Katie sprang up and gripped her arm.

"No, you've kept me from fucking running for months. I'm not letting you walk out of here like I don't mean something to you."

[Let me go.]

"I will if you _want _to go. Don't run away from me, Effy."

Katie released her, but she didn't bolt. Effy was closing in on herself, her smile malicious.

_How much do you make?_

[One, sometimes two after costs.]

[Hundred?]

[Thousand.]

Katie tried to calculate how many pills she must go through a night, but there was no way of knowing without the percentage; a shit mass produced hit cut with filler could be as little as four or five dollars, a nearly pure one as much as twenty. "Right. I'm your only customer from now on. You're selling the whole lot to me."

Effy reclaimed the iPad with a sneer. _am I your dealer now?  
_

[No.]

_just your kept woman then?  
_

"You're not fucking either." Katie kissed her, kissed her until she'd calmed them both. [I don't want you out there. I want you safe.]

[I'm fine.]

_You're fucking fortunate they haven't caught you already. And then where will you and Tony be? It's blood money anyway. I don't need to know where it goes._

She could be paying off blackmailers, investing in a sex change for Tony, Katie wasn't fussed. For now, all that mattered was making sure she didn't go back out there. The day for full disclosure would come sooner or later, but it wasn't that Sunday morning. Whatever Effy needed the money for, she seemed desperate, so Katie gave it without question.

_If you want me to trust you, you have to trust me, Eff._

A number of silent minutes passed, and then Effy signed a very small "yes."

"Effy," Katie said seriously. "You are _not_ in any way obligated to me. Okay? I'll do this for you no matter what happens. You're my best friend. I need you to be safe."

It still felt terrible, skewing the already distorted balance of power between them even further. Fate had dealt them such different cards. For Katie, buying off Effy's stock was was barely a drop in her bucket. For Effy, that money spelled the difference between suffocating and breathing. It had the potential to change their entire dynamic, though. If Effy had that type of pride, been mired in self-importance, it might have. It still could.

"You can go if you want," said Katie awkwardly before tacking on hastily as Effy nodded, "But you don't have to! I just—I'm not sure what to fucking do with you now."

[Lesson one. Don't treat the girl like you want her to G-T-F-O.]

Katie gave a strained laugh.

[You keep surprising me.]

"Not so all seeing, are you?" Katie smiled ruefully. "My family lives on selling drugs. Aren't we both purveyors of altered states?"

[You're not angry?]

[Yes. I'm very angry you want to trust me.]

Kissing her softly, Effy held her at the hips, eventually wrapping her arms around to flatten her palms to Katie's back. They were better when they didn't talk, having gone from coexisting to touching to kissing to fucking. They were better when they conversed in looks and gestures. Tony's smell dissipated from her as Katie tasted her, her own scent returning beneath Katie's hands. Effy's eyes were dark as she gave another of those dissolving slow kisses, her tongue brushing against Katie's with measured delicacy. When Effy took her later, she was floating in a sea of twisted bedclothes, the threads of the fabric rough compared to the worn suppleness of Effy's hands. Those eyes drank her in, mouth worshipping her breasts, fingers deep and fluid. Her tenderness overwhelmed, shivering through Katie's long muscles. After, Katie rolled them together to give in turn, Effy already defenceless to her.

+o+o

Katie suspected you should never be relieved to find out your lover isn't a slag, just a drug dealer, but that's how she felt hours later. They were lying in bed that night, playing draughts in one of their lulls when Effy brought up the settings menu on the iPad. Katie watched as she changed the language from English (US) to English (UK). She then proceeded to type out a number of words with British spellings: _humour, favour, realise_.

"What are you doing?" Katie asked, a bit confused why she'd out of nowhere taken an interest in the random gradations between American and British English.

_practising my british accent_

Katie laughed. _May I ask why?_

_ easier than learning BSL_

Katie gazed at her, then it dawned on her what Effy was trying to say. "You want to come to Oxford."

[Yes.]

Katie almost launched into a warning about Emily and Jenna and what they might face in London, but she was still feeling rattled from the drug dealing revelation earlier in the day. She could only tolerate so much drama now she was an old woman, but Effy was thinking ahead of her as always.

_we'll have to see your mum_

"Yeah."

_okay_

_ You don't have to talk to her. This is a professional meeting. It's _so_ not a meet the parents thing._

Effy nodded, seeming bolstered.

_ Not at all. I know I'm not your girlfriend or whatever._

_ no?_

"I mean, I could be…"

_not worried your gay sister will figure out you've been sleeping with a girl?_

With the query posed, Katie worked out that she really wasn't worried.

"No," she said, sounding as surprised as she felt. "No, I'm not ashamed of you, Effy."

_you want to date the weird drug dealing deaf girl?_

"_Former _drug dealer, right? Though when you put it like that maybe not."

Effy grinned, shoving the iPad off the bed to nestle into Katie's side. She kissed Katie's forehead, tracing her thumb over the curve of Katie's ear.

"Why are you always so gentle?" Katie asked.

Shrugging, Effy kissed her again. They'd discussed quite enough without that as well, because Katie didn't need to know her moderation was a stranglehold; it was the only way she kept from falling in love with Katie completely, from losing control.

* * *

**A/N: Up next, what Effy did the night she disappeared...  
**


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